


Don't Let Me Live A Tragedy

by SuperMARVELous



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Stiles, Barely Legal, Bottom Derek, Bottom Stiles Stilinski, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Male-Female Friendship, Mates, Mutual Pining, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Tension, Temporary Character Death, Top Derek, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:48:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 99,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperMARVELous/pseuds/SuperMARVELous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles Stilinski's life is anything but normal, from being implemented into the supernatural world, to trying to survive his final year of high school. He doesn't exactly know how he gets into so many messed up situations, but he doesn't intend to back out of them anytime soon. He's learned that no matter how hard you try to keep yourself out of danger, sometimes fate decides the rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic on AO3 so I'm super excited to share this with anyone who reads. It's been a long and tiring process to get this to its completion, but I've finally gotten around to posting it. I want to thank all the people that have kept the relationship of Derek and Stiles alive even off screen. 
> 
> Some of the things I've written are canon to the tv show but I've split season 3a into two parts. I wanted to withhold putting the darach and the alpha pack as one problem so some of the things that happened in the tv show didn't happen here. Basically anything with the darach that happened, hasn't happened in this. The events from season 1 and 2 are still part of this story though. 
> 
> Another thing that I wanted to make known is that when Stiles met Derek, Derek was twenty so in this fic he is twenty two. I didn't want a large age gap and in the actual script from the show it says that Derek is nineteen at the time. Also, Derek and Cora did leave momentarily after the alpha pack but they came back, I didn't really included that though. 
> 
> I know this fic seems very long but bear with me and take the journey. I'm sorry for any mistakes that I may have missed, I edited this all on my own the best I could. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy. I will be pleased to read all feedback. Part 2 will be posted soon. xxx

 

How did he end up here? He doesn't know exactly. He knows whose fault it is. He can place all the blame in the world on Scott for getting him into this mess in the first place. But he can't blame Scott for his stupid mouth that has no filter whatsoever.

So maybe it is his fault. He won't ever admit that openly but he can definitely admit it to himself. In his brain. Are werewolves psychic? He does not want to know what would happen if they could read his mind at any given moment. 

Really, who would want to read his mind? If he had the chance, he certainly wouldn't want to get into his cranium and he was the only one actually in it. Actually, he happened to like his head. He had a lot of information stored in there. He wasn't the brains of the operation for nothing.

Back to the problem.

"Stiles." Derek drawls. The teenager almost forgot the alpha's existence. That question seemed to come back to mind, _why am I here?_

"Right." He snaps his fingers in a motion towards Derek and mentally smacks himself in the face. _Don't try to act cool, you're not impressing anyone._ "Scott sent me. You know since your whole quarrel about who's the better alpha went down, I've been playing messenger."

Again, he would like to curse Scott for making him do this. He didn't want to be here. Not really. Derek didn't like him. Not even a little. However, his feelings toward his male counterpart, may have been a little different. So maybe that was why he took the job to inform Sourwolf of the impending big bad that was headed their way. 

"And the message?" Derek asks impatiently. Of course he forgot to mention the actual reason he'd come. They weren't old pals catching up. Stiles didn't even think Derek considered them to be acquaintances. 

"We've got a killing situation. Just thought I'd fill you in." Stiles began. Really, there were a million better ways he could have started that. What kind of killing situation? Why should Derek be concerned about this particular killing situation? There were only two deaths. How did they know the supernatural was involved. 

"I'm listening Stiles." Derek sighs. Now he was boring the alpha. God, this would have been so much easier if Scott would've sent Isaac. Sure, Isaac was still partially team Derek because he was the wolf who bit him but everyone knew he had a thing for Scott. "I've been listening." 

"Yeah, I got that." Stiles nods. _Now. What to say first? Start at why we think it's supernatural related._  

"So nothing wolf-y is going on. I can guarantee you that. We haven't heard of any wolves in the area since the alpha pack. But it's definitely something bad." Stiles explains. They'd talked to Deaton. Or rather, he'd talked to Deaton because he was the one who figured the peculiar shit going on around their quaint town. "Sacrifices. Someone's sacrificing virgins." 

"And how are we sure it isn't a serial killer who's human?" Derek asks. Not enough information for the big bad wolf. He really didn't have more to add to that. They were still trying to figure it out. But, he had a theory.

"Well, Deaton told me there's a scale. This is Beacon Hills and what most people don't know is that we act as a beacon for all things supernatural. Good or bad." Stiles continues. He just had to get Derek to believe everything Deaton told him. "And things have been really good lately. Scary good since you and Scott took down Deucalion. And apparently our luck is bound to change and these two people are dead. I'm guessing our time is up, Derek." 

"I'll speak with Deaton when I can." Derek nods, all the information finally filtering in. He waited to speak once Stiles was completely finished. This guy definitely wasn't an open book. Stiles couldn't tell how he even felt about the situation. 

"That's it?" Stiles asks, flabbergasted. "I tell you two people are dead. DEAD, Derek. And all you can think to say is, you'll talk to Deaton... when you can?!" 

"What is it that you want me to do exactly?" Derek asks. He kind of had a point. If Scott couldn't do anything till they had more information, what could he do? 

"You could ask how I have been dealing with this shit for the past three years." Stiles blurts. Because he was breaking. Piece by piece his sanity was slipping away into the unknown. Soon enough, they'd have to send him to an insane asylum. 

Sure, he handled the alpha. He handled the alpha coming back and living with Peter in his everyday life. He handled Jackson as the Kanama. He handled the alpha pack. A new evil almost every year. He even handled those forest elves because nobody else would finish the damn job! 

"Holy shit. How do you all do it? We're talking about innocent virgin lives here." Stiles exclaims, panicking. That wasn't a good sign. Panic attacks were never a good sign and he could not get one in front of Derek-freaking-Hale. "You know who's a virgin? Me! I'm a virgin. I'd like to let you know personally, that I am not okay with being ritually sacrificed." 

"Stiles, you've gotta calm down." Derek says gently, and for a second Stiles swears he sees empathy in the alpha's eyes. 

"Calm down? With my luck, it will be me. Because you know who's always the one in danger with every freaking monster we've had to deal with? The damsel in distress? It's me! Jesus Christ." Stiles groans and his breathing quickens. Why wasn't his life normal? He was going to blame Scott for yet another thing. 

"Stiles you're not the damsel in distress. And you're not going to be sacrificed." Derek comforts. He didn't even seem irritated to do it. It seemed like he genuinely cared about Stiles which couldn't be right. Derek hated him. Maybe hate was a little strong. Derek wasn't exactly fond of his existence. 

Stiles could be a pain in the ass on a good day. No one should have to deal with him on a bad one. Like right now. Derek didn't deserve this. No one deserved the disappointed feeling of not being able to help him out of a panic attack. He could do it on his own. 

"How do you know that, though?" Stiles asks. "This person is sacrificing people with something I have spent my high school career trying to get rid of with Lydia Martin." 

He wasn't sure where his infatuation with the spunky redhead had ended and where his new infatuation with tall, dark, and broody began. But it did. And all Stiles thought about lately was being good enough for someone like the person who didn't want him around the most. 

So recently he hadn't tried. The thought of Derek never wanting to be with him was a bit of a downer. He even googled ways for someone to become a good mate... because Derek had wolf genes so maybe that's what he was interested in. He didn't even know if werewolves had mates. 

Realizing he was attracted to both genders was a bit of a shock too. Never did he think he could fall for someone other than Lydia. But he was a senior now and freshly eighteen and no longer jailbait. He could have what he wanted if he could convince himself to go and get it. 

"Because we'll make sure you're no longer a virgin." Derek says. How the hell were they supposed to do that? He came back to his surroundings when Derek had made the impossible statement. He also realized that Derek was a lot closer to him than usual. And that was the man's hand squeezing his shoulder. 

Who knew the guy was kind of nurturing? Erica, Boyd, and Isaac probably. They were probably just too afraid to share Derek's secret. Maybe Cora knew first hand. Being Derek's sister and all. 

"How are we supposed to do that?" Stiles asks desperately. "Who in their right mind would sleep with me?" 

"I would." The alpha proclaims. Stiles had the wind knocked out of him with how calm Derek seemed to be about his mind-boggling confession. People didn't just say stuff to him like that. This had to be some sort of joke. 

"You'd do that for me?" Stiles asks. 

"If you don't have a preference in a partner... yeah Stiles. I would." Derek confirms. It was actually pretty touching and not to mention down right ego-boosting. Stiles had gone so long with thinking that he'd never be in Derek's league but here he was, offering to have sex with him. "I think you underestimate how much I care about you." 

And if that wasn't just a kick to the nuts, he didn't know what was. Derek expressing an emotion other than disinterest and dislike towards him? How did things go from bad to somewhat relieving in a matter of minutes. 

How long had Stiles even been at the loft? He swore to Scott it'd take him ten minutes tops. He was verging on hours here. Conversational hours with Derek Hale. Who would live to see that day? Apparently him. 

"You know, I consider you a friend, Stiles. No matter whose side you're on." Derek was definitely not one to talk, let alone express emotions. 

Was he living in some sort of alternate universe? This was not the Derek Hale he'd come to know and loath and like. God dammit, he liked Derek. And that would certainly kill him. 

He choked on his own words for a while. He couldn't form a coherent sentence and he was pretty sure even if he were to scribble something down on a sticky note, his handwriting wouldn't be legible either. So many questions that he wouldn't have the time to get answered filtered through his brain. 

His dad would be home from his shift soon and Stiles hadn't even made dinner. He'd make up for his tardiness with a peace offering. Maybe pizza. His dad loved Mama Mia's pizza and he didn't let him have it pretty much ever unless on a cheat day. He would watch his dad's diet every day even if it killed him. 

"Do you um... have a location or date preference?" Stiles asks, awkwardly coughing out his words. 

"Well probably tomorrow since we don't exactly want to wait before it's too late." Derek grins. Now he was just trying to be funny. And Derek didn't have a funny bone in his body. No way. He could not joke about his impending ritual death. "I don't have any other preferences." 

"I do. Eight o'clock, my house. My dad's working till ten." Stiles spits out. He needed Derek to know all the information. This was going to happen. And guess who he had to thank... 

Scott.

 

* * *

 

So that may have been how he'd come to be shoved against his door by a very broody looking alpha werewolf. It was eight o'clock sharp, too. At his house just like he'd asked. Derek had a thing for being precise.

The clock struck eight and the guy jumped in through his window, like it was a normal routine. And that's when he was shoved against his door. He had yet to find the reason why he was in such an uncomfortable position but he was sure he would soon enough. 

Derek let him go without a word. He was suspiciously quiet from the night before. Actually, yesterday was suspicious. Now he was just being normal Derek. Silent and all. 

"So how are we doing this?" Stiles blushes. He glances around his room to make sure everything looks nice. He wanted to impress Derek. He didn't want to seem like some unorganized teenager, even though that's exactly what he was. 

"Sit down Stiles." Derek finally decided to speak. He even met Stiles' gaze and it was nothing but intimidating. If this was what sex with Derek Hale was like... maybe he shouldn't have been so ready to jump to any possible solution. Derek was doing this to be nice, not because he wanted him. 

Stiles obeyed Derek's wishes any way and took a seat on the edge of his bed. Derek pulled up his computer chair and sat in front of him. He didn't know what they were doing but it definitely wasn't sex.

Derek squints his eyes as he looks him up and down. It makes him feel a little insecure since the eyes glaring at him belong to a guy whose body looks like it should belong to a Greek god. How could you not fall for someone you've seen shirtless an obscene amount of times? 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Derek finally asks. His intense glare is replaced with that soft empathic gaze he'd gotten the night before, minus the empathy. "Most high schoolers want their first times to be special and I don't want to take it away if that's something you want." 

"Are you kidding me?" Stiles scoffs. "Finding the hypothetical "one" and risk being ritually sacrificed or have a good time and not die? I think one option outweighs the other by an enormous margin." 

Derek seems skeptical for a few moments before he lets himself believe that this is something Stiles wants. But he totally had that look on his face like he knew something Stiles didn't and it was really bugging him out. 

"Stiles, it'll be anything but fun." Derek says, standing up from the chair that he pushes away and it rolls back to Stiles' desk. That definitely didn't sound like a good thing. If it wasn't fun, why would he do it? Why would anyone do it? "It's going to hurt a lot because it's your first time and because we're men but I'm going to make it as pleasurable for you as possible." 

 _Scared yet?_ He could just sense those words hiding from Derek's statement. He knew Derek wanted him to be completely sure about this. And he was. The guy didn't have anything to worry about. He'd watched enough porn to know how everything goes down. But those guys liked it. So, shouldn't he be able to, too? 

"I'm good, Derek." Stiles scoffs. He hated how hesitant the alpha was being. He was ready for whatever was to come. He'd survived today. There would be no worry tomorrow. He wouldn't have to feel like that damsel in distress anymore. Or... at least in their new situation. 

That got a smirk from Derek. He shoves Stiles down so his head is on his pillow and he is on top of the teenager. Stiles could already tell that he was in for the ride of his life. Maybe even literally. He didn't know Derek's preferences yet. "I hope you are, Stiles." 

The way Derek purred his name was a little intoxicating. If this was what he did with all his partners, Stiles didn't know how they made it through the night because his heart was already pulsing at radioactive speed. It was ready to burst. 

Stiles never knew how much he wanted to know what it felt like to be stripped by Derek Hale. But the way his fingers glide underneath his shirt, up his hips and the sides of his body, give him shivers. Derek gets his shirt off his arms and head like he'd become a professional in his technique. 

He feels dizzy when Derek's lips play like a ghost across his chest. Barely there, but still close enough to feel. His breath is warm and something Stiles wants to feel against his lips. 

When Derek kisses his body for the first time, it's insanely close to his nether land region. Just above the belt. It makes his back pulse up towards his face. Something that Derek wanted exactly. It shows that Stiles is pleased with his actions. 

He doesn't stay in that area for long. He works on each of his nipples. Taking them into his mouth and swirling his tongue around in a way that makes Stiles' toes curl. 

And then he goes for his neck and jaw but never his mouth. It's like it's the only limb unspokenly off limits. But he enjoys what Derek is giving him. He sucks in one spot till it undoubtedly leaves a hickey. Stiles would worry about how to hide them in the morning. 

Sure the foreplay was great. It was everything Stiles wanted, but only from the Derek Hale that wanted him for more than just whatever this was. He still didn't even know how it was benefitting for him. Maybe Derek just hadn't had sex in a while and really wanted an easy lay. If that was the case, Stiles would just have to deal with it. 

Derek lifts off his own shirt before grabbing at Stiles' belt. Stiles couldn't help but place his own hand on top of Derek's fumbling one. The alpha lifted his gaze to the younger and slightly shorter boy, wondering what the problem was if he had already confirmed how much he wanted to go through with this. 

"What about you?" Stiles asks. Yeah, Stiles got all the foreplay he needed. It was really good too. But Derek needed something to keep him going too, right? 

"This is about you, Stiles. Pleasing you." Derek states firmly. Stiles couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a really bad thing. On one hand, all Derek wanted was to please Stiles. On the other, Derek was in this just to please him. Derek didn't want to be in this situation like Stiles did. He wanted everything. Derek wouldn't even kiss him for god's sake. And there was no way he was about to ask him to. 

Stiles releases Derek's hand and lets him do what he was prepared for. He was sick of the foreplay though. He didn't want a blow job or a hand job. He wanted to get straight to the part that was supposed to bring him into manhood. 

Derek could sense that. It was the jeans to go first. On both parts. Derek got off him for a second just so he could fumble with taking off his shoes and socks. Derek did the same but his were off swiftly in under a minute. 

Stiles has to pep talk his way into removing his boxers when Derek is standing in front of him with his god damn abs and all Stiles has is a flabby underdeveloped stomach. Derek is obviously the one with the most self confidence and silently volunteers to go first. 

And shit, that is supposed to fit inside of him. "Uncut. Totally called it." Stiles swallows audibly. Derek can smell his nervousness from a mile away and pulls Stiles right up against him by his boxers. The kid can't be scared for the rest of his life. 

"Is that going to be a problem, Stiles?" Derek asks. And there was that breath he wanted to feel against his lips. Their foreheads are almost touching and Stiles can feel how hard Derek is against his clothed thigh. And he can feel Derek's thumbs tracing the elastic band of his boxers and slipping underneath it. 

"No." Stiles breathes, so compelled to lay one on Derek right then and there. And he barely even felt it when Derek let his boxers drop to the floor. But he definitely could feel the skin on skin contact. "How do you want me?" 

"On your stomach." Derek answers, lust and want filtering through his expression. He grabs one of Stiles' ass cheeks and pulls him impossibly closer. "But not yet. I'm going to work you open first." 

Stiles nods and Derek lets him go so he can rummage through his bedside table drawer for lube and condoms. Would his condoms even fit Derek? He couldn't think about that right now. It would seriously lead into a panic attack and what a cock block that would be. 

The first jelly like finger Derek slips inside of him is freezing and hurts quite and bit but Derek's mantra that it will stop hurting and it will warm up, keeps him calm and he only shivers just a little bit. 

He doesn't like this anticipation he is feeling. He knows what is coming and he hates this before part. But he knows it's essential. It will hurt less. 

Derek works three fingers into him and scissors him till he deems him ready. He slips a condom on and applies even more lube. He lets Stiles get into whatever comfortable position is possible, even slips and pillow beneath him. He tells him that it may be in his best interests to hold on to something because his arms would probably give out if he tries to keep himself up. So his hands wrap tightly around the top of his head board. 

Stiles doesn't feel Derek behind him until one of his hands wrap around his own and the other helps guide himself into his hole. And Derek was right, it was anything but fun. Stiles waits till Derek is balls deep before he decides to go and run his mouth. 

"Fuck." He gasps. 

Derek wraps his now free arm around Stiles' waist and holds on to him so he can begin thrusting in and out. And it actually gets a little better. The faster and more in rhythm Derek becomes, the more he enjoys himself. 

His bed is rocking back and forth and his headboard even faster. He's sure if he had a little more force towards it, it would break. Derek runs his nose down the crook of his neck and down his spine. It feels like a godsend. 

What really is a godsend is when Derek starts to hit his prostate. He definitely sees stars with every new maneuver. He finally understands what the big deal is. Everything feels amazing and intensified this way. 

Getting fucked by Derek Hale was definitely on his wishlist and now that it was coming true, he didn't know how he could live with it just being a one time thing. But that's what this was. If only it could be more. 

Derek starts touching him towards the end but his eyes roll in the back of his head and he comes without barely being touched. It pleases Derek and it becomes something that pushes him towards his breaking point too. 

He rides his orgasm out while still inside Stiles and he can just feel his limp dick getting a little more interested from just that action. 

Stiles lets himself collapse once Derek slowly pulls out and sits next to him. Stiles covers up with part of his sheets that aren't wet with bodily fluids. 

He feels elated. He never wants that feeling to go away. The sex was great. It really was. But the fact that it was with Derek, made it even better.

He notices Derek already getting up and pulling his underwear and jeans back on. He doesn't like that. It makes the pit in his stomach grow even larger. This is where he has to face facts. This is it for him and Derek. Once was all it was supposed to be. 

"Where are you going?" Stiles asks. 

"Your dad's on his way home." Derek says, pulling a sock on a little clumsily, which is weird for the usually elegant alpha.  

"I- thank you, Derek. For doing this. I hope you... uh, enjoyed yourself?" Stiles gulps. He's bad at this. He wishes there's any semblance of hope that this could happen again between them.

"I did, Stiles. Don't worry about it." Derek gives him what almost looks like a smile. But it's too Derek to actually be genuine. He wants to know what it's like to get a real smile out of the older man. 

What could he do now? Derek is ready to leap out that window and never return. What if he was given an ultimatum? Would that get Derek to stay? He didn't have the guts to get him to stay though. 

"What if we made a compromise?" Stiles blurts. 

"What kind of compromise?" Derek asks, narrowing his eyebrows together. Derek enjoyed himself, Stiles enjoyed himself. What if they enjoyed themselves together a few more times just for the heck of it? 

"Friends with benefits." Stiles suggests. "We both had a good time. Why fight what we both want more of? That was too good to be my last lay for a good ten years."

Derek snorts. He honest to god snorts and it has to be the best sound Stiles has ever heard in his life. He will never hear anything as amazing as that. Maybe an actual laugh. What was Derek's laugh like? 

"Okay, we need some conditions." Derek nods. Stiles needs to do a double take. Because Derek just agreed. What was his life? Good things did not happen to Stiles Stilinski, they just didn't. 

"Like what?" Stiles asks innocently. Derek grips his legs and pulls him to the end of the bed before he surges forward and kisses him senseless. Stiles is totally not opposed to that. 

"I get to kiss you whenever I want, because dammit Stiles, your mouth does things to me." Derek growls and lets his fingers trace against the teenagers lips. Stiles lets out a ghost of a breath and waits for the next impending kiss that Derek gives him. "And we can't tell anyone. Especially not Scott." 

"Do you realize how hard that is going to be for me? Not just Scott. I mean anyone." Stiles argues. "What about Danny?" 

"Danny is on the verge of figuring out our secret-" 

"And what's one more?" Stiles interrupts, clearly cheeky about the whole thing. Derek grumbles but doesn't disagree. Point one went to Stiles for that loophole. 

"And lastly, you can't be in Scott's pack." He says. Now that is something that may be a problem. Not be in Scott's pack? How was he supposed to do that? The guy was his brother. He couldn't tell him that he was going pack-less. 

"How am I supposed to do that Derek? I practically live with him on most nights. If you're asking me to stop being his friend I-" 

"I'm not asking that. I need you to be neutral Stiles otherwise I can't do this. If Scott found out you were sneaking around with me, he'd get overprotective and shut me out for good. I'm a pack of three now. Sort of six but who really counts Peter? And Cora's not really fitting in here. Erica and Boyd stuck around out of obligation. Isaac's pretty much on Scott's side. I just need you to stay out of it." Derek explains. Stiles can totally see where he's coming from and he would agree in a heartbeat to do what Derek was asking. Anything to be with Derek more than once. 

"Okay, deal. Yes. Let's do this!" Stiles nods enthusiastically and Derek kisses him again before shoving his shirt over his head. He's out the window in two seconds, muttering something about his dad being home. 

And shit, he's still naked and trashed as can be. But his dad probably guesses that since the light is off and no noise is coming from his room, he's asleep. That is the most relieving thing of Stiles' day. Plus the fact that he isn't going to be sacrificed for being a virgin. Because he isn't one. 

And he never would be one again.

 

* * *

 

He didn't know how a whole week went by but it did. And nothing strange happened. No deaths. No kidnappings. No conversations with Derek. It was all too silent for his liking. He didn't know if he should be worried that Derek dropped from the face of the earth or if he just needed space.

This is exactly where he would have Danny come in. Danny was a capable young gay male who probably had a shit ton more experience than Stiles. Especially in a situation like this.

The problem was, Danny didn't exactly look at him with interest. Stiles could tell why Jackson and him were best friends. They acted like they couldn't stand anyone that wasn't like them. Granted, Lydia changed Jackson's ways but Danny was sort of off limits since he wasn't in on the whole werewolf knowledge.

"Danny, I have a real situation that I need you to sit your ass down and listen to." Stiles was blunt. Some people, like Scott, could learn to love him for it. Maybe Derek was okay with it too. They were sleeping together, he had to like something about Stiles, right? 

"And why would I do that Stilinski?" Danny monotones. Yup. Stiles definitely didn't catch his interests. He'd just have to go for Plan B. The hypothetical situation. 

"Hypothetically, if someone were to promise something with someone... I don't know, let's say sexual favors... how long should that person wait till they get in contact for round two?" Stiles asks. This was going to save a lot of lives. Okay, maybe just his but that should count. He was dying over here. Was Derek still interested? 

"This situation doesn't sound very hypothetical." Danny comments, continuing to walk past book shelf by book shelf. Yes, Stiles was tailing him in the library. And yes, he'd gotten shushed more than once already by the mean, old librarian. 

"If you're suggesting this is about me, you'd have to be joking. Remember when you suggested you'd have sex with me? Virgin then, virgin now." Stiles lies. But come on, he wasn't the best fibber. Sure his dad still knew nothing about the supernatural world but Stiles' excuses were getting worse and his dad was getting suspicious. 

"You're a crappy liar Stiles. Who's the girl?" Danny asks, selecting a book from the sci-fi section. He could have sworn the title was about werewolves but Danny shoved it in his bag before Stiles could be certain. 

"He- It's none of your business." Stiles groans. Of course he'd let that slip. People had a way of getting information out of him if it wasn't correct in the first place.

"So you're gay, in a friends-with-benefits relationship, and-" 

"Bisexual. I play for both teams. Fifty-fifty." Stiles says pathetically. How could anyone forget the Lydia Martin stage? And that's exactly what it was. A stage. He would not get in too deep with Derek. At least, not deeper than he already was.

"Right. And the lucky guy is?" Danny asks. He did not need to know all the information to answer Stiles' one question. This was torture. He would never ask Danny for advice ever again. Derek was right. He did not need another one of their secrets. 

"That has nothing to do with my question. Plus he told me that I shouldn't even be telling you anything. But you're the only one he didn't completely turn me down on telling!" Stiles grumbles. He hated when he was wrong about people. Danny was a sarcastic asshole that- wait, he was a sarcastic asshole. He was getting played by his own kind! 

"So this person knows me." Danny grins. Shit. Even more information down the drain. This was not good. Abort mission. Abort mission. "I'm willing to bet it's Miguel, your not-so-real cousin who is really Derek Hale." 

"Jesus Christ, Danny. How do you know Derek?" Stiles asks, mentally face palming. 

"First of all, who doesn't? Second of all, remember that party Ethan and Aiden helped me throw? It was at Derek's loft. And lastly, the Miguel thing was a total lie the whole time, you two have sexual tension that anyone can sense from a mile away." Danny drawls. Apparently they weren't as secretive as they thought. If Danny figure this out, what more did he know? He was in fact dating a werewolf.

"So if you appear to know everything, what should I do?" Stiles asks. Because that was the reason he came to Danny. It'd been a week and nothing happened and Stiles found himself wanting something to happen. He would lay in his bed every night just waiting for Derek to show up like the creeper he was. 

Danny had to know something. He knew everything. He'd know how to handle a relationship. Even one like this with an alpha werewolf. Maybe Danny even knew that Derek was the alpha. Did Ethan tell him a lot? Or nothing at all? 

"So you've had this weird content thing going on for a few days and now you're panicking which makes it about a week. I'm going to guess that you haven't had sex since then. Let's call this observation. Were you supposed to call first, or was he?" Danny asks. Now he was being useful. 

"We didn't exactly make that clear before he left that night. We kind of just made this deal. I asked and he agreed." Stiles gave him the information he knew. Now Danny needed to give him something back. Something he could work with. 

"If you made the deal, he probably expects you to contact him first. Since it's been a week, he might think you've lost interest." Danny shrugs, making his way to the line of students towards the librarian's desk to check out books. 

Who in their right mind would lose interest in Derek Hale? Derek would never wait up for him. They all had to come crawling back at some point. The alpha didn't have to do lack of interest. He would be the one to lose interest. Especially in Stiles. 

"What do I do?" Stiles complains. 

"Well, everyone in this town knows where he lives. Obviously you do too. Go to him. Complain that you've been waiting for him. Show him what you're made of." Danny shrugs. "Don't seem too needy. Guys don't like that. Trust me on this." 

The best Stiles could do was listen to Danny's advice. It had to be good advice. Danny went to gay clubs and got laid all the time. He was in a relationship with an ex-alpha, he tamed the beast even if he didn't know it. 

So after school, not to seem suspicious, Stiles jumped into his jeep and contemplated this weird relationship he and Derek had going on while driving to his loft. He may have broken a few speeding laws but his dad was the sheriff, some deputies let it slide. 

The problem was, Stiles was a horny teenage boy who just had sex for the first time a week prior. Derek was a broody twenty-something year old alpha who maybe had quit the sex wagon a long time ago after Kate Argent. They obviously didn't know how these things were supposed to work. 

He sat in his car for at least ten minutes before he even tried to get up the courage to knock on Derek's door. He told himself he could do it but then that voice in the back of his head reminded him that maybe Derek found something new to keep him interested. 

Or maybe Derek was really waiting for him. Maybe he needed to believe that Stiles was interested in someone as broken and burned down as him. Because Derek was anything but what someone wanted in a partner. But he was everything Stiles needed in one. 

So he clumsily, almost fell out of his car, ran across the street, just barely missing a Porsche that looked just like Jackson's, and took each step up to Derek's top floor loft by two. To say he was eager was an understatement. And he still hadn't figured out what he was going to say.

Before he even had the courage to knock, the alpha was sliding his door open. And they just stared at each other. Derek seemed a little expressionless, Stiles felt a little like that too. What were you supposed to say to the guy you wanted to sleep with right that second? 

Derek looked attractive as ever. He looked like he'd just woken up. His hair was strewn in displaced positions. His eyes were a little bleary like he was just rubbing the sleep out of them. And he was only wearing sweatpants. Stiles breath caught in his throat. 

"Are you alright, Stiles?" Derek asks, concern suddenly becoming the only feature on his face. Maybe he'd asked the question because Stiles currently could not get any oxygen down his lungs. And yeah, they didn't need another panic attack to show up. They'd had enough of that a few nights previous. 

"Have you lost interest in me?" Stiles blurts, with crazed eyes. He was surprised he even had the courage to ask it. He came here to demand Derek tell him why he hadn't called or shown up somewhere unusual like he normally did. He did not want to feel insecure about the fact that Derek may not want this after all. 

"Why would you think that?" Derek asks, clearly confused. So maybe there was hope. Maybe it was true. Derek was waiting for his move. 

"Because we agreed to this thing and it's been a week and I haven't heard from you at all and I sort of expected you to show up in my bedroom on most nights, I even left my window open for you and- shit." Stiles sighs. He felt truly pathetic. Derek wasn't supposed to know all this. He was just supposed to ask where their minds were in all of this. If they needed to make up a schedule. But schedules were gross and a distraction.

He wanted this anytime and all the time. He wanted to be able to show up at Derek's loft uninvited and let him fuck him wherever and however he wanted. Many, many times. In several different positions. 

"Stiles, I was just giving you time to adjust." Derek replies softly. And what? Did Derek seriously just say that? Adjust to the fact that he was no longer a virgin? How much time did he expect him to need for that? "You just gave up your virginity to some guy you barely even know and then you go and make a deal on a whim and I just wanted you to be sure it was something you wanted."

"Of course I want it you idiot!" Stiles exclaims. Derek Hale was beyond good looking, he had his moments where he could be kind, he was strong despite all his struggles. Who would be so pervious to let that go? "You're incredibly attractive, you can be kind, tenacious, and that's why I want to be with you. I don't know anyone else like that." 

"Do you want to sit down and have dinner with me?" Derek asks, suddenly. 

"I thought this was all about sex." Stiles cringes. Because he did not have the willpower to be domestic with Derek and not get too attached. He'd want it all the time. Not just now. Not when Derek wanted to explain what this was to him. 

"It doesn't have to be." Derek says. "If you want to get to know me, I'd be willing. If you just need someone to talk to, I'd be your shoulder to cry on. I don't need everything if you don't want to give me anything. We can be different. If you're more comfortable that way." 

Stiles contemplated. Derek wanted to be friends with benefits the right way. He wanted the friendship part. The staying over late to watch movies. The Chinese take out dinners. The incredible sex. Everything in a modern day rom-com. And Stiles knew how all of those movies ended. They fall in love. 

Could they risk that? Could Derek fall in love with him? Stiles was willing. He could become a good mate for Derek. That was probably something they should talk about too. Did werewolves have mates? Scott made it seem like Allison was his. Why would Derek do all this if there wasn't some ulterior motive? 

He wouldn't ask. That was too personal and Stiles didn't even know if they could be considered friends yet. Derek had expressed that he'd grown to care about Stiles, and Stiles cared about Derek. But what he said was right. He didn't know much about the man in front of him. 

"I know I want to have sex with you Derek." Stiles finally says. He could tell Derek was okay with that. If that's all this was for them. But what the alpha didn't know was that Stiles was okay with more too. "I mean like right now, we can have dinner later." 

Derek's head snapped up and he could almost see the invisible wolf ears curl to the back of his head like a puppy's would. The small smile on Derek's face had to have been genuine. It was so tiny that it was like it'd barely been there but it was sort of worth it.

"No one's around, right?" Stiles asks, stripping his shirt from his body which was a really bold thing for him to do. But Derek had already seen him naked. He could get used to this. Maybe the insecurities would go away some day. Especially with the way Derek worshipped his body. 

And now the way, he worshipped his lips. Derek picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Stiles was now realizing he had a kink for being manhandled. After carrying him to his room, Derek laid him down on his bed and climbed on top of him. He ravished his mouth in kisses and intertwined their tongues together. 

The nudity came a lot faster this time. They both tugged their own clothing off, stopping for quick breaks for open mouthed kisses. Stiles could totally get used to this. The sneaking around, if it meant he got to have this. He'd have to figure something out to tell Scott because lying to the guy just never seemed right. 

He was on his stomach again but this time he was just laying as Derek traced his tongue down his back and to the crease where his ass cheeks met. His tongue slid swiftly around his hole and Stiles' whole body arched up into Derek. 

"Holy shit." Stiles shivers as Derek continues to swirl his tongue around his sphincter. He could definitely find himself enjoying figuring out all the different ways Derek could pleasure him and maybe even pleasure Derek himself. 

Derek flipped him over so he was on his back and went for his now throbbing dick. Stiles had to clench his fingers into Derek's sheets because the sensation was too much for him to handle. He started thrusting up into Derek's mouth that almost had all of him inside it. 

He didn't want to choke the guy but he wasn't doing anything to stop Stiles. They were working in a rhythm and it was exactly what they both wanted. Since this was Stiles' first blow job, it was over pretty quick and he was coming. Derek didn't try to swallow most of it. He let some of it dribble down his lips and brought Stiles' mouth towards his. 

Tasting himself on Derek was a little strange. He hadn't had anything like it and it was a little too salty for his liking. But he opened his mouth for Derek regardless and the taste was swirled in. He couldn't comprehend much since he'd started seeing stars but he knew when Derek was getting up to leave him. 

"Relax Stiles, I'm going to make dinner." Derek grins, kissing Stiles once more before he got up and headed to the kitchen, pulling on his boxer-briefs as he went. Stiles couldn't help it, he let himself get back to normal before he got up too and followed the alpha. "Just stay in bed, get some rest. You could use it." 

"What about you?" Stiles asks. "I'd really like to return the favor." 

Derek turned away from the teenager, smiling to himself. He was getting out a pot and some noodles. He seemed to be making pasta probably. Why wouldn't he look at Stiles? Why wouldn't he let Stiles pleasure him? It was something Stiles wanted to try. 

"I'm good right now, Stiles." Derek finally answers. He didn't like that. What was Derek hiding? 

"Then come back to bed and fuck me." Stiles sighs innocently.

Derek smirked and pulled Stiles into a kiss that made him feel a little lightheaded. But he could also feel Derek pulling away and that was something he definitely didn't want. 

"I would, but I'm making dinner and something tells me that you haven't eaten lunch." Derek says and right on cue, Stiles stomach grumbled. 

"Traitor." He mutters and Derek chuckles. He decided since Derek wasn't being any fun that he'd go have a quick shower and then do some of the homework he probably wouldn't have even thought about till morning. 

Derek's water pressure was a god send. He'd never felt anything better. It pounded out the kink in his neck and relaxed the rest of his body. 

His mind wondered to shower sex and sex with Derek in this shower. Steamy. Sexy. Dripping wetness. Slick skin and- nope. He should stop while he's ahead. 

He wants feelings. He wants to know what Derek is like outside these set pretenses. Is he a cuddler? A fan of horror movies? Does he like Mexican food? 

The essentials. And Stiles realized it was aiming him in uncharted territory. Relationship territory. That definitely wasn't a good area to go for. Derek obviously just wanted to be friends... with very great benefits. 

He toweled himself off with one of the big, fluffy towels hanging on a rack and tossed his boxers back on before leaving the restroom. 

The cold air hit him hard as soon as he made his exit. He realized he had the heat turned up a few notches too much while showering. But it just felt so good. 

He threw on his clothes from before to warm himself up a bit. Then he walked back to the little living space where Derek had a desk he could spread his homework out on and started up on it quietly. 

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you not talk for five minutes. Should I be worried?" Derek asks, shuffling sneakily into the silent room, now fully dressed like Stiles. The room is silent except for Stiles' pencil scratching on paper. 

"Huh?" He asks, stopping what he's doing. Not really understanding the question being shot towards him. 

"What's on your mind?" Derek asks more clearly. 

"Nothing." Stiles shrugs. Everything. His mind wasn't a safe place. It wasn't a place anyone could just be invited into. 

But he knew the look Derek was giving him. The look that said he was a terrible liar and to just spit it out already. Yeah, Stiles had really learned to decode the Sourwolf's facial expressions. 

"I'm just... worried? I'm not good at this whole waiting game. We know something bad is happening. We know some poor defenseless teenager is going to be next-" 

"With you excluded." Derek pipes up. 

"Sure." Stiles nods along. But the frown on his face becomes more noticeable and Derek takes a seat across from Stiles. 

"So you're no longer worried about yourself. You're worried about everyone else." Derek says like he totally gets it now. 

"I guess?" Stiles states in a question. "I mean, I just have seen so much death in such a short period of time that I'm sick of it now. I was sick of it when Peter first started killing people, but now... now Derek, it feels like my responsibility to take care of what these people don't know about."

"You know, you're only involved because of Scott."

"And now that I am involved, there's no escaping it." Stiles shrugs and turns away from Derek. He picks his pencil back up and tries to act like he's working. Maybe Derek will get the point. That he just wants to be left alone. He doesn't want to talk anymore. 

But Derek's never had a thing for following Stiles' wishes. 

"Do you wish you could go back?" Derek asks, softly. "Back to before you made the stupid choice to go find Laura?" 

"Every day." Stiles admits with a shuddering laugh. 

"There is still the option of leaving this behind, Stiles. You'll be graduating soon and then you can leave and never have to look back." Derek encourages. He tells him what he already knows. What he's already thought about countless times prior to this conversation. 

"I wish it were that simple." Stiles shakes his head. "But you, them, all of this? It's gotten so far under my skin, Derek that I think it might hurt worse to let go." 

"Well, I can't say I would be happy to see you go." Derek shrugs, getting back up. "Not anymore."

"Huh." Stiles grins. 

"What?" Derek asks, peering behind himself to glance at Stiles while walking back to the kitchen. 

"Nothing." Stiles shrugs. "I just think that may be one of the nicest things I've heard you say to me." 

"Shut up, Stiles." Derek shakes his head but Stiles can tell he's smiling as he disappears.

 

* * *

 

Stiles is walking through the woods in step with his werewolf best friend a few days later. The deaths were inevitable, Stiles knew that. But with spending so much time recently with Derek, he was starting to lose focus. 

So when the next body showed up, Stiles didn't exactly expect it. And he certainly didn't expect Derek and Scott's packs teaming up to deal with the whole dilemma.

"What's up with you, man?" Scott asks, when he realizes Stiles hasn't exactly been paying attention to his latest rant about his and Allison's relationship. 

"What do you mean?" He asks in return. 

"You've been acting really weird these last couple of days." Scott shrugs. "Do you want to talk?" 

"No!" Stiles snaps quickly and then curses himself inwardly because that sounded way too defensive. "I mean, nope. Everything's good. Nothing to talk about." 

"Are you sure?" Scott pokes on. "Because whenever we talk about things like Derek or our packs you get all- that." 

Scott's throwing his hands up in Stiles' direction as if saying his sudden trip over a log had to do with Derek. 

"I don't know what you're referring to." Stiles says. "You've always known how clumsy I can be." 

"Yeah. Sure." Scott nods and continues forward. 

They walk a little further till they meet up with everyone else at the tree where the last victim was strung up with a garrote to the throat. 

"Isaac caught a scent." Derek says at their arrival as they are the last ones to join everyone. "It's very faint." 

"So what are we waiting for? Let's go follow it." Stiles says. 

"It's getting late." Derek continues. 

"The scent won't be there tomorrow." Stiles shakes his head. 

"I think you should go home, Stiles." He says, getting to his point.

"What are you talking about?" Stiles asks. 

"Lydia and Allison are leaving too." Scott pipes up. 

"There's nothing more you can do, Stiles. We've got it from here." Derek shrugs. 

"You're kidding me, right?" Stiles asks. 

"If anything, you'll just be dragging us behind." He says. "And besides,

it's not safe for a human to be out here in the dark." 

"Bullshit." Stiles hisses. "I've been out in the woods plenty of times at night. I'm coming with you."

"Stiles, Derek has a point." Scott insists. "You can help us by researching with Allison and Lydia." 

"You're taking his side?" Stiles asks, in disbelief. "Oh that's rich." 

"Stilinski, get over yourself and just go home." Jackson rolls his eyes and takes off into the woods with Erica, Boyd, and Isaac following close behind. 

"Stiles, listen to me, I'm just trying to look out for your safety." Derek shakes his head as Scott goes to make sure Allison and Lydia get in their car safely. 

"Well stop." Stiles growls. "Nobody chooses what I get to do except me. You don't get to be one of those clingy boyfriends when all we are is a couple of guys who occasionally fuck." 

"I'm sorry I-"

"I'm going." Stiles interrupts. 

Stiles walks into the woods alone and ends up lost. Go figure. As he sits on a broken tree stump contemplating life, he cringes at himself. 

He'd basically told Derek that they were nothing to each other. He didn't want it to be that way. Being friends with Derek made things easier, but he just made them harder anyway. 

A stick breaks in the distance and he knows he's not alone. He can feel the familiar presence of someone. He's not sure who but they'll reveal themselves as soon as he's terrified enough. 

"So, I've done some thinking." Jackson says, suddenly. He's sitting right next to Stiles on the tree stump and Stiles doesn't know when that happened but it made him jump nonetheless. 

"Jesus Christ, Jackson." He huffs. "A warning would have been nice." 

"You know, I think I may be finally understanding this whole mind game thing you and him have going on." Jackson continues, definitely ignoring him. 

"First of all, I have no idea what you're talking about. Second of all, how did you find me?" He asks. 

"Well, Derek was going to but I suggested I could because I'm pretty sure you two idiots have no idea what's going on." Jackson shrugs. 

"And you do?" Stiles rolls his eyes. 

"He's hard to work with when he's grumpy. Especially over you." Jackson nods. 

"Yeah well, that's just his personality." Stiles shakes his head and gets up, planning on finding his way back. 

"You know, it's kind of obvious." Jackson says. And doesn't that peek his interests? 

"What?" Stiles asks, turning to face his ex-rival. 

"The way you feel about him." Jackson says. "I've figured it out. The other's are starting to see too. Lydia's known for a while and she's over the moon about it." 

"How'd you-" 

"I guess now I'm starting to get the appeal to it." Jackson continues. "Having someone so powerful wrapped around your boney little finger." 

"He's not-" 

"Denial doesn't look good on you, Stilinski." He rolls his eyes. "Besides, if anyone else went against what he wanted, he'd probably-" 

"Rip their throat out with his teeth?" Stiles finishes for him. 

"Exactly." Jackson nods. 

Jackson's walking away before he can ask him really anything else. So he does the noble thing and follows him. 

When they get back to their cars, Derek's already zooming away in his sleek Camaro. And Stiles is sighing in defeat. He needs to apologize for being a dick. 

"Hey man, Erica's giving Isaac, Boyd, and me and ride." Scott says, sidling up to him. "I figured you'd want some time to yourself." 

"I'm okay." Stiles nods. "But there is something I have to do." 

"I'll see you tomorrow." Scott smiles timidly. 

"Yeah buddy." Stiles agrees and is hauling ass to Derek's in his jeep. 

He figures as soon as Derek sees him at his door, he'll slam it in his face. Which is why, he's totally shocked when that doesn't happen. 

He's at Derek's door and of course he never has to knock but he's knocking now because he knows Derek would probably rather not see him. 

But he's at the door, knocking as the door is sliding open and he's being swept up into a soft kiss. A kiss that bleeds out an apology that isn't even necessary. 

And Stiles is very, very confused.

"I'm sorry, Stiles." He says and suddenly, it's all okay. Even better than okay. "I know what I said was selfish and stupid and I had no right to tell you what you could do but I was worried you'd get hurt." 

"You need to stop talking." Stiles says, mind buzzy, clutching tighter to Derek's thin grey v-neck. It was doing wonders for his figure. 

"But I-" 

"I was a dick too." Stiles shakes his head, holding a hand up to stop Derek from interrupting. 

He's now letting go of the bulking muscles he still wants to cling to and sitting down on Derek's really uncomfortable couch. Derek follows closely behind. 

"I didn't mean what I said about us just being two guys who occasionally have sex. You're more to me and you know that. I know that. We're friends and I care about you and it was selfish of me to act like you don't care about me, though you've said you do." Stiles explains. 

"I do, Stiles." Derek nods. 

"And I know that." Stiles says. "Even though it's still hard for me to believe." 

Derek clearly wants to say something but he figures it's better not to. Stiles doesn't encourage him to either. All he wants is for it to all be less complicated than it already is. 

And he knows it's going to get even more complicated. Because Derek was acting like a clingy, worried boyfriend. And Stiles found himself liking it. Feeding off of it.

It would only get worse. His feelings would only make him feel a deeper connection. More than one just on a sexual level. 

And the hard part was realizing that he already was feeling something more. He always had felt something more. Like a profound bond. And he was totally watching too much _Supernatural_. 

"I promise I'll let you make your own decisions, no matter how stupid they are." Derek blurts. "If that's what you want."

"It's not." Stiles chuckles. "If they're really that stupid, you've got to stop me." 

"Alright." Derek agrees.

"I should go." Stiles says, because he knows what he wants now. And it isn't sex.

"Of course." Derek nods, getting up from the couch to walk to the door with Stiles. 

"Thanks for the apology." Stiles blushes. "Even though I totally didn't need it." 

"That goes both ways." Derek shrugs. 

"I'll see you around." Stiles chuckles, realizing Derek's hand is kind of in his. 

"Yeah." Derek agrees and is leaning in for a kiss but Stiles is turning away. He only gets the corner of his lips. 

"Sorry, I just-" 

"It's okay." Derek shakes his head. 

"No, it's just, if we start there I won't leave." Stiles blushes and looks at his shoes. 

"You're an idiot." Derek is saying fondly, but is lifting Stiles' chin and planting a chaste kiss on his lips anyway. 

"Leaving me wanting more?" Stiles asks, breathless. 

"Maybe." Derek nods, sliding the door open. 

"I didn't know Derek Hale could be such a tease." Stiles chuckles. 

"You learn something new everyday." Derek says. "Goodbye Stiles." 

"Night Sourwolf." Stiles grins, taking the stairs down to his jeep with a skip in his step.

 

* * *

 

The next few days pass by in a haze of sex and normalcy. Well, as normal as this new routine with Derek was getting.

There weren't any more leads on the murders and the packs didn't try to go looking. They had nothing to look for. They were at a dead end. Or more specifically, a crossroad. 

"Does it ever make you want to leave?" Stiles asks Derek, who is currently running his fingers through Stiles' hair after their second round of sex that day.

"Does what make me want to leave?" Derek asks in a content voice. When Stiles looks up, his eyes are closed and his head his resting against the wall. 

"All the death." Stiles murmurs. Derek's eyes slowly spring open and it looks like he's contemplating his answer. 

"I did leave because of all the death." Derek settles on. 

"But you came back to even more death." Stiles says. "Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if you never came back?" 

"All the time." Derek confirms what he already feels he knows. "I miss Laura more than anything. Because even when I had no one else, she was still there." 

"And now you're stuck with psycho Peter and Cora and it's just not the same." Stiles sighs. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even brought it up." 

"You talk a lot, Stiles. It's a thing I'm learning to get used to." Derek shakes his head. "And it does make me feel a little better to tell someone what's in my head." 

"Okay." Stiles nods. "I'm hungry. Think we could order a pizza?" 

"Or I could make one." Derek suggests. 

"No, that requires you leaving this bed and we both don't want that." Stiles shakes his head and finds Derek's lips with his. "Just order from that joint on the corner of the block. They deliver." 

"I will... if you'd... stop... that..." Derek murmurs in between each kiss. 

Stiles snatches Derek's phone from the bedside table and calls and orders for them. One large three meat pizza for the both of them. Stiles would most likely get a slice or two and Derek would eat the rest. 

"You're paying." He says when he hangs up and tackles Derek back into the bed. 

"Oh, I see what this whole relationship is about. You're with me for my money." Derek jokes. 

"The looks are an added bonus." Stiles agrees and leans down to lap at his collar bone. 

Derek looks down to see the purple mark blossoming and not fading. 

"Shouldn't that be going away?" Stiles asks, gliding his fingers across the patch of skin. 

"Not if I don't want it to." Derek admits. 

"Hmm, I like that." Stiles grins, as their noses touch. 

"So, be careful where you put those." Derek says, intertwining their fingers. "Wouldn't want to get caught." 

"But that's the thrill, getting caught." Stiles grins wider. 

"You have a habit of having bad luck, Stiles. Don't wish more on yourself." Derek shakes his head. 

They make out for about ten minutes before the doorbell rings and neither of them want to get the pizza. 

But of course, Derek goes and gets it because Stiles is a lazy son of a bitch. And Derek seems to do just about anything for him. 

They eat in Derek's bed in comfortable silence. Derek doesn't have a tv in his room. Not any source of entertainment, really. He's got a book shelf that could rival a library, though. 

Stiles gets up, tossing some boxers on as he shuffles through some books that seem more alluring than others. 

"Why do you have so many?" He asks, flipping through a few pages of To Kill A Mockingbird.

"My family liked to read." He says, clearing his mouth of pizza before speaking. "They were salvaged in the fire."

Stiles picks up one with a charred front cover. 

"Some are worse for wear than others." He shrugs, getting up to join the teen. 

"But they're important. Because they were from before..." Stiles trails off softly. He understands. "My mom had this perfume bottle and it's almost empty, not useful at all. But I kept it and sometimes I'll look at it and it'll feel like she's there." 

"I'm sorry you lost her. She was a great woman." Derek sighs, wrapping Stiles in his arms.  

"You knew her?" Stiles asks. 

"She was my first grade teacher." Derek nods. He sees the tears in Stiles as he pulls away but then he hears a laugh come from his lips. "What?"

"Nothing. Just imagining you as a first grader." Stiles smiles. 

"I was a horrible little shit." Derek shook his head.

"I bet she loved you." Stiles says. "She did in fact, love me." 

"And how could she be biased if her son was a little shit." Derek smiles back. 

Stiles blushes, grabs a book, and settles back into the bed. He holds the book out to Derek. 

"Read to me?" He asks. 

And Derek does. Until he has to let Stiles get home before his dad realizes he was ever gone.

 

* * *

 

"Earth to Stiles!" Scott's fingers are snapping in front of his face when he goes back to reality. "Seriously, man. This is the third time this week." 

"Sorry." Stiles apologizes, rubbing a hand across his face. "I haven't been sleeping." 

"Why not?" Scott asks. 

"Something's just been keeping me up." Stiles shrugs. 

"Or someone." Danny says, taking a seat across from Jackson, next to Stiles. 

"Shut up." Stiles hisses.

"So what is it?" Scott asks. "Because you've been weirdly cryptic as of late." 

"You're so obtuse." Jackson mutters and Stiles shoots a death glare his way, which he gladly ignores. 

"Just stuff, Scott." Stiles huffs. 

"But-"

"And no," Stiles snaps at Jackson and Danny. "It's not because of a person." 

"Hey Danny, can I steal you away for a second?" Ethan asks, understanding that whatever Stiles wants to say, it's something Danny's not in the loop about. 

As soon as they're gone, Stiles spills. 

"It's the murders." Stiles sighs. "They're keeping me awake because-" 

"Because they're all virgins?" Scott asks, eyes widening. "Or three of them were, at least." 

"No-"

"Stiles, I understand that you think there's a possibility you could get-"

"I'm not a fucking virgin anymore, okay?" He practically yells and most of the people in the cafeteria are turning to look at him now.

"Wait, since when?" Scott asks quietly, looking like a kicked puppy. "With who." 

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, I was scared, so I took care of it." Stiles sighed. 

"Dude, why wouldn't you tell me? You've been complaining about losing your virginity since sophomore year, to me." Scott says. 

"Because Scott, it's personal." Stiles hisses. "It's not something I'm going to tell just anyone." 

"But it's me, Stiles!" Scott exclaims. "We tell each other everything." 

"Well, maybe we shouldn't." Stiles huffs, gets up from the lunch table, and exits the cafeteria. 

Since then, he has been cornered in the hallway by not just girls, but guys too. 

"Hi Stiles." He didn't even know who the girl was. 

"Hi." He says, continuing his path to the locker room. 

"So I heard about your V-card." She grinned.

"Mhmm." He says and before she can offer him anything, he turns the corner to the locker room where a few of his teammates already are. 

He's never really been noticed when he enters the locker room, but today a few of the guys stare. 

He stows away in a corner where no one else is and starts to strip to get into his lacrosse gear. 

"Hey Stiles." A guy he thinks is named Theo suddenly shows up when he's clad in just his boxers. 

"Can I help you?" He asks. 

"I think we could help each other, if you know what I mean." He smirks, sidling up to Stiles.

"No, I don't know what you-"

And suddenly there are lips against his and a hand crawling against his inner thigh and he doesn't have any time to react.

He shoves Theo away and backs up against the lockers. 

"What the hell, man?" He yelps. 

"Well I just heard-" 

"I'm with someone." Stiles says quickly, because it's the only way he thinks people will get off his back. 

"Oh." Theo looks surprised, as if all he can get is a one night stand. Maybe that's what all these people think of him.

"I'm not that kind of guy." He blushes. 

"I'm sorry, Stiles." He apologizes. 

"Uh, don't be. It's okay." Stiles shook his head. Theo didn't say anything else as he left Stiles alone. 

He didn't think he could go through practice with any focus, so he threw his civilian clothes back on. And then headed to Derek's. 

"Don't hate me, but I think I just told the whole school that I was in a relationship." Stiles blurts as soon as Derek opens the door. 

"Stiles!" Derek exclaims. "What part of secret-" 

"They don't know it's you!" Stiles complains. "I could totally pull this fake relationship thing off." 

"How do they know, anyway?" Derek asks. 

"I kind of yelled at Scott and said I wasn't a virgin and the whole cafeteria heard. Then people were hitting on me, expecting that I'd be into one night stands, but after Theo kissed me, I said I was taken." Stiles explains. 

"Someone kissed you?" Derek asks. 

"Yeah." Stiles nods. "Totally one sided but mmph-" 

Derek was pressing Stiles against the door and covering his mouth with his. 

"This compromise, means I'm the only one who can kiss you." Derek says with force. 

“I never thought jealousy would be a good look on you.” Stiles grins, shrieking as soon as Derek hauls him to the bedroom on his shoulder. 

“You’re toxic, you know that?” Derek asks, dropping Stiles onto the mattress and following right after. 

“Toxic?” Stiles asks, because that definitely doesn’t sound like a compliment. 

“Mmm…” Derek trails off, licking a trail up Stiles’ neck and he shudders. “I want you. All the time. Only you.” 

That’s got Stiles’ toes curling and he preens at the thought. Only him. Derek just wants him and only ever thinks about him. Granted, it’s probably only in these kinds of positions, but still. 

“Like a drug.” He finishes. 

“Okay,” Stiles starts, fingers tugging on Derek’s shirt. “Let’s get rid of this. Like yesterday, please.” 

Derek chuckles and pulls the henley over his head by the collar of the shirt. Stiles immediately touches the chiseled abs that he loves so much. His hand trails down to the waistband of Derek’s jeans and he pulls him closer so they are fully pressed against each other. 

“You like to get me undressed, but what about you? You don’t like to show a lot of skin, Stiles.” He purrs into his ear. 

“Ha! Are you kidding me? Compared to you and all-“ He circulates his hand around Derek’s… everything. “that.”

“You know, maybe pale ass, scrawny, and moles is my type.” Derek shrugs, pulling Stiles up, straddling his hips. He pulls Stiles’ plaid shirt off his shoulders and then the t-shirt underneath. 

“I hate you so much.” Stiles shakes his head, trying to hide his blush. 

“You really don’t know how attractive you are, do you?” Derek asks. 

“I’m…average.” Stiles says awkwardly. 

“No Stiles, you’re a lot better than average.” 

“You may be bias. Pale ass, scrawny, and moles isn’t everyone’s type.” Stiles argues.

“But it should be.” Derek smirks. 

The rest of their clothes come off in the next few minutes and Stiles is receiving the best blow job he's ever had when his phone starts to ring. 

"Ignore it, please!" Stiles moans, gripping on to Derek's hair tighter. 

"Are you sure?" Derek asks, looking up at him with plump, red lips and disheveled hair. 

"Yeah just, don't stop." Stiles nods. 

The ringing eventually stops and Derek gets back into a comfortable rhythm. Until, it rings again. And Stiles does everything he can to ignore once more. He's close and he'd just like to get this over with so he can experience that bliss. 

The third time, Stiles picks up the phone to Derek's surprise while he's still sucking his dick. Stiles knows it's a bad idea but the person on the other end is being persistent and he needs to end this now so he can enjoy his time with Derek. 

"What?" He groans, he can barely speak at this point. 

"Stiles? We've been trying to get a hold of you for ten minutes! Derek, too!" Scott exclaims through the little piece of technology.

"Sorry, been busy." Stiles pants to the side so Scott can't hear him. 

"We're on our way to Derek's. Almost there, actually. Can you meet us?" Scott asks.

"Shit." He curses. He holds the phone so Scott can't hear him and speaks to Derek. "Your pack and Scott's are on their way here." 

Derek just nods and continues to suck Stiles off. This needs to happen so much faster than it is.

"Yeah, Scott. I'm actually already here." His voice cracks as he says the last few syllables.

"Great! We'll see you in three minutes." Scott replies, just as Derek is shoving a finger up his ass and he yelps.

"Yes!" He shouts back into the phone and then he's coming. He hangs up without another word and stares at Derek, lapping up the mess.

His bones feel brittle and all he wants to do is lay back and enjoy the feelings that are about to wash over but he knows he can't. He's up and pulling his clothes back on before he even has a second to reminisce.

"They'll be here any minute." Stiles tells Derek, shoving his clothes into his arms so he'll get dressed. "Do you think they'll smell the sex on us?" 

"Maybe. Most of them don't know what that smells like to their werewolf noses, though." Derek shrugs, taking his time to get decent for their guests. 

"Hurry up!" Stiles says, pulling Derek's shirt over the rest of him.

"Now the way I remembered this ten minutes ago was you trying to take my clothes off." Derek smirks. 

"Don't be an asshole." Stiles hisses. "We need to figure out what this whole dilemma is about." 

"Of course." Derek nods and follows Stiles down to the main area of the loft before they hear footsteps heading up the flight of stairs. 

Derek kisses him just before his front door is sliding open. It leaves Stiles reeling and wanting more. Which is why he hates Derek and his smug face right about now. 

"Stilinski's here?" Jackson asks, as Derek is stepping forward to shuffle all the obnoxious teenagers into his house. 

"He was helping me with research." Derek nods, shutting the door behind... Danny. "Hold on, who is this?"

"This is one of the important things we needed to talk about." Scott laughs awkwardly. He's never good in crowds. Stiles is still trying to figure out if he's a good leader. 

"Danny figured out all the secrets we've been trying hard to hide." Jackson said blandly. 

"It wasn't that hard to piece together, and do you know how loud you guys talk at lunch?" Danny pipes in.

"Yeah, like how Stilinski told the whole school he was fucking-" 

Stiles is watching Derek who is at his side. His hands are clenching a bit while Jackson's speaking about him. 

"Enough." Derek growls. "Why'd you bringing him here without asking me first?" 

"He's not in your pack." Scott says firmly, taking his place as alpha. 

"That still doesn't make it okay for you to just invite him over-" 

"I'm sorry this is such an inconvenience to you. But Danny was the one who figured out what's been going on and what's going to happen next." Scott shrugs. "So if you'd like to listen..." 

"It's called a three-fold death. I'm not really sure who's behind it. We have to talk to your veterinarian friend to get some more insight. But this thing has obviously gone through virgins already. Now there's warriors, healers, philosophers, and guardians." Danny explained. "I did some research on telluric currents and it seems like the places these people were taken, were not the same places they ended up." 

"But you don't know who's next?" Stiles interrupts. 

"No." Danny shakes his head. "That's all I could figure out with the information I had."

"Then Derek and I will go talk to Deaton." Stiles plans.

 

* * *

 

"Remind me again why I left a pack full of teenagers in my loft just to go talk to a vet for information?" Derek says, getting out of his car with Stiles trailing behind him. They'd already arrived to see Deaton. Heaven knew it was always a challenge to get answers from that man. 

"I figured we both needed some space and so I got us some alone time." Stiles shrugs. "You'll thank me later." 

"You want something, don't you?" Derek stops walking to look at Stiles. 

"Yes, I want answers. Let's go." Stiles tries to continue walking but Derek pulls his arm back.

"That's not it." Derek shakes his head but lets Stiles' arm go. 

"It's nothing." Stiles tells him and continues his path to the door. Derek decides to let it go for just a little while. 

They walk into the vet's clinic with minimal banter and are greeted by Deaton. It seemed that even though the man had no supernatural abilities, he was still one of the scariest people Stiles knew. 

"I had a feeling you two would show up sooner or later." Deaton tells them. 

He's putting a cat away which is randomly hissing at Derek and Stiles is laughing. Derek glares at him and looks like he wants to punch him in the face. That just makes Stiles laugh more. 

"So do you know what's going on?" Derek asks. 

"I do." Deaton nods. "I was waiting for you to figure it out first." 

"Why?" Stiles asks. "This isn't exactly a situation where you can take all the time you need." 

"I'm glad you feel that way." Deaton says, going to a cabinet and pulling out a few things.

"Of course we feel that way. These are innocent lives!" Stiles complains. 

"Pardon me?" Deaton asks. 

"We're talking about two different things, aren't we?" Derek asks. He's confused but understands the look Deaton is giving him. 

"I apologize for the confusion. What is it that you need help with?" He asks. He's brushing off the subject he was thinking about completely. Derek can tell Stiles doesn't want to just forget about it but they have more pressing issues. 

Stiles explains the things that Danny told them. Mentioning all the things Derek already forgot about. Stiles really seems to trust that this kid knows what he's talking about. Especially with the telluric currents. 

Deaton seems to know exactly what Stiles is referring to. He has Stiles talking to him even as he looks around in a few drawers for what seems to be a giant map of Beacon Hills. 

Derek blanks out on the explanation that Deaton is giving to Stiles about how the telluric currents really work. The thing that catches Derek the most is when Deaton talks about a Nemeton. It just sounds like a big stupid tree at first. 

Stiles nods along when Deaton says it's actually the power source for all things supernatural in Beacon Hills. Creatures of different species all draw off of it. That's what the wolf packs draw on during the full moon and when they need their strength. 

Deaton also mentions Druids. Ones that aren't exactly right in the head. They're a different form of supernatural creature. He thinks that the only possible explanation for all the sacrifices is a dark Druid calling on dark forces for power.

"It's called a Darach. It narrowly means dark oak, where Druid means wise oak. Essentially it is a Druid who went down the wrong path." Deaton explains. 

"What about the telluric currents? Why are the victims taken from one place and killed in another?" Derek finally adds his curiosity to the mix. 

"I compared Mr. Māhealani's map to Chris Argent's. They show these intersecting lines. The bodies are taken and sacrificed at these intersecting points." Deaton points at the places he has marked for the three virgin victims. Then he slides his fingers to point out the newest three victims. 

"We have some information on the new people. They aren't virgins. This Darach person has to be moving on." Stiles says. 

"The next three were warriors." Derek tells Deaton. He researched a little on his own about them. He knew it was freaking Stiles out so he needed to see if he could figure out any more information. 

"Yes, they were all associated with war." Deaton nods. 

"Like Boyd's friend, and Mr. Harris. You think he's really dead? He hasn't shown up anywhere." Stiles says. 

"Ms. Martin had a hand in helping me look into Mr. Harris' disappearance. We found a few sheets of paper in his classroom that were oddly graded. That's what gave me more insight into the problem." Deaton continues. He goes to his file cabinet and pulls out some tests from the senior class at school. There are six tests. Each one has a letter on it. 

D. A. R. A. C. H. 

Of course Mr. Harris would figure it out. He was always too suspicious for his own good. Or maybe, he was on the wrong side of things this whole time. Maybe, he wasn't missing. Maybe, it was him... 

"Thanks Deaton, for your help." Derek says appreciatively. 

"If I knew more, I feel I'd be of more use but right now, it's all still up in the air." He nods solemnly.

"We really should get going." Derek then says. He looks at Stiles who seems to be a little antsy over something. Derek wants to know what is on his mind but he's not going to push right now. 

"I'll let you know if I find out more." Deaton says, ushering them out of the clinic. 

The walk back to Derek's car is quiet. Stiles looks like he's deep and thought. It scares Derek just a little bit. The boy's always so talkative so it's a strange change of pace when there's no conversation flowing. 

When Stiles is so quiet, it usually means he's not okay. He bottles up a lot of what he doesn't want people to know. Derek's learned that in the past couple weeks. The only way Derek knows how to make Stiles talk is to make him calm. He looks anything but calm in that moment. 

"Come on." Derek says, telling Stiles to get into the car. "I want to show you something." 

Stiles is a little more verbal when Derek starts driving. There are repeated questions of where they are going and why Derek won't tell him where they are going. He also expresses his hatred of surprises. 

Derek pulls up to the edge of a cliff after driving out of Beacon Hills. It's getting a bit darker now since Stiles had been at the loft for a little while after school and talking to Deaton took some of their time away. 

He shuts the car off and motions for Stiles to follow him outside. He loves this spot more than anything. He came here a lot after the fire and even before. When he was with Kate. Even when he was with Paige. It gave him a space to think without his family in a close proximity to torture him with questions. 

You could see all of Beacon Hills from that point. The small town was glowing and buzzing with quiet energy. He feels his shoulders relax as he can smell the peacefulness and serenity. The wind is very mild that day and it only just brushes across his skin with a gentle touch. 

Stiles hasn't spoken at all since he'd parked the car. He was slow to get out of the vehicle as well. Derek can feel his frustration. He wants to say something but doesn't know how. Derek saves him from having to figure it out. 

"I used to come here a lot. Before the fire. After the fire." Derek tells him. He can't exactly look his way. He sighs when Stiles stays silent. He knows he wants him to go on. "I liked the fact that I was able to come out here and get away from my family to figure out my own struggles. It gave me a place to think." 

"Derek, if you want me to-" 

"I'm not asking you to talk, Stiles." Derek interrupts him. There's a slightly shocked expression on Stiles face and he closes his mouth. "I've never had anyone here with me before and I usually just think about things on my own. But maybe, it's time I told someone about the things I decided up here. The things that made me the person I am." 

"I'm not asking for a tell-all about your past Derek." Stiles sighs. "You don't have to tell me anything." 

"I want to." Derek realizes as soon as he says it. Because out of anyone else in the pack, he trusts Stiles most. He trusts him more than his own sister. 

"Okay." Stiles nods and Derek turns to him. He's staring at Derek patiently. Stiles never seemed like someone who had that quality. He knew Stiles was the kind of person that liked answers as soon as they were available to him. 

Derek doesn't speak for a while. He doesn't know what he wants to tell Stiles, because there's a lot he could. He has so much baggage, it's hard to remember when his life got so complicated. Maybe he should just start at the beginning. 

"I want to get out of here." Stiles says abruptly. Derek was just about to settle on his first point of conversation when Stiles made the remark. It startles him a little and he looks at Stiles with curiosity.

"Okay. We can leave." Derek nods. He's not going to force Stiles to sit and listen. He has some heavy stuff on his belt. Maybe Stiles just doesn't want the burden. 

"That- that's not what I meant." Stiles shakes his head a forces Derek to stay where he is. "I meant that, uh, well my dad brought home college pamphlets the other night. And I've been thinking- I just don't think I can do this anymore." 

"Oh." Derek voices his surprise. He didn't expect Stiles to hit him with something so life altering. Stiles leaving wasn't on his list of priorities. He'd even told Derek that there was no way he could get out even if he wanted to. 

"That's what I, uh, have been so weird about lately. And I haven't told anyone about it except my dad. He's actually encouraging me to do it. He thinks I'll be able to live a better life somewhere else." Stiles explains. He's got this nervous look on his face that's making Derek anxious. It's like Stiles wants something from him. His approval? He doesn't need that. Stiles isn't pack. He can't tell him what to do. 

"Why are you telling me now?" Derek asks. 

"Because I feel so alone." Stiles admits softly. Derek doesn't like the way his face changes. He becomes somber and closed off. Derek knows how he feels. He'd been through that kind of thing. Multiple times now. 

"You don't have to do this alone." Derek tells him. He needs to know that Derek's there for whatever he needs. He'd never just abandon Stiles out of the blue.

"I'm sick of feeling weak. Like I can't do anything to help. And there's all this death and I don't know how to stop it. I just don't want blood on my hands even though it's already there." Stiles panics. Derek watches as he sits on the ground and curls into himself. He's looking out to the town, trying to breathe evenly. 

"None of what you've gone through is your fault." Derek says, taking a seat next him. 

"You sound like a therapist." Stiles wheezes and tries his best to get a laugh in there. 

"I'm serious, Stiles. You haven't hurt anyone." Derek says. Stiles has to understand that just because he's been a part of this all, it doesn't make him responsible. There are plenty of people responsible. 

"But I don't want to stick around and watch someone die because I wasn't quick enough, or strong enough, or smart enough." Stiles tells him desperately. "I don't want to see someone I care about, be a casualty to this mess we've gotten into." 

"I'm not going to stop you from going." Derek says indignantly. He'd never want to hold him back. Stiles deserved better anyway. It would be good for him to get out of their corrupt world.

"I didn't say you would." Stiles says defensively. "I just, want you to help me through it." 

"I can try." Derek nods. 

They aren't looking at each other now. Derek feels Stiles, especially this close. He's like this emotional ball of energy and it's eating away at Derek. He doesn't like it. He wants it to stop. 

Stiles' breathing slows after a while. He likes the silence. Silence helps them think. There are still so many things to say, but neither of them say any. It's dumb on both their parts. They can't get anything out in the open, even between the two of them.

Derek can see the preserve from where he sits. He wants to tell Stiles a million memories about Cora, Laura, and him running through those woods. They used to get into so much trouble. They did things that could rival whatever Scott and Stiles did as kids or still do. 

Derek is thinking of this one specific time when Laura bullied him into playing hide and seek with her. He couldn't find her for hours. And it got dark and he got lost and because he was only eight, he got scared being all alone by himself. He eventually found his way home and cried to their mom about it. 

Laura was pissed.

But Derek enjoyed that memory. Because he enjoyed all the memories he had now that he couldn't make any more with his eldest sister. In that moment, he missed her more than anything. He missed the way things used to be. Before the fire. 

"Have you ever been in love?" Stiles asks softly in the moonlight. Derek hadn't realized how late it had gotten. He also doesn't know how to answer Stiles' question. 

"Twice." Derek says finally. He knows Stiles will want an explanation. He just needs a few minutes to figure out how to tell Stiles that his first love died and his second love was a manipulative bitch. "Her name was Paige." 

"What was she like?" Stiles asks quietly. Curiosity in his eyes, though Derek didn't look into them long enough to see anything else. 

"She was nothing like me. I don't even know how I got her to fall for me. She hated me in the beginning. Wouldn't even tell me her name." Derek admits. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He didn't care how young they were. She was it for him. But his life never worked out the way he wanted it to.

"Did you lose your virginity to her?" Stiles asks. It's a very personal question. Not one he expected to be asked. He also didn't know it would hurt so much. 

"She died before we could." Derek whispers. 

"So when you told me you knew some people liked it to be special-"

"She was the one." Derek nods. He feels tortured while talking about her. She was amazing and beautiful and didn't deserve the way she left the world. He didn't know if he could admit to Stiles that it was his fault. He knows Stiles understands that when he was in high school, he wanted things to be special with her. 

"So... Kate?" He asks. 

"Yeah." Derek nods. "I had a shitty first time. I didn't want that for you." 

"I'm glad it was you." Stiles says honestly. There's no blip in his heartbeat and it makes Derek stiffen. Stiles grabs his hand and squeezes it. He doesn't seem to plan on letting go. "It may have not been anywhere special or even remotely romantic, but it's better than I expected my first time to be." 

"I cried after it was over." Derek blushes, trying not to look at Stiles. But Stiles was a persistent little shit and cupped Derek's cheek in his palm, drawing their eyes towards each other. His experience with Kate had be rough and unpleasant. He didn't want to show Stiles how much it pained him to talk about. 

"I'm sorry." Stiles tells him somberly. He can feel what Stiles is trying to get through to him. _Sorry you had such a crappy childhood. Sorry you still don't like the life you're living. Sorry I can't be more for you. Sorry I can't make your life better._  

Stiles draws him into a soft kiss. Derek doesn't want to talk anymore. He thinks Stiles understands that and is looking to show comfort in a different way. And Derek thinks because of that, he may be okay.

 

* * *

 

When they get back to the loft, the pack is still there. Stiles can tell Derek wants to be left alone. He hadn't said anything on the way back and it made Stiles feel a little awkward. They walk up the many flights of stairs together without words. 

The pack's eyes are drawn to them when Derek slides the door open. Immediately there are questions. Derek dodges them all and heads upstairs to his room. He wants to be alone. 

"I talked to Deaton once you left the clinic at five. Where did you guys go after that?" Scott asks. 

"We just went somewhere and talked." Stiles admits. Because even though it's risky to tell them anything about he and Derek's relationship, he doesn't think this is giving too much away. And he's sick of the lies. 

"About what? Your feelings?" Jackson snorts. 

"Yeah." Stiles nods. 

"He opened up to you?" Cora steps forward and asks him. "I'm his sister and he hasn't treated me like it since before the fire." 

"Maybe because all he sees when he looks at you is the pain he caused." Stiles snaps. They don't understand. Derek may seem stoic at all times, but he needs to be. He is so broken inside. And nobody cares to ask him if he's really okay. "You don't get it, do you? None of you do. He has feelings too, you know."

"And my nephew told you all of this?" Peter drawls, slinking his way toward Stiles.

"No. Stiles doesn't need to ask. He watches." Lydia says. Stiles thanks all that is holy for the beautiful red-headed goddess. She always has been on his side in times of need. 

"I think it would be better if you all just left." Stiles sighs.

"But what about what you talked about with Deaton?" Cora asks.

"We'll deal with it tomorrow. We're not doing this without the alpha." Stiles states firmly. The pack is looking at him funny after that. He realizes what he's said and mentally hits himself in the face. _The alpha_. Like he's the most important person to all of them. 

"Uh... I think that may be a good idea." Scott agrees. He'd caught on to the weirdness of Stiles' wordage. Stiles takes in a deep breath and tries to relax. He didn't spill anything. He didn't. 

The pack shuffles out eventually. Peter leaves first. Stiles didn't expect him to show up in the first place. Doesn't know why he stayed. He wasn't very welcome anymore. But Stiles wasn't going to kick him out. He was still powerful enough to kick Stiles' ass. 

Boyd and Erica leave together. They talk to Scott before they leave in a hushed tone. Stiles can't help but think they're talking about him. Him and Derek at least. What they're becoming. What they are. 

Danny is actually still there to Stiles' surprise. He stuck to Jackson's side but that wasn't unusual. Since they are best friends, Stiles sees how Danny would see Jackson as a comforting presence in a room full of people with strange abilities. 

Jackson ends up taking Danny and Lydia home shortly after Scott's voiced that they should all leave. He's not to keen on knowing as little information as possible. He just about has a tantrum demanding Stiles to spill all the information. 

Scott pushes him out the door with Lydia's help. Scott nods at Stiles and ushers Allison out of the apartment after them. Scott understands that Stiles needs time to fix this. Fix whatever happened between him and Derek before they can even begin figuring out where they go from there.

Isaac and Cora are the last two people in the pack that stick around. Considering they both live in the loft, Stiles isn't surprised that they're waiting to see if they're able to stay. Stiles gives Cora a look and for some reason, she knows exactly what he needs. 

"Isaac, why don't we go out for some food? We have nothing to eat here and I feel like I could eat a horse." Cora quips and drags him out the door after snatching her purse from the couch it was resting on. 

Stiles sighs in relief when he's alone. Well, he's not really alone. He has a grumpy pain-in-the-ass werewolf moping around in his room. Stiles doesn't exactly feel like dealing with Derek at this point. He doesn't even know what's upsetting him. 

It could be the memories. Derek had said that he'd never told another soul about the things he'd thought about outside of Beacon Hills. Maybe they were too much for Derek. Everything the alpha had gone through sounded too painful to even comprehend, let alone live. 

Stiles cautiously makes his way up the swirling stairs to Derek's bedroom. He doesn't know what he was expecting to find when he opened Derek's door but any empty room definitely wasn't it. 

He steps inside the surprisingly cold room and takes it in. The window is open. That's why the room is below room temperature. And Stiles suspects -since Derek is a supernatural being- that he took the window as an escape route. Just like how he entered Stiles' bedroom so many times before. 

Stiles walks to the window and peers outside. Down below, on the balcony on the floor Stiles had just been on prior to coming upstairs, is Derek. He's looking out at the dark city around him and he's just oozing off waves of angst. Even from several feet above, Stiles can feel it. 

Stiles makes the decision to talk to Derek on a whim. He heads back downstairs and towards that balcony that he's only been on a time or two before. He thinks talking to Derek is a bad idea because he doesn't even know how to start the conversation. How is he supposed to make Derek feel better? 

He knows that Derek notices his presence because he stiffens. That's the last thing Stiles wants to see. He wants Derek to be comfortable with him. But Derek is such a bottled up person that Stiles doesn't see that happening any time soon. He won't even look at him.

"I didn't tell you how she died." Derek mutters into the cold open space in front of him. He still doesn't look at Stiles. It crushes him because he wants Derek to talk to him. He wants Derek to see that he's going to be there for him. 

"Paige?" He asks, softly. He's not going to come on strong with Derek. This is definitely the thing that the man kept locked away from everyone. 

"I wanted to be with her. For the rest of my life." Derek nods. "Peter convinced me that the only way for that to be was to turn her." 

Derek has his hands resting on the wall saving them from falling to their deaths in case they were to fall off the ledge. Except, now he's clenching his fists as he holds on to it. Like it pains him to continue the story. 

Stiles wants to protest. Wants to tell Derek that he doesn't need to know everything. Not if Derek isn't fully ready to come clean about his past. But he can't do it. Because he's a selfish person. And he's curious to know what made Derek the man he is.

So he doesn't say a word. And neither does Derek for a few beats. Even without werewolf hearing, he can almost hear how fast Derek's heart is pounding. How nervous and terrified he is about letting someone in. Stiles doesn't want him to feel obligated. 

He sidles up to Derek's right side. Just so he's closer to him. Just so he can comfort him if need be. But he doesn't touch him yet. He just looks. He takes long moments to just gaze at Derek's profile. From any angle, there is no doubt that Derek is attractive. 

Stiles could go on for days about Derek's scruff and how there's just enough but not an overwhelming amount of facial hair painting his skin, styled to perfection. He could talk about Derek's bone structure and how his jaw line could cut through ice. 

Stiles can even see Derek's eyelashes. How they're long but not as long as his. His eyelashes are just long enough that they brush across his under eye in soft little swipes. He gets lost in everything that is Derek Hale. 

He's brought back to earth when Derek begins talking again. 

"I was naive and young so I thought it was the right call to make. My mom would never do it. But there were multiple packs in town. Peter orchestrated the whole thing." Derek explained. Stiles could sense his pain but he just kept going. Like once the words started coming, they wouldn't stop. "And when I tried to stop it, it was too late. She was bitten against her will and it was my fault." 

Derek's slightly shaking now. Stiles reaches out and touches his hand. Just rests it on top of Derek's. Noticeably, Derek calms down and takes a deep breath. Stiles doesn't remove his hand. 

"Sometimes... the bite doesn't take." Derek finally says. Stiles knows those words are hard for him to get out. The pressure of those words. How Derek spoke them. He was so broken. 

"And then she died?" Stiles asks. He doesn't want Derek to have to say it. It can't be worse than this. It can't be. Stiles can't imagine losing someone he loves. Someone that's not a parent. Someone you just were destined to be with. He couldn't imagine losing Derek. It hurt to even think about it. 

"No." Derek breathes out. "She didn't just die." 

Derek rips his hand away from Stiles and moves to the other side of the balcony. Like he can't stand to be in the same vicinity as him. Derek's grasping his hair, ready to pull it out. Stiles wants to help. But he doesn't know how.

"I took her to a root cellar.” He tells him. "I watched as she bled black blood and suffered. I held her in my arms. And I tried to take her pain." 

"Derek-" 

"She asked me to make it stop." Derek says quietly. "She asked me." 

"Derek, stop." Stiles shakes his head. Demanding Derek to let it go. But Derek shakes his head.

"I killed her!" It rumbles out of his stomach and into a roar. He's completely wolfed-out. His alpha eyes shine like blood in the pitch-black night. 

Stiles should be scared. He knows he should. But Derek... He's fascinating. He knows his eyes are probably wide and maybe he does look horrified, but he's not. Because Derek's not a monster, no matter how hard he tries to make himself look like one. 

"I'm sorry." Derek says suddenly. His other persona slipping away. Hidden underneath skin that's probably buzzing. Itching to be torn off. The wolf begging to be let free. 

"You have nothing to apologize for." Stiles shakes his head. 

"I startled you." Derek blushes, turning away from the teenager again.

"That's beside the point." Stiles shakes his head.

"I was different after what happened." Derek says in lieu of accepting Stiles' forgiveness. "Not just mentally, but physically too." 

"It wasn't your fault." Stiles tells him. "You were tricked. She just wanted you to help her through the end. She didn't blame you." 

"Did you ever wonder why my eyes were blue rather than gold, like Scott's?" Derek ignores him once more. 

"I just figured they were a Hale thing." Stiles shrugs. "Peter has them." 

"That's because Peter's a murderer." Derek says. 

"So they turn blue when you-" 

"Kill an innocent." Derek nods. He's stoic again. Showing no emotion what-so-ever. Stiles wants him to stop the act. But he isn't going to ask that of him.

"That doesn't make sense. You were only doing what Paige wanted." Stiles shook his head.

"I deserved them, Stiles. I deserved the reminder that it was my fault." Derek tells him fiercely. He's looking him dead in the eyes now. Hoping he will get the point. "My eyes were different. And so was I." 

And Stiles knows what happens next. Or at least the basics. At some point after Paige, he fell for Kate. Fell for her lies and schemes. Derek must hate himself so much for what she did. 

But that wasn't his fault either. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know who Kate was or what she planned to do. She was rouge and so was her dad -Gerard- and no one could stop the inevitable. 

Derek tells him Peter was the only one who knew the whole story until his mom found him. His mom made the situation better. Told him that just because his eyes were different, didn't make them any less beautiful. 

"I was in a bad place after her death. I rebelled against my parents and spent most of my time away from home. Then I met Kate. And she was everything I needed at the time. And because I was so young, I was so easily manipulated." Derek spills. "It started out as just something simple. And then I fell for her even though she treated me like shit. I didn't tell anyone that I was seeing her and if I had, it probably could have prevented everything." 

And Derek still blamed himself for the fire. Stiles hated that. But he understood. He understood because he still felt like his mom's death was his responsibility. He wanted to laugh at the sheer similarity of it all. 

Stiles decides not to ask Derek any more about Kate. At least not that night. Derek opened up enough. He told him all about Paige. And that was some pretty heavy stuff. Not to mention that he also delved into an explanation of his second love. And Stiles knew that Derek fell for her because she was the only one there. 

"So the red eyes..." 

"Alpha status." Derek says. "But I think you already knew that." 

"Can I... see it again?" Stiles asks. 

"What?" He asks, frozen in his place. 

"Your wolf form. I've never really seen it up close." Stiles answers, stepping closer to Derek. Still cautious.

Derek doesn't answer him for a while. Stiles thinks that he's too sheltered to ever show someone something like that. Derek doesn't like vulnerability and that's exactly what this is. He's uncovered something from his past and he shouldn't have to uncover more of himself. 

But Stiles wants this. Wants Derek to trust him enough to do this. So he doesn't push him. He waits patiently and lets Derek think through the consequences. When Derek finally makes eye contact with him, he nods. 

Stiles has never seen someone shift like Derek does. He's never watched intently as someone is doing it. Most of the time it's Scott who he's watching and Scott does it so quickly in the heat of the moment. Stiles doesn't know how he feels about watching Derek like this. 

It looks like Derek's insides are breaking and reforming underneath his skin. It's all just in his face mostly. It looks incredibly painful but Stiles isn't going to let Derek know that he sees his pain. It would derive him from the task at hand. 

Derek's eyes suddenly shine alpha red and then they flash back to the normal almost green color. His ears are pointy -like an elf- and he has canines pricking out of his mouth. Stiles looks at his hands and notices that he'd missed the transformation from nails to claws. 

Derek looks like Derek. Just with all the wolf-like qualities added to his features. Stiles is utterly fascinated by it all. He knows what Derek thinks of himself. He thinks of who he is, whether he's human or wolf, as a monster. Stiles thinks anything but.

He steps into Derek's personal space and lifts his hand to Derek's face. He gently strokes Derek's much hairier cheek and he leans into the touch. He momentarily notices the absence of his eyebrows, but saves the question as to where they go for a later date. 

He's then distracted by the fact that the second he touched Derek, his eyes glowed that fluorescent shade of red. And Stiles has minutes to wonder _why_. Why they glowed in his presence? What did it mean? But he wouldn't ask. The moment would be ruined. 

"You're breathtaking." Stiles sighs. He breathes onto Derek's face. And for some reason, he doesn't stiffen at the compliment. Stiles doesn't know how else to describe Derek at this point. 

Well, there's endless words Stiles could use. Beautiful. Exquisite. Alluring. But his mouth didn't seem to be working. He was a little proud of himself for being so speechless when he could probably talk someone's ear off for just about anything. 

Derek looks down, suddenly embarrassed. Blushing, even. Stiles can't help but grin. He never thought seeing Derek Hale blush would make him so happy. He hated the fact that Derek couldn't get past the fact that behind the shield he held up so high, he was actually an interesting and attractive specimen. 

"Don't say things like that." Derek whispers. 

Stiles shakes his head and leans in to place a chaste kiss on the wolf's lips. He wants to chastise Derek for being so cruel to himself. But he'd rather just show his appreciation through something Derek is more willing to understand, since he's not one for words. 

When he opens his eyes and looks at Derek, he's normal again. The hair, teeth, claws, everything is gone. And Stiles feels his heart drop and his tongue catch in his throat. 

He's seen this happen before. Years ago, when Scott was just beginning to understand all of this, he saw it. Allison and him kissing. She tamed the beast inside of him. She became his anchor. 

Stiles feels like he can't breathe. But he knows that he is actually breathing, albeit much faster than normal. Derek's anchor has always been his anger. Stiles knows that from Isaac. But... what if he was changing? 

Stiles knew this was the part where they needed to stop. They needed to end this whole thing because it would not end well for him. Stiles was falling for Derek without knowing how the alpha felt for him. And he knew one thing for sure. 

Friends didn't act like this. Friends didn't do this - _this_ being whatever they were doing. Sleeping together. Caring for each other. It was just supposed to be simple. But this whole thing -Derek- got under his skin and he couldn't take more of it.

But he also wasn't keen on letting it go. He wanted to ask Derek what they were doing. Why this felt right and wrong at the same time. They were more. They had to be. He just didn't see how this could end without one of them or both of them hurting each other.

He takes a step back from Derek and removes his hands so they are resting at his own sides. Derek is confused but doesn't question Stiles' sudden need for distance. 

"I should go." Stiles finally voices. "It's a school night. Scott will probably want to check up on me. Cora and Isaac probably want to come home soon."

"I'm not keeping you here, Stiles." Derek tells him pointedly. 

And he knows that. But he wishes Derek would beg him to stay. Ask him to stay a little longer so they can figure this all out. Because if they got their shit together, they could end up being something special. Stiles feels it. But he won't say it. 

It's all so ironic. The fact that he knows too many words to count but he can't say a single one. He thinks the universe may be punishing him just because he's a Stilinski and Stilinski's can't have nice things.  

"Okay." Stiles nods at him. Because Derek isn't keeping him there. He has to leave. 

And he does.

 

* * *

 

The next few days dwindle by in loneliness. Stiles half expects Derek to show up at his window but he never does. He knows they left each other in an awkward position. Stiles doesn't even know how to fix it. 

He ends up going to school and then lacrosse practice and then home for the next week without word from Derek. He wants to call him but realizes too late that they'd never exchanged phone numbers. So that was out of question.

Scott was coming over more than usual. Which wasn't exactly odd considering their friendship status but was odd because lately he'd been hanging around Allison a lot. Stiles kind of missed it. Just sitting down with his best friend to play video games and eat junk food. He used to live for those days back when his life wasn't so complicated. He hated how complicated Derek had made it. And he hated trying to figure out what to do and what was too much. He just wanted to be with Derek but that wasn't an option. 

When his dad comes home sometimes, he doesn't question Stiles' mood but he knows he's in one. That's just something unspoken between the two of them. Normally his dad won't ask unless his behavior becomes an excessive thing. Which it doesn't really, it will probably pass by in a few days. 

It all kind of feels like before his mom died. Scott came over a lot then, too. His dad and him never talked about how they were doing because they just knew. He felt like his life was running on a track that was incredibly slower than before. And he just wanted to get out of Beacon Hills. 

So when Scott tells him that his pack is dealing with some rouge out of town pack, Stiles volunteers to go. He's bored and Derek's not there to tell him it's a bad idea so he goes. He hops into his jeep with his baseball bat in hand and picks Lydia and Jackson up to meet Scott and Allison at the set location. 

Scott's a pretty peaceful guy and doesn't like to see fighting as an option. The other pack seems to not like talking as an option. It's not a surprise to Stiles when the one werewolf pacing in the back of the group pounces first. Hell breaks loose from there. 

He comes out of that fight worse for wear. The rogue pack isn't dead, Scott's honor is still intact. The rouge pack's alpha gets everyone under control and apologizes to Scott. They leave immediately and promise they won't come back unless necessary. 

Stiles is pissed when Scott acts kindly towards them and tells them that they'll form an alliance. Stiles is bleeding out on the upholstery of his jeep -well, bleeding out is exaggerating a bit- as Scott continues to talk his way through the rest of the deal. 

"You going to be okay, man?" Scott asks him through his rolled down window.

"Yeah." He winces. "Just like always." 

And that's the end of that. 

He drives home alone this time. Jackson and Scott are already healed by the time they're all ready to leave. Allison and Lydia barely have a scratch on them thanks to their lovers. They're all going out for some well deserved pizza. They invite Stiles but he doesn't want to be the fifth wheel, so he declines. 

When he gets home, he thanks whatever God is out there that his dad isn't home. He knows he's got to let his dad in on all the supernatural shit at some point but he doesn't want to burden him. He doesn't want to _lose_ him. Like he lost his mom. 

He wants to just crash in his room at that point and when he sees his bed he thinks it's the best idea ever. He's weak and still bleeding so he doesn't want to do anything else. Especially not clean his wounds. He sits down on his bed and winces in pain as he goes down. He just needs a minute. 

He almost falls asleep until he's startled back into reality by someone's gigantic hand clamping down onto his shoulder and he jumps. 

"What the hell were you thinking?" Derek asks. His eyes are glowing in the empty darkness of the room and Stiles has to look away. It's that angry, icy stare that Derek has perfected at giving him. 

"I'm not... exactly sure what you are referring to. I do a lot of stupid shit." Stiles says sarcastically. Why would Derek care? It's not like he's cared for the past couple days. 

"You're an idiot." Derek says, exiting the room abruptly. Stiles only has a second to wonder where he's gone when he comes back with the first aid kit from the bathroom. 

He opens the container filled with medical goodies and pulls out rubbing alcohol and cotton balls. Stiles doesn't know what he's doing with the supplies until it feels like his arm is being stung. 

And then he gets it. Derek is patching him up. He's cleaning the wounds before sticking bandages on them. It's a pretty domestic thing to do and Stiles both loves it and dreads it all the same. 

"Why did I find out from Isaac that you and Scott decided to handle a rogue pack of werewolves without my help?" Derek growls through his teeth. 

"Because technically I'm still in Scott's pack as far as he knows and it was just a pack thing. I didn't know I had to ask you for permission." He counters. He's angry now. Derek has no right acting like a babysitter for him.

"Look at you!" Derek argues. "You look like you got into a fight with someone twice your size." 

"It's not exactly untrue." Stiles tells him. "But I can protect myself." 

"Stiles, seeing people I care about hurt, is something I've had enough of for probably the rest of my life." Derek tells him and for a minute it sounds like he's desperate to get it through Stiles' head. 

"Fine, I did something dumb." Stiles cringes when Derek applies a lot of alcohol to the big slash on his stomach where one of his favorite shirts -a batman graphic- is now torn. 

"I'm going to have to stitch that up." Derek tells him. He's shaking his leather jacket off before Stiles even has time to protest. 

"Have you done that before?" Stiles asks, eyes wide. He should go to the hospital. To Melissa. Derek shoves him down so he's laying on his back. He doesn't like it.

"A few times." Derek nods, digging through the first aid box for string and a needle. He's successful in his search and gets the string ready and loops a needle through it. He tears open Stiles' shirt, ruining it from ever being worn again, and gets to work. 

"I hate my life." Stiles groans. As Derek prods at him with the needle, he reaches out and clamps on to Derek's free hand. Being punctured like this kind of feels like he's being stabbed by tiny knives. 

He starts to relax as Derek quickens the pace. And he realizes once it's all done that he feels sort of... numb. He knows Derek took his pain. There's no other explanation for it.

And while it's all happening he also realizes the feeling he's having for Derek is trust. It hits him like a semi and knocks the air out of his lungs. Derek and him didn't do trust, but here he was trusting the hell out of him to stitch him up and make everything better. 

Derek gets up and stuffs everything back into the first aid kit, quickly retreating to go put it back where he found it. Stiles waits for his return and pushes himself into a sitting position at the edge of his bed. 

Derek comes back, though he took more time than before. Which is mind-boggling to Stiles. But he doesn't put too much thought into it since he's currently still in a little bit of pain everywhere else. 

"Thank you." Stiles settles on, though he wants to say a thousand other things.

"Just don't do it again." Derek shakes his head. He reaches for his leather jacket, which is resting on Stiles desk chair. He's obviously ready to leave. Stiles can't help himself when he suggests otherwise. 

"You could stay." Stiles tells him. But he doesn't push. "If you wanted to." 

"Your dad-" 

"Won't be home until morning." Stiles shrugs. 

Derek debates with himself for a while before he finally nods his head. He puts his jacket back down and sits on Stiles bed. Stiles smiles at him and scoots up to sit against his headboard. He pulls Derek toward him and lays a wet kiss on him. 

"Not tonight." Derek protests. 

And Stiles pouts a little bit then realizes how tired he is. He is still severely wounded and Derek's just being considerate about how he feels. Not taking advantage of him. Like a gentleman. Like a _boyfriend_. 

"Are we okay?" Stiles asks. He needs to know. It was awkward before. He didn't like the awkwardness. He liked being comfortable around Derek. Lately, the wolf-man was the only one he could feel that way around. 

"Yeah, Stiles. We're okay." He nods. And that's the end of that. 

He suggests watching a movie and they get ten minutes into it before Stiles is out of the game. 

He then of course, wakes up alone.

 

* * *

 

He feels better after that eventually. He gets texts from Derek sometimes so he knows that at some point, the werewolf snatched his phone and added his number in there. He put it in as Derek Hale so of course Stiles has to change it. He settles on _Sourwolf_. 

He goes to school like a normal teenager and it takes everything in him to forget about the night Derek patched him up and took care of him. Another death happens that they can do nothing about. It’s too public for any of them to search the crime scene. Stiles knows this _Darach_ person is moving on to healers now. 

“We’re thinking about sparring this weekend.” Scott tells him the day after they found the new victim. He doesn’t know what this means for the pack. Is Scott scared? 

“Sparring?” Stiles asks. What good is that going to do for him? His choice weapon is a metal bat. That’s what he brings to a fight. He’s pretty much defenseless without it. And he's still healing from the previous outing with the rogue pack. He won't be able to accomplish anything. 

“Yeah we were thinking at the old Hale property. I’ve been talking to Derek and he thinks it would be good for all of us. To get ready.” Scott clues him in. Honestly, it’s not a terrible idea especially to get ready for whatever is happening. That’s something Stiles hates. The not knowing.

“Okay.” He agrees. He has to be there, at least. Just for support. “Sounds like a plan.” 

Both packs meet at the Hale house at noon that next Saturday. Derek and he arrive separately even though they had been together a few hours before. Which probably wasn’t a good idea because Stiles was already tired. He could probably just get out of fighting someone by batting his eyelashes at Derek. That sounded like a well thought-out plan. 

Scott shows up with Allison on his motorcycle. She has her bow strewn across her back with some arrows of all different kinds. Stiles would never want to mess with an archery goddess like her. Scott though, he just greeted him and Derek with a dopey smile. That’s when Stiles knew that he could never see Scott lasting in a fight unless it was absolutely necessary to defeat his enemy. 

Lydia and Jackson show up in Jackson’s Porsche soon after. Jackson looks irritated to be there, as usual. Stiles honestly thinks the only reason Jackson is even in Scott’s pack is so he isn’t an omega. Lydia smiles at him and gives him a look like she knows exactly what he’s been hiding from all of them for the past month and a half. She’s always been way too intuitive. 

Cora has Isaac, Boyd, and Erica crammed into her car. It’s not a surprise considering they’re all in Derek’s pack. Well, Isaac’s still on the fence but pretty much all of them associate with Derek. The leather jackets don’t get past Stiles either. He wants to laugh and cringe at the same time because they’re all matching. 

Derek avoids him like the plague after that. Stiles isn’t surprised. They’re supposed to be acting like nothing has changed between the two of them. Which is kind of hard when so much has. He really wonders if the packs can tell. Or if they can smell it on them. Derek had to have taught them how to use their noses by now. 

He stays on the sidelines with most of the pack while two people fight. They start out with Jackson and Scott. It’s both hilarious and scary to watch the whole thing. Derek tells them to act like they’re in a real fight but not so much that they kill each other. Scott gets his ass kicked for a while because of the knack he has for not hurting others. But once he’s knocked on his ass for the third time, he’s had enough of it. 

He goes at Jackson with all he has. In two minutes tops, Scott is winning by a landslide. The amount of blood that is spilling from both the wolves is enough to make Stiles feel like vomiting. He watches for a little longer before having to escape to the woods to find peace in what is currently going on. 

He's on the borders of a panic attack. He doesn't want to worry anyone so he tries his best to calm himself before he can't breathe. Even though he already feels like he's gasping for air. This never used to happen like this. He never felt so weak when this was all happening. But now... 

He thinks he sits there for at least ten minutes before he’s interrupted from his silent meditation. He needed to talk himself out panicking. Things wouldn’t get this bad where they would need to tear people to shreds. He wouldn’t let it happen. Scary stuff had happened before and they'd dealt with it, even if it was a little gruesome. 

“Isaac and Boyd are fighting right now.” Derek tells him. 

“I know I should have stuck around for that, gotten some tips or… whatever.” Stiles is hesitant to continue. He doesn’t want to tell Derek that he’s not ready to deal with this. He’s not prepared to die for this cause. He certainly doesn’t want to tell Derek how weak he feels. 

“It’s not for everyone.” Derek tells him, choosing to sit on the log Stiles had taken to. 

Stiles doesn’t know how he does it. Derek has been through so much more than he has and he is still fighting. Stiles wonders why Derek decided to stay in Beacon Hills. He could have left as soon as he buried Laura. Stiles wants to ask but he doesn’t know if Derek would give him a straight answer. He looks over at the estranged alpha and knows he shouldn’t ask. 

Derek has this hard look on his face and Stiles thinks he’s deep in thought. Or maybe he’s just shielding himself, getting himself ready for something he feels like he’s about to be asked. Stiles can’t imagine becoming like that. He’s such a loud and obnoxious person. People would know how he was affected by all this if he just stopped talking. 

Because of this, Stiles wonders what Derek was like before the fire. Before everything really. He wonders if Derek was a shy person or if he was loud like Stiles. Did Cora notice the change in him? Would she ever tell him what things were like for them before? He’s afraid to ask Derek. 

He gets up, not acknowledging Derek any further and gets back to the group. Scott’s fine. Jackson is still healing up a little. Boyd and Isaac are still in mid battle. It’s obvious Boyd has the upper hand and just needs to make a few more skilled attacks to win. It’s a lot less bloody than Scott and Jackson's fight was. Stiles thinks that’s because Jackson is a cocky asshole. 

He watches them, because this time he feels like he can. And then he watches Allison, Cora, and Erica get ready for a two on one match. Scott is confident that Allison will have no problem beating both of the super-humans. Isaac lost to Boyd but they help each other up and start healing as soon as they catch their breaths. 

Derek comes up behind him and walks right past him to talk to Boyd who is still pretty happy about winning. Derek doesn’t seem to care about how Boyd is feeling. Stiles thinks he’s telling him ways he can be better. Because there’s nothing less than perfection in Derek’s eyes. 

“Stiles.” Lydia greets, sidling up to him with her beautiful strawberry-blonde locks bouncing up and down as she walks. She is still the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen. But he looks at her more as a friend now. He has to, anyway. 

“Lydia.” He raises an eyebrow in question. She just smirks at him. Like she has this whole evil plot in mind because she’s at least sixty percent evil. The other forty percent probably is half-and-half with gorgeous and smart. 

“I want to go somewhere.” She tells him, eyeing him subtly like she wants something from him. _Evil_. 

“Okay.” He says slowly, drawing out the A in the word, because surely she can’t mean she wants to go somewhere alone with him. Or maybe that’s exactly what she wants. 

“Come on.” She sighs. “We need to talk.” 

She easily steals him away from everyone and forces him to drive away in his jeep with her in the passenger seat. She kind of scares him so he goes along with whatever she has planned for the two of them. He's kind of grateful she got them out of having to stay to watch anyone else fight. 

Sadly, he still feels like the weakest person in both packs. Even weaker than Lydia. Because she's a badass banshee that can totally kick ass. She doesn't need protecting from anyone, even though she gets it from Jackson. That just makes him feel even worse. 

Lydia makes him drive to this little diner he hasn't been in since he was a kid. His mom used to take him to that exact diner before she died. It became the reason he didn't venture out to places she used to love. Because she couldn't enjoy them anymore. 

Lydia orders them both a plate of fries to share and then just stares at him after the waitress has left. Her glare has always been intimidating from a distance, but up close it's menacing. He has to look away and search for something else to pay attention to because she is scary when she wants something. 

"I know what's going on, Stiles." She tells him. She's surprisingly calm about it and he almost hears sympathy in her voice. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lydia.” He says pointedly. He wants her to get the idea that he doesn’t really want to talk about. And she’s making him nervous. How much does she know exactly? Does she know that Derek and him are sleeping together? 

“You don’t have to talk about it. I just wanted you to know I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.” 

“I used to be in love with you.” He tells her. They both know, but he just has to say it out loud for once. He needs to say that he’s moved on, at least. 

“I know.” She nods, he thinks she's almost smiling at the thought of it. “But that isn’t the case anymore.” 

“Do you love Jackson?” Stiles asks. 

He wonders if she’s happy. She deserves happiness. If Jackson isn’t giving her all that she needs than he definitely doesn’t deserve her. He’s always believed Lydia deserved so much more than Beacon Hills gave her. He could guarantee that she would be the first to get out of here by the time of graduation. He wanted to get there with her. 

She doesn’t talk for a while. He thinks she’s analyzing her answer, to make sure he understands. Maybe he won’t understand what she sees in Jackson. He’s an asshole and that’s all Stiles has ever seen in him. Other than his looks, he doesn’t see what he brings to he and Lydia’s relationship. 

“If I tell you yes, I don’t think you’ll understand why.” She finally tells him. Exactly what he was thinking. They always did have some sort of a connection. They were both insanely smart and clever. Stiles never did understand why he wasn’t good enough for her. He always believed he would be perfect for her, no matter how much of opposites they were.

That’s also all she gives him for awhile. Stiles believes she needs to come up with an answer that even she will understand. There food comes and they eat in silence. It’s like the past conversation is still on the borders of being the topic still but Lydia is trying to forget about it. Trying to make Stiles forget about it. 

“I know he’s an obnoxious asshole. I know most people think of him that way. When we first started dating, I only dated him because I knew what kind of person he could make me. I was okay with changing who I was to be with someone like that.” She begins. “Then when we got into the supernatural world and he became the kanima, things changed. We did break up but that’s because he thought all he needed in the world was power.” 

“Like Derek.” Stiles mumbles. She notices his little input. She bats her eyelashes knowingly. 

“I don’t know when we both realized that we depended on each other in a way that most people don’t. I don’t think the way we love each other is normal, I don’t think it ever will be. But I’m okay with that. Not every relationship is perfect. And by the time I realized that, I came to terms with us.” She says softly. “I don’t know if I’ll be with him for the rest of my life, but for right now I like where I’m at. You don’t have to understand it.” 

“I think I do.” Stiles admits. “I just hope he makes you happy. I hope anyone in your future makes you happy.” 

“Stiles,” She purses her lips and smiles. “I know you loved me. God knows why, but you did. And I needed the attention you gave me even if you felt like I was just using you. You gave me a reason to show people who I was. Without you, I think I may have drowned in my problems.” 

“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” Stiles laughs, smiling back at her. “I’ve waited years to hear something like that from you and now… I’m just really glad you’re my friend.” 

“Me too.” She says gently. He thinks he loves her, then. Not in the way he used to but he still feels it. When you love someone, it doesn’t just go away. His love for her will probably always have an effect on him because she was his first. But he’s happy he figured out what he really wanted before something changed their entire relationship.

He’s happy in that moment, until he remembers life outside this little bubble of relief Lydia has provided. He physically feels the color drain from his face, but he tries to put a fake smile on when she continues to talk to him. He’s not really in on the conversation at this point. 

She notices. Of course she does and he shouldn’t expect anything less. Lydia Martin, _Queen of Deduction_. She doesn’t say anything at first. He thinks she’d rather he start the conversation this time. Which is why he’s grateful for her because he doesn’t know how to tell someone he used to worship so much that he feels so weak. 

“There’s something else, isn’t there.” She sighs. _There’s always something else_. unspoken words between the two of them. Between their whole rag-tag team of misfit supernaturals. And because she knows him, she knows what it’s all about. “It’s the fighting  today. Something really hit a soft spot there.” 

He looks down and clasps his hands together on the table in front of them. He can feel himself start to sweat. She’s not threatening him to talk and he’s happy about that but he can tell she’s waiting. She wants to help but he doesn’t know how anyone could help him be stronger. 

"When my mom died, I saw how real death was." He looks up at her. She's paying so much attention to him and he hates to be under her watchful gaze. She'll see right through the cracks. "And for a while there I was numb to it. I thought, nothing could be worse than losing my mom. But as we keep getting deeper into this... I don't think I can do it anymore." 

"What, be in the pack?" 

"I guess that's part of it." Stiles nods. "It's getting so hard to see all this death and blood. I don't want to lose anyone else I care about, or be around to see it happen. What if I'm part of someone's downfall? What if my dad-" 

"You can't think like that." Lydia interrupts. "Not right now, at least. You can leave. We all know not everyone is going to stick around for college. I've got a full ride to MIT."

"Really?" Stiles asks, though he's really not surprised. She probably even got early admittance. She is the smartest person he knows. She already made her plan to get out of this town, unlike him.

"If you want to leave, there's nothing stopping you." She tells him. Though they both know that's not true. His dad is stopping him. Scott is definitely stopping him. He can't give up on his best friend. And most of all, even if he doesn't know he's doing it, Derek's stopping him. 

"It's not just wanting to leave." Stiles says. The reason he was so freaked out before was because he would probably be the reason they got themselves all killed. They would protect him because he's the weakest link. "I'm not strong enough. I'm not fast enough. I don't have powers. Im useless Lydia. And I will be their downfall." 

"You think I have all of this figured out? I'm still coming to terms with being a _banshee_." She says it quietly, like she still can't believe it. Like it hurts to say. "I'm not strong." 

"You're one of the strongest people I know." Stiles laughs in disbelief. "I wanted to stay out of everything when they were going to get themselves killed with Gerard. But you begged me to take you to them, so you could help. I was the one who wanted to give up. Who wanted you safe. You got right in the middle of the battle, Lyds. And you didn't even know if it would work."

"You're like that too, Stiles." She shakes her head, taking his hand from across the table. And there's no spark. Nothing. He doesn't feel that way anymore. But he listens to her because she gives him such a serious look. She cares so deeply for him even if he doesn't want to believe it. "If you need help, ask for it." 

She pays their bill after that and he takes her home because neither of them want to go back to the Hale property. The place that still gave Stiles nightmares. Maybe even Lydia when she brought Peter back from the dead. He drives home and thinks about what they talked about at the diner. 

Her words ring in his head like tiny bells. They are telling him what to do. _Ask for help_. It's as simple as that but easier said than done. He's not one to ask for help because he survived on his own for the longest time. Without Derek and Lydia and everyone else. 

He sleeps on it. He already knows the best way to deal with this but he needs to figure out his approach. There's no saying how it will go. He knows asking someone for help would be pointless. They could turn him down. Or worse, tell him he didn't need to fight. That his skills were unwanted. 

He'd figure it out though. Lydia would help him figure it out.

 

* * *

 

He decides to go to Derek's in the morning. His dad still isn't back from his shift and he feels so lonely in the house. He puts on some sweats and a t-shirt that’s probably a little more unclean than the rest in his room. Derek can see him when he’s at his worst, he doesn’t have to like it. 

He fills up the tank of gas in the jeep before he heads over there. While he’s at the gas station he heads inside and grabs a couple bottles of water and a granola bar. He feels like he should get as much energy in him as he can. 

Which is what brings him to going to this little coffee shop that’s only a few minutes away from Derek’s. As to not be rude, he buys Derek a coffee as well. Just black because he’s sure that’s how the alpha drinks it. He needs to add about ten packets of sugar to his before he’s able to drink it. He hates the bitter taste but it does wonders to wake him up. He kind of feels bad that Derek will have to deal with him with coffee in his system. 

He doesn’t even knock when he gets to Derek’s. The door is already open like the company was expected. Derek’s chilling on his rugged couch and he’s halfway through one of the books Stiles told him to read. He knows Stiles is there but doesn’t close the book till he finishes the page. 

“I brought coffee.” He smiles, handing Derek the scalding cup. 

“Thanks.” Derek says, taking the cup graciously while Stiles takes a seat next to him. He kisses him on the cheek since his lips are occupied by the cup of coffee he’s currently taking a sip of.

Stiles picks up the book that Derek had set down. Fahrenheit 451. He always liked that one. He’s a little surprised Derek listened to his suggestions. Well, he had seemed interested when Stiles was giving him a detailed summary of the entire novel one night when he wasn’t sure what to say. He always tended to babble about nonsense after sex anyway. 

“Are you alright?” Derek asks, wrapping an arm around Stiles’ shoulder, pulling him closer. 

“Of course.” Stiles nods. It’s a lie but he doesn’t really want to talk about it yet. And he knows that Derek knows it’s a lie because of the skip in his heartbeat. But Derek’s the kind of guy that doesn’t press about these things. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday. Was it too much to ask you to be there?” Derek asks, nuzzling Stiles’ neck. Scenting him. 

“No.” Stiles says. It’s half true. He should have known that he wouldn’t have been able to handle it. 

They're quiet for a while and Stiles can’t stand the calmness of everything. People are dying. People he cares about could die and he wants to protect them. He wants to protect his dad from all of this. Even though protecting him from the supernatural world could result in worse things than death. 

“Teach me how to fight.” Stiles demands. 

“Stiles, you’re still healing.” Derek argues. “You could bust your stitches.”

“Please Derek.” The desperation in his voice is enough to make Derek nod in agreement. Derek moves some of the furniture out of the way so they have enough room to practice. He watches Derek slip out of his henley and change into some sweatpants like Stiles. 

Stiles chooses to keep his clothes on. He still doesn’t like the way he looks when Derek’s eyes are on him. There’s also that added bonus of the new scars on his chest. He looks disgustingly human and Derek’s perfect physique kind of terrifies him. 

Derek approaches him and stands close enough that he can feel his breath on his face. Stiles isn’t sure what he’s doing but he’s close enough to kiss and Stiles wants to. He really wants to. He gazes into Derek’s eyes and wants him so badly. 

And they’re millimeters away from kissing when Derek practically body slams him on the floor and pins him down by both his arms. He’s so out of breath that he almost cringes at the fact that he’s so out of shape. He stares at Derek with wide eyes and Derek just stares back with that one seriously broody expression. 

“Don’t let your opponent distract you.” He tells him lowly. 

Stiles wants to hit himself in the face because of course that was the first lesson. And fighting with Derek would probably be the worst because he’d probably always get distracted. He had a stupidly attractive face and a perfectly sculpted body. This would not end well. 

Derek lets go of him and holds a hand out to help him up. He’s hesitant about taking it at first. It could be one of those tricks were he just slams him back down but Derek looks pretty insistent. He takes Derek’s hand and Derek helps him back up. 

He backs up a little and starts talking about the best punching methods. Stiles gets distracted again for a little bit but then realizes how serious this is. Derek goes easy on him until he gets the hang of things. 

He breaks into a sweat when Derek makes them practice every thing he taught him. He’s going easy on Stiles by not using his wolf side to make himself more powerful. Stiles feels exhausted already though. And a sweaty Derek makes his mind go to other places. 

Lately, they haven’t exactly had time to do anything other than make out. Cora and Isaac are usually around or they’re dealing with more pack stuff. The whole Darach thing is also definitely taking up a lot of time. Stiles is very sexually frustrated and Derek looking like that did not help his cause.

Suddenly he has Derek right where he wants him. Well, he is on the ground being trapped by Derek once again but he’s not complaining. He brings their lips together in a sloppy and very wet kiss. Derek is a little confused but finally gives in to the temptation. Which is exactly what Stiles wants. 

He uses all the strength he has left and flips Derek over so he is on top of him, trapping him in the exact position he was in only moments before. Derek is more than a little surprised, but he doesn’t try to fight it. 

“Don’t let your opponent distract you.” Stiles smirks, leaning down to lick a stripe across Derek’s stomach and up his chest. 

“Stiles.” He whines, bucking his hips up a little. Stiles can see that Derek is struggling to stay in control of himself. He knows that he’s more than a little interested at this point. Stiles grin grows wider. 

“I want to try something new.” Stiles tells him, sucking one of Derek’s nipples into his mouth. 

“We shouldn’t do this here. Cora and Isaac-“ 

“It’s more exciting this way.” Stiles shakes his head bringing Derek’s head towards him so he can kiss him. “Let me ride you.” 

“ _Stiles_.” He groans. They should be practicing more. Fighting didn’t just come to you, you had to learn. But Stiles needed this. He needed the break. 

He peels off his t-shirt that is sticking to his skin from the sweat. He tosses it aside and starts mouthing at Derek’s neck. Derek obviously doesn’t know what to do. Stiles thinks he’s still in shock. 

His muscles start functioning again eventually and he rubs his hands all over Stiles body. He likes Stiles’ lips the most and Stiles doesn’t mind when Derek gets distracted with kissing him when there are more pressing issues to be dealt with.

And Derek knows he’s impatient so he shoves Stiles off of him and goes to the table by the couch a pulls out a condom and lube. Derek is obviously prepared for anything. Even having sex in his living room. They could do this on the couch but Stiles is content with his position on the floor. 

Derek sets their utensils to the side and strips the rest of his clothes, encouraging Stiles to do the same. Because Stiles is in the mood for it, he quickly does as asked without any regrets. He’s a little bit more comfortable with Derek eyeing him down like he is in that moment. 

Stiles claims his rightful position on top of Derek and lets the alpha work him open. He uses a lot more lube than usual but Stiles isn’t complaining. Derek’s fingers feel easy going inside him and it feels even better when he crooks them so they hit his sweet spot.

“Auh.” Stiles whines. He wants Derek inside him so bad. Derek knows the signs by now and quickly takes his fingers out of Stiles. He puts the condom on effortlessly and lets Stiles take control from there.

“You sure you want to do this?” Derek asks.

“Yes.” Stiles nods, kissing Derek before guiding himself so he was sitting firmly on Derek’s cock. 

It felt unusual but not a bad unusual. He wasn’t sure how to start. Well, he did. He watched enough porn to know what happens next but he just couldn’t get himself to move. He felt a little in shock and Derek knew it too. 

Derek took his hands and guided them so Stiles was holding him down. Stiles gulped. Afraid that he would mess this up. Derek was the one who dominated over him, always. The fact that Derek was submitting to him was a really new thing. 

The first thing he did was pick up his hips and lift himself off of Derek’s dick. Immediately he sank back down in a slow manner. It burned, but in a good way. He got the hang of it after a while and Derek didn’t even interrupt him from figuring it out.

The whole experience was really new and Stiles enjoyed it. He liked being in control. Even better, he liked Derek following him, falling apart for him. It was a change of pace for the both of them and Stiles was excited to try it again.

After they both reached the peaks of their orgasms Stiles pulled off of Derek and collapsed next to him, still out of breath. He started laughing and looked at Derek with a huge grin on his face. 

“I so want to do that again.” He said. 

“Me too.” Derek agreed and pulled Stiles into an out-of-breath kiss. 

So they get into a routine. Stiles comes by Derek's most afternoons right after school to train. He gets a whole lot better at fighting. He's happier. He can actually defend himself a little. And their sessions don't always end in sex, especially when Isaac and Cora are around. But when they do, things get pretty hot. 

Derek helps him practice using his baseball bat to a better advantage. Especially against supernatural creatures. Stiles starts feeling stronger after the next couple weeks. And he's healed up nicely since Derek had to stitch him up. 

Scott mentions sparring again and Stiles is actually interested in trying out his skills. Derek's obviously hesitant but doesn't try and talk Stiles out of it. The plan is to spar at the Hale house again on Saturday morning. Stiles finds himself being anxious for the day to come. 

He wants to get his energy out somehow. He thinks running would be good but the cold November air does not agree with him. He ops for lifting weights during free periods instead. Scott thinks he's been acting weird. He probably has. 

He feels weird. He's not sure if it's a good or bad weird yet. He feels really anxious all the time and he's kind of having mood swings. Sometimes he can be really happy but then the happiness turns to anger just as quickly as it came. He hopes that sparring gives him some kind of release for all that energy. 

He takes more adderall than he ever has since he found out he had ADHD. He doesn't want to scare his father into thinking he's gotten addicted so he gets himself a new bottle. It wasn't easy getting Melissa to write him a new prescription, especially when he lied and said he lost his bottle. He's pretty sure she didn't believe him, but did it anyway. 

It gets to be Friday night quicker than he expected. He goes to Derek's obviously to train one last time before he has to show everyone how good he can fight. That he is a vital member of their team. 

Derek actually isn't expecting him. He's in a too tight t-shirt and jeans that shape his ass perfectly. He wants to pounce at him but also remain calm at the same time. He chooses the latter. Derek lets him in regardless of the reason he's there. 

"Are we going to fight?" Stiles asks. 

"If we train too much you're going to be worn out for tomorrow." Derek sighs.

 "Derek, I have way too much energy right now and no amount of adderall is going to save me from it." Stiles says, wide eyes trained on the baseball bat in his hands. 

"Okay." Derek nods. He doesn't even go change. He stays in his normal clothes and goes up against Stiles for a few rounds. 

Stiles is kicking his ass. He wants to believe Derek isn't going easy on him but he knows he probably is. He's got Derek pinned to the floor for like the third time when the front door is being slid open. 

He doesn't expect Isaac and Cora to catch them in the position they're in. So when they do, he doesn't really know what to do with himself. He stays on top of Derek, practically straddling him. 

"What are you doing?" Cora asks. She looks kind of weirded out. Like she's catching her sibling in a compromising position. 

"Sparring." Derek tells them, pushing Stiles up on his feet and away from him. 

"I was winning." Stiles chokes on nothing. Maybe he's choking on all the awkwardness. 

"We'll let you get back to that." Isaac says, pulling Cora upstairs with him. Stiles thinks they know. Know about him and Derek being more than just fighting partners.

“We should take a break.” Derek tells him, going to the kitchen for a bottle of water. Stiles follows him. They both down the whole bottle before they even consider talking to each other. 

Stiles tells Derek he should probably leave considering the fact that Cora and Isaac are around. Derek tells him he can stay but he politely declines. He thinks Derek would be concerned about him if he told him he still had a ton of energy buzzy inside him and needed to release more steam. 

He leaves Derek’s and parks the jeep at home before going on a run through the woods. He knows it’s probably a bad idea, especially so late at night but he feels like he’s ready to explode because he can’t relax. He stays out for almost two hours before realizing he’s a little lost. And it’s freezing out and he’s only in sweatpants and a thin t-shirt. He suddenly hates his life. 

He calls Scott to come find him and eventually ends up spending the night at the McCall’s. Scott looks at him like he’s an alien. He’s been looking at him like that for a couple weeks. Stiles can tell that he wants to be blunt and ask what’s going on with him but that’s just not a Scott thing to do. 

Scott doesn’t ask him any questions but Stiles repeatedly tells him he’s fine. He just needed to go for a run. It should have helped. But it did nothing for him. He was starting to worry himself because he had no idea what was going on. He willed himself to sleep and eventually he did.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up on Scott’s floor with an extremely bad migraine. He rubs at his temples before sitting up and looking around the room. Scott needs to clean his room desperately. It smells and looks like the boy's locker room. He doesn’t understand how he even gets Allison to enter past the threshold of the door. 

He gets up off the ground and smacks Scott awake with a pillow. Scott’s not even startled, he just smacks Stiles back and cuddles further under the blankets. Stiles has a deep envy for him in that moment. He’s still so tired and the new pounding in his head isn’t helping at all. 

He decides to jump in the shower in Scott’s in-suite bathroom. It’s really hot, almost scalding when he gets in. It’s calming though. It’s the calmest he’s felt in days, even with the headache. He’s content for a while until Scott starts pounding on the door telling him not to use up all the hot water. 

Since he’s an asshole he uses up the rest of the hot water and lets Scott deal with it. He can consider it payback for all the times Scott talked excessively about him and Allison’s love life. That deserved more than just using up the hot water. 

Stiles finds a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he'd left in Scott's room from weeks prior. It doesn't smell horrible so he puts them on a scours Scott's room for a sweatshirt since it's kind of cold outside. He's unsuccessful in his search but Scott comes out of the bathroom and tells him he can borrow one of his. 

Scott's dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. Werewolves are just naturally warm so the impending winter weather on it's way didn't really bother them. But it bothered Stiles. So he used Scott as a personal body warmer by sticking close to him. 

They ride to the Hale house in Stiles' jeep and he feels bad about driving because the headache has not gone away. It's kind of taking away all concentration that should be aimed at the road. He thinks Scott is tense because he's tense, but his idiot best friend doesn't say anything because he know Stiles won't talk if he asked.

"What?" Stiles asks, because when he glances over at Scott, he has this weird look on his face.

"What do you mean _what_?" Scott asks in return. He's trying to play it off as nothing as he looks out the passenger side window. He wants to drop the conversation, senses it'll probably make Stiles mad. 

"What's that look on your face?" Stiles asks. When Scott looks over at him Stiles air-traces a few circles around his face, giving him a narrowed look. 

"Nothing." Scott says reluctantly. Definitely not what he wanted to say. 

"Spit it out." Stiles groans. He's not helping anyone. 

"You're just... really pale." Scott finally admits. "It's kind of scaring me." 

"I'm fine." Stiles tells him firmly. There's nothing wrong with him. Other than the headache and now the feeling of human combustion, he's totally fine. Okay, that's a total lie but he's not going to admit that. 

Scott doesn't press for more. They become silent in the already too quiet vehicle. Stiles' radio is busted, just like every other part of the death machine he's driving. He already hates the silence so much because it leaves Scott to worry about him when he doesn't know how to admit how he's really feeling. 

When they pull up to the Hale house, no one's there. It's surprising because Derek's usually the first to arrive anywhere. Especially when the whole pack meets up. He turns the jeep off and follows Scott to the burned shell that is the remaining bit of the Hale house. 

"Are you okay, Scott?" Stiles suddenly asks. Because he's been so concerned about himself that he hasn't even asked his best friend. And Scott has shown behavior that doesn't depict him as alright. 

"I guess." Scott nods, not looking at him. They go to the front porch of the house and just sit in silence. He waits for Scott to continue, even if it's likely he won't. 

"I don't know how you deal with it." Stiles suddenly laughs. He's laughing because where they are is so unbelievable to him. He never thought he'd be part of a pack of supernatural creatures, sitting on the front steps of a house that held so many memories and bad dreams. 

"I'm an alpha." Scott shrugs. There's the unspoken _I have to deal with it_. And Stiles feels like all the burdens on his shoulders are nothing compared to Scott's. If he loses someone, if someone dies, it's on him. He'll feel that loss. 

"I want to go back sometimes." Stiles tells him, looking over to Scott to see that he's staring back at him. "This is all my fault." 

"No it's not." Scott narrows his eyebrows together like he's confused as to why Stiles would say such a thing. But it's true. Even if Scott won't believe it. He's thought about it countless times before. 

"I dragged you into this mess. If it wasn't for me and my stupid obsession with criminology-" 

"Hey," Scott stops him, laying a hand on his shoulder. He squeezes it. Letting Stiles know he's serious. "I was as much of a part of it as you were. It's not even about fault anymore, Stiles." 

"I wish I could believe that." Stiles sighs, clapping a hand on Scott's knee. "But it's so much more complicated these days." 

"I know." Scott nods in agreement. "But we'll get through it. We always do."

And because Scott says it, he wants to will himself to believe it. Because this far, they have survived. But sometimes he doesn't know how and that scares him. Everything scares him these days. He just wants a quick fix. And yeah, they have gotten through things, but they're all different people now because of those things. 

He's not the same Stiles he was when this all started. He was dorky and spastic and clumsy. He can't even seem to remember that part of himself. He's changed so much. Everyone has. Especially the ones who aren't even human anymore. And that's one thing he knows is his constant. 

He's human. 

Derek shows up shortly after Scott and Stiles' heart-to-heart. He finds them still sitting on the steps of his old home. They don't speak, just acknowledge each other in small head tilts. Derek's language. 

Derek heads inside for unknown reasons and Scott leaves him to see Allison who is slowly approaching in her car. That leaves Stiles alone again, so he goes inside to see Derek. They hadn't talked since he left the loft last night and things were a little awkward then. 

He finds Derek sitting on a charred couch that's surprisingly still standing even with Derek's weight on it. He approaches him slowly and waits to see if Derek would start talking first. But Derek just sits and he just watches and it feels like they're playing a goddamn game. Stiles is sick of it. 

"It's not a good day." Derek tells him. It sounds like a _fuck you_ to everything. Which is why it resonates with Stiles. Because lately, every day has not been a good one. 

He wants to know the story. Why it's not a good day for Derek. He knows it's not the date of the fire. It's not the date of Laura's death. No anniversaries as far as he's concerned. But Derek just looks like shit and he feels bad about it. Because he cares. 

"I scared Isaac and Cora this morning." Derek tells him. "I pulled a gun out on them. I don't even know where the gun came from. But it felt like it wasn't real. I was so scared. It didn't feel like a dream." 

"It's okay." Stiles tells him, walking closer to him. Crouching into a squat so Derek will look at him rather than the floor. "This is real." 

Derek nods. Takes Stiles hand and just strokes it with his thumb. He gives him a little reassuring smile. He knows it's real. He knows Stiles is real. Stiles is suddenly happy in that moment. And he feels something he can't describe. 

He has to look away from Derek because if he didn't, he would say something he would regret. This thing between them wasn't meant to be more than just a thing. The indescribable feelings had to stop.

He wants to walk away. Forget the conversation with Derek even happened. But Derek looks so relieved that he's there, so he doesn't move. He lets Derek scoot forward and kiss him sweetly. Not too intense. It's like a promise, when he knows it's not.

"You look really pale." Derek mentions, their faces way too close for comfort. But Stiles doesn't move away, and neither does Derek. 

"I feel like shit." Stiles admits. He doesn't know why, it just comes out of his mouth. He couldn't even tell Scott. 

"Maybe you should sit this one out." Derek suggests. But he doesn't press too much about. He's trying to give Stiles an option and that makes him smile. 

"I'll be okay. I want to do this." Stiles tells him. 

So they go outside together. Nobody pays attention to them. The pack is all busy talking to each other or canoodling with each other. Stiles wishes he could canoodle with Derek. And that scares him a little because _canoodle_ should not even be a word in his head. He shakes it off. 

Scott and Isaac go against each other first. Stiles kind of wants to fight Jackson now. He's the only person he doesn't feel bad about beating to a pulp. So he eyes Jackson the whole time, watching him get ready to fight. 

Derek comes up behind him and just stands there. He wants to say something. Like maybe taking on someone who doesn't care that you're human is a bad idea. Well everyone could deal with it, Stiles wanted to kick some ass. 

He's not letting it show but the headache he woke up with has gotten worse. He tries to calm down but he's clenching his fists together and nothing is helping. There's suddenly a hand at his lower back and it feels like the pain is being seeped out of him. 

He looks back to see Derek staring ahead at the fight going on. Like nothing is happening between the two of them. Derek is taking his pain away so casually that no one else even notices what is going on. 

"How'd you know?" Stiles whispers. _About the pain._  

"I can smell your pain." He mutters back. 

"Oh." Stiles nods. He feels slightly better but then Derek removes his hand and the pain comes shooting back. He ignores it and grabs his bat. 

Scott has just defeated Isaac. Defeated isn't really the best word for it. Scott and Isaac fight like puppies. That's literally the best way to describe it. The fight was nothing like Scott's past match with Jackson.

He goes into the open area they've now designated for sparring. He calls Jackson over and the guy looks so friggin cocky. Like there is no way Stiles can take him in any fight. Little does he know that Stiles has been practicing. 

Derek tells Jackson to take it easy on Stiles because it is just a friendly match. Stiles thinks Jackson's definition of friendly will be a lot different than Scott's. Jackson looks ready to destroy him yet, Stiles actually isn't that terrified of him. A few weeks ago maybe, but not now. 

Jackson thinks he has the upper hand when he knocks Stiles down first. Stiles doesn't even have to swing at him. The wolf is definitely playing dirty. But Stiles won't let it affect him. He'll win, fair and square. 

He picks himself off the ground a clenches onto his bat tighter. Jackson comes at him again but he ducks from the punch and gets behind him. He hits him in the back with the butt of bat. Jackson doesn't go to the ground but it knocks the air out of him a little. 

He's angry, Stiles can see that. He's making him look bad and Jackson can't have that. Not in front of Lydia. Not even his alpha, Scott. He goes back at Stiles and rips the bat from his grasps. Stiles is prepared for something like this to happen. 

Jackson has his claws out at first but Derek shouts at him to put them away. They fight like humans. It's a little like a boxing match at first. They're just punching and blocking each other. Stiles feels like this is the exact outlet he's been needing. 

He gets his bat back while Jackson's distracted and he whacks him in the leg. Jackson tumbles to the ground and growls at Stiles, suddenly wolfing out. Stiles can't help but smirk. He pins Jackson to the ground by his bat and Jackson just stays their, completely out of breath. 

He's backing away when his headache suddenly comes back to him. The wind is knocked out of him and he's gripping onto a tree to keep himself upright. His vision gets blurry and his hearing starts going in and out. He can hear someone shouting his name. 

His legs give out and he's on his hands and knees in seconds. He can't breathe. He's not panicking. Something is just happening to him and he doesn't know how to control himself. He thinks he sees Scott running towards him. 

His arms give out quicker than he expected them to and he falls onto his side. He thinks he blacks out. But there's these images in front of his eyelids. Flashing through his brain like a distant memory. He's scared, wants to scream, but doesn't know how. 

Then, everything darkens and he sees no more. But he comes to in the veterinarian clinic. Deaton is at his side, ruffling through some drawers. Stiles hopes that he's not trying to drug him. He already feels incredibly woozy. But no more headache, so that's a plus. 

"Nice to see you conscious, Stiles." 

"Where are the others?" Stiles asks, looking around the room. It's just him and Deaton. He's not exactly comfortable being alone with the guy. 

"I told them you could use some space. Plus, I would like to talk to you and I wasn't sure if you'd like everyone to hear what I have to say." Deaton explained. 

“Am I dying?” He asks, eyes widening. “Oh god, I’m dying.” 

“You are not dying.” Deaton rolls his eyes. “I just have a couple questions.” 

“About what?” Relief both floods through his body and his mind. But he stiffens up a few seconds later when he realizes that Deaton wants information from him. 

“I just want to try and understand what happened to you, if you’ve been experiencing strange symptoms.” Deaton explains. 

“Uh… well I’ve had a lot of energy the past couple of weeks.” Stiles scratches at his head and leans forward a little. He still sits, perched on the examination table and he kind of feels like he’s being interrogated with the bright light above him. 

“Has it been constant?” He asks. Deaton’s grabbing a notebook and pencil and jotting these things down. Almost like Stiles is one of his patients. He doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like where the conversation is going. 

He looks at Deaton, patiently waiting for his answer. So he doesn’t answer. He turns away, sits there, and just tries to figure out why Deaton wants to know. He feels like he should be talking to a real doctor about this, a human one. Not a veterinarian. 

He finally ends up answering Deaton. He tells him almost everything because once he starts, it feels too good to stop. He’s been bottling all this up and he’s been so afraid to tell someone. He doesn’t tell Deaton about how it gets more intense when he’s with Derek. Because nobody knows about their relationship except Danny and now, obviously Lydia’s been clued in. 

Deaton nods along while Stiles tells him that the energy hadn’t gone away till that morning. That morning he’d actually felt extremely tired and almost calm for a while. It was a nice break from the usual routine of not being able to sleep through the night. 

“Any other weird symptoms you’ve been having?” Deaton asks.

“I had a headache this morning.” Stiles shrugged. 

“I figured you might.” Deaton nods and Stiles hates that he’s being cryptic when it’s his life they're talking about. 

He wants to ask what he means by that but doesn’t. Deaton still kind of creeps him out and if it wasn’t for all the help he’d been giving them, he’d kind of suspect that he was behind the recent killings. What did they really know about the so called vet? 

Deaton eyes him curiously and he starts to curl into himself. He hunches his shoulders and looks at the floor. Deaton thinks he has him all figured out, but he doesn’t. Stiles could be a surprise to people who didn’t know all his secrets. Deaton didn’t know everything, no one did.

“What did you see Stiles?” He suddenly asks. 

The words go right to his core. Triggering the memory to come back to the front of his brain. He winces visibly and rubs the back of his neck with the palm of his hand. Deaton couldn’t know about that. It just happened before he blacked out. He hadn’t told anyone about it. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tries to keep his voice steady, not defensive but he fails miserably. Deaton sees right through him, almost like he can hear the blip in his heartbeat.

“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Deaton approaches him and Stiles scoots off the table and away from him. 

Something flashes across his eyes and he’s not in the clinic anymore. It’s like he’s inside his vision and he’s just stuck. He can see what’s going on around him but most of it’s blurry. There’s blood and people are dead but they don’t have faces. 

Soon enough he’s back to himself and Deaton is staring at him expectedly. Stiles backs away and stumbles just a bit. He catches himself on the edge of the counter he’s backed into. Deaton approaches him again until they are face to face. 

“I didn’t see anything.” Stiles says calmly. 

“Stiles, you’re a remarkable person.” Deaton says. “But denial does not suit you.”

“I’m human. I don’t understand why you think I’m some great-“ He stops himself there because he doesn’t know what Deaton thinks he is. And he firmly believes he’s human. He always will be. It’s his constant. 

“Like I said, you’re remarkable.” Deaton nods. “And I wouldn’t exactly call you human.” 

“I would, because I am.” He says forcefully. “I am human.” 

He storms away, not trusting himself to not do something stupid. He walks out of the clinic and shoves his hand in his pocket to grab the keys to his jeep when he realizes they aren’t there. 

“Stiles.” 

He whips around quickly to see Derek standing there, looking stupidly attractive with his car keys dangling from his fingers. He snatches them quickly realizing that Derek probably heard what happened back there. He wanted to keep this quiet. 

“You heard nothing.” Stiles tells him, turning back to where his jeep was parked, ready to get out of there. The whole day had been completely weird and he just needed space. 

“Stiles, we should talk about this.” Derek says quickly grabbing his arm, spinning him back around with his werewolf strength so they are facing each other. 

“We’re not talking about anything. There’s nothing to talk about.” Stiles shakes his head, ripping his hand out of Derek’s grasp. The alpha looks a little shocked but doesn’t try to reach out for him again. 

“But what Deaton said-“ 

“Can everybody just stay out of my business!?” Stiles exclaims. 

Derek doesn’t respond, the expression on his face almost looks pained as he looks away. Like he expected Stiles to confide in him. Well he had to think again because Stiles was so far from talking to anyone about this. He didn’t care what Deaton said, he was human and that’s how it would stay. 

“Stiles.” Derek sighs. It almost sounds like he’s begging him for something. He doesn’t know what that something is but it bugs Stiles a little. It sounds like Derek wants to say more but Stiles is fine if they just left it like that. He thinks maybe everything would be destroyed if he just walked away. 

And that’s what he does, destroy things. He still blames himself for his mother’s death. He blames himself for Scott getting turned. He blames everything they’ve gone through on himself because of that one night. They wouldn’t be a part of this world if it wasn’t for his curiosity. 

“If you trusted me, you’d let me deal with this on my own.” Stiles tells him. 

“You can’t just ignore something like this, Stiles.” Derek argues.

“You of all people should understand why I have to!” He shouts back.

“That’s a low blow.” Derek frowns and looks away. He crosses his arms against his chest and Stiles knows he’s ruining something good that they have. Honestly, he thinks it’s better this way, ending it now before it gets even worse. It was inevitable. The fact that this downfall between them would come.

“It’s not my fault that you blame yourself for every god damn thing that has happened to you, Derek.” He hisses. It is a low blow. And Stiles is being incredibly cruel but he just needs Derek to hate him. He needs everyone to be okay when he leaves, because he will and nothing will be able to hold him back. 

“And you think blaming yourself is any better?” Derek asks. And oh, that was unexpected. He didn’t think Derek would come back from that one. Damn him for actually caring. And damn him for trying to make this right between the two of them. “I get that you want to think of yourself as something normal, or at least as normal as you could be because let's face it, you’re insane even without all of this baggage on your plate. But sometimes you have to face reality here, Stiles. If you don’t face the truth now, it could come back to haunt you.” 

And Stiles thinks to himself, _I don’t have to stand here and listen to this_. But he stays because he’s a terrible person and he needs to give into something for once. If not to make himself feel better, to make other people feel better. 

“You don’t get to stand here and tell me what to do.” He argues. 

“I do if I think you’re being an idiot.” Derek nods.

“Fine. I’ll take that one.” Stiles sighs. “But just so you know, I know I’m not normal and I know that I never will be. But maybe I’d like to have a little ounce of hope for my future. Hope that maybe I can have a normal life. One with a family and a white picket fence. Somewhere far away from here. And I know I’m not the only one who wants to make it out of here. Who wants to have something like that too.”

Derek’s quiet. Stiles thinks he’s stumped him. He’s glad. He doesn’t need Derek to come back at him with more information that could potentially knock him down from where he stands. He thinks now's as good of a time as any to finally walk away. Because he doesn’t think he has anymore fighting left in him.

So he gives Derek one last meaningful look, even though the alpha is looking away like a wolf with his tail hanging between his legs. He walks past Derek but not before he can grab Stiles and not let go. Stiles can’t look back even though it pains him not to. 

Derek lets him go. And it feels final. Like whatever they were, is over. He doesn’t look back while he walks to his jeep and gets in. It’s not till he pulls up in the driveway to his house that he realizes he’s crying. 

He feels the water drip from his face and he wants to understand why he screws everything good in his life up. He sits in his car until the sadness drifts to anger. Anger mainly at himself and maybe just the world in general. He slams the door to the jeep when he gets out and he drags himself to the front porch. 

His dad’s cruiser is in the driveway so he knows he has to put on a good face in front of him. He still hates the fact that he’s hiding everything from him but he doesn’t know what else to do. Especially now. He’s lost and he doesn’t know how to find himself or the right answers.

 

* * *

 

Stiles ignores the pack for the next couple days. He’s afraid Derek’s confided in Scott about the things Deaton was saying. So during school he sits next to Greenberg instead of his friends and at lunch he eats in his jeep so no one will find him. Danny has taken up his spot in the cafeteria anyway. They don’t need him around. 

There’s a knock on his window when he’s eating in his jeep one day and he’s not surprised to see Lydia standing there. She’s expecting him to open the window and he thinks she’s expecting him to talk; something he doesn’t want to do right now. 

He rolls his window down, regardless. It’s Lydia Martin. She’d find a way to break in somehow without his consent. Plus, he couldn’t deny Lydia of anything. He still had a deep appreciation for the strawberry blonde. So he sits there while she crosses her arms and though he can’t see her whole body, he’s sure she’s tapping her foot against the cement. 

“I don’t want to talk, Lyds.” He says half-heartedly. 

“Who said anything about talking?” She asked, going around the front of his car, climbing in through the unlocked passenger side door. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Uh…” 

“Come on Stiles. Skipping class for one day won’t kill you.” She rolls her eyes, gracefully putting on her seatbelt. 

“Where to?” It stumbles out of his mouth because he’s a little shocked that perfect Lydia Martin would want to miss class at all. Maybe she’s in just as bad of a mood as he is. 

“My house first, we have to pick something up.” She tells him and he does what she wishes. He’s not about to argue with her. When she sets her mind to something, she gets her way. 

So they drive through her neighborhood and stop at her house. She runs inside quickly and comes back with a bottle of vodka and some fancy champagne that Stiles can’t pronounce the name of. She tells him he can drive wherever he wants to next. 

He chooses this spot he and Scott went to after he and Allison broke up the first time. Stiles tried his best to just help Scott get over her by getting drunk but that obviously didn’t happen. There was definitely perks of being human. Like the fact that alcohol actually worked. 

The cons of drinking though, were spilling your guts. And Stiles saw right through Lydia’s plan. But in that moment he truly didn’t care. He took the cup she poured him and just sat back against a large rock. Forgetting everything for a while couldn’t hurt. 

“What’s it like being a banshee?” Stiles asks her. 

“Why are you asking?” She counters, taking a small sip of the drink in her hands. The face she was making was definitely one of deviance. She wanted to get all the information out of him. Well two could play at that game.

“I guess I was just wondering how you’re handling being a supernatural creature when you thought you were just some normal girl.” He shrugs, taking a huge gulp from the drink that tasted mostly of vodka even though it was a mixed drink. It burned as it went down. 

“I never thought I was normal.” Lydia chuckled. “Are you kidding me? I preyed on being popular. I have always been in the spot light. I’m not you, if that’s what you’re thinking Stiles.” 

“I don’t think I’m normal either.” Stiles says. 

“I agree.” She nods. 

“So what's it like?" He repeats. Because if anyone can make him feel better about the whole situation without actually knowing what the situation was, it's Lydia. 

"It's strange." She shrugs, pausing for a moment to figure out how to really explain it. "I have these voices in my head. Normally, I don't know what to do about it but I know that it means something. And I'm still learning but I think it's better this way. That I know what I am and I can get through it. I'm not afraid of who I really am anymore." 

"Sometimes I think I'm a freak." Stiles tells her. He sighs after he's said it. He feels like the craziest person on the face of the earth. He thought werewolves and witches and vampires, all this shit, was just for storybooks. He'd never thought it could all actually be real. 

"I used to have a problem with that." Lydia says, reaching out to place a hand on top of his. "Understanding that it's okay to be a little different is what got me through it. I know it's insane sometimes and usually downright impossible, but that's just us, Stiles. We're freaks. It's about time we all start accepting it." 

"What if I don't want to, though." Stiles says more like a statement than a question.

"That's up to you then." She shrugs, squeezing his hand then intertwining their fingers. 

"How did our lives get like this?" 

"Well, I'm a banshee now. So I guess I'm a firm believer in fate and things happening for a reason." She tells him. "I've learned a lot about what I am and about my heritage. Maybe it's time you look into yours." 

"Have you been talking to Deaton?" Stiles asks, his heart drops a little. He doesn't want to think this whole thing was just some plan coordinated by Deaton, or Derek. 

"Yes." She nods. "He showed me some things. Some powers I have that no one else knows about." 

So nothing about him then. Unless she's hiding that little truth from him. But he's surprised she's telling him this. That she's been learning new things about being a banshee. That's a big step. 

“He told me that I have a different kind of vision when I want to use it. It helps me see souls.” She reaches out and touches Stiles’ chest. Years ago, this would have been something he wanted. But he felt a little uncomfortable about Lydia looking at something as personal as his soul. 

“You’re joking, right?” Stiles asks, and then something incredible happens. There’s a bright light in the palm of Lydia’s hand and it’s so mesmerizing. 

“It’s beautiful.” Lydia tells him. “I’ve never seen one so pure.”

“What is that?” He asks, wanting more than anything to reach out and touch it. He felt drawn to it. 

“Your soul.” She says simply.

“Oh my god! Put it back!” Stiles shrieks. 

“It’s not your actual soul. It’s a physical representation. Amazing right?” 

“No, it’s weird and really freaky.” 

The flash of light suddenly dissolves and her hand is just her hand again. Stiles is relieved and rests his head against the rock he is leaning on. Lydia eyes him curiously and gets up to sit beside him. They aren’t facing each other anymore so he can’t see what she looks like now. 

“So where’d you learn to fight like that?”

He knows she’s referring to the fight with Jackson. The one he’s tried to block out for days because ever since then things have been getting worse for him. He sees that same vision every night. It wakes him up in the middle of the night and he doesn’t know what it means but it terrifies him. 

“I had a good teacher.” He shrugs. 

He hopes Lydia will let it go. He knows it’s not likely because Lydia loves getting into other people’s business. That’s exactly what he doesn’t need. What he needs is someone to just talk to him like every thing is totally okay and people aren’t dying. 

“You know, whatever you’re upset about this time, It’s putting the whole pack in a bad mood.” She tells him, probably to make him feel guilty. It works because Stiles knows he’s a terrible person. But he wants her to stop talking because if she doesn’t he’ll probably ruin this friendship too. “Scott thinks it’s Jackson’s fault, like he did something to you. But really we all know Scott thinks it’s his fault.” 

“It’s nobody’s fault, Lydia.” Stiles sighs, he rubs his face with his hands and then looks at her. She stares intently at him, looking for answers in his tired face. 

“Why don’t you talk to us anymore?” 

“It’s not your problem.” Stiles says. “It’s not your problem I can’t sleep at night or the fact that I still feel scared. I’m more terrified than ever that something really bad is going to happen.” 

She doesn’t say anything at first. He can tell she’s holding something in. He doesn’t know if he wants to hear what she has to say. Part of him thinks that maybe she feels it too. The other part of him thinks she may tell him to suck it up, they’re all hurting. 

“I’m a harbinger of death. And I’ve never felt something so powerful before. So I think I know why you’re scared Stiles. I am too.” She tells him, he sees that the grip on her plastic cup has tightened, it almost looks like she may crush it. 

He thinks he knows what she means. That he’s not the only one who doesn’t want to be involved. But who she is makes her attracted to death. She’s a key component in figuring all of this out. And maybe she’s trying to convince him that they need him just as much as they need her. 

“I don’t want to scare you even more Stiles but for some reason I’ve been hearing something I usually don’t.” She says, looking away, up at the sky and then down to her cup. Anywhere but at Stiles. He wants to know what she’s hearing. 

He knows the things Lydia hears usually warns her about death. Other people die when she screams. He’s a little anxious to hear what she’s hearing this time. What if it’s something to do with him? The way she won’t look at him clues him in as much.

“I hear your heartbeat.” She whispers. 

His heartbeat jumps and she’s suddenly looking at him, terrified. He knows by the look on her face there is no other heartbeat she could be hearing, though he wants to deny it. She heard the jump in his heartbeat just as much as he actually felt it run through his body. Was she suggesting that he could be the next person to die? 

She continues talking to him, trying to reassure him that she didn’t know what was going on. It could be nothing. He knew better than to believe that. At some point he blocks her out and starts to panic. If he died, he’d be leaving a lot behind. His dad would have no one. He didn’t want to die yet. Not now when he was just trying to get out of Beacon Hills. 

Lydia tells him that it’s different. The way it sounds to her. It’s not like a panicked sound. It’s just constantly at the back of her head. That doesn’t make Stiles feel better. If anything, he’s somehow connected to Lydia and he doesn’t want to be connected to someone who finds the bodies. 

He suddenly needs air so badly it hurts. He thinks he’s doing fine in Lydia’s eyes. It doesn’t look like he’s in the midst of a panic attack but Lydia’s normally really good at hiding the truth to make things better. _Breath, Stiles._ He hears it like a mantra in his brain even though he knows he’s not the one telling himself to do so. 

He bats Lydia’s arm away when she tries to help him up. He just needs to sit there and calm down. He tries putting his head between his legs and it ends up working. When he looks back up, Lydia’s knelt beside him with a concerned look on her face. 

She suggests driving him home and he wants to disagree but he knows he’s had more to drink than her. He knows as she drives his jeep through familiar streets back to the school to get her car that she feels bad. He almost feels the apology that she’s holding in. The tension in the car is suffocating and he’s relieved when she finally parks the jeep and gets out. 

As she walks to her car and he gets out of the passenger seat, she suggests following him home. She wants to make sure he gets back safe. He declines and tells her he’s going to stick around for a while. He missed practice so he tells her he should go shoot some goals for a little while. 

His lacrosse equipment is in the trunk of the jeep so he pulls it out and hauls the bag over his shoulder. Lydia pulls around and waves at him as she goes. He knows she’s still concerned but the best thing to do is leave him alone at this point. 

He spends what feels like hours trying to make shots. He misses miserably because he knows he’s still a terrible lacrosse player. He’s obviously only on the team because of Scott these days. He likes his spot on the bench but he thinks after high school he’ll give up sports all together. 

He’s also slightly tipsy which is why his shot is off way more than usual. That fact is also probably the reason that when he gets a text from _Sourwolf_ asking where he is, he tells him his exact location. His mind isn’t exactly letting him think about consequences. 

In the past hour he’s stripped out of his sweatshirt even though it’s actually a pretty chilly and windy day. It’s not bothering him, plus all that pent up energy has come back since that day he kicked Jackson’s ass. He throws the balls he has at the goal like he’s angry at them. He’s just angry in general. 

Derek eventually shows up and Stiles doesn’t pay attention. He knows he’s there, feels his presence, but doesn’t stop what he’s doing for a second. Well, he does stop when Derek catches a ball he _accidentally_ tossed at him.

He stands there, out of breath while Derek just glares at him with his stupid bushy eyebrows raised. He thinks Derek’s concerned about him, maybe he talked to Lydia. Or maybe Stiles just looked borderline insane. 

He could feel sweat pooling down his shirt. He rubs his neck with his hand and looks away from Derek, back at the goal where straggling balls are lying everywhere. Derek makes him nervous and slightly turned on. 

Stiles hadn’t talked to him, let alone seen him the past couple days. He looked as attractive as usual. Maybe even more. His beard is fuller than usual. His hair is a little more disheveled than his normal groomed look. He's also in that stupid leather jacket that may have been one of Stiles' favorite things to see him in. 

He suddenly feels how cold it actually is. He rubs his arms and crosses them over his chest. Derek raises an eyebrow like he’s testing him. It frustrates Stiles how he hasn’t said anything yet. He knows the reason Derek’s here is so they can talk. 

Stiles walks to the bench where he left his water and goes to take a long swig of it. He catches Derek watching him as he tilts the bottle up, baring his neck. He thinks he’s a menace because Derek gets this uncomfortable look after starring for far too long.

“You look cold.” Derek finally says, approaching him carefully. He pulls off his jacket to wrap around Stiles shoulders. Stiles backs away and stops him. 

“I’ve got a sweatshirt.” 

Derek ignores him and wraps the leather jacket around him anyway. It’s still bigger on him than he imagined it would be. But it smells like Derek and sort of like the earth and he doesn’t know if he wants to part with it any time soon. Curse him. 

He sits on the bleachers and Derek follows suit but doesn’t sit right next to him. They keep a manageable distance. Stiles really doesn’t know what to say to him. He was the one that walked away that day. He should be the one crawling back for forgiveness. 

“Stiles, about what happened-“ 

“If I wanted to talk about my feelings, I wouldn’t have told you where I was.” Stiles sighs, interrupting him. He doesn’t want this conversation to go anywhere.

“I just need to know something.” Derek says. Stiles can feel his eyes on the side of his face. It takes everything in him not to look at Derek. “What did you see?” 

Stiles doesn’t want to talk about it. But Derek’s right there and it would feel so good to just tell one person. He trusts Derek. He can get Derek to believe that he doesn’t need to figure out what’s wrong with him. 

“I saw my worst nightmare.” Stiles tells him. “And I see it every night. Like it’s on repeat. And I can never wake myself up till the very end.” 

“What is it?” 

“It’s death and destruction. There’s so much blood. I don’t know what it all means and it scares me. There’s people. Faces. At first I couldn’t see who they were but they’ve been getting clearer.” 

“Who do you see?” 

“You.” It’s a shudder under his breath. But he knows Derek heard him loud and clear. “Scott. Lydia. Isaac. Allison. Hell, even the alpha pack. And it’s like it’s my fault. Everyone’s dead because of me.” 

Derek puts a hand on his shoulder. Tells him that it’s not real. No one’s dead, no one’s dying. But Stiles doesn’t believe him. There are people dying and they are in the center of it all. They’re the ones trying to fix it. And Stiles would never suggest letting it go, letting it run its course but he wants to. 

Derek asks him about the energy that Deaton was talking about. That’s something he does not want to tell Derek about. But Derek nags him about it, asking him why he didn’t tell Derek when they were training together. Stiles doesn’t know what to tell him without it sounding like it has a deeper meaning because it doesn’t.

“Stiles,” 

“I don’t want to talk about it! You won’t understand it.” Stiles shakes his head, getting up so he can pace around. 

“What won’t I get?” Derek asks. 

“It’s you Derek! It happens when I’m around you! I feel it right now. I feel like I’m about to explode!” Stiles exclaims. “It’s worse when I’m with you.”

 “Are we still… together?”

“Why would we be?” Stiles snaps. He looks at Derek who has a pained look on his face. Like he was hoping Stiles would say otherwise. Derek would have to forgive him for them to be a thing again. He didn’t know if they could get back to where they were before. He messed things up pretty bad. 

“I don’t want it to be over.” Derek tells him. It feels like they’re in a relationship. And Stiles wants to believe that’s what this is. That Derek is begging for him back because he loves him. He shakes the thought out of his head and tries to figure out what to say to that. 

“And you think I do?” He asks. “I screwed everything up, Derek. Why would you want-“

“Because whatever we had, it was good.” Derek interrupts. Stiles can’t deny that Derek is exactly correct. They were good together. “I’m sorry that I tried to tell you what to do.” 

“You’re an idiot.” Stiles shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“So we’re okay?” He asks.  

“I don’t know.” Stiles says honestly. 

“We can figure this out Stiles. You don’t have to try and be tough about it. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.” 

“Stop saying all the right things.” Stiles sighs exasperatedly. Derek was just too perfect of a guy for someone as messed up as him. 

Derek nods and steps down from the bleachers to cup Stiles face in his hands. This causes Stiles to stop pacing. He’s looking directly into Derek’s eyes and he thinks he sees stars. There’s a whole galaxy inside them. Derek is just so beautiful that he doesn’t have words when he’s around him. 

Derek smiles at him, leaning in slightly, pausing to tell Stiles something. “You suck at lacrosse.” And then he backs away and leans down to pick up Stiles’ lacrosse stick. 

“You’re rude.” Stiles rolls his eyes. And a good listener. 

“Are you hungry? We could go get a burger.” 

“Like a date?” Stiles smirks. 

Derek rolls his eyes and smiles but doesn't answer him, ushering Stiles to follow.

Stiles laughs and tells him he’ll meet him at the loft. He had to pick up some equipment before he could go anywhere. Derek agrees and leaves him alone. Stiles doesn’t know exactly what happened but he thinks it’s something good for once.

 

 

* * *

 

Stiles and Derek easily slip into a routine again. Derek doesn't press Stiles for information. Which just makes their whole relationship that much easier. It's starting to feel like an actual friends with benefits thing rather than whatever they had in the past. It makes it easier on Stiles. He doesn't have to worry about feelings. 

"I have to get to school." Stiles tells Derek, as he scrambles to throw his clothes back on. 

"You could have waited till after school to come over." Derek rolls his eyes but hands Stiles one of the socks he's clearly searching for. 

"Mm, _could have_ being the key words there." Stiles grins and runs his fingers through his sexed out hair. He doesn't look too bad considering his hair normally looks a little disheveled. 

"Come on, you can grab a granola bar or something before you go." Derek ushers him to follow him to the kitchen. 

Stiles grabs his hand and they walk downstairs together. It feels a little too domestic for the routine but neither of them seem to mind it. They're startled out of the world that consists of just the two of them by a, "Well good morning to you two." 

Stiles' immediate action is to rip his hand out of Derek's grasp and keep a friendly distance with his  _friend_. He doesn't know how they weren't alluded to the fact that someone else was in the loft with them. Derek had super-hearing for god's sake. 

"Peter." Derek glares at him. "What are you doing here?" 

"I think the better question is, what is _he_?" Peter makes a cocky gesture directed at Stiles. Like he's figured out all the secrets of the world. Stiles wishes he could punch the smug look off his face.

"Research." Stiles answers quickly. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Not my business? Excuse me, but I am part of the pack." Peter scoffs. 

"That may be true but-"

"Stiles, you should get to school." Derek interrupts him. Stiles gives him a confused look. He was just about to burn Peter's ass.

He wants to argue with Derek. Tell him that there's no way he would leave him alone with the devil's spawn. But Derek was also very stubborn and by the look on his face, he wasn't about to take no for an answer. 

"Fine." Stiles huffs. "See you later?" 

"Yeah." Derek nods, tossing Stiles an apple as he made his way to the door. 

Derek's right back on Peter as soon as Stiles is gone. He doesn't know exactly why his uncle has taken this exact moment to show up, but he's not happy. He's sure he and Stiles could have at least gotten a good five more minutes to themselves. 

"So..." Peter drawls, annoyingly tapping his fingers on the counter. 

"What do you want Peter?" 

"Oh, me? I just wanted some information. You know, I'm not at every pack meeting and I miss out on a few things. Clearly, I've missed out on a little more than I thought." Peter explains. Derek doesn't like the sound of that. It sounds like Peter's scheming. Nothing good every comes from that. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek asks.

Peter walks past him and there's nothing Derek can do except follow him. Peter looks around the room. He starts sniffing. It's really creepy and Derek just wants him to stop. He just about tells him to when Peter does. 

"I get it now." He says. "I mean, it was blandly obvious that the kid was hiding something. And then you were being so cryptic, more than you usually are. And then there's the smell." 

"What are you getting at?" Derek was really starting to get irritated by his uncle's presence.

"He's your mate." Peter smugly replied, he says it as if it were obvious. Obvious to Derek, at least. 

"What are you talking about?" Derek suddenly gets uncomfortable. There's no way he could have heard Peter correctly.

"You don't know?" Peter asked. 

Derek turns away and panics. He knows what having a mate is supposed to feel like. Your world shifts and you're in love. It's that one person for the rest of your natural life. Or in his case, supernatural. 

The way you treat your mate is so different than the way you'd treat just anyone. You scent them. You protect them. You feel their pain. He doesn't know how he hasn't noticed what he's been doing. If he has even been doing any of it. 

"You know what I'm talking about." Peter grins. "You've scented him. You protected him from _me_ when you knew I was here. Have you not realized?" 

"I can't. There has to be a mistake." Derek shakes his head. _I don't love him_. 

"You and I both know that's a total lie." Peter laughs. "What's the problem, alpha?" 

"I can't let him live like this. I'm not going to force him into something that's permanent." Derek says desperately. He's not going to let Stiles end up like Paige. 

Everyone Derek loves, leaves. Or dies. He's stuck here with Peter and a sister he can't reconnect with. The only person that makes him feel alive again is Stiles and that terrifies him. Stiles doesn't need his baggage. This thing between them, is not anything serious. At least not to Stiles. 

"How self-sacrificing of you." Peter rolls his eyes. 

This is all such a revelation for Derek that he doesn't even mind when Peter kicks back on his couch and tries to take a nap. Derek goes back into the kitchen because he wants to be somewhere his uncle is not. 

He grabs onto the kitchen counter and his shoulders hunch over in thought. He can't believe he's missed something so important. He doesn't know how he let this happen. How did he fall for Stiles so easily? 

Because he fell so easily for Kate. And he would never believe Stiles was anything like Kate, but it was a bad concept for him. He really loved Kate and she betrayed him. He was naive and too young to understand that the world was much darker than his average teenage life. He didn't want to make the same mistake here.

He needed to let Stiles go. But they'd just became comfortable with each other again. He wasn't pressuring Stiles into talking about what was happening to him, physically and mentally. He didn't even go to Deaton for information. Though, he wanted to so badly. He wanted to help Stiles even if Stiles didn't want the help. 

He walks back into the main area of the loft to confront Peter. He can tell Peter's not sleeping because he's breathing normally. Derek walks over to the couch and drags Peter up so they can talk about this. 

"You're not telling anyone about this." Derek says, holding his arm hard enough to crush the bones in his wrist.

"Not even Stiles?" He asks, fake shocked. "Honestly, you're so predictable Derek. Playing tough to keep everyone else safe. You always were like your sister." 

"Don't talk about her." Derek growls. 

"I see she's still a weak spot." Peter shrugs, prying Derek's hand off his wrist. 

"You don't get to reminisce in her memory. You killed her." Derek says, sprouting teeth and claws. 

"Granted. I wasn't in my right mind though." Peter shrugs.

"Get out of here." Derek says. "Before I do something you'll regret."

"Fine. Just remember, I'm warning you. Information like this has a way of... getting out." Peter shrugs, quickly exiting the loft. Peter's no where near scared of Derek, but he knows that Derek could easily take him in a fight, especially with Derek's alpha powers and his weakness from resurrection.

Derek paces around the loft trying to figure out what to do with the information. He's thinking back to see if there was a defying moment that he should have known. Maybe it was the start of all of this. Saying yes to having sex with Stiles on a regular basis could have been a step in the right direction because that was totally out of character. 

When he slept with Stiles for the first time, it was kind of addicting. He'd been in relationships and had countless one night stands, but none of them made him feel the way he did when he was with Stiles. It scared him that he could have been so oblivious as to what was happening between them. Having a mate was a big deal. He'd never be able to tell Stiles and now that he knew the truth, it'd be harder to act as if everything was fine. 

Stiles would catch on to something. That's why Derek had to figure out a plan to back off of the teenager for a while. He needed to convince Stiles that taking a break was a good idea without making the kid feel worthless. When he was a teenager, his mind definitely went there when Kate wanted a break for a few days. Little did he know she was plotting the death of his entire family. 

Derek knows that having a mate means that you're in love but he can't find the moment he fell in love with Stiles. It's not the same for every wolf so maybe he still hasn't gotten there yet. He might still be falling for Stiles and that's why he didn't sense it before, because he wasn't sure of their relationship himself. Plus, he's vulnerable from Paige and Kate. He doesn't want to ruin the good thing he and Stiles have. 

He decides he needs to get out of the loft for a while and get some fresh air. He ends up driving to the animal clinic to talk to Deaton. Deaton probably knew the entire time and was just too cryptic to tell him about it. Emissaries knew way too much and should really consider sharing with the packs that they watch over. He owed it to Derek's mom to help Derek out. 

If Deaton is surprised to see him, he doesn't show it. He ushers for Derek to follow him to the back room after lifting the wolfsbane shield. He's got a dog laying on the table when Derek gets back there. The dog growls at him which isn't uncommon in that species. He flashed his alpha eyes and the puppy immediately surrenders.

"What can I do for you today, Derek?" Deaton asks. It looks like he's removing a splint from the dog's leg, but Derek's not sure because he doesn't know much about the medical field. 

"Did you know that Stiles is my mate?" Derek asks softly. He doesn't know how to approach the subject lightly. Being a mated werewolf is kind of a big deal. It may be common but there are some wolves that never have a mate. Derek thought he was going to be one of those wolves. 

"Yes." Deaton nods, lifting his head from his work to glance at Derek. He gives the wolf a questioning look. He obviously wants Derek to continue but he doesn't exactly know what he came here to ask other than that. 

"How long?" It's a simple question. But Derek thinks he won't exactly like the answer. Deaton knows thinks that he shouldn't know. Nobody should have the privilege of knowing something so intimate about Derek unless he wanted them to know. But Peter figured it out and the veterinarian knew everything. 

"Do you remember the time Kate shot you with a wolfsbane bullet and Stiles stayed with you the entire time and saved your life?" Deaton asks. It takes Derek back to a simpler time. A time when he couldn't stand Scott and Stiles. They got into too much trouble and neither of them trusted him back then. 

"Scott brought the antidote." Derek corrects him. 

"But he didn't make sure you didn't die. He was just a factor." Deaton says. He moves around the clinic and collects a few objects from the cabinets before stitching the dog up and sending it back to one of the cages. 

"So what's your point? How did you know?" Derek asks. Deaton's flashback is taking too long. He doesn't understand what that event in his past had to do with Stiles being his mate. It was such a long time ago. Years had gone by since then. 

"I watched the surveillance footage from my security cameras. Derek, after you passed out, you shouldn't have been able to be woken back up. Stiles brought you back." Deaton tells him. 

It all makes sense then. He knew he was going to die that day. But there was this constant buzzing feeling he got when he was around Stiles. It kept the wound from getting worse. Stiles' presence healed him? When he passed out, he felt Stiles punch him back awake. The connection sent enough adrenaline through his body that he was able to save himself. 

"I think you understand now, don't you?" Deaton's lips lift into what could almost be a smile but isn't. He's not sure he's ever actually seen the guy express emotion before, let alone smile. 

"You're not going to tell anyone, right?" 

"I will refrain from releasing this information to anyone. But don't you think it would be wise to tell the one you're bonded to?" Deaton asks. He makes it seem like not letting Stiles know is a bad idea. Just like Peter did. Because information like this had a way of getting out. 

"No. He doesn't need to be burdened with something like this." Derek shakes his head and leans against the wall. Deaton's giving him a look like he knows something Derek does not. He hates that look. 

"It's not a burden, Derek. Your mother and father were bonded in this way. It made both of them stronger. It made your whole pack stronger." Deaton tells him, he turns around to fish for something out of the drawers below his cabinets. 

He hands Derek a bullet shell. It looks like the one that cured Derek. Knowing Deaton, that's exactly what it is. He takes the shell from Deaton and it shocks him a little and he holds it between his thumb and index finger. He wonders why the man would save it. 

"I had a feeling a conflict like this would come along. Your family always was quite complicated." Deaton smiles softly, it's kind of sad and Derek can't pin-point why it would be. "If you need to be reminded of what you have, hold on to that." 

He's gesturing toward the bullet shell. Something that should have ended his life but in turn, saved it. Stiles saved him. He has been saving him from the moment they met. If it takes him not finding out about their mating status to return the favor, then that's what Derek will do. Mating can get messy and complicated. Not to mention, it's for life. 

"If you change your mind." Deaton says in lieu of a goodbye. Derek leaves with that last sentence clawing at his brain. 

When he gets back to the loft, he can hear three heartbeats. He takes his time going up in case of a trap or an ambush. He's too distracted to realize they are familiar to his ears. The door's unlocked when he slides it open and he's sure he locked it before he left. 

He steps inside and sees Stiles sitting on his couch. He has a water bottle in one hand and his phone in the other. He stands up when he notices Derek is standing in the doorway. He's still a little confused as to how Stiles got in and why he's there. 

"Hey." Stiles says, walking towards him, pulling him inside the loft while shutting the door behind him. 

"Why are you here?" Derek looks on the clock and sees that school should still be in. Unless something bad happened. A lot of stuff tended to go down at the school. 

"Early day. Cora let me in." Stiles says. He can tell Derek's a little freaked out which only makes Derek freak out more. Like he knows what's got him so paranoid. "I wanted to talk to you about this morning." 

"So did I." Derek says honestly, a little relieved as well. "Is there somewhere you want to go? Cora and Isaac might listen in." 

"A walk would be nice." Stiles nods. He grabs his sweatshirt that's resting on the arm of the couch and pulls it on. Derek takes the lead and they use the rickety old elevator rather than the stairs for once. 

They get around the block to make sure they're far enough away that they can't be heard. Stiles starts talking first. He gets the conversation flowing by just talking about his day. He tells Derek about how he narrowly missed getting a detention from his history teacher and how Scott took the fall instead. 

It's nice hearing Stiles talk. Derek hadn't realized before but he really liked the teenager's voice. It was energetic and full of life. It soothed the parts of Derek that felt broken most of the time. Stiles talking to him like a normal person was something Derek didn't know he'd been craving. 

And the way Stiles talked was all gestures. His hands moved fluently in front of him, like he was telling a story. His hands were something of beauty as well. Whether it was the boy's lips or hands, Derek could and would get lost in either. Which is why he's tuned out of the conversation until Stiles mentions something about where he'd gone to all day. 

"I uh... went to talk to Deaton." Derek tells him casually. He feels Stiles stop even though Derek keeps walking a few more steps. He turns around to see Stiles kind of dumb struck and maybe a little nervous. 

"What about?" Stiles asks. 

"I just wanted to know if he had any more information that would be useful to us right now." Derek lies. The look of relief on Stiles face has him a little confused. What did Stiles think he was going to talk to Deaton about?

"Did he find anything?" Stiles asks, changing the subject. Derek wants to drive the conversation back to him but he'd rather they not fight. Derek shakes his head and Stiles catches up to him and they keep walking again. 

The conversation has mellowed out and they're just walking in silence. Derek doesn't know how to bring up what he really wants to talk about. Stiles looks happy to just walk around town with him. He likes seeing him in this light. Because whenever they're together, it's usually in darkness. 

"Peter knows." Derek tells him and Stiles stops again. It's like one of his worst fears; someone having this kind of information over them. 

"How?" Stiles asks, struggling to keep his emotions in check. It's like he can't breathe. 

"He can smell it in the loft." Derek sighs. "Maybe we should cool it down. Not have sex as frequently as we have been." 

"Lydia knows somethings going on too." Stiles tells him. 

"We need to take a step back and figure out where we want to go from here." 

"Yeah. Maybe you're right." Stiles nods. 

He's surprised at how easily Stiles goes with it. If it makes hiding what they're doing from everyone easier, than he'd do anything. Derek of course does not mention that the real reason he needs to cool down is so he doesn't fall in love with Stiles. He hopes Stiles doesn't sense anything already. 

"Don't do anything stupid, okay?" Stiles says suddenly. It's like he's saying without him, Derek is reckless. "I should go." 

"Let me walk you back." 

"Okay." Stiles murmurs and they almost hold hands. But Derek doesn't put enough effort in to make it happen. It almost feels like they've broken up. 

 

* * *

 

Stiles spends time with Lydia because she does know that something is going on. He doesn't see Derek for a while. They talk. But they've backed off each other in a big way. Lydia can sense something has changed and her solution is alcohol. 

Stiles sits on her bed while she goes to get them glasses and break into her parent's liquor cabinet. He thinks for a moment that this is some kind of distraction. He's never been in Lydia's room apart from that time when she went psycho and he came to check up on her. He doesn't think Jackson would let him go near her without an explanation. 

"I have a bottle of bourbon or a bottle of vodka." Lydia waves them in her hands when she returns. Stiles is too distracted from his thoughts to care which one she gives him. 

He takes the glass of bourbon from her hands and chugs it. He's prepared to get wasted tonight. He's a little horny and a little emotionally constipated. Those are two very bad things to be when stuck in a room with Lydia Martin. He doesn't want an unexpected boner and he certainly doesn't want to spill his guts to her. He's sure one or both of those things will happen. 

Lydia sits on the ground and motions for him to do the same. He strips off his plaid button up and hoodie so he's just wearing a Beatles t-shirt. Lydia approves. He thinks she just wants to get him comfortable so she can torture information out of him. Or maybe, they're friends and she just wants him to feel safe around her. 

Lydia starts talking about Jackson and Stiles wants to shoot his brains out. Especially when she starts talking about how he is in bed. He may be secretly banging Derek, but that doesn't mean he can be considered as a gay best friend. He takes her hand and that silences her. 

"As nice as the blackmail material is from this conversation, I would prefer not hearing more about Jackson's sex habits." Stiles tells her and she giggles. 

"What about you?" Lydia asks. "What was losing your virginity like?" 

"So you heard about that?" Stiles asks. He thought that had blown over a while ago. The school had calmed down and a lot of people backed off when he'd told Theo that he was seeing someone. Word probably traveled. 

"Who didn't hear about that?" She asks, pouring him some more bourbon, mixing a little vodka in there too. "So, spill!" 

"Lydia I don't feel very comfortable-" 

"Mine wasn't with Jackson." She tells him. She says it was freshman year and she wanted to get rid of it so she slept with Danny. And that's how Danny figured out he was gay. Jackson doesn't know about it. Stiles can't believe how much blackmail material he has over these two guys. He laughs. It feels good to laugh.

Lydia's waiting for him to say something. How does he tell her without spilling the secret? She knows something but it's not like she knows the details. He's nervous to tell someone. He offhandedly mentioned it to Danny but this was different. Lydia was really his friend. What would she think of him?

"I don't know. It was weird." Stiles mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. He cradles his cup afterwards and doesn't have the courage to look at Lydia. He hadn't really thought about it after it happened. It kind of hurt but he enjoyed it. It was supposed to be enjoyable. 

"But it was nice?" She asked, hopefully. He sees how much Lydia cares about his well being. He nods and she smiles, squeezing his hand. She's happy for him. He's happy that he's not in love with her anymore and they can be happy for each other like this. 

"I've been sleeping with Derek for the past couple months." He spills. He doesn't know why he tells her but she isn't smiling anymore. He's afraid that she's ashamed of him now. Maybe she hadn't known what was going on after all. 

"I thought you two were just circling around each other. I didn't know it'd gotten this far." Lydia gasps. 

"It's just sex." He says quickly. 

"He's the person you lost your virginity to." Lydia continues, truly astonished. He's not sure how to take her emotions. She's so shocked that she missed it. "You like him, don't you?" 

"Maybe." Stiles sighs. He shouldn't have said anything. He doesn't know how he feels. He could be falling for Derek though. He cares about the guy. It's hard not to fall for someone you feel safe being with. 

Then, something weird happens. 

"Stiles, your heart is racing." Lydia says worriedly. She gets up and puts her hand to his chest. He knows it's beating fast but he doesn't know why. 

His lungs start closing up and he's trying to keep himself steady by holding on to Lydia. He doesn't know what's happening but it's not good. He can sense that something is happening somewhere else. People are getting hurt. 

"Lydia, where is the pack tonight?" Stiles asks. 

"They're fine." Lydia tells him quickly. He can tell that she's lying.

"Lydia." He says seriously, clutching at his heart. "Someone's going to die." 

"I would feel like I had to scream if-" 

"LYDIA!" He yells, falling to the floor on his hands and knees. She goes after him trying to help him up. 

"They got a lead on the Darach. They wanted to leave the humans out of it." Lydia tells him with a sigh, helping him on to the bed. 

"You and I both know we are nowhere close to being human." He steadies himself and is ready to get up and go but she pushes him back down. 

"They want us to stay out of it." Lydia begs him to forget about it. But he can't. Derek's in danger. He doesn't know how he knows but he just does. 

"I'm going with or without you." He gets himself up and to Lydia's door. She trails behind him, grabbing her keys in the process. Neither of them are very fit to drive but Lydia's more responsible when drinking so she drives. 

It's like Lydia knows exactly where they're supposed to be going even if she says she doesn't know where they are. Perks of being a banshee. She can find the dead people, or people close to death. When they get to the woods, Stiles notices that trees are blazing with fire. 

He more afraid now. Derek's somewhere out there, facing a fear he's bound to have. He sees someone stumbling towards them and runs after them. It's Isaac. He almost collapses but Stiles gets to him first. He hooks an arm underneath him and trips a little because Isaac is not holding himself up at all. Then Lydia is at his side and holding the other half of him up while they take him back to the cars Lydia parked next to. 

"It was a trap." Isaac whines. The teen doesn't just have burn marks, he is scarred with huge slash marks, almost like he was attacked by an animal. "Real wolves. The Darach lit a fire around us. They were scared and attacked." 

"Where's everyone else?" Stiles asks in a panic. 

"Fighting. They're rabid." Isaac gasps. He's really banged up. Lydia takes him and lays him on the ground. She gets a first aid kit out of the trunk of her car and goes to work. Stiles is too worried about everyone else to do something. 

"He's not healing very fast." Lydia tells Stiles, there are tears leaking from her eyes. She's afraid too. How could they have been so stupid?

"The Darach... used magic... to make that possible." Isaac says, breathing shallowly. 

Lydia can sense that Stiles is ready to bolt. He needs to help. They both know that the others are going to be in a similar shape. He needs to get to them and get them out of there before someone ends up dead. 

"Go." She tells him softly. "They need help." 

"Stiles, be careful." Isaac whines, shining his fluorescent eyes at the boy. Stiles nods and goes running into the flames. The heat takes him by surprised. He's never been so close to so much fire. 

It's surprisingly easy to find Erica and Boyd. They aren't being attacked by wolves so he goes in to rescue them. A huge tree falls to the right of him and it almost rolls on him. He's terrified but he keeps moving. He helps Erica up with Boyd's help. They're both weaker than they should be but they look slightly better than Isaac. 

"Come on. We have to get you guys out of here." Stiles tells them. 

"We can make it." Boyd says. "Go find Jackson or Scott." 

"What about Derek?" Stiles asks. 

"We haven't seen him since this all started." Erica says apologetically. He nods and runs off in search of the rest of his friends. 

He almost misses Jackson but he sees a flash of blue and has enough intelligence to go and check it out. Jackson's trapped under a big log and stiles isn't sure how he's going to get him out without getting his hands burned. 

He pushes anyway and with Jackson's help, they get him out of there. It crushed the bones in his left leg though so he has to lean on Stiles for support. Jackson tells him that Allison is close by and they've been shouting back and forth to each other so they go find her. 

She's surrounded by a circle of fire and Stiles is at a loss for how they're supposed to get her out of there. There's a thick cut next to her temple and she's covered in soot but other than that, she looks fine. 

Stiles has the idea to have her stand on a rock and jump over the flames. He rests Jackson against a boulder so he can catch her before she hits the ground. She makes it into his arms and he sets her down because she can walk. They both help Jackson back to where Lydia was with Isaac and probably Boyd and Erica.

"Where's Scott and Derek?" Stiles asks. 

"You didn't find Scott?" Allison asks worriedly. "We have to go back."

They're out of the woods and almost back to the cars. Stiles agrees with Allison but Jackson is their priority and Jackson is totally against the idea. So they go where the rest of the pack is recuperating. 

Lydia has Boyd helping with Isaac and she gets up and runs to Jackson. Stiles backs off and lets Lydia and Allison take over. Lydia is clearly relieved that her boyfriend only has minor damage. She's brushing his hair with her fingers while Allison tends to his wounds and tries to keep his leg propped up so it will heal right. 

"Is Cora out there?" Stiles asks. 

"She didn't come." Isaac says softly. He's the only one paying attention to Stiles and all of Stiles' attention is on the fire. "Neither did Peter." 

"I have to go back in there." Stiles says. 

"Don't be ridiculous." Isaac scoffs. "They'll find their way back. They're alphas." 

Stiles wishes that made him feel better, but it doesn't. He's so worried. His best friend and the guy he's maybe starting to fall in love with could be in danger. They wait it out but the forest is just getting more engulfed in flames. 

Stiles says they have to do something but Allison's a steady hand that keeps him from running towards the threat. Allison gets him to put pressure on Isaac's wound so he's at least a little distracted. It doesn't work. He still glances up every so often. Boyd tells everyone that he can hear sirens in the distance and they should all probably go soon. 

Stiles refuses to leave until Scott and Derek are safe. But the more time that passes by, the more pointless it seems. He just shakes his head and denies that there's even a possible chance that they're dead. He wasn't supposed to lose anymore people. 

When all hope is lost in the rest of the pack, they all start getting ready to go. Lydia tries to get him into her car but he's not having any of it. There are tears in her eyes when he looks at her. Which is why he doesn't realize he's crying too when she wipes the tears from his cheeks. He tells her he's not okay. She just nods and holds on to him. 

No one notices when two people start approaching them slowly. Erica says something first. They're sure she's just hallucinating until they all look in the direction she's pointing at. When Stiles lets go of Lydia, he sees them. Scott is holding Derek up with all of his strength. Scott actually doesn't look too bad, it's Derek that's weighing him down. They're both stumbling slowly but steadily toward the pack. 

Stiles starts running to go and help Scott but he doesn't even help carry Derek, he barrels into him and hugs him tightly. Scott's let go of him now, leaving Stiles to deal with the weight of Derek. Stiles quietly tells Scott that he should go and reassure the pack that they're both okay. Scott nods and leaves Stiles to talk to Derek who looks terrible and exhausted. 

"Fuck." Stiles whines. "Fuck."

He clutches onto Derek tighter, happy to just hear a breath coming out of Derek's mouth. He can feel his heart beat too. He's alive. He's not exactly well, but they can work with this. Stiles can take care of him. 

"I'll drive you back to the loft." Stiles tells him, pushing him up so he can see Derek's face. He's still crying but he doesn't care. He's just so glad to see Derek. 

"I'm fine, Stiles. I can drive myself." Derek denies. He's trying to be tough even when it's clear that he wouldn't make it one step without collapsing. 

"You're not fine. Let me do this." Stiles argues.

He helps Derek to the Camaro and shoves him into the passenger seat. The keys are in the ignition where Derek had left them. As he makes his way to the driver's side, Scott stops him. He gives his best friend a tight hug, just for reassurance that he's alive and well too. 

"You going to be okay?" Stiles asks him. 

"I'm fine. Are you taking Derek back to the loft?" 

"Yeah. Uh... if my dad asks, can you tell him I'm at your place? I think I'm going to stay at the loft and make sure he's okay." Stiles asks. 

"Of course." Scott nods. 

Stiles thanks him with another hug and starts driving, hearing the sirens in the distance coming closer. The pack is going in the opposite direction to Scott's house. Derek isn't really speaking, Stiles thinks he's dozed off. He has to wake Derek up when they make it to the loft and they ride the elevator up. 

No one's home but the door's unlocked. Stiles gets Derek to the couch and heads to the bathroom for first aid supplies. Derek's been stocked up since Stiles started coming around more often because his wounds don't automatically heal. 

He returns with a wet wash cloth and the whole first aid box. He isn't sure what he's going to need yet. Derek will probably deny the help but Stiles is going to do something to keep himself from worrying too much. He hears Derek groan when he puts the first aid kit down.

"Stiles, I'm okay." 

"You are not okay. You look like you were pulverized by a meat grinder." Stiles threatens and pulls a chair over so he can clean the blood from Derek's chest. The shredded shirt is still in the way but Derek tears it open for Stiles' benefit. 

Stiles presses the wash cloth to Derek's chest and gets to work. Derek hisses at the contact and Stiles feels bad but he should really get himself cleaned up. Derek doesn't tell him to stop so he removes as much as he can. It doesn't look like he's bleeding excessively anymore so Stiles gets out the bandages and wraps some around Derek's chest. 

He goes to the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge, when he passes by a mirror. He looks at his appearance and just physically shivers. His shirt is drenched in Derek's blood. His face looks dirty from soot. He looks incredibly exhausted. It's not a good day in the life of Stiles Stilinski. 

When he makes it back to the living room, Derek is trying to sit up but is having a bit of trouble. Stiles quickly goes to help him. He hands him the water bottle after he's securely sitting up on his own without help. 

"Are you okay?" Derek asks him, reaching out to caress Stiles' face. He rubs his cheek with his thumb and Stiles leans into the touch. He missed the affection he got when he was with Derek. 

"Yeah." Stiles nods. "I was just worried about you." 

"I'm no Doctor, but I think I'm going to heal just fine." Derek smiles softly and sets his water down on the table next to the couch. 

"I missed you." Stiles sighs, grabbing Derek's now free hand. He pulls Derek a little closer so he can kiss him. It tastes like ash and chapped lips but Stiles is content with it. 

"Me too." Derek nods. 

"I think you should get some rest." Stiles says. He helps Derek upstairs to his bedroom and makes sure Derek is comfortable before he leaves. 

Stiles goes downstairs and cleans up a little. He takes a shower and it's everything he needed. He doesn't feel like putting his dirty shirt back on so he finds a blanket and sleeps on the couch. He had no intention of leaving Derek that night. 

When Derek wakes up the next morning, he's completely healed but a little sore. He goes downstairs to get something to eat because he's starving. On his way there he notices Stiles on the couch. He looks almost peaceful as he sleeps. Derek looks at the clock and knows Stiles is late for school. He deserves the sleep though. Derek makes some coffee before waking Stiles up. 

"You didn't have to stay." Derek tells him as he hands the mug to Stiles. 

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Stiles tells him, taking a sip of the delicious coffee that's made just the way he likes it. 

"Well, thank you." 

"For what?" Stiles scoffs and sets the mug down. He looks kind of cold sitting there with his shirt off and the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. It's probably the fall air turning into winter. 

"For saving me since the day we met." Derek tells him. 

"Well, if you wouldn't get yourself into trouble we wouldn't have that predicament." Stiles shrugs but smiles. He likes saving Derek's ass. 

Stiles lunges forward and kisses Derek. Derek tastes like his normal cinnamon forest scent. Stiles feels better. He's glad he hasn't lost someone else. Someone he cares so deeply for. Derek carries him to the bedroom and they do things they've been deprived of for far to long.

 

* * *

 

Thanksgiving passes by in a blur. He and his dad don't really celebrate anymore. They can't find a reason to be very thankful since Claudia passed away. So they sit in and eat takeout because he'll allow his dad to have at least one cheat day. They order Chinese from the only place in town that has the egg rolls his dad likes. 

It's a pretty quiet evening. His dad has most of it off so they chill in the living room and watch _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_ because it's on every year. And some tradition they just can't get rid of. Especially when his mom used to force them to sit down and watch it with her. It was still painful but they got through it together. 

Scott put together a pack Thanksgiving dinner. He obviously wanted to make them feel united as a group, even through all the blood shed. Another body was found. Another doctor or nurse of some sort. Scott was concerned about his mother because she definitely healed Danny from his lungs collapsing the other day. Danny was still recovering and Ethan was watching him. He also offered to look out for Scott's mom while she was on duty. 

When his dad had to leave for work, he headed to Derek's. Derek didn't necessarily offer to host their little get together but his place was most reasonable. He had been trying to get along with Scott for the benefit of both the packs. Lately, it kind of felt like the packs weren't two, but one big one. Stiles still wasn't sure how he felt about that. There was more people to lose in a group. 

Derek opens the door for him when he shows up. Cora and Isaac are smiling and laughing on the couch and it looks a little festive in the loft. It's very disconcerting since the loft normally looks dreary and not to mention, a little bent out of shape. 

Stiles brings pie. It's his mom's recipe and everyone loves pie. He's not a terrible cook so he figures the pack will like it. He brings three because he's going to be surrounded by half a dozen werewolves. He'll be lucky if he gets a piece. Derek takes them from his hands and he follows him to the kitchen. 

"How was your morning?" Derek asks him, setting the pies down on the island in the middle of his kitchen where more food was. 

"My dad and I don't really... do Thanksgiving anymore." Stiles sighs and leans his body against the counter.Derek looks at him and crosses his arms. He nods like he knows exactly what Stiles is going through. 

"This would be the first since Cora came back." Derek tells him.

"It's weird, isn't it?" Stiles asks. "Scott's always been one to bring people together but I never really thought everyone would agree to it." 

"You'd be surprised at how much pack means to these kids." Derek shrugs and leans against the counter across from Stiles. 

"I know this is supposed to be a nice occasion but I'm not really in the mood to get in a group circle and tell everyone what I'm thankful for." Stiles sighs. Derek smiles sadly and takes his hand because Cora and Isaac aren't paying any attention to them and no one has showed up yet. 

"What are you thankful for, Stiles?" Derek asks, rubbing the top of Stiles hand with his thumb. He gets distracted by it, but not so distracted that he loses his train of thought. 

"I guess I'm thankful that we're all still alive." Stiles says, honestly. It doesn't surprise Derek. Derek nods along with him and scoops him into a hug. He didn't know he needed it till his face was deep in Derek's neck. He knew that letting go was something that would happen, but he just squeezed tighter at the thought. 

Derek's hand rubs up and down his back. The action brings tears to his eyes. That's exactly how his mother used to comfort him. He didn't show Derek that he was getting emotional, but he was sure Derek felt the wetness from the tears on his neck. It stopped him from rubbing Stiles back for a moment but then he just clenched tighter onto the teenager. 

"I'm thankful for you." Stiles whispers. 

Derek lets him go just enough so he can bring their lips together. It's one of Stiles' favorite forms of comfort from the older man. Derek doesn't take advantage of the situation. He keeps it light and chaste but how much he cares about Stiles, bleeds through. 

"I don't mean to interrupt-" They were startled away from each other by someone catching them. "I figured when Isaac and Cora said the two of you were alone, I should be the one to come get you." 

Lydia was blushing as she explained herself. She looked radiant and content. Her peacoat was still on and she was wearing this adorable white beanie with a large ball at the end of it. She looked happy to see them being so comfortable with one another. Stiles was also grateful that it was just her. 

"Thanks Lyds." Stiles tells her. 

"So she knows?" Derek asks softly.

"I told her." Stiles nods apologetically. Derek doesn't look angry, he looks understanding. He's fine with the idea of Lydia knowing about them. Stiles wished their relationship was something more worthy of the secret but he could only hope. 

"Everyone's here now. I just thought you'd like to know. We're going to watch some movies soon." Lydia tells them. She graciously leaves them alone after that. Stiles goes to follow after her but Derek pulls him back. 

"I'm thankful for you too, if that wasn't clear." Derek says. 

"Message received." Stiles grins and pulls Derek to the main room behind him. 

The pack makes him feel better. He laughs with them and it's genuine. He hasn't felt like this since before the new threat. Now if only they could get a lead on the Darach, maybe things would get better from here. He's learned that they can't exactly hope for the best though. There are many obstacles left before they can win this war. But they will win. They have to.

The pack leaves eventually and he ends up being left alone with Derek. Isaac goes home with Scott to watch over Scott's mom. Cora says she's going out to meet Peter because even though he's a pain in the ass, he's still family.

Stiles and Derek end up having sex in Derek's room. They barely make it to the bed before they start ripping clothes off. It's quick and emotionless, which is a change from all the peacefulness that happened only hours before. Stiles didn't mind though. Sometimes the sex just needed to be a little rougher than normal. 

He lays with Derek for a while, knowing he has to get home soon. Derek plays with his fingers which are resting on his chest. Stiles can't stop smiling at the guy. He looks completely debauched and it's almost sinful. Derek's hair is sticking up everywhere and it makes him look so young and it makes Stiles happy. 

It's weird that whenever he's with Derek, he gets this elated feeling. He knows it's probably bad to get trapped in a universe that consists of only them, especially with a serial killer on the loose. But he can't help it. Derek makes him feel things that he really shouldn't be feeling. Especially for someone so out of his league. Derek could break his heart. 

Stiles gets up and starts putting on clothes. Some of them aren't his own but that may be on purpose. He likes wearing Derek's clothes. And he likes being able to smell what he can with his human nose of Derek and the detergent he uses. Derek pulls him back into bed, definitely not wanting him to leave. Stiles could definitely be talked into staying. But staying overnight is such a domestic thing to do and he doesn't know what waking up next to Derek would do to him. 

"You could stay, you know." Derek murmurs into his open mouth. Stiles is so lost in how filthy Derek can kiss. He almost falls back into bed with him. "Why are you always running away?" 

"I have places to be, Sourwolf. A dad to take care of." He tells him, leaving an ungodly kiss along Derek's jaw. "Besides, you have to earn the overnighter." 

"You're lucky I'm willing to let you go." Derek sighs, as Stiles gets on his feet and tugs his Converse on. 

"Happy Thanksgiving." Stiles smiles as he grabs his sweatshirt. 

"To you too." Derek smiles back, showing his adorable bunny teeth. Stiles thinks in these moments, he's completely gone on Derek. But he takes a step back, and leaves it all behind once he's out the door.

After Thanksgiving, the days slowly drift into December and Christmas is approaching quicker than any of them expected. Deaton is taken one day and he calls Scott to alert him that he'll need help. It's scary, but Deaton ends up fine. Though while they were being distractedly saving Deaton, someone else was sacrificed. 

It felt like when they thought they were a step ahead, they were really two steps behind. It was like this dark Druid, whoever they were, was playing mind games with them. Stiles was good at chess but this was definitely not a game that played between the lines. Or even had rules for that matter. With the anniversary of his mom's death quickly approaching as well, Stiles was unsure of how he was going to handle everything coming at him at once.

 

* * *

 

Derek's worried when Stiles doesn't show up to a pack meeting two weeks before Christmas. No one's acting like it means anything but with all the murders going on, he can't help but worry. He listens to Scott talk about something Deaton realized when he was taken but ends up tuning him out the rest of the time.

"Where's Stiles?" He suddenly asks because his curiosity is getting the best of him. 

"He wasn't at school." Lydia says quietly. The pack -or at least, Scott, Allison, and Lydia- have somber looks on their faces. Like they know something and they're not sure how to tell him. 

"Is he okay?" He asks, his heart stops beating for a moment. He has this strong urge of longing. It hasn't felt like anything had been wrong. Mates were supposed to be able to tell. But then again, he and Stiles weren't completely mated. 

"It's the anniversary of his mom's death." Scott says, Erica and Boyd are a little surprised from the new information. The rest of the pack is expressionless. Lydia looks like she's being tortured. Allison may have a tear in her eye. She just lost her mom too. 

"He likes to be alone." Lydia speaks up, her voice is strained. "We tried to get ahold of him. His dad said he hasn't left his bed all day." 

"I've been best friends with Stiles since kindergarten. He hasn't let me near him ever on this day." Scott sighs. The amount of guilt and sadness in the room is suffocating. They all have something to be sad about. But this, it feels different. 

The pack doesn't feel up to talking much. They leave soon after they came. Stiles shouldn't be left out of the meetings. Besides, there's not much new information. The Darach has been quiet since it finished off on the healers. It wasn't completely certain what it'd go for next. It'd already went through virgins, warriors, and healers. The only two left were philosophers and guardians. 

Derek calls Stiles. Just to make sure he's alright. He's willing to go through any trouble to get what Stiles needs. His mating instincts are kicking in and he tries to tell himself that they shouldn't be. He's not in love with Stiles. He cares about him but for the bond to be complete, they both have to love each other. He's not there yet. And he should never be. He can never burden Stiles with this. 

Stiles doesn't answer. Even after he calls the third time. He leaves a message, asking if the human is okay. He doesn't push too hard. He's not demanding Stiles to let him know how he's doing, he just wants him to know that he's there if he needs someone to talk to. 

Cora ends up leaving the loft to go meet up with some friends she met at her job. She started working at a club a few weeks back. Derek didn't mind. She was trying to find her way back into Beacon Hills. They all should be finding a little normalcy in the town while things were so corrupt. Maybe that's what he was doing with Stiles. 

He checks his phone frequently in case Stiles calls. When it's obvious that Stiles wants to be left alone, Derek puts on some sweats and does a few exercises to keep himself occupied. He does some pull ups and push ups but it's not distracting enough. He takes a shower when he gets too bored. He doesn't bother checking his phone after that. 

After his shower he slips into some clean sweatpants and the long sleeve maroon shirt with the thumb holes that Stiles loves so much. He curls up on the couch and reads one of the books from his collection in his bedroom. Cora hasn't come back by the time midnight rolls around. Isaac is hanging out with Scott and Boyd, studying for some huge chemistry test tomorrow. 

The loft has never felt so lonely. Even when Peter was around, it still felt like there was this constant in his life. He wonders if somehow he's pushed everyone away again. He can't really remember a time he let anyone in until Stiles came along. Stiles might know a little too much about him. But the way he feels about Stiles and the way Stiles makes him feel... it's safety. He feels safe again for the first time since the fire. Since Kate and Paige. He doesn't want to lose that. 

He falls asleep by one in the morning. He loses his page in his book and just slips into oblivion. He's exhausted from his thoughts and hasn't really had a peaceful night in months. He's not surprised when he's woken up by pounding on the door at three in the morning. It startles him and he just about looks for a weapon before he realizes he has claws. 

But it's probably just Cora who forgot her key again. He wishes she'd remember because then he could continue to sleep and not be afraid that someone's intruding. It's hard to get rid of that feeling though. Even after the alpha pack kept getting in and they got a security system. Derek never trusted the things meant to protect him. He was supposed to protect himself.

He reaches the door and is about to snap at Cora when he sees it's not actually who he thought it was. Stiles looks so small and pale in the small light reflecting from the window. He's drenched and it's clear that it's pouring outside but Derek hadn't even noticed. Stiles' eyes are red and holed in like he hasn't slept at all even though he's been in bed all day. 

Derek's just about to invite him in when Stiles collapses into his arms. He hangs on to him and the only thing Derek can do is hug him back. He knows what's wrong with Stiles but he doesn't know what to do. Scott said Stiles has never seen anyone on the anniversary of his mom's death. What if he messes this all up? 

"I went to her grave." Stiles tells him. He's not sure if Stiles is crying or if it's just the wetness from the rain. He squeezes Stiles' small and fragile frame tighter and doesn't speak. He lets Stiles take his time and come to terms with what he wants to say. He knows what it's like to lose people and not know how to cope with it. 

Derek lets him go and walks him to the couch. He shuts the door and locks it because he doesn't want anyone getting in unexpectedly. He tells Stiles he's going to make coffee and Stiles just nods. When he comes back with two mugs, Stiles is shaking from his wet clothes. 

Derek hands him the cup of coffee and Stiles takes it. He doesn't drink it and Derek isn't mad about it. He goes to the bathroom and gets a towel for Stiles to dry off, giving it to him before going up stairs to grab a change of clothes. 

"Thank you." Stiles whispers. He just sits there with the towel wrapped around his back. He doesn't change his clothes or drink the coffee. Derek doesn't encourage him to talk but he knows he should ask. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

"Not really." Stiles laughs softly. "If that's okay."

"Whatever you need Stiles." Derek nods. He doesn't need Stiles to talk but he can talk for the both of them. He thinks that maybe Stiles will stop looking so dead inside if he talks about happy things. So that's exactly what he does. 

"I had this stuffed wolf when I was a baby. I carried it around everywhere. My mom gave it to me. She said it would give me good luck. When I was ten, I still carried it with me wherever I went. I guess I shouldn't have been confused as to why people were making fun of me for that." Derek tells him. He smiles a little. He still remembers what it looked like. What it felt like in his tiny, grubby hands. 

"What happened to it?" Stiles asks suddenly.

"Well, after I realized that was the reason I was made fun of, I hid it in the back of my closet. I forgot all about it until after I watched my house go up in flames. You know, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't for the life of me walk back in there to see what survived." Derek sighs. He lost so much that day. There were pictures and memories, erased into nothingness. He could never get things back to how they were supposed to be. "Once I did get the courage, I went back up to my room and looked for that damn stuffed wolf. And you know what? It was fine. It looked a little rough around the edges but out of everything that fire took from me, it didn't take that." 

"So where is it now?" Stiles asks. 

"In a vault with all my other family secrets. No one knows where the vault is and no one can get to that wolf." He says. That wolf is one good thing he has left of his mother. 

Stiles smiles at him. He still looks so pale and sickly but he's genuinely smiling. As much as he can without it being too painful. Why are such beautiful things so terribly broken? Stiles is one person who is so pure for all he's been through, he doesn't deserve this. Derek can't smile back. He wants to cry, but he doesn't. He might as well not ruin the mood. 

Stiles escapes to the bathroom and comes back with dry clothes. He apologizes for coming by so late but Derek can't be burdened. He suggests they go upstairs so Stiles can get some actual rest. They both look like they need it. Derek swaps the coffee for some water since Stiles wouldn't touch his. 

He finds Stiles perched at the end of his bed, staring at the pages of a book he'd left out. When he approaches him, Stiles takes the water bottles and sets them down. He pulls Derek towards him by the neck of his shirt and they're suddenly locking lips. The intensity shocks Derek at first. He doesn't know how to react. But then instincts kick in and he's kissing Stiles back while being straddled at the end of his bed. 

Stiles pulls him down so he's not bending at an awkward angle and he slides further onto the bed, not to the headboard yet. Derek follows him, trying not to break the trance Stiles has him in. But he comes to his senses and stops kissing Stiles back which only makes Stiles try harder to get him to do something. 

"Stiles, stop." Derek tells him, pushing him away just slightly. He doesn't want to offend Stiles and make him think that he's unwanted, but he doesn't feel comfortable doing this. 

"Why'd you stop?" Stiles asks, he's only slightly out of breath. He stops breathing when he kisses Derek and doesn't break away for air. Derek, is fine however with his werewolf abilities to help him out. 

"I don't think we should do this." Derek tells him. "You're vulnerable. I don't want to take advantage of you." 

"Please, do this for me." Stiles almost begs him. He slowly gets closer to Derek and places a gentle kiss on the corner of his jaw. Derek wants to refuse but it's pointless, so he takes the bait. 

Stiles lays down so Derek can climb on top of him and get more leverage. He locks Stiles in, his arms on either sides of the boy's head. Stiles looks so beautiful in the light from outside the window. The moon reflects on his skin and makes him look like he's glowing. Derek hadn't even noticed the storm outside until lightning filters through the room. 

He slowly brings his lips to Stiles' again and makes the kisses long and searing. Stiles has to catch his breath in between each one and every time his eyes are slightly lidded. He closes them while they're kissing but when Derek stops, he opens them just enough to see why. He doesn't know how Stiles does this to him. How he's so willing to do anything he's asked.

Stiles gets impatient with Derek when all he keeps it to is mouth to mouth. He rakes his hands up Derek's back, underneath his shirt. Derek knows he wants him to take it off and he still isn't sure if this is the right thing to do. Stiles was so emotional before this. He hadn't even talked to Derek about what was going on. They all had different ways of coping though.

He sits back on his heels so he can pull his arms out of the sleeves of his shirt and pull it off by the neck. Stiles is happy to see Derek removing clothing. He doesn't take the step to do it himself though. His fingers trail down Derek's pecs to his belt buckle. Stiles pulls him closer when he reaches his hips. They start kissing again. 

Stiles flips them over and straddles Derek. He uses his tongue to lick patterns across his chest and suck marks into his skin. Derek's head shoots back against the pillows when Stiles sucks a nipple into his mouth. It's always been a weakness for him in the bedroom. He also has a weak spot on his left hip that Stiles totally knows about, which is why he's taking his time to reach it. 

He's drawing the pleasure out of Derek, taking his time to get him completely blissed out. Derek sits up so he can remove Stiles' borrowed t-shirt from his body. Stiles only minds the distraction for a second before he's mouthing at Derek's neck, trying to get the attention off of him. Stiles is still uncomfortable when Derek undresses him and for the life of him, he can't understand why. 

Derek lays Stiles down so their heads are where their feet usually go. Stiles doesn't like the way Derek stares at him and his naked skin. He tries to sit up, kiss Derek, run fingers down his body, but nothing draws Derek's attention away from the boy underneath him. 

"You are-"

"I swear to god if you say beautiful I will-"

"I was going to say breathtaking, but that too." Derek nods, smiling cheekily at the wrecked human below him. Stiles looks away shyly. Derek tilts his head back up so he can look into Stiles' eyes. "I don't understand why you think so low of yourself." 

"I'm nothing special, Derek." Stiles tells him, huffing at the persistence Derek is giving him. 

"I beg to differ." Derek shakes his head, leaning down to kiss Stiles' moles. There are so many dots that he doesn't know where to start. But it's one thing he can't get enough of about Stiles. 

Stiles is easily distracted by Derek sucking a hickey into his neck. He doesn't even tell Derek to put it somewhere he can easily hide it. And Derek is definitely not thinking about hiding anything on Stiles while he wants to get rid of more clothes. Stiles oddly senses that and undoes the ties that are holding Derek's sweatpants up. Derek easily kicks them off and tosses them next to the bed. 

Stiles takes his time before taking off his borrowed sweatpants. He likes touching Derek's legs. His thighs are ungodly and sinful. When Derek gets him out of his clothes, his legs just look like toothpicks. Stiles can't understand what Derek sees in that. But he's obviously attracted to him. 

Derek sits down on the bed and pulls Stiles into his lap by his legs. Stiles effortlessly wraps his legs around Derek's waist. Derek then, turns them around so Stiles' head drops onto a pillow when he lays them down. They're slowly grinding up against one another even with the weird angle. Derek rubs up and down his thighs as he swirls his tongue into Stiles' mouth. Stiles is entranced and out of breath. He can't remember why this day was so bad in the first place.

Derek unexpectedly pulls Stiles boxers down his legs and throws them into the darkness of the room. He removes his own only moments later. This is the part Stiles likes, skin on skin. He's incredibly hard and so is Derek as their cocks slide together. He knows what comes next and he's just waiting for Derek to make the first move. Neither of them want foreplay. 

Derek reaches over to the bedside table for lube and a condom. Stiles takes that as his opportunity to flip over onto his stomach because that's how they always do it. He's not in the mood to ride Derek. 

"No." Derek says, before Stiles is completely on his stomach. He flips him back so he is totally on his back. Stiles is really confused. He's sure Derek wants to have sex with him. That's what all of this was leading up to. "Like this. I want to see you." 

Stiles gulps. He feels the nerves start to kick in as he nods his head. He's never done this before but he knows that with women, this is how it's supposed to be done. This position is so incredibly intimate and that's never something they have been. Stiles wants it, he doesn't understand why Derek wants it though. 

"I trust you." Stiles tells him in almost a whisper.

 ~~_You don't trust me. I don't trust you._ ~~  

Derek doesn't know how they've gotten so far into this. How their opinions of each other have changed so much in the past few years. They never really liked each other. Never could trust that the other was doing something that could benefit both of them. Derek is glad to hear the words come out of Stiles' mouth because he feels them too. 

Derek, the gentleman he is, pulls the sheets over them and puts a pillow underneath Stiles' back for better support. Stiles also knows from research that for men, this position can be kind of straining. But he wants to try it, because Derek wants to. He goes along with it every step of the way. Derek seems so focused on this. Focused on making it good for him, like the first time. 

Stiles fists his hands in the sheets next to him as Derek fingers him. He feels like they haven't done this in forever though it's probably only been a week, maybe a little longer. They've been more discreet about when and where they have sex. No one goes in Derek's room so they aren't completely worried by Peter's warning. 

Derek pulls out of him soon after he tells him he's good. It doesn't take long for Derek to slide into him. He knows immediately how uncomfortable the position he's in is when Derek's balls deep in him. He doesn't move for a few moments because Stiles stops breathing. He doesn't feel like there's any air that can enter his lungs. It feels painfully good and he can only tell Derek to move by moving himself. Adjusting. 

Derek starts out slow and doesn't even cringe as Stiles' nails dig into his back. He's holding on to him so tightly that he's even pained by it. He lets go because he doesn't want to injure Derek, even though he heals quicker than wounds can be made. Derek's hands are holding onto his thighs but he lets go of one to intertwine his hand with one of Stiles'. Stiles squeezes on to it and lays it above his head. 

He's staring so deeply into Derek's eyes that he doesn't realize he's tearing up. He's not sad, he's far from it. He just feels really good about this. Derek makes him feel the way he wants to when he's able to forget what's really keeping them together. They don't do the emotions thing, but Stiles feels everything so intensely and tries to see something in Derek too. He doesn't know if it's wishful thinking but he thinks he might see what he feels in Derek's eyes. 

Derek kisses him. They're both exhausted but every time their foreheads touch, Derek leans in to take his mind off what the rest of their bodies are doing. Stiles loves Derek's lips more than anything and he loves the way he breathes him in. It's all intimate. There's no way you could feel nothing while doing something like this.

Derek gets a hand on Stiles' cock and starts pumping up and down so he can reach his climax. Stiles is not ready for this to end and he thinks Derek knows that, so he takes it slow and draws it out for as long as he can. Derek's thrusts get out of rhythm quickly and he reaches Stiles' prostate.

Stiles lets out what almost sounds like a scream. Derek's afraid he's done something to hurt Stiles but he doesn't smell pain, he smells pleasure. So Derek keeps going. Moving his body and his hand and Stiles reaches his climax in minutes. He throws his head back into the pillows and doesn't move another inch. 

Derek comes a few thrusts later and almost collapses on top of Stiles. He pulls out, disposes of the condom, and curls around Stiles who is still laying there in ecstasy. Stiles is verbal about everything but at the moment, he looks to be completely speechless. He just stares at the ceiling with this high look on his face. 

He eventually looks at Derek and smiles. He leans over from where he is lying to kiss Derek. He's incredibly exhausted but does it anyway and then collapses against Derek's side. Derek wraps an arm around his shoulders and with his free hand, intertwines his fingers with the ones Stiles is resting on his chest. 

He's waiting for Stiles to leave. Because he usually relaxes for a few minutes before saying he has to go. That's just how it is every time and he won't be surprised if Stiles leaves even though it's four in the morning. His excuse could be that he has school in the morning. Derek won't take offense, he just wants Stiles to stay in his bed for once without running away. 

"It looks kind of bad out there." Stiles says, glancing out the window. He lays his head back down and looks at Derek. "Not very good driving conditions."

"I wouldn't want you to drive in that." Derek agrees, but he can see out the window. It's not raining anymore. 

"If you sent me away and I got into an accident, it'd be all your fault." Stiles says, continuing the joke. Derek smiles at him and kisses his forehead. He wouldn't let Stiles go even if he begged him. 

"I guess you'll just have to stay then."

 Stiles smiles back and closes his eyes. Derek was happy to see that Stiles was comfortable with staying the night. He wasn't worrying about his dad or what would happen in the morning. All Derek wanted, was to fall asleep with the person he cared about the most. The man -not boy- he was falling in love with. His mate. 

"You know, I haven't completely forgotten the world around us yet." Stiles tells him in a low whisper. "Maybe, if either of us are taken hostage at some point in the near or distant future, we should come up with a code word or phrase to alert each other if we'd be walking into a trap." 

"Why were you thinking about that?" Derek chuckles. 

"Because I'm usually the one being taken hostage. And I don't want you or anyone else for that matter, to walk into a trap and get hurt." Stiles sighs. 

Derek agrees and tells Stiles exactly that. He leaves it to Stiles to come up with their code phrase. Stiles can't come up with anything natural on the spot so he asks for some time to think. Minutes pass by and Stiles' breathing evens out. Derek thinks he's fallen asleep so he himself tries shutting his eyes to get some sleep as well. 

"I love you." Stiles says into the darkness of the night, which is actually morning now. 

Derek's heart stops. 

"That should be the code phrase." Stiles adds. Derek's heart drops, but it starts beating again. "I mean, in every romance known to man, the villain always falls for the two main characters genuinely being in love and not having a back up plan." 

"Yeah." Derek agrees, his voice is strained.

Stiles falls asleep after that. But Derek is kept up by the words that had fallen out of Stiles' no filter of a mouth. He believed Stiles for a minute. But it was all for pretend. Stiles would never feel that way for Derek. And that was the last thought on his mind before he fell asleep too. 

Stiles wakes up the next morning warm and oddly, very well rested. His eyes flutter open to see Derek staring at him with hooded eyes. Stiles sighs and buries his head back into Derek's pillows. He thinks he should tell Derek everything that was running through his mind before he showed up earlier that morning. 

"You're still here." Derek says in disbelief. 

"I didn't want to leave." Stiles confesses, sitting up. He knows he's still naked and the air in the apartment is chilled but he moves away from his heat source anyway. His back his facing Derek while he runs his fingers through his hair. 

"Are you okay?" Derek asks, leaning up so he's a closer presence behind Stiles. Stiles can feel Derek press light kisses to his shoulder as he wraps his arms around the teenager's waist. 

"I'm okay now." Stiles nods. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not really." Stiles sighs, glancing back to look at Derek. Their lips slide together and they fall back into bed and make out for a while. 

Stiles notices it's around noon when he tries to bring himself back to reality. He tries so hard to stop kissing Derek but he doesn't have the will power. They eventually wind down and lazily kiss each other every few seconds until Stiles finally stops. He just stares at Derek who gently caresses Stiles' face with his fingers. 

"My dad drank himself to sleep last night." Stiles finally says. "I don't think either of us know how to deal with her death very well." 

"I hadn't done anything irrational until after Laura died. I got into a bar fight the year after her death. Almost killed the guy too because he wouldn't back down." Derek sighs. "As long as you're not murderous, I think your coping mechanisms are better than mine by a long shot." 

"Thanks for last night." Stiles says, taking the hand that Derek still had rubbing his face. 

"I was surprised to see you. Scott said you never see anyone on the anniversary." 

"I needed to see you." Stiles admits and looks away. Like he's said something he probably shouldn't. 

"I'm always here if you need me." Derek says seriously. Stiles just smiles at him. 

They lay in bed the rest of the day for the most part. They get up to shower together and eat but even when they're fully clothed, they end up back in bed. Derek reads to himself while Stiles takes a nap. With all the sleep Stiles didn't get, Derek was definitely okay with letting him get the rest he deserved. 

He heads downstairs after a while to grab some coffee when he hears heartbeats outside the door. He takes his mug of coffee and stands in the main room. He senses that Cora's out there. He doesn't need to open the door for them. She's got a key. He has a moment to panic about Stiles being in his room but it diminishes when he realizes this is what an alpha does for a pack member. 

"Derek." Cora greets him and the rest of the pack walk inside, they all look slightly off the rails. They look like they've been worrying. They smell like it too. 

"Have you seen Stiles?" Scott asks. He has wide eyes and he's rubbing his hands together because he's nervous. "His dad said he wasn't home this morning and we've been searching for him. He hasn't been answering his phone." 

"He's upstairs." Derek nods. "Why didn't you call me first? I could have told you he came over here early this morning." 

"He came here?" Cora asks. 

"How early this morning?" Scott asks. 

"I think around three." Derek shrugs. "He was soaking wet from the rain and he wasn't alright so I talked him down from panicking. He slept till noon and he woke up for a little while but he's taking a nap now." 

"That's weird." Jackson huffs. Like Stiles confiding in Derek is a strange occurrence.

"He's okay. I'll let him know you all stopped by." Derek says, going back towards the stairs. Everyone wasn't leaving though but Derek didn't mind. They were worried about Stiles. They could stay as long as they didn't venture into his bedroom.

Stiles is still peacefully asleep when he enters his room again. Derek couldn't ask for a better view than that.

 

* * *

 

Christmas approaches quickly. Stiles does his Christmas shopping in one day. He buys a gift for everyone in the pack, his dad, and Melissa. He's still stumped on what to get Derek so he doesn't bother yet. He still has time. A few days, but still there's time.

He's sitting on Derek's couch when he realizes they haven't really talked about what they're doing for the holidays. The loft doesn't look festive at all. They don't even have a tree. It's a little depressing but Stiles refrains from expressing how he feels about it. Christmas is probably another holiday that the Hales don't exactly celebrate anymore. 

"Any plans for Christmas?" Stiles asks him. 

"Uh... Cora got invited to Christmas dinner held by the pack she was with in South America and Isaac is going to the McCall's." Derek tells him. He seems a little distracted and doesn't even look up from his book.

"That's nice, but I meant you." Stiles says, getting up from his spot to sit on the coffee table in front of Derek's seat on the couch. 

"Me? I was just planning on staying in. Ordering takeout or something." He shrugs. 

"Come spend Christmas with my dad and I." Stiles says quickly. "No one should be alone of Christmas." 

"Won't he think it's weird that we're friends?" Derek asks. 

"Good point." Stiles nods. "Well, he usually ends up having to leave for an unexpected shift at the station. Why don't you come keep me company once he leaves?" 

"Stiles-" 

"Please Derek. I'm not taking no for an answer. You'll be doing me a favor. I always make way too much food and end up watching stupid Christmas movies by the fire, alone." Stiles begs him, taking both his hands so his attention is all on Stiles. Derek ends up agreeing by sighing and nodding his head. Stiles counts it as a definite victory. 

The next couple days, he ends up trying to plan everything perfectly. He's making a lunch for his dad and him and he'll save enough for Derek when he comes by. Derek even asks if there's anything he can bring. Stiles' answer is alcohol, which Derek denies right away but he's not completely bummed about it. Other than that, he's got everything covered. 

His house looks like elves puked on it. He always had a knack for decorating the house with his mom. That tradition didn't really stop even though he was on his own. Stiles' dad helped a little but he never knew where Stiles liked to put things so he backed off and let his son do it himself. 

Stiles and his dad had a good Christmas brunch and they hang out in the living room and watch _A Christmas Story_ because it was his mom's favorite. They had a thing for keeping traditions alive for her benefit. No matter how painful bringing up the memories could be. Especially with the anniversary of her death so close to Christmas. Stiles will never understand why she was taken away before she could enjoy one last one. 

His dad has tears in his eyes by the end of the movie. Seeing his old man so emotional makes Stiles super emotional. They have a long talk that consists of reminding each other of their favorite things she'd do around the holidays. Even though it's been years, it feels like days. His dad comforts him by wrapping an arm around his shoulders and letting Stiles lean his head against his. 

It sucks when his dad is called in for an emergency. People do dumb shit during the holidays. They think they're invincible. Since his dad's the sheriff, he always has to clean up their messes. Sometimes Stiles wishes that his dad didn't have such a huge responsibility weighing over his shoulders. He deserved to relax and find a job that didn't give him so much stress. 

He cleans up the house a little, waiting for Derek to show up. He half expects to see him walk down the stairs because he'd entered through the window. But it's just Stiles, setting up the kitchen table with leftovers. He stands in the middle of the kitchen for a few minutes. He doesn't know why but it feels like he's making such a big deal about this evening. 

He hears a knock on the door and quickly looks at himself in a mirror before going to answer it. He still looks like he'd been crying previously. Not attractive at all. He was wearing jeans and a nice sweater to look attractive. His face wasn't helping his case at all. He goes to the door anyway and when he sees Derek, all his nerves filter out of his body. 

"Hey." Derek smiles. When Stiles doesn't answer, Derek awkwardly stands there. It's just, Derek dressed up for the occasion too. He's wearing khakis -something he's never seen Derek wear- and a dark blue dress shirt. He looks like a young, twenty year old college kid. He even trimmed his beard.

"Uh..." Stiles blushes and snaps out of his trance. "You look nice." 

"Thanks." Derek smiles timidly. He's not really good at accepting compliments. "So do you." 

"Oh, I just threw something on." Stiles blush deepens at the lie. He put an effort into trying to look good. "I'm sorry, come in." 

He moves aside so Derek can walk past him. He mentions food being warm if Derek's hungry. Derek heads to the kitchen at that. He also hands Stiles a tin of what looks like a pie. Stiles takes it with a confused look on his face. He hadn't asked Derek to bring a pie. 

"Peter said it would be polite to bring something." Derek says shyly.

"You're talking to Peter about us?" Stiles asks, chuckling. He can't even imagine how those conversations would go. 

"Um, no. He came by earlier when I was getting ready. He thought we could spend some time together but I said I had plans. He figured the rest out from there." Derek explains himself nervously. He has absolutely no idea why Derek is acting so sheepish. This is the guy he has rough sex with on occasion. He lets it slip past him for the night though. 

"So, I have plenty of food. You can help yourself to whatever you'd like." Stiles gestures to the table. Derek takes a seat and waits for Stiles to sit across from him before he starts digging in. 

They talk about random things from Stiles' school work to Derek's time in New York. They learn things about each other that they'd never told anyone. Derek tells him a bunch of stories about the trouble Laura and he used to get into as kids. It's obvious how much he misses her. 

When Derek talks about New York, it's clear he misses his life there too. Or maybe he just misses the safety he had when he was there. He still had his sister and when he came back here, he lost her. Stiles wonders what's keeping Derek around other than his sister and his tiny pack. Stiles is ready to leave the minute he graduates. 

Derek eats a lot and after, he helps Stiles wash dishes and clean up. Derek's not bad at drying dishes and Stiles commends him for that. They joke around and give each other quick, unexpected kisses in the middle of their conversations. They eventually end up in the living room and Stiles puts on the Christmas movies his dad and him hadn't gotten to. 

Derek helpfully gets a fire started in the fireplace across from the couch. The temperature did drop a little because of the winter months. It was odd that it never snowed in Beacon Hills. Stiles' mom used to drive him out of state to see the snow fall somewhere else. He misses those memories. He doesn't mention it to Derek. 

Derek and him curl up on the couch and make out while the fire is blazing next to them. Stiles feels content even though he's pained by the nostalgia he's been feeling all day. Derek lays on top of him while he's squished between the alpha werewolf and the cushions of the couch. Their clothes aren't coming off but Stiles is completely okay with how things are going. 

"I have a question." Stiles says, breaking the long kiss Derek's left on his lips. Derek just puts his lips to use by sucking on Stiles' neck. But he hums to let Stiles know that he's listening.

"STDs and male pregnancies aren't a thing when having unprotected sex with a werewolf, are they?" Stiles asks and Derek immediately sits up. 

"Maybe we shouldn't be having sex at all if you don't know basic anatomy and health facts." Derek tells him. 

"I mean, male humans can't get pregnant but they can get STDs and I don't know if it's different for werewolves. I've read things on the Internet." Stiles continues. He's totally ruining the mood. 

"I'm going to break your computer." Derek tells him.

"I don't have any condoms left." Stiles tells him. 

"That's why you're worried? Because you want to have sex with me without protection." Derek sighs like he's having sex with an idiot. Which, point taken, Stiles can be an idiot sometimes. So he nods his head and blushes. "Well, no. You can't get an STD or pregnant. But I always come prepared." 

Derek pulls a condom packet out of his back pocket and tosses it at Stiles' face. 

"Not that I'm willing to have sex with you anyway now." Derek huffs.

"Do were-babies turn you off?" Stiles laughs, sitting up to rest his forehead against Derek's.

"No." Derek sighs, running his hands over Stiles' belly.

"You want that, don't you?" Stiles whispers. It breaks his heart when he sees how affectionately Derek is rubbing his stomach. 

"A family? Who wouldn't." Derek nods, not being able to meet Stiles' eyes. 

"Want to pretend to make a baby with me?" Stiles grins, trying to lighten the mood. Derek looks at him and all he sees is how much Derek _wants_. 

"What would your father say?" Derek gives him a little crooked smile. 

They don't have sex. They make out a little again but the mood is kind of somber. Stiles realizes he can't give Derek what he wants. He can't grow a ten pound fetus in his stomach. He's not a woman. And maybe that's what Derek wants. 

"I got you something." He says softly, leaving the couch to get Derek his wrapped gift. 

"So did I." Derek says, taking a thin package from his khaki pocket. 

When Derek opens his, he gets this happy glint in his eyes and he kisses the smile right off Stiles' mouth. He got Derek a leather bound journal. Once when they had nothing to talk about, Derek told him some of the things he lost in the fire. He said his dad got him the journal so he could talk about his family or write about things he didn't want to forget. 

"This is perfect." Derek tells him. He hands his gift to Stiles. It's wrapped so delicately that he can't believe Derek could have wrapped it. 

He opens it to reveal a key. And fuck. He thinks he knows exactly what the key is to. 

"Stiles, breathe. It's a key to the loft, not an engagement ring." Derek tells him. 

"Do you want to give me one of those too?" Stiles jokes, heart beating quicker. 

"You're around so much that I thought you having a key would be easier for both of us." Derek shrugs. "Is it too cheesy?" 

"You're lucky I love cheese." Stiles smiles and kisses Derek's cheek after thanking him. 

Stiles felt it then. Harder than he felt it the night of the anniversary of his mom's death. He needed to run from it. But not yet. He needed to revel in it before he buried it deep down.

 

* * *

 

Derek, Cora, and Peter disappear over the New Year without telling anyone where they're headed. Stiles half expects to receive a text from Derek saying that everything is okay and they'd be back soon, but it never happened. He doesn't really know what to do with himself since the night he had with Derek on Christmas. He was starting to feel something different for the werewolf than just affection. 

Lydia can see he's worried about his _friend_ , and gets him out of the house. They end up at a club with Danny. The rest of the pack is supposed to show up later but Lydia wanted to get a head start. They start the night sitting at a table and take a few shots to get their blood pumping. It doesn't take effect right away and they all just wait for something exciting to happen. 

Danny gets whisked away by Ethan who shows up unexpectedly with Aiden. Aiden had a thing for Lydia even though she was with Jackson. She eventually gave in to his requests to dance with her. Stiles was left alone for a long time. A waiter came by and he ordered a beer. He watched Lydia and Danny have fun while he sat and continuously checked his phone for a message from Derek. 

"You seem lonely." Someone says from across his table. He has to look up from his phone to see who could be bothering him. It's Theo. The guy that kissed him in the locker room that one day everyone learned he wasn't a virgin. 

"Oh, hey." Stiles awkwardly says, putting his phone down. The waiter comes by and hands him his beer. Theo takes a seat next to him. 

"What's a guy like you doing at a club like this?" He asks.

"I got dragged into hanging out with my friends." Stiles shrugs, checking his phone again. He's texted Derek at least five times now. 

"Relationship troubles?" Theo asks, gesturing towards Stiles' phone. 

"Uh... I wouldn't really call it a relationship but yeah." Stiles nods. 

"You should put the phone away and get out on the dance floor." Theo suggests, getting up to follow his own advice.

"Trust me when I say, it's better for everyone this way." 

"Whatever you say Stiles." He chuckles and walks away. Stiles feels a little weird about the whole conversation. He thinks Theo might be trying to hit on him. Especially when he sees him staring from the dance floor. Stiles makes it his mission to not look at Theo for the rest of the night. 

The pack shows up at least an hour later. Erica and Boyd immediately go to the dance floor, per Erica's request. Allison and Scott take a seat next to him and order drinks. Jackson marches to the dance floor and takes Lydia away from Aiden even though Lydia wants to make her own choices. Isaac comes in last and takes a seat on the other side of Stiles. He's been acting a little weird recently. Stiles doesn't care though, he's been competing with Isaac for Scott's friendship anyway. It's not like he needs to help the guy out. 

His friends all end up on the dance floor on and off all night. They're all pretty drunk but Stiles had been nursing his first and only beer since they'd gotten there. Isaac looks just as uncomfortable to be there as he is. Especially when the TVs are tuned into the ball drop and couples are getting ready to kiss and make out. He doesn't want to be around for that. 

When there's a minute left, Stiles exits the club and wanders around the front entrance. It's cold outside and he regrets leaving his sweatshirt at the table but isn't in the mood to go back and get it. He stands out there for what seems like hours but is only actually a few minutes. He feels exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. He's been thinking too much about Derek. 

"Stiles." Lydia calls out to him. Suddenly she's at his side. He won't look at her. He knows what she'll say. "What are you doing out here?" 

"Too much testosterone in there for me to handle." Stiles shrugs and looks up at the sky. It's oddly barren. No stars are out and the moon is just a sliver. 

"What's going on? You and Isaac have looked like kicked puppies all night." She says, squeezing his arm. He looks at her finally because he's distracted by the jingly noise of her bracelets. 

"Why's Isaac in such a bad mood?" Stiles asks to get the subject off him. He could care less about Isaac's problems but he didn't want to talk about his own. 

"That's beside the point. You look exactly the same as he does." Lydia points out. Like they're having the same problems. 

"I'm exhausted and drunk." 

"This has nothing to do with that. You've had one beer the whole night. And you've been acting this way since we came. Is this about Derek being gone?" She asks. He doesn't want to tell her. But she asks so many questions and it breaks him down. 

"He hasn't called." Stiles sighs. 

"Don't take it personally. He hasn't called anyone. Not even Scott." Lydia tells him. She also tells him that Cora probably would have said something too if it wasn't that important. 

"It's just... we had sex." 

"I thought you've been having sex." 

"We have but... Lydia, it was different this time." Stiles tells her. He looks away and into the ally. There's people making out and some girl giving a guy a blow job. He looks back at Lydia when he sees someone puking. 

"Different how?" She asks. 

"I've been feeling something for a while now that I haven't been able to explain. After we slept together that night, and then he gave me a key to his apartment, I knew what it was. And I've been failing at talking myself out of it." Stiles takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "I'm in love with him." 

"Oh god." Lydia gasps. 

"What?" Stiles asks, regretting ever saying anything at all. 

"You need to tell him." Lydia says, smacking his arm. 

"Are you kidding me? He doesn't feel the same way!" Stiles shakes his head and paces back and forth. 

"Stiles, trust me. Either way, you've gotten yourself in too deep. You need to do something about it." 

"You know what? He's not even here. I'm not going to make any irrational decisions when he's not even in town." Stiles tells her but continues to pace around anyway. 

"You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder." She stops him and gives him an award winning smile. He hates when she tries to be nice. She's at least fifty percent evil. 

"You're not helping." Stiles scolds her. He tries to go back inside but she stops him. 

"Do you know what this means?" She asks. 

"No." 

"It means, Isaac is in love with someone too!" She exclaims. As if on cue Isaac is running out of the club with Scott trailing behind and then the rest of the pack. It's always alpha McCall to the rescue. 

Stiles follows Scott home that night. Everyone has gone to their respective houses but Stiles wants to get in on what happened. Isaac is obviously upset about something. Scott has to have the juice on everything. He always knows the secrets of the whole pack. It's odd that Stiles has referred to Derek and Scott's packs as one recently. It's just the way things have been going, they've been brought close together. 

Scott's mom lets him in when he arrives. She tells him that Scott seems upset about something and won't talk to her. She's glad she's in the loop about the supernatural now, but Stiles thinks that Scott still leaves her out of his personal life. Which is obviously more important than the fantasy he's living. 

"Scott, buddy? Can I come in?" Scott opens the door and Stiles shuts it behind him. Scott sits on his bed and curls his legs up to rest his chin on his knees. That definitely means there's something wrong. Scott's not smiling. "What's going on Scotty?" 

"Isaac kissed me." Scott mumbles. Stiles has to do a double take at the information he's been given.

"Shit. You're who Isaac's in love with?" Stiles asks, eyes wide.

"What? He's not in love with me." Scott shakes his head.

"Scott, he follows you around and does whatever you ask. I'm pretty sure he's in love-" 

"Stop!" Scott growls. "Isaac doesn't know how he feels. He's just confused. He likes girls." 

"Even if he doesn't like you, he does like guys. You don't just go around kissing guys unless it's something you want to do or something you're trying to figure out." Stiles scoffs. It kind of sounds like Scott's being a little homophobic. 

"I'm not saying he can't, I'm just saying that... none of my friends are gay, okay?" Scott says quickly. 

"Scott, I'm bisexual." Stiles says, raising an eyebrow. He doesn't know how Scott couldn't have noticed. He doesn't exactly express it but he has eyes. 

"What? No you're not." Scott says, confused. "How would you know that?" 

"Because I lost my virginity to-" Stiles pauses, because he can't say Derek. "To a guy." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Scott's suddenly offended by his existence and he doesn't know what to tell the guy. 

"Maybe because of the way you're reacting right now. Scott, things aren't always black and white." Stiles sighs.

"Are you still seeing this guy?" 

"It's complicated." Stiles paces around Scott's room. He doesn't feel comfortable sitting down. Scott just stares at him and he feels like he's being interrogated. Scott just figured out he had a thing for guys, he should let that settle in first. 

"Oh god. Is it Isaac? That's why it's complicated, because he likes me?" Scott panics and Stiles immediately drives the thought out of his head. There is no way he would ever be in a secret relationship with Isaac. Even though he is kind of attractive now that Stiles thinks about it, but back to the point. He's in love with Derek. 

"No! Get that thought out of your head right now. You know I'm barely getting along with the guy because he's inseparable from you." Stiles says, rubbing fingers through his hair in a repeated motion like that will fix this mess of a conversation. 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you liked guys." Scott says. Of course that has to be the one thing he focuses on. Not the fact that Isaac may or may not be in love with him. 

"I'm sorry, does that make you uncomfortable Scott?" Stiles asks, glaring at his best friend. "You haven't exactly been here for me the past couple of months!" 

"Stiles, come on I-"

"Shut up Scott!" Stiles yells. "I have devoted my life to you ever since you became a werewolf. I'm living a life I don't want, to protect you! You're my best friend but you've been so crappy at it lately." 

"I'm sorry about that Stiles but we've all had other things on our minds!" Scott yells back. That stings because it's true. Stiles hasn't really participated in their friendship either. 

"Okay." Stiles nods. "But back to the real reason I came here. I think you should figure things out with Isaac. Don't break the guys heart. Let him down easy." 

"I don't think I'm ready to accept anything right now." Scott tells him, standing up from his bed. He made it seem like he had to check to make sure that the floor was still there. Like he had to make sure he could make it past this. 

"Is that to all this in general, or my sexuality?" Stiles asks softly. He doesn't want an answer but he asks anyway. 

"Both maybe." Scott sighs. "I think maybe you should go. Maybe we just need some space from each other for a while." 

"You know what, screw you Scott." Stiles huffs and storms out of Scott's room. He doesn't even stop when Melissa calls out his name. 

He's walking back to the jeep when he sees Isaac standing in the darkness, walking up to Scott's porch. He runs over to him and pushes him back. He'd just been to hell and back with his best friend. Everything Scott would say now would be against better judgement because he was hurt. 

"Isaac, you need to give him some space right now." He says, holding the beta back. 

"I have to apologize." Isaac shakes his head and brushes past Stiles. 

"He's going to say something he's going to regret. He's not in a good place at the moment. It's my fault." Stiles tells him, yanking him back. 

"Stiles, you don't understand. I screwed up." Isaac tells him. 

"By kissing him?" 

"He told you about that?" 

"Isaac, I know you're in love with him." Stiles scoffs but Isaac just looks offended. He starts walking back into the darkness. Stiles runs after him. 

"Did you tell him you're sleeping with Derek?" Isaac asks. 

"You know?" Stiles asks. 

"Stiles, I live in the loft. You guys may think you're sneaky, but not from me." Isaac shrugs. "And I know you're worried about him but he'll be alright." 

Isaac starts walking off again. Stiles just about lets him go. But Isaac is giving him some advice. Maybe he should give some to the guy. Or not. Stiles has a battle with himself because the guy is still trying to steal his best friend. Not from him now, but Allison. Scott's an idiot though and won't know what to do with the information. 

"Hey Isaac, he'll come around." Stiles calls out. 

Isaac doesn't turn around but Stiles is sure he heard it. That's all that matters.

 

* * *

 

Stiles doesn't like to study at his house. He's alone most of the time and usually when people don't want distractions, he thinks there's not enough. He usually studies at Derek's loft, he even has a key to do so. It doesn't feel right without Derek actually around though. He still hasn't received any kind of message from the guy. 

So since he and Scott aren’t doing well and he doesn’t want to bother Lydia, he goes to the only diner in town. He doesn’t really hang around there anymore. He used to go a lot as a kid with his parents. His mom was really good friends with the owner and all the workers knew Stiles’ name. Sometimes his dad ordered takeout from there but they never eat in. The last time he was there was with Lydia. 

Stiles takes a booth and one of the newer waitresses takes his order. She doesn’t know who he is an he’s grateful that she doesn’t ask about his personal life. He knows Julie, the other waitress, is dying to ask him everything she’s missed. He very pointedly avoids her gaze and gets to work on his school assignments. They have first semester exams coming up and he hasn’t studied at all for any of them. Since he’s a senior, he can per out of most of them but English isn’t an exception. 

Miss Blake has them all working on a book from the 20th century. Stiles chose _Gone With the Wind_. He doesn’t know what he was thinking at the time he chose it because it was over one thousand pages. He’d gotten through five hundred so far and he only had a week left to finish it. Plus, he had to come up with a whole report for it. He started reading and taking notes while waiting for his food to arrive. 

He ended up distracted by other work that had to be done. He finished his history work in twenty minutes and tried studying for his French test for the next day. He wasn’t very good with that language, he only took the class because Lydia suggested it to him. Spanish was enough his freshman and sophomore year, this was just torture. By the time his burger and fries show up, he starts reading Margaret Mitchell’s book again. He zones out so much that he doesn’t notice the shadow of a person in front of him. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you here.” The gruff voice above him speaks. 

He glances up and is shocked to see a broody werewolf staring patiently at him. He’s so shocked to see Derek that he has no idea what to say, he just continues to stare and let his mouth hang wide open. He scrambles to stand up and drops his book in the process. When he picks it up, Derek is grinning at him. 

Stiles takes this as his opportunity to get mad at the guy for leaving without telling anyone were he was going. He ends up socking Derek in the arm which hurts his hand more than it hurts Derek’s shoulder. Derek is surprised by the action though, which leaves Stiles even angrier. This asshole is acting like he didn’t do anything wrong, like Stiles has something to apologize for. Derek will have to do a lot of groveling after this conversation. 

Stiles sits back down in his booth and ignores the alpha giving him a confused look. His bushy eyebrows are distractedly furrowed and he finally takes a seat across from Stiles. He’s still rubbing his shoulder when a snickering waitress comes by, Julie, and asks Derek if he’d like to order something. Derek orders a meal meant for at least three people. It’s probably only for him and his werewolf metabolism. 

“Stop looking at me like that. I have work to do.” Stiles huffs. He can feel Derek glaring at him while he tries desperately to read his book. 

“Not until you tell me why I just got punched in the shoulder!” Derek complains. Stiles looks up and gives him a sour look. Derek huffs in annoyance and lets go of his shoulder. Like Stiles even made a mark. 

“I hope you haven’t forgotten that you’ve been gone for about three weeks.”

“I haven’t. I was going to explain myself before you used violence.”

“That hurt me more than it hurt you, idiot.” Stiles sighs and looks down at his book. He wishes he could live inside the pages of it. He doesn’t understand why Derek would treat him like he didn’t exist for three weeks. He was in love with the guy. He’d come to terms with it since he’d spilled the beans to Lydia. 

“For I am fighting for the old days, the old ways which I love so much, but which, I fear, are now gone forever, no matter how the die may fall. For, win or lose, we lose just the same.” Derek says seriously as Stiles slowly looks back up at him. His mouth is slightly hanging open because Derek’s always been like his own personal library. He knows so many quotes from so many different books. 

“You’ve read _Gone With the Wind_?” Stiles asks. 

Derek nods. “That particular part is from chapter eleven. Scarlett gets a letter from Ashley while he’s at war. She doesn’t really understand him but she loves him anyway.” 

“Why that specific quote?” 

“Because I want you to trust me even if you don’t understand why I do things sometimes. I didn’t mean to go radio silent these past few weeks. It was a family matter Cora, Peter, and I had to deal with. We didn’t want anyone else involved and if I could have, if it wasn’t that important, I would have told you.” Derek explains himself and Stiles nods along. He can’t be mad at Derek forever. If he was in Derek’s position and it was something he and his dad had to deal with, he would probably have done the same thing. 

“How long have you been back?” 

“A few hours. I talked to Scott, even asked him to tell you where I was.” 

“Scott and I haven’t talked in awhile.” Stiles sighs, closing his book. He stuffs his things back into his backpack. He thinks that he’s studied enough for one day. Derek is too much of a distraction for him to get anything else done anyway. 

“Did something happen while I was gone?” Derek asks, taking Stiles’ hand to get him to look at him for the conversation. It seemed like something pretty serious happened. Stiles should be completely focused on the subject when telling Derek about it. He didn’t want to get the wrong idea from the guy. 

“Uh… Scott freaked out after Isaac kissed him and when I tried to fix things for him I ended up making things worse by telling him Isaac was in love with him.” Stiles admits and looks for some kind of emotion in Derek’s eyes. Maybe shock, because Isaac is a little gayer than all of them thought he was. But by the way he’s looking a Derek, it seems like the guy already knew. 

“That doesn’t explain why he’s upset with you.” 

“Well, I told him I was bisexual.” Stiles shrugs. End of story. He takes his hand away from Derek and slugs his backpack over his shoulder. Derek gets up at the same time as he does and the waitress brings him his take out food. 

“Stiles, do you want to talk about it?” Derek asks. 

“Not really.” Stiles purses his lips and wills away the tears that want to come out. It’s the first time he’s felt emotional about the whole situation since it happened. He walks past Derek to his jeep and he doesn’t even mind the fact that Derek’s right on his tail. 

When they round the jeep and are out of view from the people in the diner, the people who know who his father is, he wraps his arms around Derek’s neck. He feels like he can suddenly breathe again when Derek wraps his hands around his waist. He didn’t know how much he need the affection until Derek actually gave it to him. He feels so broken without his best friend and he hasn’t known how to tell anyone about it. 

Stiles starts babbling while he holds on to Derek. Not everything is clear when he says it, but Derek gets the gist of what Stiles is trying to say. He’s struggling so hard with trying to accept himself if his best friend can’t even look at him the same way. It’s always awkward when they bump into each other at school. The only thing that has kept him on his feet is Lydia and Danny. They don’t even know the whole story. The only person he’s really confessed anything to is Derek. 

He feels better now that Derek is around. And Derek even reassures Stiles that he’s not going anywhere again any time soon. Stiles is grateful for the shoulder to cry on, even though he’s not exactly crying. He’s just being weirdly emotional in front of his not-boyfriend. But he wants him to be his boyfriend, desperately. He told himself he wasn’t going to get in too deep with Derek but now he was in love the guy and there was no turning back at this point. 

“I should get back home, my dad is off his shift soon.” He tells Derek, taking a few steps back to get to the driver’s side of the jeep. Derek nods and agrees but not without letting him know he can stop by the loft soon. Stiles thinks that’s a good idea and leaves Derek in the parking lot with a wave goodbye. 

When he gets home, his dad is still at work. Stiles keeps himself occupied by cooking something up for dinner even though he’d already eaten at the diner. He had to make something for his dad at least. He was still watching over what his dad consumed because he still didn’t trust his dad to make healthy decisions. Stiles hadn’t really been great at looking around the house for hidden snacks because he was so busy with the real world and the supernatural world. His dad could deal with a guilty conscience. 

When his dad does finally turn up, he looks exhausted but also cheeky. He seems to know something that Stiles does not and that makes Stiles nervous. His dad takes a seat at the kitchen table and gestures for Stiles to take a seat too. The teenager gets dinner served before his father's wishes are followed. He takes a seat right across from his dad and his dad is still giving him that strange know it all look. 

"So what's the deal with you and Derek Hale?" Stiles almost spits out his water. Almost. But he swallows in one gulp and stares at his dad like he has no idea what he's talking about. It's clear to the sheriff that Stiles has been hiding something. 

"Derek and I are friends." Stiles tells him. He also adds that Derek is not a murderous criminal, if that's what's got his dad so suspicious. He knew that Stiles knew Derek way back when they were solving the kanima problem back in sophomore year. 

"Just friends?" His dad is skeptical as he jams some meat into his mouth with a fork. He's barely even paying attention to his food. That's not what Stiles planned when he chose to give his dad food during a talk like this. 

"Yup." Stiles nods quickly. 

"Well, Julie said she saw you two together at the diner a few hours ago." His dad shrugs, cutting into his steak with focused attention. Good, he wasn't interrogating Stiles and seeing that he was definitely sweating under the pressure. 

"Julie's nosy." Stiles scoffs. The only thing Julie could have told him was that Derek touched his hand. That's it. And friends do that when they're trying to comfort someone, right? His perception of friends was so blinded that he wasn't sure if he was doing the friends thing correctly anymore.

"If there was something going on, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?" The sheriff's guilt tripping him now. He can't lie to his dad. He's lied to his dad too much about werewolves, kanimas, this new Darach person, it was all getting to be too much.

"Dad, I'm bisexual." He says softly.

"Is that supposed to be shocking?" His dad asks, continuing to eat his food.

"It's not?" 

"Son," His dad puts down his eating utensils and looks at Stiles with all the care in the world. "I'd be more surprised if you told me you were dating Lydia Martin." 

"She's just a friend." Stiles chuckles, he feels lighter somehow. A weight has been lifted off his shoulder and he feels like he could tell his dad everything. But he won't take everything the same way as he is now. 

"And Derek is too." Sheriff adds, still not buying it for a second. 

"I told Scott." Stiles sighs. John gets up and puts a hand on Stiles' shoulder.

"You know, there is nothing in this world that could make me love you less." He says carefully. He squeezes Stiles' shoulder tighter and leans into Stiles' space further so he can be level with his kid. "And I know that being a little different than most people can be challenging, but you have to let go of the people that aren't worth it. I like Scott. He's been your best friend since before your mom passed. I'm hoping he'll be the bigger man and get past this, but I hope you know it's understandable if he's a little overwhelmed." 

"I know." Stiles nods. "It just hurts a little, you know?" 

"Emotions tend to make you feel that way." Sheriff agrees but just pats his son on the back. "You'll get through this, Stiles." 

"Thanks dad." Stiles smiles. He may even have a few tears in his eyes as he gets up to hug his old man. They hug for what seems like a lifetime. And sometimes, Stiles never wants to let go.

 

* * *

 

"I want to take you somewhere." Stiles tells Derek as he gets into the jeep.

"Okay. Where is somewhere?" Derek asks. 

"It's a surprise." Stiles shrugs as he shifts the gear into drive. He takes off and they drive for a while. They end up parking on the side of the road next to the woods that go on for miles. 

Stiles parks the jeep and grabs the picnic basket from the backseat. Derek raises an eyebrow but doesn't ask. Stiles just grins and scrambles out of the car. Derek follows him shortly after, still completely confused. 

They walk through the woods, Stiles always a few steps ahead of Derek. He seems to know exactly where he's going as they loop around trees and jump over fallen wood and rocks. Stiles glances behind himself every so often just to see if Derek is still following him. They finally stop in the middle of a treeless meadow.

It's earthly beautiful. Derek smiles softly when he realizes that he'd told Stiles about all the times he'd been outdoors as a kid. That's all his family did when he was a kid. They were wolves. It was instinct to just be outside all the time. They had so many family cookouts that Derek forgot how much he'd been deprived of. 

Stiles pulls a blanket out of his basket and takes a seat, waiting for Derek to follow him. Derek's still in awe of his surroundings to notice Stiles waiting for him. It just smells so good, like tree bark and warmth and the sun feels so nice on his skin even though it's a chillier day in February. 

Derek finally pulls himself out of his little world and takes his reserved seat next to Stiles. That gives Stiles the cue to start unloading all the food he has stashed in the basket. He made sandwiches and packed a whole bag of chips, water bottles, apples, and carrots. Derek knew he was a healthy person since he had to be for his dad. He didn't mind though. 

They eat in comfortable silence and once they finish the main portions of their meals, they begin with small talk. Derek tells Stiles a few stories from family cookouts he remembers because he's really feeling the outdoor weather. Stiles listens like it's the most fascinating thing he's ever heard. He doesn't add in his opinion like he usually would. Derek's surprised at how calm and happy Stiles seems. 

He almost forgets how much this feels like a date. Stiles planned something that would make him happy and it just feels like the best and weirdest thing he's ever experienced. This is what mates do. They take care of each other and do things that their partner needs. Derek didn't know how much he needed this, especially with Stiles, till he'd been sitting there for almost an hour. 

Time seemed like nothing when he was with Stiles. The world didn't feel as fine-lined and treacherous as it once did. Stiles could make all the pain he had ever felt, disappear until it was just a numb feeling in the back of his mind. He wanted to feel like this for the rest of his unnatural life. But there was still this nagging part of him that knew the best thing for Stiles was to let him go. Let him live his life the way he was meant to, away from Beacon Hills. 

Derek wouldn't tell him this yet, though. They still had time. Stiles wasn't graduating for another four months and that should feel like forever away, but it only seemed like weeks. He wanted to be able to stay like this with Stiles for so much longer. He wished they hadn't been so stupid in the past and they'd gotten together much sooner. Maybe that would change his mind on what he would really tell Stiles when it came down to the truth. 

Derek appreciated everything Stiles did for him. Especially this. Stiles made him feel so connected to his past in that moment. He'd been so afraid to go back because he didn't want to relive any painful memories that he tried to bury for so long. Stiles, the human that he was, unlocked something in him that he didn't think he'd ever open up again for anyone. 

Stiles is shocked when Derek kisses him. He's babbling on about his mom and memories from his past. Derek feels bad for interrupting the story but not too bad when Stiles closes his eyes and kisses Derek back like he means it. That just lights the fire at the pit of Derek's stomach and he's laying Stiles on the blanket and kissing him senseless. 

Stiles breaks the kiss for only a moment to sweep everything off the blanket so they have all the room they need. Stiles is staring up at Derek with this look that can't be mistaken for anything but _love_. Derek doesn't look too deeply into it but he stores it at the back of his mind for another conversation. He's not completely sure of what he saw anyway. 

He stares back at Stiles though, who is blinking back at him with a lust filled gaze. He's panting just softly enough for Derek's werewolf ears to pick it up. Derek's already messed up his hair and it's strewn in places that just make Stiles look that much sexier. Derek leans down to kiss him again, but this time it's slow and searing. He puts all his emotions into that kiss as he comfortably straddles Stiles' hips and lazily grinds down on him. 

Stiles unlatches his mouth from Derek's with a low and guttural moan. His eyes are closed as he leans his head back and bares his neck. Derek goes in to scent him. Derek's never called it that to himself before but this time, he knows what he's doing. His nose drags across the teen's jugular and he licks a strip up to his chin. 

It's obvious by the way they're moving with each other that they both want more than this. They don't want clothes between them as they try to get each other off. They want skin on skin contact that doesn't take forever to get to. As Derek grinds up against Stiles again, he knows they are both increasingly hard. Derek leans up and pulls off his light grey Henley. 

Stiles lets Derek unzip his red hoodie and he leans up to shrug it off his shoulders. His white t-shirt comes off seconds after it. Stiles isn't shying away from Derek's glances at his chest. He's definitely gained some muscle and it shows. All the fight training they'd done together paid off and Stiles' confidence was growing. 

They didn't mess around and got straight to taking off the rest of their clothing. Derek slid his hands up and down Stiles body and watched as the younger man shivered under him. Stiles cupped his hand around Derek's head and pulled him down for another kiss as his other hand snaked it's way around his back to squeeze his ass. 

Their hands moved quickly and efficiently around each other. They were desperate to touch all the skin they could get their hands on. Their breathing was increasing and sweat was starting to pool in different places. Stiles broke another tongue-in-mouth kiss to tell Derek something. Derek latched his mouth onto Stiles' neck again and it made it almost impossible for him to speak. 

"I think you should fuck me now." Stiles tells him in a gasp as Derek bites into his neck.

"Stiles, I want to try something different." Derek tells him, pushing himself off of Stiles to look into his eyes.

"What?" Stiles asks. He's game for just about anything. 

"I want you to..." Derek pauses because it's hard to say it. He's never done it before. "To fuck me instead." 

"Ha." Stiles laughs sarcastically and then stops when he notices that Derek is being completely serious. "I-I don't know how." 

"I'll do all the work." Derek promises him. "We don't even have to if you're not comfortable-" 

"No. No, I want to. I do. I'm just a little overwhelmed and maybe slightly terrified." Stiles shakes his head quickly as his heartbeat increases. 

"Are you sure?" Derek asks. It's a big step. Something that neither of them has really done before. But they're trying it out together and if it goes horribly wrong, they won't do it again. 

"Yes." Stiles breathes out a sigh and Derek kisses the worry from his lips. 

They take it slow. Because it's different for them so they need a different pace. Derek fingers himself because Stiles is too out of it to really know what's going on. Derek gets a nose full of nerves but also lust and that's definitely what he's looking for. 

Stiles is shyly watching him as he sinks one, then two, fingers into his ass. He knows the teen is used to doing this himself and is confused about what to do while he waits. So while he's completely occupied with one hand, he cups Stiles face with the other and brings their lips together. He bites Stiles' bottom lip and Stiles instinctively opens his mouth and lets Derek swirl their tongues together. 

Derek tells Stiles that he's ready if Stiles is. All the human can do is nod vigorously as Derek lowers himself onto his throbbing dick. It's agonizingly slow but when he's firmly sat on Stiles, they both need a minute to compose themselves. Derek doesn't move for at least a minute. It's not that he's unsure of what to do, he's just trying to adjust to the fact that he's not topping for once. 

Derek tries lifting himself up and then sinking back down and he cringes at the burning sensation. It's not entirely painful, it's just really new and he's the only one who's doing any of the work. Stiles gets the hint that he should do something so he cautiously reaches a hand out and settles it around Derek's hip. The other hand takes Derek's hand and pins it above his head. They start moving in a rhythm that mostly consists of Derek moving up and down. 

Stiles hips starting moving with Derek and they move in a way that just seems natural. Derek leans down and kisses Stiles multiple times throughout the whole experience. But there are also those moments when he can't breathe and his head tilts back so he's seeing the sky behind his hooded eyes. Stiles reaches for Derek and just trails his fingers down Derek's chest. 

He feels bad about not getting Derek off. He takes Derek's neglected dick and starts pumping it the best he can in the position he's in. Derek moves faster and it feels good and desperate. Stiles feels so close and he knows Derek is too. Derek comes first all over Stiles' chest. Stiles eventually comes too when he reaches his climax. He rides it out while he's still in Derek and Derek's still moving for him. 

When Derek pulls off, there's come leaking out of his ass. They'd neglected to use a condom. Not because they didn't have one but because Derek didn't think it was necessary. But now that Stiles saw, it was kind of messy. Regardless of what is painted on their body parts, Stiles pulls Derek in for a slow kiss. 

Derek looks into Stiles' eyes and there's just something there. Derek's heart is beating quickly and he realizes what this is. He and Stiles have been at this so long that he hasn't opened himself up to what it could all mean. And when he looks at Stiles, there's no question to what he really feels for the guy. 

 _Love_. He's completely in love with Stiles. 

It feels good to admit that to himself. Even if it will just be for himself. Because he and Stiles aren't going to be this simple forever. Stiles will leave Derek behind and Derek has to be okay with that. They aren't even together. Not in the way it matters. This was only supposed to be about sex. All they are is really good friends that care about each other. 

Derek can hear shouting in the distance as he breaks a kiss Stiles is trying to draw him back into. He doesn't know how Stiles' human ears can't hear what he's hearing. The person is so close. It's obvious that it's Scott too. And he's looking for Stiles. Because Stiles parked the jeep on the side of the road for anyone to see. 

"We need to leave." Derek tells him. He doesn't want to. He wanted to relax and think about what he'd just allowed Stiles to do to him. But time was a luxury they never really had. 

"I'll take care of it." Stiles tells Derek as he stumbles into his own clothes. Derek does the same and packs up the little picnic that Stiles made. He's going to take it with him when he runs because Scott can't see it. Scott can't even know they were together. 

"I'll see you later?" Derek asks. 

"Yeah. Fill me in on the pack meeting stuff." Stiles nods, he kisses Derek goodbye before running in the direction of where he'd parked the jeep. Where Scott was still calling in the distance. 

When Stiles sees Scott, he's next to his jeep. Scott's bike is laying on the ground. He looks like he was panicking before Stiles showed up. He looks relieved when Stiles walks towards him.

"What were you doing?" Scott asks. 

"Looking for something." Stiles lies. Scott doesn't even realize it's a lie. He must not be listening to his heartbeat. Or Stiles has gotten really good at lying. 

"Stiles, it's not safe enough to go into the woods alone." Scott narrows his eyes, concerned. "They found three more bodies in the past two days!" 

"Which is why I was looking, Scott!" He says with a little more force than he meant. "I need to get home." 

"Stiles we should talk about this-" 

"Talk to me when you're ready to accept me for who I am." Stiles says, getting his jeep. 

He drives away. Scott doesn't even stop him. He thinks this may be the end. This was going to happen to them at some point. Once Stiles left, there wouldn't even be a friendship to maintain.

 

* * *

 

It's all coming to a heading. Stiles can feel it. And it terrifies him. He's not sure what exactly is going to happen but everything is going to come crumbling down all at once and he's not ready. He needs more time but they've had time. They couldn't fix it fast enough. This would be the end.

There's three sacrifices left. They'd lost three more community members in such a short span of time. Stiles had lost someone who treated him with immense kindness when he was a kid. His dad lost a deputy. It was so much more surreal when they looked at the list of people that died too early or too innocently. And for what? They were still unsure of the endgame here. They didn't know much of anything.

Stiles knew darkness was approaching. The energy that he'd put in the back of his mind for months had returned. The nightmares that he'd gotten rid of, especially while sleeping in Derek's bed, were now back. And worse than ever. They were just blurry enough that he couldn't tell who was involved and where it was happening. He gets headaches on and off. His body feels sore and he's incredibly exhausted every second of the day. 

He avoids Derek too. Not just because something is seriously wrong with him. The other reason he hasn't seen the wolf is because of his feelings for him. When he's around Derek, those feelings intensify and he's ready to tell Derek everything. So he stays away and goes to school and home everyday, on a cycle. He doesn't even talk to Lydia about any of it. 

Oddly, Jackson has taken Isaac under his wing while Scott is still uncomfortable with everything. The pack is hypothetically mutilated with everyone split up and reckless. Stiles was on his own. Jackson, Isaac, and Danny sat together sometimes joined by Ethan and Aiden. Boyd and Erica sat with Lydia usually, always saving a spot for Stiles if he wanted it. Lydia and Jackson were distancing themselves in the whole thing. That left Scott and Allison alone together. 

Stiles can senses something's wrong one day. He goes to school with this pit in his stomach. He even goes through the whole day but nothing bad happens. Nothing out of the ordinary. That's why Stiles starts to panic. Because anything could happen. That was just how Beacon Hills worked. 

"Stiles, I'd like to speak to you for a minute." Ms. Blake tells him when the last bell rings. "I have to go run an errand real quick but if you could be in my classroom by the time I get back, that'd be great." 

"Of course." Stiles nods quickly.

He makes it to his locker so he can shove everything into his backpack. He doesn't watch what he packs away because he hasn't really been focusing on his school work lately, though he should. Colleges will be sending acceptance letters and if he's not on his A-game he's not going to get the scholarships he needs. 

"Stiles?" Someone asks, placing a hand on his shoulder and he jolts away. He's a little relieved to just see Scott. He's been on edge lately too. 

"What is it?" He asks, not paying attention to the werewolf standing beside him. He's still shoving things into his backpack. 

"I think I'm ready. To talk." Scott tells him and he stalls for a second. He has the courage to look Scott in the eyes finally. 

"Okay." He nods, hands shaking a little. He smiles though. It has to be progress. "I have to talk to Ms. Blake real quick. It shouldn't take me more than half an hour."

"Come to my house after." Scott agrees, giving him a reassuring and grateful smile in return. 

Stiles watches Scott walk away, along with most of the student body. He calls after him to tell him he'll let him know if he'll be longer for some reason. Scott turns around and nods but goes back on his journey towards the door. Stiles heads back to Ms. Blake's classroom and is so out of it that he's shocked to not see Ms. Blake in the room, but someone else. 

"Derek." He says softly. "What are you doing here?" 

"I've been wanting to talk to you." Derek sighs, slowly walking towards Stiles but decides to stay in the middle of the room while Stiles stays at the door. 

"Really?" Stiles asks. He wants to say something else. _Me too_. Because he has wanted to talk to Derek. It's been killing him not to. 

"Stiles, I can tell something's different." Derek says, his arms cross over his chest and it immediately alerts Stiles. Derek is closing himself off. 

"Something is different." Stiles nods. "You're not wrong there." 

"I think I know what it is." Derek raises an eyebrow, as if allowing Stiles to come forth with it first. _Do you want to tell me?_  

"I'm scared." Stiles looks at him, drawing his eyebrows together in confusion. He doesn't want to seem vulnerable, but does all at once. He should tell Derek the truth. At some point he would have to. And the last time he saw Derek... Well, something changed between the two of them. 

"Scared of what Stiles. I don't know how to help if you don't-" 

"I have a bad feeling about this Derek. I don't think we should talk about this now." Stiles shakes his head. It takes everything in him not to tell Derek. To just scream, _I love you_. Would it be that simple? 

"Stiles, tell me." Derek sighs, his eyes are pleading with him. "Just tell me what you really feel." 

"How I feel?" Stiles asks. As if he hasn't already said he was scared. But he knows Derek is talking about something else.

"I've felt something for a while now." Stiles breathes out, he can't look at Derek right now. He looks at the ceiling and closes his eyes.  

"You don't have to be afraid, Stiles." Derek says, he's in front of Stiles now and there's no way he can't look at him. 

"If I tell you this, it could ruin everything." 

"You don't know that." Derek pleads, taking his hand. Something doesn't feel right about the touch, but it's probably just Stiles' imagination. 

"What do you want me to say Derek?" 

"Tell. Me. The. Truth." Derek demands, shaking Stiles' hands. His eyes are dark. Darker than normal. 

"I love you." Stiles whispers. 

He looks at Derek, his features calming. Almost relieved by the news. He's happy to see content on Derek's face but it still doesn't seem like the correct reaction. 

"I love you." Stiles repeats. 

"You're an idiot, Stiles." Derek sighs. "I love you too." 

Stiles is wrapped in a tight embrace but he feels stiff in Derek's arms. Even stiffer when their lips meet. It doesn't feel right, which is why he backs away. Derek seems confused at first. But then, something changes. 

Derek laughs. 

"Well, I guess I can't fool everyone." Derek sighs and turns away from Stiles, looking at his hands like they're foreign to him. "I don't know what you see in this guy anyway." 

"You're the Darach." Stiles stares, horrified. He backs up a little further, reaching for the phone in his back pocket. "Show me your real face." 

"Now, what's the fun in that?" The Darach wearing Derek's face, laughs again. "Besides, you wouldn't like the real me." 

"What do you want?" Stiles asks, holding his phone, clenching it in his hand. He knows how to type behind his back. He practiced for situations like this. 

"Isn't it obvious, Stiles?" It asks. "It's you I want. You are the one I have been after." 

"Why?" He asks. He hopes he's texting someone. Someone needs to come and help him. Where is Ms. Blake? She should be back by now. 

"It's a long story. One I can tell you soon. But not now. Now, I have some errands to run." It smiles. It looks wrong on Derek's face. It's not the genuine ones he's gotten before. He can't believe their whole conversation was a lie. But Derek wouldn't just accept a love confession like that. He'd fight against it. 

But then it clicks. _I have to go run an errand real quick_... 

"Shit." Stiles breathes. 

That's when the creature uses the force of literally nothing to rip Stiles' phone out of his hand and crush it into ashes. Stiles is completely screwed at this point. Because no one is coming to help him now. 

"You've figured it out, haven't you?" It smiles, melting Derek's skin off to show it's true form. 

Jennifer Blake. 

She smiles at him. All he can do is stand there. He's angry and shocked all at once. He doesn't know how they didn't notice it before. She showed up around the same time all the sacrifices started. She took over Harris' class after he went missing. She planned everything so perfectly. 

"You know, I wasn't sure at first if it was you. If you were the one the alpha was regularly fucking. But now, I don't know how I could have missed it. You're so pathetically in love with him. It's kind of sad, really. Because he'll never love you back, will he?" She laughs, approaching him in a way that resembled a snake. 

"What now? Are you going to kill me?" 

"Oh honey, you have no idea what I've been planning." She rolls her eyes. "But you're coming with me. Willingly or not." 

"But once I do, you will." 

"Stiles, Stiles, Stiles. Have you not realized that you're the key piece in all of this? You're want I need to finish what I started. The last sacrifice." She tells him, running a finger up his chest. Her finger nail is sharp as she pokes at his jugular. 

"You still have guardians left." 

"I've got that covered." She smiles. "But _you_ are going to help me with something before I finish this." 

He knows he was right, now. This is the end. The last thing he sees is a face, before she knocks him out. Her _true_ face. And it's not pretty.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up with a kink in his neck and chills running down his spine. He can barely see what's going on when he wills his eyes to open. Everything feels so heavy. He feels too weak. But when he finally adjusts to the small light he's given, he notices dirt walls surrounding him. He tries to look around, get a good feel of the place to know what he's up against. 

He's tied up. He can't move his arms because they're tied down and- 

That's blood. His own blood is pooling down on opposite sides of him into little bowls. The whole thing can't be more ritualistic than it already is. But he understands why he's so weak. And his feet are bound together with rope. He doesn't have the effort to try and see if they can move at all. He's anxious to know what the whole end game here is, and why it had to be him. It was always him. 

"Good to see you're awake." Jennifer's voice filters through the dark space of his underground prison. He can't see her yet, but he figures that's intentional. 

"What are you doing to me?" He asks, leaning his head back against what feels like a wooden pole. It hurts just to breathe. The oxygen he needs is taking energy away from him to get it. 

"Draining your blood." She rolls her eyes, prowling towards him slowly. It seems she's had time to make a wardrobe change. Where before she was Ms. Blake in a knee high skirt and cardigan, now she ditched the teacher look and went for full on evil witch. Her cape was fluttering behind her as she walked gracefully in too-high heels. The whole ensemble was nothing but black, much like the color of the woman's heart standing in front of him. 

She crouches down close enough to his face that he has to flinch away from the hand coming towards him. She obviously doesn't like that and squeezes his chin between the fingers of her hand. She's so cold and Stiles shivers as her breath beats down on his face. He tries to get out of her grasp but fails miserably as she just clenches on tighter. She has some kind of hatred for him that he has yet to understand. It all seems so personal. 

"Are you going to tell me your evil plan?" Stiles sighs, watching her fingers travel down his arms to make sure his blood is still flowing out of him. She squeezes both his arms and he hisses in pain. He may have even let out a small yelp. His voice was so ungodly scratching and he would give anything for a big glass of water in that moment. 

"I'm not _that_ stupid. I've seen the movies." She scoffed. 

"Then why me? There has to be some reason you chose me." Stiles demands. He's sick of being so confused and scared all the time. Finally, when he has answers, he doesn't get the ones he needs. 

"Because your family's ancestry and I go way back." She shrugs, standing up. She walks away from him, heading for the walls that have small tables against them. They're filled with things that resemble herbs and other spices. He's sure he's seen some of them in Deaton's clinic. 

"What does that mean?" Stiles asks, moving his arms and wincing. He holds in a scream because though he probably looks like he's been defeated, he doesn't want to show all of his weaknesses. "Did you know my mother?" 

"I didn't just know Claudia, sweetheart." She giggled. It traveled through Stiles' core and through his bones. That didn't mean anything good. "I'm the one that _killed_ her. And I've come to finish the job I didn't get a chance to complete." 

Stiles loses all the air he'd been holding in his lungs. He doesn't know what to say. What to ask. His mother died of sickness. She wasn't murdered. Stiles watched her get worse and worse. It wasn't something that could be done instantaneously. Stiles looks at the dark shadow that envelops Jennifer. How does one become so evil? 

"What would you have against my mother?" Stiles asks finally. 

"It wasn't just your mother I had it out for, Stiles. I had it out for the alpha pack. And Talia Hale's pack. All the packs that did not follow the laws of nature. That were abominations." She says and Stiles doesn't understand. Derek's pack was normal. They died in a tragic fire that was set by a person who could be considered an abomination. And then there was his mother, she didn't have anything to do with the Beacon Hills packs. 

"Derek's pack? Why?"

"They didn't follow the rules. They broke natural violations. Some rules that you can't understand unless you know them. And your mother was in the center of it." She shrugs. His mom was taking care of him at this time. She didn't have time to be in the middle of a war with werewolves and a crazy dark Druid. 

"I don't get it. My mom wasn't part of the supernatural world." Stiles tells her and she laughs. Has he been lied to?  

"You don't know what you are, do you?" She stalks towards him and crouches down so they are eye-to-eye. 

"I'm human." He tells her. He can't be anything else. If he is something... it would change everything. 

"Your mother was special. Just like you. Which is why I need you for this last sacrifice." She sighs and strokes his face. She looks at him with what could resemble pity and he doesn't like it. Especially coming from her. 

"What about the other three?" Stiles asks. 

"I figured... why not just end the problems I'd have after you were gone anyway." She shrugs. 

"My dad? You bitch!" Stiles yells, he struggles to contain his energy. Like hell his dad was dying with him. A bowl flies across the room. The only explanation is that he's done it through anger. 

"I see you have a bit of a temper. Well, like mother like son." She smiles cruelly and retrieves the broken shards of her plastic bowl. 

"Who else do you have?" Stiles demands. 

"Your pack's a threat Stiles. Emotions make you weak. What better way to weaken someone than take away someone important to the best team players." She shrugs. She's so cryptic but it's not hard to figure out what she means. Melissa McCall is definitely on the list. Maybe Allison's dad too. It's all coming full circle. Stiles doesn't know how to stop it. 

"Let them go! Please!" Stiles cries out, using force of will to unbind him from his shackles. "I'll do anything!" 

"Anything?" Jennifer is interested now. She paces back and forth in thought. Stiles knows this is her plan. She's wanted something all along. 

"What is it?" 

"I want the alpha." She says. "And your permission to do the sacrifice. It needs to be consensual." 

"Okay." Stiles nods quickly. Over his dead body will she get Derek, but he can cross that bridge. "Why do you need me though?" 

"Because you're a Mage, Stiles." She rolls her eyes. It's such a foreign word to him. But he's read the Argent's bestiary more than two times over. He's practically got it memorized. And he knows exactly what kind of powers a Mage withholds. "And you hold all the aspects of the ritual." 

"Warrior, yes. Guardian, healer, and philosopher, maybe. But virgin? That ship sailed. Obviously." Stiles huffs. The pain in his body has increased. He's starting to feel drowsy. 

"Warrior, because you fight with your pack. Guardian because you protect the people closest to you. Healer because you take care of your father's health and you nursed Derek back to full strength. Philosopher because of your knowledge. You teach your pack more and more each day. And virgin, because you haven't even experienced a life of impurity. You're so fragile, Stiles. Not even fucking a werewolf could ruin your pure spark." She's smirking as she tells him. So he's got no hope of getting out of this. He lost hope of surviving a few minutes ago. 

"But you'll let my dad go. And the others? If I cooperate and give you what you want." Stiles says. He doesn't beg for a second chance. He'd die before he let anyone else get hurt. Especially if this was a personal issue between his mom and Jennifer. He could handle the rest. 

"You have my word." She nods. "I just need one more thing..."

 

* * *

 

"Scott." Derek says, surprised. "And Lydia, Jackson, and Danny." 

"Is Stiles here?" Scott asks, pushing past him. Using his werewolf nose and super hearing to see if the teenager was hiding. 

"No." Derek tells him. He tenses up. Scott gives him a pained look and he knows something's wrong. 

"We need to have a pack meeting." 

"Boyd, Erica, and Isaac should be back soon. Cora and Peter are in the kitchen." Derek tells him. Scott doesn't explain what's going on but it's obvious that it's something to do with Stiles. 

When the pack all shows up, Scott tells them that Stiles is missing. They were supposed to meet up at Stiles' place but he never showed. Derek has a moment of relief when he thinks maybe Stiles just needed some space. But he tenses up again when he realizes Stiles wouldn't go anywhere without telling someone first.

Scott calls his mom who is not picking up. Neither is Allison's father. And the Sheriff has been allegedly missing since this morning. He never showed up for his shift. Derek doesn't have a minute to panic because the rest of the pack needs a leader. They all know something is really wrong. Scott's too on edge to make a plan.

"The Darach needed guardians." Scott panics. He can't breathe. It's almost like he's having an asthma attack. Which is exactly what it is. Allison pulls an emergency inhaler out of her bag and gets Scott to calm down. 

Derek calls Stiles repeatedly. Hoping his absence is just a thing of coincidence. But the more calls he makes, the more it seems like Stiles could be hurt or worse, dead. Derek doesn't allow himself to think like that. He talks to the pack. Reassures them that everything is going to be fine. They'll find Stiles and their parents. They always figure it out. 

Derek's cell phone lights up with Stiles' caller ID. He presses answer before it even has time to ring. He's waiting for Stiles' voice to filter through the device but what he ends up with is someone much more feminine. He recognizes the women's voice on the other end. He knows he's met her in person. He suddenly goes back to the full moon where Erica, Boyd, and Cora almost tore people apart because they hadn't shifted in so long due to the alpha pack. 

"Hello Derek." She says. "Missing something?" 

"What did you do to him?" Derek demands. 

"He knew too much. I had to take him with me." She says. "Besides, I think Stiles would agree that this is between us now." 

"Where is he?" Derek growls. "I swear to god-" 

"What will you do Derek?" She sighs. "Come find me. You're the one I want anyway." 

"I want to talk to him." Derek says. 

"I thought you might." He can hear her smirk through the phone. There's a little shuffling before he can hear someone breathing on the other end. He's heard Stiles breathe so many times. He's concentrated on it as he falls asleep at night. 

"Stiles?" Derek asks. "Talk to me." 

The pack is frozen around him as he looks at them. They can hear what's going on through the other end. They know Jennifer Blake has Stiles. She probably has the Sheriff, Melissa McCall, and Argent too.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear your voice again." Stiles murmurs. His voice is hoarse and Derek can only imagine why. He hopes Stiles isn't in any pain. But that probably isn't the case. Jennifer wants him for some reason. 

"Stiles, tell me where you are?" Derek says. 

"Sorry Sourwolf," he sighs. If possible, Derek tenses up even more. "That's not the deal I made." 

"Stiles I don't care if you made a deal. I'm coming to get you. You are coming home." Derek's in denial. Stiles has time left. He can get through to him. This isn't the answer. Giving up isn't the answer. 

"She has my dad, Derek. And Scott's mom and Allison's dad." Stiles whines from the other end and it breaks Derek's heart. The only family Stiles has left is his dad. He would do anything to keep his family safe. Derek knew the feeling. 

"So what are you going to do?" 

"It ends with me, Derek. She only needs me." Stiles tells him. "No more death." 

"Except yours." Derek says. 

"I need you to get my dad, Der." Stiles whispers. He hears the pained way it comes out. Stiles doesn't want to die but he'd risk his own life to save others. 

"Stiles, I can't-" 

"Times up bub." Jennifer cackles on the opposite line. 

"Put him back on." Derek growls. 

"Ugh. Fine. Last words though. Make them count darling." She croons and he can tell she's passing the phone back to Stiles. 

Stiles speaks first. 

"Jennifer is going to meet you somewhere and hand over my dad and the others. Cooperate please. If anything doesn't go her way, she'll kill all of them." Stiles tells him slowly. He thinks Stiles is crying or holding back a sob. He needs more time. He needs hours, days, years. Anything more than what he's given.  

He needs to tell Stiles he loves him. That they are mates. He'll never get over the death of his mate. Especially if Stiles doesn't know the truth. But Stiles isn't going to die. He won't let it happen and by the discussion going on in the pack, neither will they. 

"Derek?" Stiles asks.

"I'm here Stiles." Derek says, his voice is strained and he has to turn away from the pack, because he's crying too. 

"I need you to know something." Stiles whispers. 

"What?" Derek asks quickly. Maybe Stiles will give him a location. 

"I _l_ _ove_ you." And the line goes dead.

He tunes out the pack, who he can tell heard what he did. The phone in his hand is now crushed to bits and pieces from his werewolf strength. He's so angry that he chucks it at the wall and everyone is startled. 

He goes back to the night Stiles came over because of the anniversary of his mom's death. When Stiles had been so shaken up but they made love anyway. It had felt like that to Derek, then. He couldn't speak for Stiles but he knew there was something there.

 _"_ _Maybe, if either of us are taken hostage at some point in the near or distant future, we should come up with a code word or phrase to alert each other if we'd be walking into a trap."_  

 _"Why were you thinking about that?" Derek chuckles._  

_"Because I'm usually the one being taken hostage. And I don't want you or anyone else for that matter, to walk into a trap and get hurt." Stiles sighs._

_"I love you." Stiles says into the darkness of the night, which is actually morning now._  

_Derek's heart stops._

_"That should be the code phrase." Stiles adds. Derek's heart drops, but it starts beating again. "I mean, in every romance known to man, the villain always falls for the two main characters genuinely being in love and not having a back up plan."_  

 _"Yeah." Derek agrees, his voice is strained._  

"Why would Stiles say that?" Scott asks. 

"You're oblivious Scott." Peter sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

"Derek, why didn't you tell us?" Cora asks. He can't look at any of them right now. Because he knows what Stiles said, isn't what he meant. He's warning them.

"Because he didn't know they were mates either." Peter says, and that's it. Peter wasn't supposed to say anything about that. 

"Mates?" Scott laughs. "What the hell are you talking about?" 

"Oh come on, like you haven't noticed the bond you have with Allison." Peter rolls his eyes. 

"He's not wrong, Scott. It's in the lore." Allison murmurs. 

"You knew? And you didn't tell me?" Scott asks. There's way too much conversation going on for Derek to think straight. 

"You had a lot on your plate." Allison blushes. 

"We're family, Derek. I'm your sister. You told me about Paige. Why wouldn't you tell me about this?" Cora demands at his back. Allison and Scott are talking quietly now.

"Let's just get over the fact Derek and Stiles are boning." Jackson shrugs and wraps an arm around Lydia's waste. 

"What are you- _holy shit_." Scott comes to the revelation many of them have already gotten to. 

"You're not helping." Erica sighs angrily at Scott and curls further into Boyd. They're all fighting now. Derek needs his head to stop spinning. So he shouts at all of them to shut up. 

"It's a trap." He says softly. 

"What?" Peter is the only one not afraid to speak. 

"Stiles and I... he thought we needed a code phrase if either of us were to get into trouble." Derek tells them. 

"So the _I love you_..." Cora trails off. 

"It's a trap." Derek shrugs dejectedly. "We're going to get him back." 

"But even if it is a trap, you still have feelings for him." Scott says. 

"It doesn't matter right now. What matters is finding him. I can do it. I know his scent. I can feel him. I need you to meet Jennifer but not let her take advantage of the situation. Scott, call your boss. Maybe he can help." Derek is on full alpha mode now. Emotions were a distraction and he needed to be strong. 

With his force of will, finding Stiles wouldn't be a problem.

 

* * *

 

Stiles is in and out of consciousness for the next twenty minutes. He thinks it's twenty minutes but his perception of time is a little wonky due to the fact that he didn't even know when he'd been taken by Ms. Blake in the first place. 

He feels the exhaustion eating away at his bones and he would do anything not to feel the dehydration sponging up his lungs so it makes it impossible to breathe. 

His eyes feel crusted together with blood and other grimy substances. He's underneath the nemeton, so of course he's caked in dirt and earth. It's dark around him and he would love just one flicker of light in that moment. Before he wouldn't see anything ever again. 

He was going to die there. He knew that much was true. Hanging up the phone with Derek, he knew he had to say his last words. Had to make sure that Derek knew he cared deeply about him and always would. 

There was nowhere to begin with letting yourself go and accepting death. Stiles was never a fan of death ever since his mother died. But he'd be with her again in the afterlife. If there was an afterlife to look forward to. 

He didn't want to die. 

"Stiles." It's muffled and he just barely hears his name on the tip of the other specimens tongue, but it's there. And he doesn't want it to be. He doesn't want this to be it. 

"I'm going to die." He whispers. 

"Not on my watch." The voice replies and he knows that voice. That voice has always been his saving grace over the past couple of months. 

"Derek?" He asks into the darkness which now that he's opening his eyes a little, he can see a small light. 

"Come on, we need to get you out of here." Derek nods, wrapping his arms around Stiles' frail body, being terribly considerate of the injuries placed upon him by the Darach. 

"This isn't real." Stiles chokes on a laugh. "You can't be here. No one will find me." 

"Ever the optimist, Stiles." Dream Derek rolls his eyes. He's definitely ruling this as a dream or a hallucination. 

"This is my brain conjuring up some kind of hallucination because I want you to be the last thing I see before I die. Isn't it?" Stiles huffs. "How cruel." 

"Guess again." Derek sighs, still trying to find a way around Stiles' body without causing him pain. 

"A mirage, then." Stiles winces as Derek grazes the wound on his upper arm. 

"Still wrong." Derek says, scooping him up into his arms. Bridal style and everything. 

"How?" Stiles asks, squeezing tightly onto Derek's perfectly ironed Henley. The black one that he loves so much. 

"I could feel your pain." Derek shrugs. "Led me right to you." 

"My hero." Stiles mumbles, before he's out of it again.

 

* * *

 

He comes to on the side of the road in Derek's Camaro. Derek's sitting with him in the back seat, stroking his hair till he gains consciousness again. 

"My dad?" Is the first thing Stiles hoarselyasks about when he gets the courage to speak.

"At Scott's with Melissa." Derek confirms. He's safe and that's all Stiles needed to know.  

"So, turns out I was the damsel in distress... again." Stiles jokes, trying his best to sit up. 

"I'm sorry about all of this, Stiles." Derek says. 

"I need some air. I feel like I'm going to hurl." Stiles huffs, getting out of the car, one step at a time. 

Derek's next to him in seconds with a water bottle. He has to lean against the black beauty of Derek's car but he feels a lot better now that he has all his senses. 

"We should really get you back to Beacon Hills. To your father. Or to a hospital at least." Derek interrupts the comfortable silence. 

"Where's Jennifer?" Stiles asks. 

"She's being handled till I can get back." Derek says vaguely. "Come on, you need rest. 

"Hang on." Stiles shakes his head. "We need to talk." 

"It can wait." Derek ignores him, ready to get back in the car and start driving.

"It can't. I need to know that you understood what I was saying back there, on the phone." Stiles says. 

"I'm not going to hold you accountable for something you said when you thought you were going to die." Derek shakes his head, embarrassed. 

"I said those things because I wanted you to know the truth, Derek. I thought I wasn't going to get a chance to say them to your face." Stiles protruded on. "I wanted those words to be my last to you. Because I was too much of a coward to say them before." 

"Stiles-" 

"I'm not finished." He refused to let this opportunity pass him by. "I knew getting into this whole charade with you was a bad thing from the start. But before we got together, I knew my interest in Lydia was just an infatuation with the possibility of being with someone so worshipped. With her, the _what if_ excited me. But with you... it was different, Derek. It was real and I thought it could become something more. And it did. At least for me. Because I know one thing for sure. I meant it when I said I loved you." 

He waits for Derek to respond but doesn't push. But the wait almost kills him and silence is louder than words. 

"I guess, all I'm trying to figure out now, is if you feel the same." 

"You're my mate, Stiles." Derek finally says. He finally looks at him since Stiles started his rant. 

"I'm your what?" Stiles jaw drops. "And you've refrained from telling me this information because...?" 

"It's a big commitment in the werewolf world. Being mated is like being married. We only get one shot at this and we'd be bound together for the rest of our lives. I had to be sure that you'd even be interested in the idea of that." Derek explains. He's nervous, Stiles can tell. Stiles can almost always tell what Derek is thinking now. Or at least what he can't get out through words. 

"Well you're not really giving me a choice there, buddy." Stiles pointed out. 

"Stiles, I'm in love with you. I have been since I figured this all out. Since Peter told me-" 

"Peter told you that we were mates?" Stiles asked. 

"My life, has been a whirlwind of bad dreams and vicious nightmares. Why would you want to be a part of that?" Derek sighs, ignoring Stiles' question.

"Because I made the choice to be in this world." Stiles complies. 

"And you were willing to sacrifice yourself for people like me." Derek says.

"People like us." Stiles nods. 

Derek gives him a questioning look and he just smiles softly at him as he steps forward into his personal space. 

"I learned a few things about myself today." Stiles says, placing his right hand on his heart and reaching out to place the other one on Derek's. 

He wills the magic to flow through him. Wills it to work in the way he read about in the Argent's bestiary. He just had to believe that he had the power for it to shine through him. 

There's suddenly a small flash of light and he's opening his eyes to see this jumbled glowing string of red and blue flowing from his heart to Derek's. 

"It's called-" 

"A tether." Derek finishes for him, fascinated. 

"Yeah. And I'm-" 

"A Mage." Derek whispers. 

"You're stealing all my thunder here, man." Stiles chuckles. 

"Sorry, it's just-" Derek pauses, staring at the strings, connecting them together before looking back up into Stiles' eyes. "My parents used to tell me stories about how rare it is to come across a werewolf and a Mage pairing and how the supernatural is sometimes threatened by them because they work well together and make a good-" 

"Team?" Stiles asks, putting some pieces together. 

"Exactly." Derek nods.

"Huh." Stiles hums.

"What?" Derek asks, interested in what's running through Stiles' brain.

" _I don't know, Derek. I think you two make a pretty good pair_." Stiles recites. "You think Matt knew, back then?" 

"Possibly." Derek nods. 

"So we've been a couple of dumbasses these past couple years." Stiles says. 

"It seems so." He nods again. 

"There's one thing I want to do before we go and kick some evil bitch's ass."Stiles says, surging forward and wrapping Derek up in a kiss.

The kiss electrifies them and shoots through every wire in their bodies. It's the tether. Stiles didn't necessarily unravel it so it's affecting the both of them in a strange but pleasant way. 

"Let's do this." Stiles grins, placing his hand in Derek's, exactly where it should always be.

 

* * *

 

"Stiles!" Scott exclaims the moment Derek and him step out of the car. "You're okay!" 

"I've been better." Stiles shrugs. 

"What's going on?" Derek asks Scott. They have to know what they missed. 

"Lydia used the spell that Deaton gave us to trap her. She's still powerless but the force field isn't going to hold for much longer." Scott tells them. 

Stiles is ultimately confused. Derek refused to fill him in on all the things that went down since he'd been taken. The plus side was that they had Jennifer. But how were they supposed to take her down?

She was powerful. That much, Stiles definitely knew. She had dark magic. Magic that could kill. It had killed people. That was the kind of magic that killed his mom. Jennifer let that slip when she was telling her backstory to Stiles. 

She wasn't here to kill the alpha pack or to destroy the supernatural world by all means. She was here for vengeance. She didn't complete a task that was given to her ten years ago so she needed to end it now. With him. 

"What do we do?" Scott asks desperately. Though he was an alpha, he still was kind of terrible one. Especially under pressure. He needed guidance. 

"We don't need her to be held for much longer. We just need a plan." Derek decides. And Stiles understands what has to happen. What he has to do. 

"I'm going to kill her." Stiles says simply. He takes Derek by surprise, but nothing compares to the look on Scott's face. 

"We don't kill people, Stiles." He scolds. Scott has always been an optimist. Some part of him probably believes there's a part of this dark creature that they can save. But she's past saving. She saw to that when she killed all those people just to gain enough energy to kill even more people.

"This is personal." Stiles hisses. "You don't understand it now, but it has to be done. There is nothing left for us to do, Scott." 

Scott looks to Derek for help. He's desperate for anything at this point. He wants Derek to stop Stiles from being a killer. But what Scott doesn't understand is that they can't always win each battle they fight.

"Lose a battle to win a war, ain't that right Derek?" Stiles looks to the person he's figured out he loves. Well, he'd known for a much longer time. It'd been a slow process but they were here now.

"I don't think you should be there for this." Derek sighs, running his fingers through his hair. Stiles doesn't like the pained look on his face. It's that look that says, _this is a really stupid idea and I'm trying to stop you from going through with it_ _._  

"It's not your choice to make." Stiles settles on. Because once upon a time, their first fight was all about choices. And Derek promised him that he could make his own choices. But he also promised Derek that he'd let him stop him if it was really going to hurt them both. 

He couldn't listen to that voice in his head that was doubting himself. He was meant to finish this. He needed to avenge his mother's death. They didn't understand the weight that was on him. And they wouldn't understand till after it was done.

He walked away without them. Through the trees and into the meadow opening that they had chosen to contain Jennifer in. He spots the pack before they spot him and he takes a thoughtful journey until he reaches them. 

"Nice of you to join us, Stilinski." Jackson growls. 

"Yeah, I was a little contained for a while." Stiles shrugs because even in their worst moments Jackson is a dick and Stiles is a sarcastic asshole. 

"So do you have a plan?" Lydia asks, glancing behind him to see Scott and Derek finally making their way towards the group. 

"I do. I can't say everyone's going to like it, but I do." Stiles nods. 

The alpha pack shows up to help. Stiles isn't sure how they knew but he's grateful for the extra back up. They want Jennifer taken down just as much as he does. So they go into the fight head on with little tactics. All Stiles knows is that she has to be stopped, and fast.

 

* * *

 

Stiles never planned on dying. The moment he stepped into that field he knew something unexpected could occur. And it wasn't one of those unexpected things that made you wish it never happened. It was just simply unexpected. 

Stiles always had a thing for sacrificing himself for the greater good. Not that, that intentionally meant a suicide mission. But if it had to be done, to save a lot more people over himself, he'd do it. 

He goes back to that time sophomore year with Scott. When they were in the woods and his dad caught him out alone. Looking for Laura Hale. How he hadn't told his dad that he wasn't alone, because he knew Scott's mom would murder him. But that may have hurt Scott more than helped him. 

Maybe none of the things they went through would have happened. If Stiles hadn't gotten caught, maybe he would have been the one who got bit. Those thoughts never went through his head because he refused to live in the past. 

But every detail of his life, his life in this world - the supernatural one - was coming back to resurface. He makes mistake after mistake but no mistake will probably beat the mistake he's made now. 

He glances over to Scott. He thinks his best friend might be dead, or close to it. And he looks around the once beautiful meadowy field and all he sees is blood and death. He feels every bone inside himself breaking because of one person. 

Jennifer is using all her dark magic to kill Derek. To crush every bone in his body and it's literally driving him insane. Because he can feel it. Derek and him are still connected. The one thing Stiles forgot to do before all of this, was untether them. 

His pain-filled scream breaks through the trees and echoes throughout the whole forest. He wants to rip himself apart. There are unquestionable tears filling his eyes and he just wants it to stop. 

"DEREK!" He screams, because he is not letting him die. 

He forces himself to break the connection, knowing that this could possibly kill Derek because together, they're just a little bit stronger. But once he does it, he feels all of his own strength slowly return to him. 

He finds Lydia helping Allison who was knocked out in the crossfire. And Jackson is starting to sit up and regain the strength he'd lost. Boyd and Erica are wrapped in each other, making sure that neither of them gets hurt. 

Isaac has taken to trying to wake up or heal Scott. Stiles still can't tell what is going on with his best friend and he doesn't have the time to check. This is a now or never kind of moment. 

He knows there are people dead. The alpha pack was destroyed. They lay dead in certain places. Some worse for wear than others. He didn't bet on Jennifer taking them out first, and he knows it's selfish, but he's glad she did. 

He can't find Derek's family anywhere. Peter must have decided to escape at some point and maybe took Cora with him. He just hopes he isn't missing something and Derek's last remaining relatives are both gone too. 

"We're ending this. Now." Stiles says mostly to himself but he's sure the wolves must have heard him. 

Stiles digs deep inside himself to do whatever he can to help. He knows he's just figured out that he's a Mage but that had to be useful for something. He didn't know how it worked but Stiles was the kind of guy that did things without reading the instructions. 

He feels the spark before he sees it. It's like a little firework in the palm of his hand. It feels natural but unnatural at the same time. He feels power drain to his finger tips and in that moment he is forcing it to slip away from him and hit Jennifer. 

It's not extremely powerful, obviously. It knocks her down several feet away from where she was in the first place and she stops torturing Derek. That's what he wanted. But now that Derek is safe, or somewhat safe, he wants to watch the life drain out of her body.

He didn't know when he got so violent. Maybe it was from hanging around Derek so much. But once he got to know the sourwolf, he actually wasn't the most dangerous person in the pack to be around. 

Stiles thinks he's hurt Jennifer a little more than he thought when she doesn't get up. He creeps towards her, still on high alert and begins to think he may have knocked her out. He still doesn't trust his instinct that tells him things are going to be okay. He feels far from it in that moment. 

He rushes to Derek's side, who is still rolling around in pain. Stiles just touches him and he stops moving completely. Derek looks at him with sadness in his eyes and Stiles wants anything but the chance to talk to him right then.

Stiles knew about his healing abilities. He realized he could heal himself so that's why Derek even considered letting him come in the first place. After being held captive and being mentally and physically beaten, he probably wouldn't have been able to handle this situation at all.

He knows that he's sunk way too deep into comfort at this point. Making sure Derek is okay should really not be on his list of priorities. Which is why when a buzzing starts playing in his ears he knows he's made a mistake. 

Suddenly his head feels like it's exploding and he's clutching at his skull. He's ready to rip his hair from his scalp by the time he sees Jennifer smirking in his peripheral vision. He starts screaming only moments later when it feels like she's cranked the pain in his head up just a little more. 

"Didn't I tell you the key to winning is always paying attention?" She asks, walking towards him. 

Derek pulls Stiles towards him to try and protect him. He knows Derek's not at full strength yet, none of the pack is. But he really needs his team and he can't think about what to do when he's withering in pain in a grassy field. 

She stops torturing him and makes him stand on his feet. She's so powerful. He doesn't understand how light magic is supposed to beat dark magic. Because he is a white light at the end of the tunnel but she is the whole tunnel. 

"This is between you and me." Stiles sighs. He still feels the pain in his head. It's morphing into one of the worst headaches he's ever had. "Just let them go." 

"You know Stiles, anyone who is connected to you must die." She shrugs. "Which is a little disappointing because I was starting to like your little alpha pet." 

"Don't touch him." Stiles growls, moving towards her. 

"I don't think that's the way this works." She smiles, somehow making him freeze in his place. "You don't get to make negotiations here, Stiles. All of you die. I guess we could decide who goes first though. I want you to watch me kill all of your friends before I kill you." 

"You're sick." Isaac says. He's just now gotten Scott to wake up. So his best friend is alive but could really use real medical assistance at this point. 

"Oh honey, I thought we were all familiar with that by now." She says sweetly and waves her hand to use magic. 

Isaac starts grasping at his throat. It's like he's trying to rip off hands that are trying to choke him. He's being choked by nothing! Isaac doesn't deserve that. Isaac and him are barely even friends. He's the guy that wants to steal Scott from him. 

"Stop!" Stiles yells, suddenly forcing everything in him to just make her stop.

And she does. Stiles has done something with his magic to actually make her stop. She is frozen where she stands, just like Stiles was. But she's laughing. Like a maniac. And Stiles knows she's crazier than he originally thought. 

"Good one." She amends. She uses her magic to unstick herself from the position Stiles had her held in. 

She's just standing there for a few seconds before she's doing something with more magic. She's smirking as waves of magic come off her and form into something else. Bodies. She is making duplicates of herself. 

Stiles has to back away. Has to make a plan. He needs his pack in the game because he suddenly realized that he cannot do this alone. Derek's pulling him back when he doesn't have the strength to move anymore. 

"I need help." Stiles tells him. 

"That's what we're here for." Scott tells him. And he wants to cry because there is no way his best friend would make it out of this if he had to fight anymore. 

"You're on the sidelines." Stiles tells him fiercely.

"Okay." Scott nods and Stiles has to be thankful that he's cooperating.

"I need everyone to get a Jennifer. Her duplicates obviously won't have the same power as her. She's going to try and camouflage herself so I can't find the real one. Just do whatever you have to do to get rid of them." Stiles tells the group. 

The battle doesn't go exactly as planned. From what Stiles can tell, they're winning. That's the plus side of it all. But he's still having a hard to figuring out who is the mastermind behind the whole charade. 

He blasts some kind of powerful energy at one of the straggling Jennifer's and she dissipates. They're all almost like real people and that's what's so terrifying about everything. 

He thinks everything is under control. Some of the pack has taken out some of the doppelgängers so they are helping each other. That doesn't ease the sinking feeling in his stomach. It's just a matter of time before something goes wrong.

It just feels like when they seem to be gaining a semblance of hope, more of her start appearing. And Stiles doesn't know how to stop it. Except for when she slips and reveals herself. He doesn't know if anyone else has caught on to the one who practically has a glistening shield around her but he has. 

So when he runs towards her, he's ready to end this. He forces himself to unleash all of the magic he can to break every ounce of protection or danger she wields. It should work. It does work. For the most part. 

Stiles never planned on dying. 

But in that moment, he knows it. He knows they can't always win everything. He accepted that the minute he and Scott got into this mess in the first place. So he's not surprised. 

He knows Jennifer's down. He saw what he did to her. He ripped her heart out of her chest. She would never be able to see what she did to him. And there's a satisfaction in that, that only Stiles would ever understand. 

He's been impaled. Or at least that's what it feels like. Right in his heart. He falls to the ground on his back and he's just... quiet. 

"Stiles!" He hears Derek. The others. All of them call to him. It's already fuzzy.

He wants to cry.

Derek's with him seconds later. He's trying to pick him up. He just picks him up enough so that he's not lying on the ground completely. He thinks he's in Derek's lap. But his mind isn't completely there in that moment so he doesn't know for sure.

"We have to take him to Deaton." Derek says quickly, ready to carry him. Run with him. 

"I'm afraid moving will only make it worse." Deaton says, stepping into the clearing. Always the one to show up when it was too late. 

"We have to do something!" Derek says desperately.

"There's nothing I can do." Deaton sighs. 

Derek pleads with him. But it's clear that Deaton handles animals. He handles wolves. He's not one to handle humans. Even semi-normal ones. 

Stiles wants to stay strong for a little while longer because he's already starting to feel himself slip. He senses his friends gathering around him. Some more clued in than others at this point.

"Derek." He whispers. Derek is grasping for his hand and Stiles feels a little numb. He can tell Derek is trying to take his pain. He's grateful for it, even if it is probably pointless. 

"Stiles, we're going to fix this." Derek promises. "I'm going to fix this." 

Stiles huffs out a laugh and smiles at Derek. "It's okay, Derek." 

"Don't pull that bullshit with me." Derek growls. 

"Stiles?" Scott almost whimpers. He approaches Stiles cautiously. It's like he thinks he's almost imagining things. 

"Hey buddy." Stiles coughs violently. His hands are shaking and they're covered in blood and he wants to throw up but knows he doesn't even have the strength for that. 

"I should have helped." He cries, kneeling next to his best friend. 

"There's nothing you could have done." Stiles shakes his head. 

"But I-I could have been stronger. I could have fought with you. I could have been by your side." Scott blubbers. 

"We have to lose a couple battles to win the war, aye Scotty?" Stiles asks weakly. He can't do this right now. He has to be strong even though he just wants to quit. "I need to-to tell you something." 

Stiles is spitting up blood now. He can feel it coming up the back of his throat and he just needs to talk. He needs to get everything out before he can't. 

"You've been a great friend and a great brother and son and alpha. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It may not seem like it at times but just- just keep going." Stiles tells him. And it's painful because it's like a goodbye and that's something Stiles hadn't imagined himself doing so soon. "I need you to keep going without me." 

"Stiles, don't-" 

"Let me, say this." Stiles pleads. Blood is dripping down his chin and Derek's wiping it away for him. 

"Okay." Scott nods, crying harder yet holding in a sob. 

"I love you." Stiles tells him. "Always remember that. And tell your mom she was like a second mother to me." 

Scott backs away. He needs someone else then. Allison and Isaac are there, wrapping him in a group hug. They're all crying too. Stiles didn't know they cared that much about him.

Lydia, Jackson, Boyd, and Erica don't say anything to him. He doesn't want them to, to be honest. He can see that this isn't what they wanted. He can see that they'll miss him. He doesn't need anything else. 

He closes his eyes for a second just to rest them and just breathes as much as he can. When he opens them again, Derek is staring at him in horror. 

"What's happening to him?" Derek asks Deaton. 

"Essentially, all of his organs are shutting down. He's bleeding out of any open orifice." Deaton explains sadly. 

That's when Stiles knows that blood is dripping from his ears and he's losing his hearing. He cries a little bit harder. He needs to talk to Derek. He needs Derek to be alright after he's gone. 

"Derek." He murmurs, lifting his hands and putting them on Derek's cheeks. They're stained with blood but Derek doesn't give it another thought. 

"Don't leave me." Derek whispers. Stiles has only seen Derek cry one other time and this is worse. He looks like he's losing everything even though he's already lost so much. 

"I'm afraid it's not up to me." Stiles jokes. 

"You're supposed to get out of this town. You're supposed to graduate. Get married. Have kids. Live a normal life. You're supposed to make it out of this." Derek pleads with him. 

"Do those things for me." Stiles says. He's not asking. He needs Derek to be happy without him. "I need you to be okay." 

"I wanted to do them with you." Derek shakes his head. And he repeats it like a mantra, resting his head against Stiles'. 

"You need to be strong." Stiles tells him. "I need you to take care of my dad for me. I need you to take care of yourself. Take care of the pack. Please, do that for me." 

"Stiles-" 

"I love you." Stiles cries, bringing copper tasting lips to meet Derek's. Because he has to know what that feels like one last time. "I know we were supposed to have more time. Because we've been idiots for a while. But this is what we have left." 

"I can't do this. I can't lose you too." Derek is begging him to hold on. But the fight is over. He has long given up. He just can't do it anymore. 

He cries more when there's blood streaming from Stiles' eyes. His body is shutting down. He probably shouldn't even be alive. But his magic is tethering him to Derek for as long as he can before that gives out too. 

"I love you." Derek tells him, kissing his forehead.

Stiles drifts away, happy that those are the last words he will ever hear. And then images and words and smiles are filtering through his brain to be displayed in front of him. Happiness. Sadness. Contempt. He's living it all. 

"We have to do something." Lydia says. She knows Stiles is gone already but there just has to be something they can do. "I can barely hear his heartbeat!" 

There is something. It could end badly but it's all Derek can think of. He doesn't need power anymore. That's not what he continued living for. He wanted to live for Stiles. And Stiles had to be alive for that. 

He grasps onto Stiles' hands and sucks all the pain he can. It could consume him and kill them both. But either way, they'd be together.

Then, there is nothingness.

 

* * *

 

The funeral is three days later.

Derek doesn't want to go but he knows that it's the right thing to do. Stiles would be mad if he didn't go. He paces around the loft and finally puts on a suit handed down to him by his father. He'd lost almost everything that was left of his family. But they had a secret vault, so not everything was destroyed completely. 

The hardest part of dealing with Stiles' death was telling his dad. Derek couldn't do it obviously. So Scott does it. And Scott also tells him everything he was missing out on. Something Stiles would never get to do now. 

Derek hates funerals. When he gets to the cemetery, his immediate thought is to turn back around. He hasn't been to a cemetery since the fire. But he sucks it up and does it for Stiles. Because what Stiles wanted from him, were things he was actually going to try doing. 

There are many people at the funeral. Stiles was the sheriff's son. He's surprised to see so many people weeping. He didn't know Stiles was so popular and loved around the community. He bows his head and tries to think of how much he knew Stiles at all. He would like to think he knew him better than most people. 

Derek looks around. All the deputies from the station are in the second row. The front row is reserved for family and friends. Scott and his mother are seated next to each other. He thinks she's squeezing his hand a little too tight, even if he is a werewolf. 

The pack are also lined up next to Scott. Allison is on the opposite side of him. Isaac takes the spot after that. Boyd, Erica, Jackson, and Lydia sit right next to them. Erica is crying and he understands why she's having such a hard time with all of this. Some felt the pack bond more than others. She felt like something was missing. 

It's how Derek felt. Still feels. And it doesn't go away. He lost his whole family. Even though he still had some back, it wasn't the same. They weren't the pack that they had been. And he hadn't even seen them since it all went down. 

Lydia is being stoic about the whole thing. She looks calm and collected but if you look into her eyes, she's dead inside. Derek understands this too. Stiles was pathetically in love with the girl for years. That was all on her now. She didn't feel like she deserved to sit there and cry. If she was with him, maybe things would have been different. 

Jackson's a different story. He's holding back his tears the best he can. Derek's confused by this whole side of things. Boyd is as stoic as Lydia. But Jackson, the person that tormented Stiles more than anyone, is crushed about his death. It's nice to see he actually cares, but it's all for the wrong reasons. Stiles would have loved to see that. 

Derek realizes he's been standing in the middle of the isle for a good five minutes. People are starting to notice, starting to stare at him. But mostly, they probably think he's just in shock. Someone he loved, died. But most of them probably didn't know about the love between him and Stiles. 

The sheriff is glancing around. He thinks he may be looking for someone. And that's when Derek realizes, there's an open seat next to the sheriff. Derek knows it's meant for him. Knows the sheriff is more intuitive about things than he originally thought. 

But when the sheriff turns around to look at him, he doesn't approach. He doesn't move forward even though the sheriff is nudging his head for him to. He shakes his head and kindly declines the offer before sitting about five rows back. 

When the funeral starts, all Derek wants to do is leave. Stiles would have liked the fact that it was all outdoors. He came to like the forest when Derek showed him all its perks. Which is why Derek really doesn't want to stay. Because there's too many memories here. 

There's some kind of priest ordaining the whole thing. He says words and phrases from the bible. Stuff that Derek never believed. Still doesn't believe. And when he talks about how Stiles is in a better place, well Derek would like it if that were true. Stiles deserves to be somewhere without all the pain and suffering. 

The priest finishes quicker than Derek thought he would and lets others speak about the time they had with Stiles. They've obviously asked a select few to come prepared. Scott is up first and Derek knows this is something he shouldn't be doing. Not when he's still healing. 

"Stiles was not just my best friend, he was my brother." Scott says softly. He has a piece of paper in his hands and they are shaking rapidly. Derek feels sorry for him. "We used to do a lot of stupid stuff as kids that would get us into trouble. But we kept doing things like that no matter how many times we'd been brought down to the station. Everyone knew us. The sheriff's kid and his asthma ridden best friend. If he was here right now, I think he'd laugh at me trying to say something that didn't involve him being an idiot. But he was a good person. He didn't deserve such a short life." 

Scott goes on to talk about how Stiles was happy. He lost his mom and him and his dad were in a rut but they came back from that. They met people. Friends that care deeply about him. Stiles lost a lot in the past, but now it was time that they lost Stiles. And living in a world without the kid with an aderal addiction would be hard. Because he brought life into people. 

He brought people back from the brink of their suffering. He brought people like Derek back. He made people happy. Scott just hopes that Stiles was happy with what came out of his life. Derek sits there silently. He knows Stiles was happy with the way it all ended. But he wasn't. 

Some of the pack speaks about Stiles. They talk about him like he was the glue that kept them all together. Honestly, Derek thinks that may be the best way to describe his spastic lover. He tunes out the rest of them for the most part. 

When the sheriff speaks, it really hits Derek. Stiles doesn't get to tell his dad he loves him one last time. He doesn't get to sleep in his bed or sneak in late to his house after a long night at Derek's. Stiles doesn't get a second chance. Derek failed him. He failed everyone. 

The service finishes soon after that. They lower Stiles' casket into the ground and his dad and all his friends throw dirt on top of it. Then, stronger men with shovels, fill up the rest. And just like that, it's all said and done. It's real. There's no coming back from this. 

The clean up is simple. They have a lot of helping hands. And after that, people congregate to talk to the sheriff and Scott and Melissa McCall because those are the people that matter. He stands back and watches it all happen. Listens to anyone who needs to talk. He's polite when people approach him. 

Some ask how he knew the deceased. All he can think of to say is _close friend_. They nod their heads and tell him they are sorry for his loss. If only they knew how Stiles and him were so much more than that. 

Many people disperse after a while. There's a small reception for lunch at the high school gym and that's where people need to go. They can't stand to be in a cemetery. And can't help not wanting to be at a funeral for a child. Because that's what Stiles was, still just a kid. 

He stands at Stiles' headstone. He wants to see what it reads. He hates it. Stiles was so much more than just a few words on a headstone. But the quote wasn't too bad.

 _If you're going through hell, keep going._  

And underneath that was all that Stiles was. _Son. Friend. Leader._ But he was more than that to Derek. _Lover. Mate. Family. Savior. Survivor_ _._ He deserved those titles. He deserved more. _Glue_ _._ That's what was most important about him. 

He feels the sheriff approach him before he actually sees him through the side of his vision. He doesn't look away from the stone. He can't face John like this. It doesn't feel right. There should have been a formal introduction. And John probably would be a little iffy about their relationship at first but then he'd grow to like Derek. 

Derek wouldn't be surprised if John hated him. He hated himself. 

"I admire you for showing up today." The sheriff tells him gruffly. The man has probably shed more tears than both of them combined. "Scott said it might be too much for you." 

"He would have wanted me to." Derek murmurs, sticking his hands in the pockets of his suit jacket. He feels naked without his usual ensemble. The leather jacket given to him by his father. It smelled like Stiles so it was too much for him at the moment. He couldn't go near it. 

"Scott told me things." John says. "I guess Stiles was always meant to be a part of something like that. I know why he did what he did that night. His mother, used to tell me stories. She told me they weren't real but all of this just shows me how much I really missed. I think Stiles thought it was his responsibility to do something." 

"I didn't understand why he felt the need to be so involved." Derek says. John obviously knows all the things that Stiles never got to tell him. 

"Come over for dinner tomorrow. I'll fill you in. I think I'll be getting a lot of casseroles from the women in town." He chuckles. 

"Okay." Derek agrees. He promised Stiles that he'd take care of his dad. They'll be okay because they both loved Stiles. They could tell each other things about him that they hadn't been informed about. 

"I know I may not be the sharpest parent in the bunch with all this supernatural stuff, but I knew about the two of you. I'm a little intuitive when it comes to things like that." John tells him. 

"I'm sorry we never told you." Derek sighs. "I kind of wish he would have never met me. Maybe he'd still be alive." 

"Well, I'm glad he did." He says to Derek's surprise. "He was happy. I hadn't seen him that happy since before his mom died. So, thank you." 

John pats Derek's shoulder and just squeezes. Derek finally has the courage to look at John and he feels a little bit of acceptance. Stiles' dad doesn't hate him. He's grateful he was a part of Stiles' life. 

Derek wraps him up in a surprising hug. But Stiles' dad reminds him a lot of his own dad. And now that Stiles is gone, he doesn't have anyone who will show him that kind of affection. And he sighs in relief when the sheriff grips him tight and hugs him back. It's something they both need.

Soon enough, they break away from each other and give each other space. John nods at him and starts walking away. He has other places to be today. Derek's okay with that. But he probably won't show his face for the rest of the day. He needs to run. 

Sheriff turns around to tell him one last thing. He actually smiles at Derek and says, "So I'll see you tomorrow then Derek?" 

"Of course." He agrees. 

And that's how it starts. 

Derek shows up at the Stilinski residence at least twice a week after that. It's one of the only things he'll actually leave his loft to go and do. It's the only time during the day that he doesn't feel completely alone.  

And they sit in comfortable silence over a dinner that John doesn't make. Stiles was always the cook. Which is why it becomes a normal routine for Derek to make the dishes while still looking out for the sheriff and his health for Stiles. 

They don't talk much but when they do, it's not only all about Stiles. They talk about Claudia Stilinski and the Hale family. They include political topics that neither of them give a shit about. Derek even helps him figure out some of his cases at the station. 

Which is how Derek goes into the deputy program at the sheriff's department. Months later, he's on his first job outside of the station and things feel good again. It feels so silly to be tracking down a gunman in Beacon Hills - a normal human - when he'd been through so much before that. 

And it's even funnier when he gets shot with a regular bullet and they rush him to the hospital. The sheriff is there a few hours later after Melissa takes care of it. Deaton taught her a few things after the accident. 

That's what they called it now. _An accident._  

John laughs at him when he sees him. But it's clear he was worried nonetheless. That's when Derek thinks he can move forward with his life. He's found family in John and he's happy like that. 

That's exactly why it has to go to shit when the sheriff gets in an accident during a run into a different town. He just wanted to help out. And look where that got him. 

Derek visits him everyday in the hospital while he's in a coma. He promised Stiles he'd take care of his dad and himself. He was doing a piss poor job at both.

 He gets drunk off of wolfsbane induced alcohol and doesn't leave the loft enough again. Just for his job. It all goes back to how things were right after Stiles died. He's not good at surviving without him. 

When the sheriff wakes up, Derek doesn't see him till he shows up at the loft. He scolds Derek for living like a hermit. He tells him that he was making progress. They both made so much progress in the past two years. 

"I can't do it!" Derek shouts at him. "I don't know how you do it. I can't live without him." 

"Yes, you can. And you will." John shakes his head. "Because we need each other to get through this." 

Derek caves after that. They sit on the couch in Derek's loft and watch all of Stiles' favorite movies. And they move forward. 

The pack visits a couple times throughout each year. They all scattered for college. But they remained close. Derek preferred to stay out of the loop these days. And they rarely had any supernatural problems. 

Each year gets easier and harder all at the same time. They have their ups and downs but he lives as much of a normal life as he can. 

At least ten years after Stiles' death, Derek leaves Beacon Hills with the promise to John Stilinski that he'd return. He doesn't. And John never counted on it. Derek needed to leave the place he still had nightmares about. 

He doesn't find anyone to replace Stiles. He lives a pretty lonely life. He stays connected with the sheriff, who comes and visits every so often. He's ready to retire soon. And the pack comes by too. They're all married and having kids. 

His life isn't what he wants it to be. But he has good moments. Those are the ones he looks forward to.

 

_To be continued..._


	2. Part 2

 

He wakes up cold and alert. He's springing up from the metal table in the middle of Deaton's work station. He doesn't know how he got there and that makes him even more nervous. He doesn't have to wonder for too long, though.

"Ah, I see you've finally joined the land of the conscious." Deaton smiles.

"What happened?" Derek asks, looking at his hands and other body parts to see if he's okay.

"You saved a life." Deaton tells him, rummaging through some drawers to find something he needs.

"Stiles?" Derek asks. "He's okay?"

"He's been awake for a few days." Deaton nods.

"I need to talk to him." Derek stands but almost falls to the floor without Deaton supporting him.

"I don't think that's a great idea at this moment." Deaton tells him thoughtfully.

"I don't understand." Derek tells him as he sits on the floor. "Why am I so weak?"

"You knew what would happen if you drained Stiles of his pain." Deaton says.

"I'm not an alpha." Derek realizes.

"No, you are not." Deaton nods.

And that's the end of that. Deaton doesn't pay him much attention after that. Derek thinks there's something he's not telling him. Something that he wouldn't want to hear.

Scott eventually comes by. The first thing he smells on the teenager is nerves. Which is weird and kind of scary considering his best friend is alive thanks to Derek. He's waiting for Scott to spill his guts out. That look is enough to want to get it over with.

"Glad to see you're okay." Scott gives him a crooked smile that doesn't really meet his eyes. Something is really wrong. And they want Scott to be the bearer of bad news?

"What's wrong Scott?" He asks.

Scott deflects and starts talking about what happened after he passed out. He said that Derek's heartbeat was so light that they thought he was dead too. Deaton let them know that though Derek seemed like he risked it all, he wouldn't have killed himself even if he didn't save Stiles.

Derek wants to tell Scott suddenly that he lived in a world without Stiles. He needs to tell someone at this point. He really thought he lost everything and he had to live with the fact that he couldn't save the person he loved.

He could have missed a lot in the past couple days. Scott also filled him in on the fact that they buried Jennifer somewhere where she wouldn't be easily found. He wasn't too happy about that considering he had no death policy, but what was done had to be done and he understood. They all did. Stiles sacrificed a lot to win this battle.

And wow, he'd almost forgotten about Stiles. He wanted to talk to him more than anything. He wanted to see personally that he was okay. Not that he didn't believe Deaton or Scott but there was just this cold feeling in his chest that he couldn't get rid of. It didn't feel right.

"I need to see him Scott." Derek suddenly says.

Again, Scott deflects. He repeatedly tells him that Stiles is just fine. He's resting. He was very startled when he first woke up. Scott says he keeps getting better each day that passes. But Derek wanted to see it all himself. Why wouldn't they let him see?

Derek urges Scott that he needs to see Stiles. It would be good for both of them. He wouldn't have this uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Like he was alone. Maybe he was. Maybe Stiles wasn't as good as they were saying. Because they were connected. He should be able to feel that Stiles was alright.

"Please Scott." He begs.

"Derek, let it go." He growls suddenly. Derek's kind of startled. He's never seen Scott use his wolf in the defense of someone else in a normal conversation. That's how he knew whatever Scott was trying to hide was serious. "Relax a little while longer."

"What's wrong, Scott?" Derek asks, flashing his eyes -his _blue_ eyes- into submission. And when did that happen? He was looking to Scott as his alpha now because he was no longer one. "I need to know."

"Stiles isn't okay." He winces. It's like he's waiting for Derek to explode. Like he can't even handle the thought of something being wrong with his younger lover.

"What do you mean?" Derek asks. He's tense. A lot more tense now, especially with that constant cold feeling still in his chest. He feels like he can't breathe for a second. He's not going to explode. He's stronger than that.

"Something happened to him before you brought him back to life." Scott tells him. "And you know Stiles, he's not telling anyone about it. It's scaring all of us."

"I'm going to see him." Derek says, ready to will his legs to work. Ready to finally move from the goddamn veterinarian table.

"He doesn't want to see you." It's like ice running down his spine. He can't handle the pain of the words coming from Scott. He says it so pityingly. Like he begged Stiles to give Derek a better answer.

Scott gives him the most pained look he's ever seen. He wants to give Derek more to go on. But after a bombshell like that, he doesn't know how to continue. He's just standing there. Waiting for Derek to do something. Like punch him in the face. Like he deserves it.

"It's not good, Derek." He whispers. "He screams. He cries. He's not even himself. He's feral and he hurts people. The minute he woke up was the worst. He worked himself into a panic attack. He doesn't think it's real. You shouldn't see him like that. Not yet, Derek."

"No." Derek shakes his head. "No, I should be there to help him."

"I said no." Scott flashes his eyes at him. Forcing him to do what he's told. "And that's final."

"Shit, Scott. You can't do that. That's not fair." Derek growls angrily. He can't force him to do anything. Not his human side. But because his wolf wants to follow his alpha, he listens.

Well, as much as he as a person was willing to listen to a teenager still in high school. Scott said that Stiles didn’t want to see him. Wish granted. That didn’t mean Derek couldn’t watch from afar. He found a special spot for himself by Stiles’ bedroom window. A place where he could see Stiles perfectly but Stiles couldn’t see him.

And Scott was right. He understood why they all wanted to keep him away. Stiles wasn’t _alright_. He would wake up in the middle of the night, startling Derek from the position he was perched in. He almost fell off the roof a few times.

Stiles would start unintelligible babbling and then the screaming would start. He wanted to bust open the window so many times so he could comfort Stiles. But that’s not something he was allowed to do. Besides, Stiles’ dad was always with the program and came running to calm Stiles down.

Scott had told Derek at the vet clinic that they finally ended up telling the sheriff all about the other side of each unsolvable investigation the sheriff’s department could never complete. John apparently had an inkling that something unnatural was going down in the quaint town. Especially with his son.

Stiles stopped screaming usually instantly after his father was there to protect him. Tonight was different. He couldn’t stop. He was working himself into one of those panic attacks that Scott had talked about. They happened when he was at his worst. Derek wanted to help so badly in that moment.

By some higher power, John got Stiles to fall back to sleep. He looked so exhausted. Derek knew that this had been happening every night since Stiles had woken up. John must have not been sleeping much, worried for his kid.

He’s startled from his thoughts by John opening up the window he was sitting next to. John makes instant eye contact with him, like he knows he’s been out there for days. The look kind of scares him because he’s Stiles’ dad and may just kill him. They haven’t exactly had a formal introduction and since Stiles isn’t exactly… Stiles, they’ve had to postpone that meeting further.

“Could I speak to you in my kitchen, please?” He asks, leaving it light. He’s not exactly eliciting what this talk will be about. Derek hopes it’s just a scare tactic and he’s not in terrible trouble for watching over the sheriff’s barely legal son. “Like normal people.”

So yeah, Derek’s not exactly normal people. He’s not sure if that was supposed to offend him but it does not. He eventually jumps off the roof when the sheriff closes the window on him. He’s greeted at the front door and met in the kitchen with freshly made coffee.

“Were you awake before he-“

“I haven’t exactly been sleeping these past couple of days.” John sighs, pouring more coffee into his cup and handing one to Derek. And Derek’s suddenly glad the drink will never give himself ulcers because he is in a deep need for more than just one cup. He hasn’t been sleeping either and the sheriff reads his mind. “Something tells me you haven’t either.”

“How long have you known?” Derek asks.

“Scott told me you’d woken up. I figured you’d be around as soon as you were able to. I more expected it be inside the house rather than on the roof.” He jokes. But it dies with him and he just gets this deep frown on his face. Derek wants to be able to relieve the sheriff from this kind of pain, but he’s only good with the physical stuff.

“Scott said he didn’t want to see me.” Derek blushes.

“He doesn’t want to see much of anyone, if we’re being honest. Scott comes around a lot. I don’t know if you know that because you’re only here around the darkest hours of the night.” John shrugs, he takes a long sip of his coffee. Derek is a little surprised that he has a cup in his hands rather than a bottle. He’d heard enough stories from Stiles to be worried about the man’s health.

“Scott doesn’t know I come by. He told me to stay away but I didn’t really listen.” Derek explains, he thinks he’s making things more awkward but he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Thanks for saving him.” John says suddenly. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if he wouldn’t have survived that.”

“I love him.” Derek blurts. It comes naturally and that’s a little terrifying. Stiles and he had only really come to terms with the whole thing only hours before he’d almost died. But they were always building to it, even if they didn’t know it.

“I suppose you do.” He nods. “It’s the same way for him, if you’re wondering. He talks about you a lot, in his sleep, even when he’s not himself. He really cares abut you. Always has.”

“He’s gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember.” Derek smiles half-heartedly.

“Does anyone else know about the whole… mates thing?” Sheriff asks. And it’s so casual that it takes Derek by surprise. He doesn’t know what to say. This isn’t something most people take lightly. He’s basically married to Stiles if Stiles still wants him. “Like I said, he talks in his sleep.”

“Uh, we haven’t confirmed it.” Derek admits. “But my uncle was the one who told me and they all kind of are suspecting something is happening.”

“I’m sure what he’s going through right now doesn’t change that.” John assures him. He doesn’t have to do it but he does. Derek thinks that maybe John Stilinski might like him. He can breathe another day knowing that.

“So you’re not going to shoot me?” He has to ask it.

“I’ll learn all about what can kill you if you ever hurt my son. But no, Derek. I actually am growing fond of you.” John smiles softly. He thinks the conversation is over. He should leave. John needs sleep, they both do.

“Is there anything I can do to help him?” Derek asks, taking the threat and labeling it away for another time.

“I have been talking to Scott and he doesn’t think listening to what Stiles consciously wants is the best thing for him.” John says.

“What does that mean?” Derek asks.

“He doesn’t want to see you when he knows what’s real but when he’s not sure of his surroundings, he needs you around. We need to find a way to get you around him when he’s not himself without betraying what he wants when he is himself.” John explains and it sounds really confusing but Derek immediately knows how to help.

“I can leave my shirt.” Derek says quickly. It smells like him. It should -it would- comfort Stiles. “I can bring things from my place that would make him feel connected to me.”

“Scott said something like that. Do you think it will work?”

“Probably, or at least help a little. I can scent some of the things in his room if that doesn’t help.” Derek suggests.

“We’ll start with the small things first. We don’t want him to notice what we’re doing.” Sheriff says.

Derek takes his shirt off, much to the sheriff’s dismay and they start there. Derek comes back the next night with some of his things. Like a pillow from his bed and some books from his library that he used to read to Stiles.

They do this in hopes of making Stiles better. Now all they need is time.

 

* * *

 

Stiles' mental state improves. Derek watches the changes in his behavior as they move more things into his life to connect him to his mate. It's a little strange that Stiles is feeling the bond as much as Derek does. Most non-werewolf species tend to be oblivious to it. It should be dormant in Stiles unless he doesn't want it to be.

Which makes Derek think that Stiles wants to be connected to him even when he's not mentally there. Stiles is trying to put barriers up so no one can help him out. Derek can't understand why Stiles wouldn't want to see him. Especially if it's painful not to. Derek's presence around Stiles' house has been a comfort to both him and the sheriff.

The screaming and thrashing lessens. Stiles starts sleeping through the night almost. His symptoms come in quick spurts and Stiles' dad doesn't even come running anymore. If it persists, he'll do something but now he normally just lets it run its course. And Stiles doesn't really remember what happens to himself in those moments. He just loses time.

Derek stays outside Stiles' window every night. The sheriff invites him in for a cup of coffee or just to talk sometimes. They both know Stiles is getting better but it hurts just seeing him like that. And even when Stiles is _sober_ , Scott still tells him of his wishes. It's been at least two weeks. Stiles still doesn't want to see him. And he eventually ends up back at school. He ignores the pack too.

The only people Stiles will talk to these days are Scott and his father. Lydia comes to him sometimes to complain but Derek is just as lost as she is. She tries her best to comfort him. Tells him that love doesn't always come to us in the most conventional ways. But he shouldn't doubt that Stiles loves him, even for a second. He sometimes doesn't know what he'd do without the banshee that his boy- that _stiles_ , was in love with once.

One day though, he is startled out of slumber from someone opening the window. He almost clumsily falls off the roof but catches himself before it's too late. It's morning, the sun burning his retinas will tell him that. And what's strange is that he's slept through the night. He looks to the window to see who's there.

He's surprised to see Stiles.

Stiles hasn't looked him in the eyes in weeks. He doesn't look like the same man that Derek almost lost. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. He does look a lot stronger than he had been. When Derek closes his eyes, even just to blink, he sees Stiles bleeding out under his eyelids. So he tries not to blink. Hoping that whatever this is, isn't a dream.

"Sorry to startle you." Stiles says softly. It's the first time Stiles has said something that isn't a scream or a desperate plea. That's all Derek hears at night. He doesn't know if he could have stuck around to hear any more.

"It's okay." Derek shakes his head. He feels like he can't breathe. For weeks all he's wanted to do is have a simple conversation with Stiles. He doesn't want to blow it. He doesn't want Stiles to push him away anymore.

"Surprised you slept through the night?" Stiles asks. Derek just stares at him. Finally realizing why he was so startled in the first place. He's grown accustom to Stiles waking him up in the middle of the night. But not that night. "Me too."

Stiles looks him over and scrunches his nose a little. Like he can tell how long Derek's been doing this. Coming to his side for comfort. How he hasn't been able to eat or sleep or do anything normal for so long. Stiles reaches out a lengthy, pale hand and pulls Derek inside his room. A room that reeks of Stiles and distress.

"I know what you and my dad have been doing." Stiles tells him. He's just standing in the middle of the room while Derek stays by the window. Stiles isn't really dressed up. It's a Saturday but he at least got out of his pajamas. He's wearing khakis and a darker green t-shirt. His hair's a mess but it suits him. His eyes don't have bags under them. He looks healthy.

"How long have you known?" Derek asks. He crosses his hands over his chest. He doesn't know what to do with himself. Stiles is the one that uses his hands. Not Derek.

"I noticed right away." Stiles looks down at his shoeless feet. He wiggles his toes and the gesture can be seen even through his white socks.

"But you didn't say anything." Derek states.

"It was helping." The teenager shrugs. He's antsy. He's been off his Adderall due to his dad's wishes. He thought it might affect Stiles' healing process so he wasn't able to use it.

"Why wouldn't you see me before now?" Derek asks. He needs to know. Even if the answer is painful.

"Well you obviously saw me." Stiles sighs and walks to his bed. He takes a seat and looks down at his hands as he fumbles with them.

Derek looks away from Stiles for a moment. The thrashing and the scream come to mind and he squeezes his eyes shut. He saw Stiles at his worst and sometimes he feels like that wasn't something he should have been seeing. He knows how much Stiles hates being vulnerable in front of other people.

"It wasn't enough." Derek tells him, finally looking at Stiles again who has been unabashedly staring at him.

"I'm sorry." Stiles murmurs. He looks away again and stands up. "I'm sorry I put you through that." 

"You're sorry?" Derek asks. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels anger but he does. He almost lost Stiles. And sorry just doesn't feel like enough. "You shut me out when I needed you, Stiles."

"I know." Stiles nods. "But I needed to figure this out without you."

"You're just too noble to ask for help." Derek scoffs.

"I wasn't going to let you watch what was happening to me. What is still happening to me." Stiles argues. "I'm damaged, Derek."

"Who isn't, Stiles?" Derek counters. He turns around. Not able to look at the man he loves. The man that he's not sure about anymore.

"What else do you want me to tell you?" Stiles asks.

Derek sits on that for a few moments. He wants to know a lot of things. But he wants Stiles to listen to him too.

"In that moment, before you took one last breath, and I had to decide whether to try to save you with all the strength I had left or let you die the way you wanted to, I lived a lifetime without you." Derek says. He's never been one to tell someone about the times he's felt weak but Stiles always changed something inside him.

"You don't get it, do you?" Stiles asks. Stiles. Always the one to make him more confused than he's ever felt in his entire life.

"You're right. I don't get it. I don't get it because you're here and I saved you, yet it feels like you're still a million miles away." Derek's voice turns frustrated. Because Stiles distanced himself when he needed him most.

"Derek, you may have lived a life time without me, but when I..." Stiles trails off and Derek can sense why. Stiles is still confused about the moment he was _dead_. "...when I died, I lived a million different lifetimes with _you_."

Derek feels the moment all the air escapes his lungs. He feels like he's been punched in the gut and knocked down a few times. Because he's jealous. Stiles has lived what he wants now.

"Whether we were happy, or sad, or mad, or confused, we were together and we ended up finding each other in every way imaginable. We ended up okay, Derek." Stiles says desperately. He wants Derek to understand. He wants him to see what has had him tangled up and restrained from what could be.

Derek wants to imagine what it was like for Stiles. How quickly he lived all those moments that hadn't even been born yet. What if they got married? What if they had kids? _What if people died?_ Because it all couldn't have been perfect, right?

"I'm having a hard time deciding what is real and what isn't, these days." Stiles finally tells him, and he gets it.

"Then ask." Derek tells him simply.

"I don't want to be in a relationship that's just beginning when I have lived it in every possible way. What if it's disappointing?" Stiles asks.

"I don't want to disappoint you, Stiles." Derek sighs and as he runs his fingers through his hair, he feels years older than he really is.

"I'm not worried about you disappointing me!" Stiles confirms quickly.

Derek is so confused at this point, it's unbelievable. If Stiles thought of himself as disappointing, then he'd have to be crazy.

"You were happy, Derek." Stiles whispers, and it's the first time he looks at him and sees tears in his eyes.

"I could be happy now, with you." Derek shakes his head. Because nothing would make Derek happier than being with the person he loved. The person he finally admitted to loving.

"But you had them." Stiles continues. "Laura, Cora, your mom, your dad, even Peter! And because you had them, it was all just... right."

Derek feels the pain that's waving off of Stiles. He has gotten past the deaths of his family. He misses them every day, but he's moved forward. He did it so he could be happy with Stiles.

"What if I forget that they're gone?" Stiles asks. "What if I'm living in a different lifetime for a mere second and I hurt you?"

"You're never going to hurt me in a way I haven't already been hurt." Derek tells him matter-of-factly.

"But-"

"We've wasted too much time already, if you're willing, I don't want to waste a second more." Derek tells him, cupping the back of Stile's neck and pulling him closer.

"Do you think you can really love someone so broken?" Stiles asks, because he has to know for sure.

"If you can love someone who's broken too." Derek nods and kisses Stiles gently on the lips. It's chaste and awkward because Stiles doesn't know how to react at first.

At some point, Stiles lets go of whatever was holding him back and sinks into Derek's touch. They kiss like they mean it that time.

 

* * *

 

Stiles gets integrated back into the pack eventually. He's hesitant about it at first. He's also surprised when he finds out Ethan and Aiden were badly injured but the only people that died back in that field were Kali, Deucalion, and Jennifer. They welcome him back with open arms but it isn't the same as before. He has blood on his hands now. More than anyone else.

Derek and him still aren't open about their relationship around the pack. They haven't told them about the whole soulmates thing even though Peter kind of dropped the bomb on that one. Scott isn't shocked when he learns more about the mating bond he has with Allison. Jackson is however surprised to see that Lydia is not bonded to him in that way. He doesn't notice himself being better for her with his wolf side.

Lydia is okay. At least, that's what she tells Stiles as they drown their feelings in alcohol. She has a party to announce her early acceptance to MIT and spends it holed up in her room with Stiles. They have plenty to talk about but all she wants to hear is about Stiles and Derek. So he gets drunk enough that he doesn't care enough to not tell her everything.

Stiles hasn't told anyone that he hasn't been feeling like himself for a while now. He feels like he's holding something in. He hasn't used his magic since that night and he won't even see Deaton to talk to him about it. Derek doesn't push him because he knows he needs time. But Stiles can tell that his mate is worried about him.

The pack decides to have a cookout at the old Hale house. They just need the yard. The house isn't used because it's a beautiful night and the sun setting is something that can't compare to a tv screen playing movies. Stiles sticks to himself while most of the pack either talk to each other or play catch or frisbee. Stiles holds in his dog jokes because he's just not feeling it that night.

Derek's on grill duty so he can't get around to talking to Stiles unless he wants the food to burn. But after it's all made, the pack gathers around to feast on the potluck they've put together. Erica even suggests making it a regular thing. It doesn't sound like such a bad idea. But Derek's mind is elsewhere when he sees Stiles sitting on the charred porch with his plate of food untouched beside him.

He walks over and takes a seat beside his quiet companion. They sit in silence for a few moments as Stiles just stares off into the dark woods surrounding them from every corner. Derek moves Stiles' food out of the way and scoots just a little bit closer. They keep a comfortable distance, being mindful of the pack, even though they all know something is going on between them now.

"You're quiet." Derek mentions, glancing at the younger man. "It's unsettling."

"Sorry." Stiles huffs. He's been so quick to apologize lately. Like everything's his fault.

"You don't have to-" Derek stops. Knowing it's pointless anyway. Stiles will continue to apologize for nothing. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing." Stiles shrugs. He hasn't looked at Derek since they drove over to the house. He hasn't really looked at anyone today.

Derek looks over at the pack. They're all trying so hard to ignore the conversation that is happening. Derek can see them struggling to busy themselves with eating or communicating with each other. They want to know what is going on with Stiles just as much as Derek does. But Derek still isn't one to push.

"I think it'd be best if I just went home." Stiles tells him, pushing himself off the steps. Derek's had enough of this, though. He pulls him back down and sees that Stiles is startled. The pack has noticed the commotion too.

"What do I have to do to get you to talk to me?" Derek asks.

"We've talked." Stiles says.

"Not about you." Derek raises an eyebrow and lets Stiles settle his hands in his lap again. "Just tell me what's wrong. I want to fix it."

"You can't fix this." Stiles sighs, finally looking over at Derek. He stares at his hands like there's something on them. Like blood. Derek suddenly gets it then. What has been closing Stiles off to everyone. _Guilt._

"There's nothing to feel guilty about, Stiles." Derek tells him, taking Stiles' hands in his own. "You saved a lot of people. You had the guts to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love."

"Then why does it feel so bad." Stiles sighs. "I'm a killer, Derek. I- I can't take that back."

"Stiles, you did what had to be done." Derek tells him seriously. "You're a hero."

"Then why don't I feel like one?" Stiles asks, looking into Derek's eyes for help.

Derek doesn't have time to think about the pack before he kisses Stiles softly. It's slow as they part each other's lips and lean closer into each other's personal spaces. Stiles pulls back even though Derek tries to go in for more. There's a moment where Derek thinks it isn't enough, until Stiles leans back in and leaves another searing kiss on his lips.

"You know, the rules aren't so black and white." Derek says, opening his eyes slowly.

"Who told you that?" Stiles asks, looking at him with a small kind of innocence that he hasn't seen in months

"I think that was you." Derek smiles softly.

Stiles looks away as if the spell is broken now. His smile starts to fade away as he looks at his hands again. Derek wonders if he relives that night every time he does it. He eventually looks up at Derek again. A shaky hand cups the werewolves chiseled jaw and rests there as Stiles looks at him with twinkling eyes and a smile that shows he's trying.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Stiles asks, gently stroking Derek's cheek.

"I think I may have forgotten for a little bit." Derek admits, lifting his hand to rest on top of Stiles'. He holds Stiles' palm in his own as Stiles just keeps swiping his thumb over Derek's stubble.

"I'm sorry I made it seem like I didn't." Stiles sighs, resting his head on Derek's shoulder.

They sit in silence for a while again. But it feels better. It feels like progress.

"Can we get through this?" Stiles suddenly asks.

"I think we already are." Derek replies, squeezing Stiles' hand in his.

He can feel the pack watching them from a distance. Can even hear them mumbling about their actions. Derek ignores all of it though. It's time they let the pack in on their little secret anyway. Even if it has been obvious since that night.

Stiles and Derek eventually join the pack again. Their conversation isn't brought up nor the fact that they're still holding hands. The pack acts like everything's normal and Derek is definitely grateful for it. They're pulled away from each other after a while when Boyd wants to speak with Derek privately. Stiles sticks around the rest of the pack and doesn't leave Scott or Lydia's sides

Stiles and Scott end up taking a walk in the woods, alone, when it's clear that Boyd has something serious to discuss with Derek. Stiles knows that as an alpha, Derek has to deal with some issues with his pack but he can't help but wish he could keep him all to himself for the night.

"So..." Scott clears his throat. They've been walking in awkward silence for the past ten minutes. Stiles can still see the light from the camp fire though, so they aren't very far.

"So..." Stiles agrees. He knows all the things Scott wants to talk about. He doesn't know where his best friend wants to start. "Where's Isaac?"

Scott is startled by the question. He even stumbles a little as he stops in front of Stiles. He's got his back facing the new Mage and Stiles can suddenly hear his shallow breathing. Seems like there's still a little trouble in that department. Stiles wouldn't know. He and Scott seem okay but they still haven't actually had _that_ talk. 

"Uh... he's on a date." Scott tells him, finally turning around once he's said it. The look on Scott's face tells him that he's not asking the right questions.

"Are- are you jealous?" Stiles asks, grinning just a little bit.

"What?" Scott asks. "Why would you say that?"

"You're kind of jittery and blushing.” Stiles smiles. "Did something happen that I'm not aware of?"

"No." Scott scoffs, walking away. Stiles is intrigued as he follows quickly behind his best friend.

"Then what is it, Scotty boy?" Stiles asks, slipping around Scott to stop him from moving any further.

"Allison's my mate." Scott says.

"But?"

"But..." Scott stops. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I talked to Isaac about him being in love with me. He told me that he didn't go off of nothing before he kissed me."

"So do you have feelings for him?" Stiles asks.

"I don't know." Scott sighs. "Maybe?"

"It's okay to experiment." Stiles tells him.

"The last time we talked, I told you I wasn't ready to accept the fact that my best friend was bi." Scott sighs, he leans against a tree for support.

"You've come a long way since then." Stiles tells him.

"I'm sorry for all the things I said." Scott looks at him with sadness. Even though he's not a werewolf, Stiles feels the regret that his best friend feels.

"It's okay." Stiles tells him. "Best friends fight."

"I just want you to know that I'm okay with who you are. And I'm okay that you're in love with Derek." Scott says.

"I'm happy with him." Stiles smiles carefully.

"I'm glad." Scott smiles back. "And the whole mates thing, is that true?"

"Yeah." Stiles nods. "We don't know much about it yet but we're working our way through it."

"If he ever hurts you, I'll kill him." Scott says in the least menacing way possible.

"Thanks Scottie. But I don't think that'll be necessary." Stiles chuckles softly as they head back to the rest of the group.

Stiles thinks that maybe things can go back to normal, one day.

 

* * *

 

"Stiles?" Derek calls from the kitchen of his loft. Stiles has been awfully quiet since Derek left him to make dinner.

He finds the teenager walking slowly around the room, lightly touching things like they aren't meant to be touched at all. Derek freezes from the small action. He's always scared at what this means for Stiles. If he doesn't feel deserving of a place like this or if he's forgotten something. Derek usually waits it out until Stiles comes back to himself.

"Why are we at your old loft?" Stiles asks, turning around to face Derek slowly. "We haven't been here in three years."

"Where have we been, Stiles?" Derek asks.

"Well, traveling." Stiles shrugs. "Did I miss coming back?"

"No, Stiles. You didn't miss anything." Derek murmurs, walking slowly toward his younger lover. He guides Stiles to the couch to take a seat so he can relax and remember what reality is again.

"It's getting better, isn't it?" Stiles asks after a few minutes. "I'm not gone as long."

"You're never gone, Stiles." Derek sighs.

"How long this time?" Stiles asks, ignoring Derek's optimism.

"Five minutes." Derek says, rubbing a hand up and down Stiles' sleeveless arm.

"What did I say?" He asks. Stiles likes to know what happens because he normally doesn't remember at all. It's been bad sometimes where it's taken hours for him to come back. But Stiles is right, it's lessening as each day passes. He's getting back to normal.

"You said we hadn't been at the loft in three years because we'd been traveling." Derek shrugs. It wasn't much this time. Sometimes Stiles would say they were married and would ask about their rings or say that they had kids and would ask where they were. Even something as simple as appearance was a challenge sometimes.

"Nothing else?" Stiles asks.

"Well, you weren't gone long." Derek says. "Dinner's ready if you want something."

"Sure." Stiles nods.

Derek walk back into the kitchen hesitantly. Stiles knows that he's afraid to leave him alone because he's afraid he'll forget again. Stiles follows Derek into the kitchen and watches him fumble for some plates and silverware as he tries to put some food on the plates.

Stiles approaches him slowly and steals half the things out of Derek's hands because he's putting too much pressure on himself. Stiles divides portions of the pasta Derek threw together while Derek frantically supplies himself with the new task of cleaning up before they've even eaten. Stiles sighs as he watches Derek swiftly move around his own kitchen. Too preoccupied to see that Stiles knows something's wrong.

"How do you put up with me?" Stiles asks. Derek pauses, only for a moment. He's been afraid to let his guard down. Stiles thinks Derek believes he needs to be strong enough for the both of them.

"What do you mean?" Derek asks. "You're my boyfriend."

Derek freezes as the words tumble out of his mouth. They've never exactly put a label on their relationship. The pack just knows they're together. They don't call each other things like that. It's just Derek and Stiles. Stiles and Derek.

"Okay, there's a whole different conversation for that." Stiles widens his eyes because woah. A lot of new information was just added to his head and he couldn't think straight now.

"Why do you think putting up with you is a challenge?" Derek asks.

"Because I forget things. I'm not always nice to you. I'm socially inept these days. I hide how I feel and what I'm going through." Stiles could list even more than that but he didn't have the time. Derek still didn't see the point of Stiles' argument. He was too good of a guy. Damn him. "But you don't push. Ever. It's driving me insane."

"What is?" Derek asks, setting down the rag in his hands. His attention is fully on Stiles. Not like it never was actually. Derek is very good at multitasking.

"Your patience." Stiles laughs maniacally. He doesn't see how this isn't a struggle for Derek. It's a struggle for him. "What I wouldn't give for you to just yell at me. Just once Derek. I'm not a piece of glass. I won't break if you touch me!"

"Stiles-" Derek steps slowly towards him. He reaches out a hand to calm him down. But he does it exactly how Stiles described it. Like he is made of glass.

"We haven't had sex since way before the whole Jennifer thing. I have needs, Derek. I like kissing you. I like making out. But I need more than what you're giving me. It's not like I'm a virgin, for Christ sake." Stiles rants. He can barely breathe once he's finished. He's sure he hadn't even paused in between each sentence. Rambling wasn't uncommon for his spastic personality.

"I'm sorry if you've felt that way." Derek tells him. "I'm just... I'm processing all of this too."

Stiles stares at Derek. The Derek he once knew is almost completely erased by this guy. The old Derek would never tell Stiles how he really felt. That he was struggling even if he was trying his hardest not to show it. This Derek, the one Stiles loved deeply and with all his heart, opened up when Stiles needed him to. Even if it wasn't shoving him up against a hard surface.

"I don't know what to do when you forget sometimes. I don't know if I should go with it or talk you down from it. I'm terrified of hurting you Stiles. I don't want you to feel like you're fragile but right now, that's the best I can do." Derek admits.

"Is that why you just called me your boyfriend now? Because it's been on your mind but you were too afraid of how I might react to it?" Stiles asks.

"That's part of it." Derek nods. "The other part is vulnerability. I didn't know if you'd be comfortable with the labels."

"Getting to call Derek Hale my boyfriend in public would definitely be a high honor." Stiles shrugs, sidling up to Derek slowly.

"Then we're boyfriends." Derek smiles softly.

"Have you ever had one of those?" Stiles asks.

"Not exactly." Derek says, wrapping his arms around his _boyfriend's_ waist.

"So I'm your first." Stiles grins.

"You're my first a lot of things." Derek shrugs and pulls the man into an open mouthed kiss.

"I like the sound of that." Stiles whispers between kisses.

Stiles breaks the long kiss first. Derek stares at him with wide eyes. He thinks Derek's facial structure will permanently stay like that because he's done it so much. Stiles doesn't want to make Derek worried about him but he does it every time he does something out of character. He still doesn't think Derek understands that he's a different person now. He's not as innocent as he once was.

Stiles sighs aloud, not at all meaning to. Derek wants to hold on to him but he knows when Stiles does something that makes him frustrated, he should let go. The loss of contact makes Stiles shiver as he walks away. He's not very hungry, though their dinner is now getting cold. He never really was or has been. A lot has changed him and he's just not interested in much anymore.

He's become cautious and everyone can see that. His dad more than anyone else. Because his dad knows everything now. And his dad actually likes Derek, to Stiles' surprise. Which is why whenever his old man tries to talk to Stiles about opening up, even if it's not to him, it's always about Derek. Stiles just doesn't see himself telling Derek all about what keeps him up at night, even when they sleep in the same bed.

Derek finally coerces him into sitting down at the table for a meal. Derek scarfs down at least two servings while Stiles pushes the food around his plate to make it look like he's eating it. He thinks Derek is fully aware of what he's doing but hasn't said anything. That's the thing, Derek never says anything because his fear of messing with Stiles is too big. So he keeps it to short and concerned glances instead. Stiles wants to snap at him but he doesn't, because he's in love with the guy and nothing's going to change that.

"Boyd was talking to me the other day about renovating my old house." Derek says in lieu of nitpicking Stiles.

"Really?" Stiles asks, he's not even concerned about the way Derek has been acting. "What do you think about that?"

"Well, I was just going to leave it like that for the rest of my life. Or let the town tear it down. I never thought about making it into something good again." Derek tells him honestly. Stiles tries to read what Derek's saying through his expressions but that's always been kind of a hard thing to do.

"If it's something you want to do, I'll back you up on it." Stiles says gently. Derek looks down at his hands that are rubbing together on the table. He looks up at Stiles slowly and opens his mouth. He hesitates for a while, obviously not sure how to phrase what he's dying to say.

"I don't just want your support, Stiles." Derek finally says, he reaches out a intertwines his fingers with the teens. "I know you want to get out of here. I'm not stopping you. But I want to make a place for people come back to. A home for all of us. And I want your name on the deed to the house."

"You want to give me your house?" Stiles asks. He's kind of stunned. He can't blink, in fear of missing something that he already feels isn't there. Why would Derek want that? It's his family home.

"I destroyed something in my past. You believe you've messed something up now. I want you to have the choice to do what you want with something you can control." Derek tells him. Stiles narrows his eyebrows together, not in confusion but in seriousness.

"That's too much." Stiles tells him desperately. "You- you have a choice too."

"My choice is giving you one. I'm handing over my rights to you whether you want them or not." Derek shrugs. "And then you can choose to break it down or build it up."

"I- I need time." Stiles says, pulling his hand away.

"It's yours." Derek nods.

Stiles keeps to himself after that. Quickly making up an excuse to leave the loft and go home. Derek sees right through it, like he does with most things. He lets him go though, because he knows Stiles needs to process things. Stiles doesn't want anything to do with Beacon Hills anymore. He's struggling to be a part of the pack and he's struggling even more with not being who he always thought he was.

Being a Mage, well, it's not something Stiles is exactly happy with. Especially when he could have been taught about it. He could have been fighting for something instead of being in the shadows. Deaton knew. There's no doubt in his mind that he may have suspected. And his mom definitely handed the trait down to him. Why wouldn't she tell his father about it? She kept this huge secret from them.

Stiles doesn't go home after leaving Derek's. He drives to the outskirts of town and finds that little cliff ridge where you can see everything. Derek only took him there once. It was Derek's place to think, but now Stiles needed to use it as a place of his own. He parks the jeep and climbs out before walking up to the edge of the cliff. He plops down and just stares at the vibrant lights giving off energy from miles away.

Stiles focuses on how much life seems to be coming from his town. Beacon Hills draws the supernatural to it. The Nemeton calls to him every night when the moon is at its peak. He hasn't told anyone about it. All he can do is keep the urge to go to it at bay. He doesn't want to be a freak. He wants to be human. He wants to not have all the blood on his hands. But it's there.

He pulls out his phone and shuffles through the contacts until his thumb rests on Derek's number. He wants to dial it. The hardest part about coming back from the dead, is not knowing how to act after it. Stiles is in a relationship with a werewolf, who is his mate, and he's a Mage. It's all very confusing. He's never been in this kind of situation and there's the added fact that he died and doesn't always know what his reality is.

He doesn't realize how out of breath he is until it's too late. He's panicking and he's alone. The only thing he can do is call someone to help him. But he doesn't want to worry Derek because he's worried enough as it is. So he scrolls through to the S section and dials Scott. He's closing his eyes and counting to ten as he holds the phone shakily up to his ear.

It rings twice before there's a muffled voice and a _hello_ that can only be his best friend. He can't talk for a moment as Scott says his name repeatedly. He lets out a harsh breath and he can hear the panic in Scott's voice as he says something away from the speaker to an unknown person he must have been with prior to this phone call.

"Stiles I'm calling Derek. Are you hurt?" Scott asks quickly.

"Don't." Stiles says just as quick. There's silence between them until Scott asks why. "I'm fine."

Stiles repeats it to Scott until Scott's repeating it back to him. But when he says, _you're fine_ , it's more of a question than a reassured statement. Stiles lets Scott talk him down from his panic attack before he's just obnoxiously breathing into his end of the line.

"What the hell was that, Stiles?" Scott asks.

"I'm screwed up, Scott." Stiles huffs. He reclines the rest of his body in the grass so he's laying on the ground. The sky is dark and there are no stars. The moon is large and brilliant and Stiles envies that pull that the werewolves must feel at this time of the month. They feel drawn to a natural thing. The Nemeton is not something he feels is a good thing to want to be connected to.

"Hey, don't say that." Scott tells him. He's mumbling to someone on the other end of the line. Stiles suddenly feels bad for interrupting Scott's time. They all have things to deal with. Stiles shouldn't put his problems on Scott as well.

"I should go. You sound busy." Stiles winces. He sounds like a kicked puppy and he hates that. But he is hurt. Because he doesn't know who to confide in anymore. He and Scott are doing good now but he knows that some things can set him off now.

"No, Stiles. I'm here. I want you to talk to me!" Scott says quickly. He sounds desperate and Stiles squeezes his eyes shut and wills the words to leave his mouth.

"I don't know how to live my life anymore." Stiles says. As soon as he realizes he's actually said it out loud, he sits up and opens his eyes. He did not mean to actually say it. But once those words are out, there's nothing stopping him from spilling everything. "I don't feel normal. I know I'm not. I'm a supernatural being and I hate myself. You tried to stop me from making a decision I could regret and I didn't listen. I should have. But even if I didn't, someone else would have had to stop her. Maybe it's a good thing that it was me."

"Stiles, you did something that saved us all. Don't forget that. I know it seemed like there could have been another option, but there really wasn't. We didn't have a plan B." Scott tells him. He's no longer focused on someone who's in the room with him. He doesn't even move away from the phone. His voice is clear and firm as he talks to Stiles.

"I don't want to be this person, Scott." Stiles says carefully. "No one knows how to treat me. And I'm different since I died. I don't know how anyone could expect me to be the same person I was before everything."

"We're all different, Stiles." Scott says. "Derek especially."

"Derek? I mean, sure. He's a hell of a lot more cautious around me. And he's not really being an alpha to his pack. But-"

"He's not an alpha, period, Stiles." Scott interrupts. It stops Stiles' rant immediately. What does that mean? Not an alpha.

"What are you talking about?" Stiles asks.

"Derek didn't tell you." Scott says slowly, realizing he just dropped a bomb.

" _Shit_." Stiles curses. He runs his fingers through his hair and just gives it a small tug. Of course Derek had another reason to act so strange. He was afraid of Stiles finding this out, for some weird reason.

Before Scott can say anymore, Stiles hangs up the phone and shoves it back in his pocket as he sits there and stares at the city once more. He has another burden on his shoulders. He doesn't want to make any of these decisions. He doesn't want to be a leader or a fighter.

All he wants is to be _Stiles_.

 

* * *

 

Stiles avoids seeing Derek the next couple days. He chalks it up to being too busy, even for his boyfriend. Which in reality, he does have a lot to catch up on. He's trying to bring his grades back up from his absence and there's multiple college scholarships and acceptance letters that have to be dealt with.

He avoids those things too. The only time he feels calm is when his dad sits with him on the couch and they watch shitty television in comfortable silence. His dad understands that he doesn't want to be suffocated with kindness. He did experience something similar when his mother died. Stiles could only think about what would have happened to his dad if he died too.

He doesn't think about it too much though because he doesn't want to think about anything too much. He knows the tranquility he has been experiencing for the past couple days is gone when his dad starts giving him a look. It's so subtle that it bugs the hell out of Stiles till he just can't keep to himself anymore. He waits a few more minutes until the latest episode of whatever reality show he had been half watching ends.

"What?" He sighs in exasperation at his father.

His dad has always been great at pretending he has no idea what is going on. Right now though, his thoughts are bleeding out of his brain as he shrugs and acts totally innocent. Stiles throws his head back as he groans. He wants to shove his face in a pillow or go crawl under his bedroom sheets. Anything would be better than having to talk to his dad about his emotions.

"Don't act coy." Stiles rolls his eyes. "What do you want from me, old man?"

"I want you to tell me why your lazy ass has been around the house so much, without the extended company of any werewolves." The sheriff says pointedly. "Did something happen I should be concerned about?"

"Nothing happened." Stiles jumps to defend himself. But as he says it, it sounds way too defensive. He sighs again as his dad waits patiently to be filled in on his problems. "Derek's not an alpha anymore."

"And?"

"And?!" Stiles exclaims. "It's all my fault."

"Stiles, if he cared at all about being an alpha, he wouldn't have given it up for just anybody. He loves you. You need to man up and talk to him about your feelings." When John Stilinski starts getting philosophical, you know things are getting serious. Stiles normally wouldn't take advice from his dad, especially about his love life, but he did have a point.

"He's too good for me." Stiles admits and looks down at his hands and bites his lip in guilt.

"I think you both have gone through plenty and because of that, you balance each other out. Don't argue with me here. I was happily married for almost ten years. I know how these situations work." His dad put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to snap his head up to look at him. He couldn't help but let one of the corners of his mouth inch upward. He couldn't give him a full smile but it was the thought that counted.

"You're right."

"As usual." His dad grins widely and gives his shoulder a squeeze before standing up. His shift at the station would start soon and the sheriff can't exactly be late. Stiles wishes they could have more time together. Especially with college just around the corner.

After much contemplation, Stiles calls Scott to set up a pack meeting at the loft. Scott being the alpha, notifies the entire pack. He thinks it's time that he and Derek let everyone know exactly what's going on between them. They seriously just have to come out as a couple. The pack pretty much knows it anyway but it would be nice to actually tell them. Stiles still has some reservations but he's sure those will go away.

Stiles drives over to the loft and is a little surprised to see everyone else's vehicles already in the parking lot. He can practically hear all their hearts beating in sync on the top floor of the building. A wave of panic takes him over unexpectedly and he grips onto the steering wheel tightly. He already turned the jeep off but he feels like driving away anyway.

He hadn't talked to Derek in a while. Derek was probably confused as to way the whole pack was in his home. Stiles sucked at communication these days and that's what a relationship has to be built on. He rests his head on the top of the steering wheel and just lets out an exasperated groan. In that moment he wishes he had everything figured out because he is clueless as to where he wants to go now.

His decisions have been so indecisive and unclear. He thinks he wants something one minute, but then he has time to think about it the next. He wants to be happy with Derek but the person he is now, isn't the one Derek fell in love with. What if Derek sees the dark side he has and wants nothing to do with it? What if he's just sticking around out of sympathy.

His dad would tell him that's crazy. Derek gives up everything for him. And Stiles is no where near deserving of that. He hates that these are the thoughts that cloud his mind. Stiles loves Derek. He always will love Derek. And it's immensely different than his love for anyone else. 

When he lifts his head back up, Derek is walking towards the jeep. He doesn't even have a second to think about what he's going to say before the ex-alpha easily opens the unlocked passenger side door. Derek takes a seat and they sit in silence because Stiles is unsure of what he wants to say. He's also very afraid of what could leave his lips.

"Stiles-"

"I don't deserve you." Stiles says before Derek can finish his sentence. He squeezes his eyes shut and looks away from Derek. He holds his breath as he waits for his boyfriend's rebuttal.

"What are you talking about?" Derek asks, his hand snakes around Stiles' hand which is still on the steering wheel. It almost feels like it stings as he pulls away from Derek and leaves his hands in his lap.

When he gets the courage to look at Derek, the look on his face makes the blood drain from his. Derek is obviously upset about the reaction he had gotten. Stiles feels bad immediately because Derek's always been nervous about showing affection for anyone. Stiles doesn't want to be Kate. But because of what he's done and what he is doing, that's exactly who he feels like.

"Why haven't you told me about the night you saved my life?" Stiles asks, he hasn't broke eye contact with Derek yet. He feels like he has an obligation to stick this conversation out.

"I didn't think it mattered." Derek says quietly.

"It matters to me!" Stiles exclaims. He feels bad for shouting at Derek but he doesn't know how to get his point across in the heat of the moment. "I need you to stop looking at me like that. Like you'd do literally anything for me. I can't handle that weight on my shoulders."

"You don't get it, Stiles." Derek snaps. "I am obligated to do that. I don't just care about you, my wolf cares about you. I have a secondary primal instinct that will kick in if my human side won't. I'm mated to you, Stiles. Human or not, I will do everything I can to protect you."

"I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who gives up their own happiness, their own _life_ , for mine." Stiles argues. His eyes are wide and he's making spastic hand gestures like his normal self. If it weren't for the depth of the subject, it would almost be a regular fight between a couple.

"What do you want me to do, Stiles?" Derek asks. He's giving Stiles that serious, stoic look that he's never been good at deciphering. Stiles doesn't know what he wants and he certainly doesn't know what Derek wants him to say.

"I want to feel the same way I felt about you before I killed someone." He finally says.

Derek shows emotion for a split second. His face relaxes into something that resembles sorrow or misery. But in the next second he puts up that wall that Stiles was sure he'd knocked down. He wants Derek to yell at him. Tell him that he's got it all wrong. But he gets none of that. What he gets from Derek is that hard, grumpy look he remembers so well from when he drove Derek to the clinic, poisoned by a wolfsbane bullet.

Stiles hates what he does next. He has the bud of a purple flower in his pocket and he twirls it around. He could ask Derek to show him his eyes but he'd get some kind of excuse in return. So he takes it out of his pocket and quickly rubs it on Derek's arm. It burns immediately to the touch and Derek lets out a pained yelp as his _blue_ eyes flash at Stiles.

"Blue." Stiles says softly, in disappointment and acknowledgment.

"Stiles what the hell-" Derek stops what he's saying as soon as the word Stiles said travels through his brain. "Who told you?"

"It doesn't matter who told me, Derek. It's the fact that you didn't tell me yourself that's the problem." Stiles says desperately. He's shook up by the fact that what he knew was true, is actually true.

"I was going to tell you." Derek looks down at his lap like he's ashamed. Stiles runs his hand through his hair and clenches down on a chunk of it. 

"When?" Stiles asks, practically demands.

"I don't know." He sighs.

"Why did you do it? Why would you choose to give up that power?" Stiles asks, drawing the attention of Derek's eyes back to him.

"You act like there was a choice to be made. I never needed that power, Stiles. I wanted it to feel safe. But it never made me feel the way you did- do." Derek tells him desperately. Stiles lets Derek cup his neck with his hand and pull them closer together. The contact is painful because Stiles craves it so much. "I love you, Stiles. I will do whatever is necessary to keep you alive. Even if I can't be with you."

"But I'm not a good person-"

"Nobody is. Not with the lives we've had. You're no different to me than when I first met you. The way I feel for you is exactly the same as before." Derek tells him. Stiles eyes look over Derek's face. He can see the distressed features that scrunch the worry lines above Derek's forehead. His eyes glow with the passion he puts into his words.

Stiles leans in first. He knows Derek is waiting for it. He wouldn't have made a move unless Stiles wanted him to. As their lips crash together, Stiles feels a breathtaking spark run through him. One that tells him that they are meant to fight for each other; they will come back to each other no matter the circumstance.

"So why are there a ton of almost graduates in my home?" Derek asks, as they break from their too-short kiss.

"Well, I was going to tell everyone about us but then I got cold feet." Stiles sighs, he rests his head on Derek's shoulder in shame.

"There's still time for that." Derek tells him, kissing the side of his head. "Though I wouldn't be surprised if they were listening this whole time."

"Okay." Stiles nods.

"No hesitations?" Derek asks, just to be sure.

"Nope." Stiles shakes his head.

They both get out of the car and travel up the stairs together. Derek opens the door and the pack is all just waiting for them. Peter is sitting on the steps to Derek's room. Cora is standing at the back of the room with her arms crossed over her chest. Scott is sitting surprisingly next to Isaac on the couch and away from Allison who is standing against the wall with Lydia. Jackson, Danny, Ethan, and Aiden are kind of chilling in the background. Lastly Erica has her arms crossed and a raised eyebrow while Boyd has an arm wrapped around her waist.

It's a little intimidating seeing them all together. They're all expecting something because they were brought to the loft for a reason. Stiles feels like chickening out once again but as he backs up just a little, Derek takes his hand. The relief that floods through his body, the fact that he is not alone in this, is exactly what he needs in that moment. He follows Derek as he brings them into the loft, completely out of the doorway.

Scott's giving him this look of encouragement and Lydia has a soft smile on her face. Those two are the people that know the most. Isaac knows a little more too. He looks at Scott happily. Isaac understands what it means to have the acceptance of his piers. Though he never got along with Isaac, they are one in the same. Stiles squeezes Derek's hand just for a bit of reassurance and Derek leans down to whisper something into his ear. He stops short, knowing that whatever he says will be heard by everyone else anyway.

"Why are we here, Stilinski?" Jackson finally says. He rolls his eyes as he says it and it irks Stiles in just the smallest bit but he ignores it.

"I just wanted to tell you guys that-" Stiles suddenly doesn't know how to get the words out.

"We know you all already know something is going on between Stiles and I. We just wanted to tell you guys that we are in a relationship." Derek says for him. Stiles is grateful to have someone who can finish his sentences for him. He's so relieved that he didn't have to say it. "And we know that you may have some questions."

"When did this start?" Cora asks. She's still by the window, pacing. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It started when the first two murders happened." Stiles says. "I uh- I was nervous about the two of them being virgins so Derek... he took care of that problem for me."

"Ew." Scott says. "You lost your virginity to him?"

"Yeah." Stiles rubs the back of his neck nervously. Scott is in support of their relationship but maybe telling him that was a little too much.

"I never want to think about you two in the way I'm thinking about you two right now ever again." Scott says quickly like he's been scarred. It's a little funny.

"Sorry buddy." Stiles apologizes and scrunches his face together.

"We didn't tell anyone because it wasn't supposed to be anything." Derek answers Cora. "And when it became something, we wanted to see where it was going first."

"How's the sex?" Erica asks Stiles cheekily.

Stiles turns red immediately and looks up at the ceiling, silently asking god how this could be his life. Derek gives Erica a scolding look but it doesn't do much because he's not an alpha anymore. Stiles feels sorry that Derek can't defend himself the way he used to.

"So you're mates?" Lydia asks.

"Yeah." Derek nods. "Um, we're not going to go into too much detail about that because we're figuring it out as we go."

"So you're _in love_. Great. Is this meeting over now?" Jackson asks as Danny elbows him in the ribs.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about something else." Stiles suddenly says. Derek gives him a confused look because he had no idea that there was more. Stiles lets go of Derek's hand and looks at everyone around the room. Even Peter. "I've had some time to think and I just want to let everyone know about our plans to renovate the Hale house into a pack home."

He glances back at Derek who has a sort of speechless expression on his face. His lips are slightly apart in awe and his bushy eyebrows are raised in surprise. He looks over to Boyd who actually had the idea in the first place.

"Derek is giving me the deed to the house." Stiles continues. "And he gave me the decision on what to do with it. I want this for us. No matter what happens in the future, I want somewhere we can all be together. Most of all, I want a fresh start. And what better way to do that than build up something that was burned down?"

Derek's arm snakes around his waist and he places a soft kiss in his hair. He tells the pack that renovations will start as soon as possible. The meeting ends soon after. There's a lot of discussion between everyone before they all start to leave. Stiles is sitting on the couch, watching Derek _kick_ everyone out and he realizes that he wants to make an ultimatum.

Derek approaches him after the door is closed and they're alone. He crouches down so he is level with Stiles. He can tell that the teenager has something on his mind so he's patiently waiting for the results of his thoughts.

"I'll go through with all of this, on one condition." Stiles says.

"What do you want?" Derek is not reluctant to give in to what Stiles desires.

"That deed doesn't have my name on it." Stiles says. He sees the words of protest start to form on Derek's lips. He puts a stop to that with a quick kiss. "It has to have both of our names on it."

"...okay." Derek nods, with hooded eyelids, still staring at his boyfriend's lips.

"Now, I have other priorities on my mind at the moment." Stiles says, pulling Derek onto the couch with him, tugging at clothes and skin all at once.

 

* * *

 

Weeks pass and blueprints and plans get made. Paperwork gets read and signed eventually. Derek talks to contractors and they get started almost immediately. Derek wants to do most of the dirty work on his own. He sifts through old things in the rooms of his charred home with minimal help from the pack.

The pack spars while Derek works. Stiles lets Boyd help him while he watches everyone learn new fighting tactics. Everyone is clearly occupied as Stiles walks to the outskirts of the Hale property. Even Lydia is learning new ways to defend herself from Allison, who has put down her bow to help her best friend learn to punch.

Stiles hears a random pinging noise that doesn't seem to be noticed by anyone else. He turns around and feels like it's coming from deeper in the woods. For some reason, he has an urge to follow it. So he glances around and makes sure no one notices him disappear. He doesn't want them to worry about him. He'll be able to protect himself if he has to, even though he's kept his magic dormant since _that_ night.

He continues to hear that sharp ping. His legs are moving in a direction his mind isn't sure where it leads. He just feels like he should know what he's looking for. He stops abruptly and so do his feet. He looks up and furrows his brow when he sees Peter leaning against a tree with a small metal object in his clawed hand.

"I wasn't expecting that to work." Peter says, pleasantly surprised.

"What are you doing out here?" Stiles asks, ignoring Peter's confusing remark for a moment.

"I have some things to discuss with you, Stiles." He says flinging the little metal object at Stiles. He catches it and stares at it in the palm of his hand.

"What is this?" He asks.

"You'd think you'd recognize the object that played a hand in saving Derek's life." Peter says. "And coincidently symbolizes the moment Derek started to feel your mating bond."

"Where'd you find it?" Stiles asks, squeezing it in his hand. He felt the need to keep it out of the hands of someone like Peter.

"In Derek's bedside drawer."

"What were you doing in his bedroom?" Stiles asks. He feels a little violated as well since he has spent countless nights in Derek's bed.

"Looking for that." Peter says, taking a few steps towards Stiles.

"What would you want with a used bullet shell?" Stiles felt weird about having to ask Peter so many questions. He rarely had to talk to the man, let alone hold an actual conversation with him. He is still as creepy as he's always been.

"It's a talisman." Peter says. "Your talisman. Which is why you're the only one who can hear it."

"Again, why do you care?" Stiles asks, he plants his feet firmly on the ground and gets into a fighting stance. He's nervous of Peter's intentions.

"Stiles, you and I are very alike." He says in lieu of an explanation.

Stiles scoffs, "In what world?"

"Don't act like you don't see it too. We both have done bad things with good intentions." Peter says, playing with his claws which are still replacing blunt fingernails.

"You're a psychopathic murderer." Stiles accuses. "I'm nothing like you."

"I may be psychotic, but you're no innocent. _Murderer_ means killer." Peter says, flashing his crystal-like blue eyes at the teenager. "I don't know if you've forgotten, but you did kill-"

"Shut up!" Stiles growls. He's been around too many werewolves.

"Revenge is a powerful thing. We both know the intentions we had. The need to defend may be strong in you Stiles, but the need to kill was much stronger." Peter says, approaching him like a lion gearing up it's prey. "Don't try to deny it. I know the color of your eyes even if you wouldn't believe it."

"What do you want?" Stiles demands, trying to keep his anger in.

"I want you to stop playing coy. You will lose control. That's the burden of having power. We lost control. I may have done it more than you but you're just starting, my young protégé." He says dangerously. He's so close to Stiles now. Only a few feet away.

"Don't come any closer to me." Stiles threatens.

"What I want from you, Stiles, is to stop weakening my nephew. He has become soft looking out for you."

"The way he feels about me is out of my control." Stiles says.

"Is it?" Peter's asks and then laughs. "I'll tell you something, Stiles. After making your first kill, the second one comes a lot easier."

Stiles doesn't know what happens but his anger consumes him. The magic he has held back is suddenly trickling out of his finger tips. He watches his magic take hold of Peter and bring him to the ground. He's snapping bones without knowing how. And Peter's just laughing as he withers in pain. Stiles doesn't understand it. It makes him even angrier.

He lifts Peter up and clenches his fists. Blood starts to pour out of the man's mouth. His laughing continues even when it's a little garbled.

"What will happen when you lose control and inflict it on..." He coughs up more blood. "Someone you care about."

"You killed Laura Hale! On purpose!" Stiles screams.

"Because I wanted to have a purpose." Peter hisses. "I was psychotic, Stiles. Psychotic with vengeance. I would have done anything to avenge my family. It was Derek's fault!"

"It was Kate's fault!" Stiles shouts, clenching even harder.

"Tell me- what will you do when the power makes you become psychotic? What will _you_ do to Derek?" Peter mumbles.

"I'm nothing like you!" Stiles says as magic starts to spurt unexpectedly from his hands. Like a machine glitch.

"You're right." Peter smiles smugly. "You're worse."

Stiles jumps away like he's been shocked. He suddenly hears his friends calling out for him. Searching for him. He looks at his hands. He can't get the magic to stop pouring out of him. He's out of control. He let Peter coaxed his dark side out of him so easily. He doesn't know how he does it but he makes himself become invisible as he runs away.

He refuses to let anyone see him like that.

Derek finds Peter first and rushes to his side. He helps him up. He sees the drying blood spilled down his incredibly low white v-neck and looks around to see what could have happened. Scott raises his nose to get a scent. Probably not for the culprit, but for Stiles.

"What happened?" Derek asks.

"Your adorable little magician, that's what happened." Peter huffs, dusting himself off. He coughs up a little more blood and backs up to lean against a tree.

"Stiles? Where is he?" Derek asks quickly.

"You're concerned about his whereabouts and not about the fact that he made me regurgitate my own blood?" Peter asks, stunned.

"I'm concerned about both." Derek says. "Where is he?"

"He took off. Disappeared out of thin air practically." Peter sighs, sliding down to sit. His energy was completely drained.

"Take him back to the house. I'll look for Stiles." Derek tells Scott and Isaac.

"Hang on. He's more important than the destruction he caused?"

"I'll deal with you later." Derek growls at Peter. He doesn't buy his uncle's story.

He tries to follow Stiles' scent but it's heavily masked by his magic. He tries to use the bond they have to find him but that doesn't seem to be working very well either. He thinks that maybe Stiles could have gone home. So that's where he checks first. Then the loft. He can't think of anywhere else.

Stiles shows up at Deaton's clinic, still invisible. He can't get himself to stop causing mayhem. The magic is just willingly coming out of him. He can't calm himself down enough to stop it. Deaton would definitely know what to do. The guy wants to train him to be like his mother.

When he unveils himself, Deaton isn't even surprised. He just calmly gets Stiles to sit down and avoids his magic outbursts that wreck havoc around the room. Papers are whirling around and everything is shaking. He feels like he's in a earthquake. Deaton is mixing something up for him on the counter. The dogs are barking and the cats are screeching. Stiles can't breathe with how much is going on.

Deaton makes him drink this weird liquid he concocted. It lessens the damage of what his magic is doing but his magic still wants to be free. Deaton seems to think it's normal. Which he probably does actually know that it is normal. He knows so much even though he's cryptic as hell.

"Stiles, you have to anchor yourself." Deaton tells him.

"To what?" Stiles cries out.

"Anything strong enough to calm your magic." Deaton says.

Stiles thinks about his father who is basically his whole world. His love for his dad has to work. There's nothing he feels stronger about. He's never been hesitant about the way he cares about his dad. He's all he has left. So he wills himself to calm down but it's still not working. He doesn't know what could be stronger than that.

Suddenly Derek's busting through the door, begging to be let in through the mountain ash barrier. He rushes to Stiles side and takes both of his hands without caring about the consequences of the magic. Stiles closes his eyes, afraid of what his magic will do to Derek. But when he opens them again, Derek is watching him without any damage.

Their hands are still firmly clasped together. And nothing is happening. The last of the flying papers have dropped to the floor and the animals have silenced. After Stiles takes in the aftermath of his doing, he looks back at Derek who looks so relieved as he rests his head against Stiles' heart. He won't let go of him for even a second, even if the crouched position he's in is uncomfortable.

"I guess you've found your anchor." Deaton says softly.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Derek sighs, lifting his head to kiss Stiles' forehead.

Stiles nods. Not being able to speak from exhaustion. He lets Derek pick him up bridal style to carry him out to his car. Deaton offhandedly tells him he'll make sure to have Stiles see him for training. At this point, Stiles knows he needs help in controlling the thing he knows nothing about. He just doesn't want what happened, to happen again. He doesn't want to feel destructive.

Derek takes him to the loft where they can be alone since the pack is still at the Hale house. Derek carries him upstairs and they lay in bed together. Stiles feels extremely tired and passes out with Derek curled around his body. He feels in control again, especially when Derek is right next to him.

There was a time when Stiles suspected that Derek's anchor was no longer anger, but Stiles himself. Maybe now, they were each other's anchors. Maybe Derek could teach him how to use that anchor to his advantage. This was one of the reasons he really did not want to use his magic ever again.

He wakes up a few minutes later because he remembers the metal shell in his pocket. He takes it out and sets it on Derek's bedside table. Derek is sleeping now. Probably exhausted from trying to track Stiles down. Stiles stares at the talisman, something that supposedly brings good luck, and falls back asleep.

 

* * *

 

Over the next couple days that eventually turn into weeks, Stiles goes to Deaton to train. They start with basics and though Stiles' magic still goes out of control sometimes, it's getting better. Deaton has spell books and incense that can be used for witchcraft. Stiles doesn't delve too deep into anything. He's still pretty cautious about having magic to begin with.

One of the cooler things he's learned are the minor spells he can do. Things that counteract werewolves' powers. He's able to cast muting spells so they can't use their wolf hearing to listen in on his conversations. He's also able to take strength away from them so it's just a normal punch-and-kick type of fight. He tests it on Jackson once when he's sparring with Scott. It's actually really funny to see the result. But he tends not to use his magic unless he's in Deaton's presence.

Which is why he freaks out when he's woken up from a regular occurring nightmare and practically flings Derek to the opposite side of the room. He panics when he can't stop breaking things in his room. Derek tries to pick himself up but he had the wind knocked out of him. Also, Stiles might be pinning him down because he refuses to let Derek come near him anyway.

"Stiles let go of me." Derek sighs.

"No!" Stiles hesitates. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're going to hurt yourself if you don't let me help you." Derek says and gets enough strength to walk to Stiles.

He takes both of Stiles' hands and immediately the room stops moving. The magic has been enveloped back into Stiles' palms and he rests his head against Derek's bare chest. Derek wraps strong arms around Stiles' shoulders and helps them fall back into bed, tangled together in each other's limbs. Stiles breathes heavily as he tries to figure out why he suddenly lost control.

"Hey, we'll talk to Deaton in the morning." Derek consoles. He nuzzles his nose in Stiles' hair but it does little to comfort him. He thinks back to what Peter said, not for the first time, about him losing control and hurting Derek.

He clenches onto Derek's hand which is resting on his chest. He can't imagine hurting Derek but it scares him. He was dreaming about Jennifer draining the life out of Derek and that he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe his subconscious kick started his magic as a protection technique. But there was no danger to Derek in their reality.

Derek rubs Stiles' back until he eventually falls asleep again. When they wake up in the morning, it's to the smell of fresh coffee. Derek's at the edge of the bed, pulling on his jeans and boots. Stiles' head is still resting on his pillow as he smiles at his boyfriend's back. He gets up for a split second just to pull him back into bed. Stiles spiderman kisses Derek as the lay at opposite angles. Derek smiles at how awkward their lips meet and looks up at Stiles as they part slowly.

"I have to find my shirt." Derek tells him.

"I like you better without one." Stiles hums as he leans down to peck at Derek's cheek. Derek blushes as he sits back up and grabs his shirt from the ground. Stiles is still just in his boxers and he wants to pout so Derek will do the same.

"I have to go do some work on the house. Do you want me to go with you to see Deaton?" Derek asks.

"I'll be fine." Stiles shrugs. He feels like a hot mess as he stares at Derek's face which is still pursed from sleep. But he did well in trying to put himself back together after a long night. Stiles can practically feel his hair standing up at weird angles.

Derek sits back down on Stiles' bed and cups Stiles' jaw in his hand. He brings him in for an open mouthed kiss. Their tongues meet shortly as Derek sucks Stiles' top lip into his mouth. He shivers in delight but is disappointed by the shortness of the kiss. Derek's pulling away far too quickly for his liking. He gives him a chaste peck as he heads for the door. He's not worried about the sheriff wondering about him staying over. It's oddly kind of normal.

"Call me when you're done at Deaton's." Derek says softly.

"I will." Stiles gives him a quick smile for reassurance and then Derek's on his way. Stiles doesn't doubt that Derek will head home and have a quick shower before heading to the Hale house. Progress is a little slow but they're getting there.

Stiles gets his lazy ass out of bed and into a shower. He takes his time getting ready because he lied when he said he didn't want Derek to come with him. Dealing with Deaton the past few weeks was not exactly fun. The man tended to give him more questions than answers. Sometimes it felt like he wanted Stiles to teach himself all the things he needed to know.

Stiles shoots a text to Scott asking to meet for lunch before his session with Deaton. His father is still at the kitchen table, sipping his coffee and reading the paper, when Stiles comes out of his room. He pours himself a cup and takes a seat next to his dad. He busies himself with catching up on social media on his phone while he waits for Scott's response.

"Derek left in a hurry this morning." His dad notes, stealing his attention away from his electronic device.

"He's going to work on the house." Stiles shrugs, though he knows his dad has a feeling there's more to it than that.

"Did something happen last night that I should be concerned about?" He asks, because his dad is so intuitive when it comes to this stuff.

"I kind of... flung him across the room." Stiles sighs, sipping on his coffee.

"I'm not sure I want to hear what goes on between you two intimately-"

"No, not- not in a kinky way." Stiles blushes. "I woke up from a nightmare and lost control of my magic."

"Oh." His dad nods, cheeks turning red in embarrassment. "Are you alright?"

"I'm going to talk to Deaton today." Stiles sighs. He's not sure how he is. He wants to tell his dad he's fine, tell him not to worry. But he doesn't want to lie.

Scott texts him back in the midst of their silence, letting him know he'd love to meet up. Stiles quickly responds and they figure out a time while his dad has time to process how he wants their conversation to go. This is what he likes about his father. The old man has had so much practice with patience and investigation that it's just become something his personality is accustom to.

"I put some herbs in your coffee." His dad finally says. It's not exactly the thing he was expecting to hear, not that he was expecting anything in particular, so it throws him off a bit. He side-eyes his dad but doesn't ask why or what, though he's dying to. "It's something Deaton gave me. He said it calms your aura. Not sure what the hell that even means."

"Why do you look so guilty if it's supposed to help me?" Stiles asks, acknowledging the way his father doesn't look at him directly. His dad is a good liar to most other people but to Stiles, it's hard not to see right through the cracks.

"He also said it's kind of a truth serum." His dad nonchalantly shrugs. Stiles eyes widen immediately. He doesn't know what to say first because a billion thoughts enter his mind in a second. He wants to know _why_ , most of all. "Be honest with me, kid. Are you alright?"

"No dad. I'm not." Stiles doesn't even try to fight it. He doesn't care if these herbs are the things making him talk. He doesn't care if what he says worries his dad. He just wants to tell him the truth. "I feel like I'm broken. I'm not the same person I was before and I don't know how to get that person back. I feel like I owe it to everybody to get my act together."

"You don't owe anything to anyone, Stiles." His dad says gruffly. "Certainly not any of us."

"But what I did-"

"What you _did_ is in the past. What you're doing now, that's what matters to me, son." John interrupts.

"It seems a lot easier when you say it like that." Stiles sighs.

"I know you don't like the way you feel right now Stiles, but it will get better." The sheriff says, slapping a hand on Stiles' shoulder for a comfort squeeze.

"I have to go meet Scott." He says after a while. He gets up to grab his keys on the hanger by the door. He back tracks when he realizes he can't just leave his dad hanging. He doesn't know if his dad is expecting him when he comes back but he does look up. "Thanks for the talk. Even if you may have forced it."

Stiles' dad looks down, grinning a little in guilt. But when he looks back up he hesitates before replying, "I'm just looking out for you, kid."

"I know." Stiles nods, pursing his lips. He leaves with a quick goodbye and heads to meet Scott at the diner. Scott hasn't been there in a while.

They catch up over burgers, fries, and dry humor. Scott's obviously tense about something but Stiles feels like he shouldn't bring it up. He knows he's probably tense in Scott's eyes because of his session with Deaton in an hour. Their laughing dwindles eventually and they sit in awkward silence as they think of things to say.

Scott looks like he's ready to speak but just as he opens his mouth, he hesitates and closes it. Stiles doesn't want to be a bad friend and call him out on it even though it may help to let it out. So he figures opening up about his problems may make Scott feel better about his.

"My magic is out of control." Stiles finally says in a offhanded way. It's a little strange to talk about the supernatural in a public place.

"How out of control?" Scott asks.

"It happens randomly. I woke up from a nightmare and that brought it on last night. I hurt Derek." Stiles says softly. He's always been nervous about opening up about what he can do. He doesn't want his friends to look at him in a different way. Scott just looks at him with concern.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Scott asks tentatively.

"There's a million things I could think of." Stiles nods. "But no, I'll figure out something on my own. Something that'll actually be possible."

"I'm sorry you're going through this." Scott sighs.

"It's not your fault. You can't choose my heritage." Stiles shrugs. He avoids eye contact with Scott as soon as he's done talking. He wants to avoid this subject and the fact that he wishes his mom was around to teach him how to deal with it. He wants Scott to change the subject so he doesn't look so weak.

"Allison and I broke up." Scott finally says. Thankful for the distraction, Stiles looks at his best friend with wide eyes. He totally did not see those love sick puppies breaking it off any time soon. Scott can see the questions rattling around his brain and he doesn't have time to ask before Scott's explaining. "We decided that it'd be better if we took some time apart since she's going to France after graduation."

"But you're like... soulmates!" Stiles says. Like him and Derek. They're just supposed to end up together. Or maybe it's just that they're attracted to each other.

"I talked to Deaton. He told me that though it's meant to be with fate, doesn't mean we don't have a choice. I think we're both having a hard time believing in that." Scott continues.

"So what's going on then? You seem edgy." Stiles comments slowly.

"Well... Isaac asked me out." Scott shrugs, looking down at his hands which are tightly wrapped around his water glass. "And we're seeing where it goes."

"Wow." Stiles shakes his head in surprise. It's a big step. But at least Scott is exploring his feelings.

"When you knew you were bi, how did you know?" Scott asks, squinting his eyes. It's like he senses the confusion in his own question.

"Uh... well my interests were obviously different. I guess it started with Derek." Stiles shrugs. "I rushed into this relationship with him and I didn't really have time to stop and reflect on how that changed my sexuality."

"Do you have any regrets?" Scott asks.

"Maybe that I didn't have the chance to figure it all out like you are." Stiles nods. "I love Derek. I'm happy with him but it's always just been him, you know? I won't have other experiences. And it's not that I'm not okay with that, I don't really see myself experimenting anyway but... it would have been nice, I guess." 

"I get it." Scott says.

They don't talk as heavily after that. It's more small talk before Stiles says he has to leave to see Deaton. Scott wishes him good luck as he departs. Stiles hates being as nervous as he is but he just can't help it.

When he makes it to the clinic, Deaton knows he's there. That still should be the creepiest thing ever but Stiles is starting to get used to it. Deaton makes him read a few things out of some ancient books. It keeps him occupied until he just can't stand not talking about how to control his magic. Deaton seems to know what's on his mind even before he says it.

"What happened this time, Stiles?" He asks in a calm voice. He probably already knows the answer.

"I lost control again. I woke up from a nightmare and-"

"I think I'm starting to see a recurring problem." Deaton nods. "Derek."

"Derek? Derek's my anchor. He-he stops it from happening!" Stiles argues. There's no way that having Derek near him is making him worse.

"Stiles, have you ever heard of a trigger?" Deaton asks, gesturing for Stiles to take a seat as he explains.

"Like with PTSD?" Stiles asks. He's searched the Internet on what could be wrong with him. That was one of the disorders that he looked into the most.

"I believe that your magic is being triggered over threatening situations that involve Derek. What was your dream about?" He asks.

"Jennifer hurting Derek." Stiles says slowly.

"And when you started using magic again, what triggered you to attack Peter?" He asks.

"Peter said I would hurt Derek." Stiles sighs, finally understanding it. He totally has supernatural PTSD.

"I want to try something." Deaton nods in recollection. "Stop using your magic."

"Okay..." Stiles squints, confused by this method. He loses control when he's not even using magic.

Deaton stares at Stiles like he's not getting what he's asking. Stiles stares back at Deaton, totally lost on what he's meant to be doing. He's not using magic right now. He's not out of control. He's not even thinking about Derek, well now he is. But that's not the point. The point is that Deaton's analyzing his every move and he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing.

"Hmm..." He finally says and walks to his cabinets to look for something. Stiles takes this as his chance to stand up and look through some more pages in the books Deaton was making him read.

When he looks over at the estranged vet, he notices him making some kind of concoction with different herbs and powders. He's drawn to the dark red color of a root before he tears his gaze away. Maybe Deaton's doing something that is for his eyes only. But it has to do with helping Stiles, right?

Stiles is about to raise his head away from the book again when he realizes Deaton his right next to him. He has some sort of paint brush in one hand and the bowl of crimson paste in the other. He takes Stiles' hand before he can even offer it or back away. Deaton draws symbols on both of his wrists and it burns as they settle into his skin.

He flinches away when Deaton lets go and moves away from Stiles. Whatever Deaton did is messing with his whole body. He's in so much pain that he can't speak or do anything but tremble. He has enough movement in his body to hold on to the metal operating table in the middle of the room. His eyes grow blurry as he tries to get a good look at his teacher.

The pain eventually becomes bearable but it's constantly ebbing at his skin. Deaton finally takes his chance to clean up the mess he's made by putting together the magical paste that Stiles just endured. He picks up that same root that Stiles caught him cutting up and he brings it to him. Stiles automatically backs off, not wanting to suffer through that pain again.

"This is called a bloodroot. It's meant to be a harmonizing herb but is also known for hex-breaking in a sense. Or that's what the grimoires will tell you, I suppose. What I have been taught is that it has anti-magic abilities. It takes away the ability to do magic." Deaton explains, displaying the magical root in his hands. Stiles understands where the name comes from because of it's color.

"If it's supposed to be harmonizing, why was I in so much pain?" Stiles looks down at the small triskeles on each wrist. Past, present, and future. He knows that's what Deaton intended when he painted them. He wonders if they'll disappear. "Why do I still feel pain?"

"Because Stiles, you don't have the ability to do magic when the bloodroot is on your skin or in your body." Deaton says.

"That doesn't make any sense! I'm not using magic!" Stiles exclaims.

Deaton pulls at the collar of his shirt and Stiles looks down to see what Deaton's showing him. There are lines, almost like black veins, etched in his skin like lightning. It looks like he was burned and the scarring is what came after it. He doesn't understand what it is or why it's suddenly there until he reflects back on what Deaton said. The pieces fall together.

"You were in pain, Stiles. Your magic took over in your unconscious state before you were revived. It's been constantly working to heal your wound over and over again. You didn't consciously know what you were doing but you were trying to get rid of the evidence. That's why your magic is triggered. It's because it's never off." Deaton explains as Stiles continues to stare at his scars.

"Will I have this for the rest of my life?" Stiles asks, softly. It's a colossal reminder of something he's desperate to forget.

"You were right when you said you were different after what you experienced. Some wounds can never heal, I'm afraid." Deaton sighs, understanding Stiles' fear.

"Will it always hurt?" Stiles then asks, because it's enough having the scar, but being in constant pain is unbearable.

"The pain you feel will go away. It's not all just physical. We both know that. But you have time, Stiles. You were given a second chance. Don't waste it on regret." Deaton tells him. Stiles feels like it's a lot more cryptic than it should be. A lot easier said than done, as well. But as he packs up to leave, with the added information that the bloodroot will wear off, he decides he may take Deaton's advice.

Since seeing Derek is ten times better than calling him, Stiles drives the jeep out to the Hale house. He'll tell Derek all about what he knows but he really just needs to see him and hold him. He's learned a lot about what has been affecting him lately and it's all a tad overwhelming. 

When he pulls the jeep up, Derek immediately comes out of the house. He's wiping his hands with a dirty rag like he's just come out from underneath a car. He stays at the front porch and lets Stiles come to him. Before Stiles can even reach him, he plops down on the porch steps and puts his head in his hands. He knows Derek's probably confused, but he suddenly knows what will happen once Derek touches him. It will be better if they're both sitting down.

So it's not a surprise when Derek takes a seat next to him. Stiles lifts his head and looks at his older male counterpart. Derek's eyes are laced with confusion and his mouth is pursed with the want to ask what is going on. But Derek's the good guy. The guy who has way too much patience with Stiles.

Derek reaches out a puts a hand on Stiles' shoulder. As soon as his hand makes contact with his body, even through clothing, his wolf powers work their magic. Black veins become profound in his hand, trailing up his wrist and arm. That is until he's so shocked that he recoils like he's been shot.

"Stiles, you're in pain!" Derek says. His eyes glow that vibrant blue that Stiles hasn't really had the time to get used to. Derek reaches out again, aware of the situation and cups Stiles face as he takes the pain.

He feels almost numb as time drags on. What he wants is for Derek to stop so he can explain. But the pain has been etched into his skin and no matter what, it's constantly there. It almost feels like having his heart ripped out. Just like he did to Jennifer. He didn't realize he closed his eyes but when he opens them, he feels the tears that willed their way out as well.

"When I woke up from, uh, limbo... my magic kickstarted on its own. It's been constantly working to heal me. I had no idea what my body was doing which is why it was so easy to lose control. Because it was never turned off." Stiles tells him. He pulls Derek's hands off his face and holds them on his lap. "Seeing you or hearing about you being in pain, well that's my _trigger_ , as Deaton calls it. But now that I know everything I should be able to control it."

"So what did Deaton do to figure this out?" Derek asks, slowly processing all the information.

Stiles lays out his wrists so Derek can look at the marks Deaton painted. They're fading now which means Stiles will have his magic back soon. Derek traces his thumb around the swirls and gets this light expression on his face. He looks up at Stiles and waits for an explanation as to what they do.

"They temporarily take my magic." Stiles tells him. "It's called bloodroot."

"And you're in pain because of it?" Derek asks.

"A little, yes. Deaton says it'll take time but it will go away." Stiles nods. "But I won't get rid of the scar."

He pulls the collar of his shirt down so Derek can slightly see the blackened lines around his heart. Derek touches them softly, his fingers suddenly taking any pain. This time Stiles thinks he does it by accident. Because that's where it's stemming from. That's where Derek will feel the pain the most.

"Stiles-"

"I'm not sure how to cope with all of this." Stiles interrupts. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore Derek. I'm so lost."

Derek pulls Stiles into his side and kisses his head. All Stiles wants in that moment is for Derek to hold him and tell him everything will be alright.

That's exactly what he does.

 

* * *

 

"Get off your ass. We're going somewhere." Derek tells Stiles.

Stiles has about two seconds to lift his head from his laptop before he's laughing in his face. He has a shit ton of work to catch up on. Derek clearly knows this since he has been a persistent distraction the whole day. Stiles likes working in Derek's loft but he doesn't like it when he's not actually getting the work done. They've got about a month left of school. He has to figure his things out.

"Come on. You've done enough today. You're getting crabby and that's because you've been holed up here the whole day." Derek tells him, getting off the couch. He swiftly takes Stiles' laptop which comes with protest, and then pulls Stiles off the couch too.

Cora walks down the stairs from her room and stares at the two of them. She rolls her eyes aggressively before saying, "Please get out of here. I want to have some peace for once. I can't exactly do that with you two being all lovey-dovey."

"Fine." Stiles sighs.

He walks to the kitchen where he left his backpack and stops in his tracks when he sees Scott and Isaac. They're not exactly making out but they're getting friendly with their faces. Scott looks really hesitant as he leans into Isaac's touch. It's a really personal moment that Stiles knows he shouldn't be a part of. He makes himself known by clearing his throat gently, as not to startle them.

It doesn't work. They just about jump away from each other. Scott looks anywhere but at Stiles as he rubs his neck. Isaac just looks a tad irritated with Stiles' existence. It's not Stiles' fault that the two of them didn't find a more private place to start getting comfortable with each other.

"Derek and I are leaving for a little while." Stiles tells them. "I would say feel free to get back to what you were doing but Cora's around."

"Thanks Stiles." Scott says awkwardly. His shoulders are tense and Stiles wishes they weren't. He smiles at his best friend, letting him know that what's going on between them is totally okay.

"Be safe." He winks because he can't help but be an asshole sometimes. He shoves his laptop into his backpack as he gets back to the couch.

He knows that Derek's been worried about him lately. He hasn't exactly displayed any happy behavior. Not since he learned the problem he had with controlling his magic. It's easier now though. Deaton has an easier time teaching him things and he's willing to listen. He just doesn't like the constant pain he feels. But it is getting better.

"Okay, let's go." Derek says, taking his hand. He doesn't let go of it till they're in the Camaro. Stiles narrows his eyes at his boyfriend. He's so focused.

"Where are you taking me?" Stiles asks.

"It's a surprise." Derek shrugs, shifting the gear into drive.

They drive for hours. Talk is pretty minimum. Stiles feels exhausted and what he wants to know, Derek won't answer. He passes out at some point and is only woken up by the car stopping and being shut off. He lazily opens his eyes to see that they're in a parking lot.

He gets out of the car as Derek does and realizes that he can see the ocean. They're on a beach. Something that may be surprising to most people is that Stiles has never been to a beach. Derek knows that.

Derek grabs a blanket out of the backseat and they walk through the sand together, after removing their shoes. It's warm April weather and Stiles is suddenly questioning why he has so many layers on. When they're both comfortably sat on the blanket Derek sprawls out, Stiles strips all the way to his t-shirt.

Derek slides off his leather jacket and scoots next to Stiles. They lean back on their hands while they look out to the ocean. Stiles' arms are still pretty weak so he ends up sitting criss cross while Derek leans back. It's getting darker. Stiles wonders if Derek's planned this trip perfectly so they can watch the sun set.

Watching the sunset was always a family thing. Especially when his mom was around and healthy. The times they actually got out of the house, even just on the porch, were limited as she got sick. When she died, Stiles stopped admiring the sunset all together. He wonders if Derek figured it was time for him to move on. Make new memories with his loved ones.

Stiles turns his gaze away from the crystal water and to the wolf sitting beside him. Derek looks out of his element and in it at the same time. He's not sure if that's possible. On one hand, he's one with nature. Derek may just be the most zen person he's ever met. On the other hand, he looks torn between wanting to be weak and wanting to be strong.

He catches Stiles' gaze after a while. Derek slides his hand into his and turns his head back to the sky. Stiles knows the scenery is beautiful and that's what they're there for, but he can't help but be completely drawn to Derek. He wishes this was as complicated as it got. If he could just spend all his moments with Derek like this, he doesn't think he'd worry so much.

"Tell me something nice." Stiles says softly, squeezing Derek's hand. He wants a beautiful story to go with his beautiful sun set that's moments away.

"I think I fell in love with you the night you held me up in that pool." Derek says softly. "Maybe I didn't know it at the time but I know it now. I said things I didn't mean. About trust and the way our relationship worked. But things clicked after that. We had an understanding. You finished my sentences. You helped me when I didn't think I wanted the help."

"I'm not that guy anymore, Derek." Stiles says, the pit in his stomach darkening. He just wanted to have something nice. What Derek said should have been perfect, but it wasn't. The sun was setting in that very moment and he couldn't bear to look at it.

"You wouldn't risk your life for me?" He asks, confused.

"Of course I would. But that's not the point." Stiles shakes his head, he stands up and starts pacing slightly. He's glad no one's around to see him.

"Then what is it Stiles?" Derek asks, standing up as well.

"The point is, I see the way you look at me." Stiles says. He sees Derek's mouth open, about to interrupt. "I may not have died but sometimes I think you look at me like I did."

"Stiles-"

"I don't want to be in this relationship if it's not something you want. If you can't be okay with the changes that I've made then I just can't Derek. I don't deserve you. You have given up so much for me, I don't know what I can do to fix that." Stiles doesn't have the guts to look at Derek.

"Stiles, I'm not trying to make you into someone you aren't. I know you aren't the same person. But the changes you've made... you barely let me touch you. You've become even more shy to expose yourself to me and that's when we're not even having sex. And don't get me started on that one. You said you've been deprived, now it's like you don't want to be in the same bed as me. So if there's anyone who doesn't know how to fix it, it's me." Derek argues. Stiles doesn't know how to respond to that. He hates fighting with Derek. Even more, he hates losing his point.

"I don't know what to do Derek! I'm in constant pain and every time I look in a mirror I don't see me, I see a killer. I see some fucked up supernatural teenager with PTSD." Stiles tells him. He hasn't been honest with his feelings. If they're fighting, he may as well be honest now.

"Then let me help you! Tell me what is going on! I'm your mate for christ's sake." Derek huffs.

"I can't do this anymore Derek. I don't want to be part of the pack. I don't want to be here. I need to move on." Stiles says, his head is spinning a little. He panics because that's usually a sign that he's going to have a spell.

"Stiles," it's almost like Derek senses it. He quickly walks to Stiles and holds on to his head to keep him awake. But something different happens this time. Derek looses consciousness too.

His eyes spring open, on the alert for something that will explain what just happened. As he looks around, he notices he isn't on the beach anymore. He's not even sure if he's in Beacon Hills. However, he is outside. He's also on a blanket, similar to the one from the beach but not exact.

He looks around more and stares at this brilliant white house with blue shutters on the windows and a front porch with a swing. It almost reminds him of his old house, slightly smaller, but more lived in. He's tempted to get up and go inside but something keeps him seated.

He looks to the driveway where his Camaro should be, but it's replaced with a bigger and nicer jeep than Stiles'. He also notices little pink bikes by the garage door. He doesn't know how he's missed the little girls running around. They both look about the same age. Brunette with hazel or maybe green eyes, he's not sure from so far away. They remind him exactly of Stiles.

"What are you thinking about?" A voice he would know anywhere, says. He glances up to see Stiles.

Stiles is noticeably older. He's got crinkles by his eyes as he smiles wide and there's thick glasses covering his eyes. But even through the lenses, his golden-brown irises shine through. He takes a seat next to Derek and hands him a bottle of water. What Derek wouldn't give for a beer in that moment, just because of all the confusion.

"Life, I guess. This house, those girls... you." Derek answers slowly.

"It is rather weird, isn't it? Who would have imagined Derek Hale, history professor with two beautiful daughters, would be my husband." Stiles chuckles as he says it. Derek catches the glint of the ring on his finger and knows it's true.

"Husband." He says anyway.

"Are you feeling alright?" Stiles asks.

"Yeah I- I'm a bit overwhelmed I guess." Derek shrugs.

"I bet you're tired. We can put the girls to bed soon. You know they get tired before a full moon." Stiles says. Derek stares into his eyes, they look a little concerned.

Derek takes Stiles' glasses off his face and folds them gently. He just wants to look into those eyes, to know if this life with him is real. Even if it isn't, it's something he would love to have. Especially with Stiles. He leans in and kisses Stiles gently on the lips. It gets a little more heated as they open their mouths to it. Stiles pulls away first.

"I know we haven't fooled around in a while because of the girls." Stiles says softly, probably so their daughters can't use werewolf hearing to listen in. "But they'll be zoned out tonight."

"Okay." Derek nods. He wants that so bad with Stiles.

So eventually in this little dream world, or whatever, they tuck the girls into bed. They make Derek read them each a bedtime story and give them multiple kisses before they're finally asleep. It takes Derek some time but he eventually finds Stiles in their bedroom. He's in a t-shirt and some pajama pants that actually make his ass look amazing.

He looks so domestic taking the decor pillows off the bed and getting it comfortable for them to sleep in. He slides his glasses off his face and puts them on the nightstand. Derek can't seem to move from his spot by the door. He's just so mesmerized by the way Stiles acts, like he's done this a million times before.

"You're so quiet. I didn't realize you came in." Stiles says suddenly, looking up at Derek.

"Sorry." Derek says, finally moving more into the room. He glances around more to get a good look at details. He notices family pictures and pictures with the pack. So they must all be close still.

"You've been acting really strange today. Are you sure you're okay?" Stiles asks, approaching him.

"I'm fine, Stiles." Derek tries to assure him.

"Okay." Stiles nods slowly.

Things escalate from there. Clothes get taken off and fingers touch skin. They're finally in bed when Derek can't shake something. He gets lost in thought as Stiles tries to make hickeys on his neck.

"Derek," Stiles huffs, disappointed by his lack of interest.

"Are you happy?" Derek suddenly asks.

"Why would you-"

"Just answer the question, please." Derek says softly but insistently. 

"Of course I am." Stiles snorts. "I am happily married to the love of my life. I have two beautiful daughters that I share with you. Our lives are normal even though we are anything but. We've made it work Derek. This is everything I've ever wanted. Aren't you happy?"

"Yeah. Of course. I love you." He says quickly.

Suddenly the smiling image of Stiles is fading and as his eyes refocus, he's back on the beach. He looks at Stiles who has slightly backed away in horror.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that." Stiles says quickly.

"Was that-"

"One of the lifetimes? Uh, yeah. It's my favorite." Stiles says softly. "I don't know how I did that. Let you see it too. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Derek says quickly, taking Stiles' hands. "I want that Stiles. I want that for us."

"What if I can't be that guy." Stiles says softly.

"You just need a fresh start." Derek shrugs.

A fresh start doesn't sound so bad for either of them.

 

* * *

 

Derek glares at Stiles from his seat on the teenager's bed. Stiles is repeatedly tapping away at his notebook with a pencil. He's supposed to be working but he's been doing _that_ repeatedly for the past five minutes. His eyes are directed at the window, glossy with a hard look strewn in his eyebrows. His head is leaning on his hand and he looks completely conflicted.

"Would you stop that?" Derek snaps. He says it a lot gentler than expected but that's what his relationship with Stiles is like now.

"Sorry." Stiles sighs and drops the pencil. He opens his laptop and lets the screen turn on. He starts tapping away at the keyboard on Microsoft word. Moments later, he abruptly stops.

"What's with you today?" Derek asks, getting off the bed to be face to face with Stiles. Stiles sighs again before turning his desk chair to Derek.

"I want to talk to you about something." Stiles says. He seems hesitant as he finally says the words. Derek doesn't want to push but it makes him nervous. It sounds like a really serious topic.

Stiles sifts through some papers on his desk until he pulls out an already opened envelope. He hands it to Derek after he contemplates the action for a minute. Derek takes it, not knowing what it could be. When he takes the letter out he reads the first few words and knows exactly what Stiles is trying to tell him.

 _Congratulations_.

"I uh, I've had it for a few weeks. I haven't really told anyone except my dad." Stiles says softly.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Derek asks.

"I don't know." Stiles shrugs, standing up from his chair to walk around the room. To put space between the two of them. "NYU's on the other side of the country."

"Stiles, this is the college you want to go to. There's no decision to be made because it's the only decision you have. You're going." Derek tells him seriously as he waves the paper in front of Stiles.

"Come with me." Stiles says, flickering his eyes to look into Derek's. He can almost see the silent desperation coursing through those three words.

"I haven't been back there since Laura." Derek realizes. He doesn't mean to not agree to come with Stiles. That's just the first thing that pops into his head when he thinks about New York.

"If it's too much I-"

"Stiles, I'm coming with you. Of course I am." Derek interrupts, finally realizing how stupid he was to not start with that.

"Really?" Stiles lights up. "I mean, it could be good for us. Fresh start and all. And you know your way around. You could be my guide."

"Yeah." Derek smiles, pulling Stiles into the warmth of his body. "This will be good for us."

"I'm just... nervous to tell the pack." Stiles says, backing up to look into Derek's eyes.

"Scott's the alpha now." Derek shrugs. "They'll get new recruits. Scott will be a better alpha than I ever was."

"What about the house? It's like your baby right now." Stiles says quickly. He's coming up with so many excuses, almost like he can't believe they could actually do it.

"I'll work on it till we leave. Boyd's getting ready to take over anyway. I think a project could be good for him. And then other construction workers will come in too. We have nothing to worry about Stiles." Derek tells him, rubbing his shoulders. All Stiles needs is the reassurance.

"My dad has been helping look into apartments online. I've narrowed it down to a few both of us might like." Stiles says, taking Derek to sit on the bed.

"When are you planning on leaving?" Derek asks.

"Day after graduation." Stiles admits. "Is that too soon for you?"

"It's soon." Derek agrees. "But I think we can get all our affairs in order before then."

"Great." Stiles sighs in relief. It's actually happening.

Telling the pack isn't the simplest thing to do. Stiles is scared out of his mind when they meet up at the loft to discuss things. They all know there will be changes after they all graduate. Allison's plans are to go to France for a year. But Stiles is sure she'll come back. That's the only person who has made their plans known.

So when everyone gathers around, it's tense. Allison starts first because no one wants to admit that they have different plans than being in the pack might entitle. She goes more in depth with what she's going to be doing while she's away. Her father is going to go with her and they plan for it to be a family bonding experience.

Her dad wants her to learn more about her heritage. And though she is a badass with a bow and arrow, she could still use improvements. Stiles is happy that she wants to train rather than start off at college. She does make her intentions clear that she will come back to the states for college. Stiles doesn't know how much more badass a girl like Allison can get, which is kind of terrifying.

Jackson butts in after Allison sort of trails off with nothing left to say. He's leaving the country too. Europe seems to be in the books for more than just Allison. Jackson is planning on traveling with Danny to Paris, Italy, and Rome. Danny eventually wants to come back and study to be an EMT but Jackson's taking him under his wings for a year. Jackson doesn't really say anything about his college preferences but his parents are stacked and can get him into whatever college he chooses. 

Danny goes more in depth with his EMT thing. It's enough to be one of the only humans in the pack. Stiles still thinks it's a little weird that Danny is completely in the fold now. It used to be all of them cruising around the idea of Danny helping them out a little. Danny is a tremendous hacker and rather than hack for the rest of his life, he wants to save lives. Stiles can see the perk in that. He's not even sure what he desires to do anymore.

Lydia goes after Danny because she has it all mapped out. She tells everyone about MIT. Stiles had almost completely forgotten about that since it seemed like a lifetime ago when she told him. Lydia is the most brilliant person he knows and it will be nice to have someone close enough to him in the city. He looks to Scott who's a little bit quiet about all of this. So far, everyone's leaving.

Erica and Boyd are staying though. Boyd offhandedly says he's helping with the Hale house without telling the pack that Derek won't be around to do it. He also says that he plans to go to Beacon Hills community college for construction. Erica doesn't really know what she wants to do yet. She's getting a waitressing job at the diner and her and Boyd plan to move in together after graduation. Stiles sees them lasting a really long time. He hasn't asked if they're mates but he wouldn't be surprised if they are.

Ethan and Aiden plan to look for any remaining family they might have. They were taken in by a pack when they were really young. Abandoned by their real family. They made a mistake when they killed their pack to become alphas. Ethan and Danny don't really look at each other now. They're going their separate ways and long distance relationships can be a real bitch. But he senses longing. Even Lydia and Jackson are distant but they're still together.

Isaac looks undecided as he sits there. He mentions sticking around to see what he wants to do. Plus, he doesn't have much cash lying around. He's got no family left which must be totally crushing him. He smiles a little when Scott puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. When Stiles looks to Allison, he sees the tension in her body as she looks at the new couple. Stiles wonders if the break up was as mutual as Scott made it sound.

Scott tells everyone he's taking classes at Beacon Hills Community college. He's going to study to be a veterinarian like he's always wanted. Since Scott's the alpha he has no choice but to stay close to home. He has the burden of keeping Beacon Hills safe from whatever comes his way. It will be nice to be able to look after his mom too. Stiles can't see him leaving her behind anyway.

Scott's kind of ending the meeting like there's no one else left to talk. Maybe he assumes that Stiles doesn't have it figured out. Or that Derek plans to stick around because of the Hale house renovations so Stiles plans to stick around too. But that's not the case and they agreed that they had to tell the pack. And if everyone else was leaving, Stiles could too.

"I got accepted into NYU." Stiles interrupts.

"What?" Scott asks, confused.

"I didn't tell anyone for a while but I told my dad. I told Derek the other day. I uh, I've been waiting to tell all of you guys." Stiles says softly.

"You're leaving?" Scott asks.

"Um, yeah." Stiles nods. "Derek and I got an apartment."

"You can't leave." Scott shakes his head. "What about us?"

"What about us?" Stiles asks. "Everyone's leaving Scott."

"But you and me. You're supposed to be here. What about your dad?" Scott argues. When they were kids, that had the plan. Not in a million years would Stiles think about leaving it all behind. But it's different now.

"My dad wants me to go." Stiles says, he looks at Derek but it's clear that Stiles has to _break up_ with Scott on his own. "I can't be here anymore Scott. I have nightmares and panic attacks. I'm in pain because I stopped using magic. It's hard to get over what I've done when this town is a reminder."

"I don't want to lose you." Scott says, tears in his eyes.

"You're not going to lose me." Stiles shakes his head. They practically run into each other's arms. One thing that Stiles will never forget about Scott is the way he loves. He loves with every fiber of his being and when he loses someone, a piece of him goes away. "It's time to move on Scotty."

"I need more time." Scott whines.

The pack is witnessing a moment that should be just for Scott and Stiles. So that's why everyone clears out in minutes. Most of them leave. Isaac sticks around and goes to his room. Derek makes himself useful in the kitchen. They're giving them space to talk and get it all out in the open.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole about all this." Scott says slowly.

"I just want to make it clear that it's not any of you. I'm leaving for me." Stiles tells him.

"What am I going to do without my sidekick?" Scott shakes his head, willing himself not to cry again.

"You have Isaac. And Erica and Boyd are sticking around. The pack will eventually come back to you. Derek thinks you'll even bring more people into the fold some day." Stiles shrugs.

"What about you? Are you ever coming back?" Scott asks.

"I haven't really thought that far into the future." Stiles coughs awkwardly.

"Of course you have. You're Stiles Stilinski, master of the plans. You're brain is practically made up of overthinking." Scott shakes his head. "It's okay if you can't come back. I get it."

"I want to be happy again, Scott." Stiles sighs. He's not getting that feeling in Beacon Hills.

"I'm going to go talk to Isaac." Scott suddenly says. "Someone else wants your attention anyways."

As Scott gets up to go to Isaac's room, Stiles sees Derek standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Stiles smells the aroma of good food and gets up to join him. Derek's cooked a fancy dinner for the two of them. Scott and Isaac don't even bother to come down and interrupt.

"Special occasion?" Stiles asks.

"Maybe." Derek shrugs.

"What do you want?" Stiles raises an eyebrow.

"Do you want to go to prom?" Derek asks.

"Are you serious?" Stiles asks, half laughing. The Derek Hale he knows wouldn't be caught dead at a high school event.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" He sasses back.

"With all that I've been through I think my senior prom is the last place I'd want to be." Stiles says honestly.

"I think it could be fun." Derek shrugs.

"You? Derek Hale, brood master, thinks it would be fun to go to my high school prom?" Stiles laughs again because this could not be real.

"I'll take that as a no." Derek nods. He looks a little pained and uncomfortable now. Stiles feels bad.

"I didn't say no." Stiles says. He looks at Derek who's just waiting for him to say more. "You never went to your prom, did you?"

"My family- well, you know what happened. I didn't really get a chance to experience things most teenagers do. Like graduation." Derek shrugs.

"Fuck." Stiles mutters. "I'm going to make sure you have the best goddamn prom a 22 year old could ever ask for. With awkward silence, tacky boutonnières, horrible dancing, and cliché after prom sex."

"Stiles, we don't have to go."

"Like hell we don't. You asked me. I'm saying yes. Get your shit together. Get a tux. We're going." Stiles shakes his head. He gets up from the table and smacks his lips against Derek's.

They at least make it to Derek's room before they start tearing off clothes.

 

* * *

 

Stiles feels like he can't breathe the moment he enters his senior prom with Derek. He hasn't exactly been open about his sexuality with his peers. It's kind of a big deal, but as Danny comes up behind him with Ethan, it's kind of reassurance. Stiles looks at Derek, who looks absolutely stunning, and smiles.

He knows people are talking about him behind his back but he could care less. He just wants to have a good time with his friends and his boyfriend. Derek looks a lot more uncomfortable than he feels. He wonders if the 22 year old is regretting his decision to come. Stiles knows he is with the way the night is going so far.

The first slow song that comes on, Stiles is conflicted with the thought of asking Derek to dance. Derek is occupied with his quiet conversation with Boyd, probably about the house. Stiles looks to the dance floor where Lydia and Jackson are, along with Ethan and Danny. Aiden asks Allison to dance and she complies because Scott and Isaac are sitting awkwardly together at their table.

The longer he sits, the more he wants to be out there. He looks at Isaac who suddenly has the balls to get Scott to dance with him. Erica is sitting next to Boyd who isn't really paying attention to her. He gets up and asks her to dance because their boyfriends are being assholes. She gladly accepts but it doesn't go unnoticed by Boyd and Derek.

"You don't look like you're having any fun." Erica notes. She folds her hands around his neck and he shrugs.

"I knew I wasn't going to have a good time. I'm here for Derek. I just don't really see why he wanted to come when he doesn't seem to care either." Stiles tells her. He thinks she feels sorry for him. In all honesty, he feels sorry for her because Boyd doesn't seem like the dancing type either.

"You know, I'm going to miss you batman." She says softly.

"We'll stay in contact." He reassures.

"It's not the same." She sighs.

"You'll always be my catwoman." He winks and spins her around.

He bumps into someone from behind him. He stops moving so he can turn around and apologize. When he makes eye contact with the person, he's surprised to see Derek standing there.

"Mind if I cut in?" He asks.

Erica gladly gives him away and smiles excitedly when she sees Boyd behind Derek. Stiles is happy for her. She deserves to have things that make her happy. He thinks being a werewolf is good for Erica after all. Derek didn't fail his betas even though he may believe that himself.

"I didn't think you were going to dance with me." Stiles admits, cupping Derek's face in his hands as Derek wraps his around his waist.

"I'm not exactly a good dancer." Derek shrugs.

When Stiles looks into Derek's eyes, he sees all this teenage vulnerability. He smiles because seeing Derek out of his element is like experiencing something normal with him. It feels like he is a high school student for once. Not a Mage who battles all kinds of mythical creatures. He's still waiting for vampires to show up or something now that werewolves are real.

Derek isn't actually a terrible dancer. He never steps on Stiles' toes and he keeps in rhythm with the music. If Stiles wasn't mistaken, he might believe Derek took some dancing lessons once. There's so much that Stiles doesn't know about Derek still. Simple things really. He knows all the baggage and what makes him tick, but what makes Derek, well, Derek?

He doesn't ask. Not yet. They stick around and dance a little more, even to stupid pop songs. Derek's doing it because Stiles wants it. He wants the full prom experience for both of them. The food is inedible but that doesn't really bother anyone. Someone spiked the punch as soon as they got there so a lot of the students are drinking. Even Finstock, who is chaperoning, is drinking with no obvious regrets.

It gets hot in the hotel ballroom rather fast. Stiles goes outside for some air. And maybe also because he's starting to get bored of all the cliché prom things he's experienced over the past few hours. He's danced with mostly everyone in the pack, sans Jackson, Boyd, and Aiden. He knows this is what it's like to be a normal high schooler who's about to graduate. He starts to feel the nostalgia, which is why getting air is a great option.

He left his jacket in the ballroom and his bow tie is untied but around his neck. The top couple buttons on his dress shirt are undone. He feels a little buzzed from the punch but other than that he's good. It's a little chilly outside where he sits on a bench. Teenagers are leaving the hotel every so often so he doesn't exactly feel alone.

He feels Derek's presence before he actually sees him. His boyfriend takes a seat next to him on the bench and smiles. Derek's appearance is mostly the same as Stiles'. His tie is loose but not completely undone and his hair is a little crazier than normal. He's breathing deeper than usual too probably because of all the dancing and heat inside the hotel.

"Derek?" Stiles asks softly.

"Yeah?" He asks, looking up at Stiles to see a glint in his eyes.

"Tell me about yourself." Stiles says.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything."

Derek starts with his childhood. He was a pretty obedient kid which doesn't exactly surprise Stiles. Laura was the more problematic one. She got him in to so much trouble throughout the years. His parents knew most of the time that the things she had him do were not Derek's fault. Stiles can't help but laugh, imaging Derek following Laura around as if she were a goddess.

As they grew up, Laura took him more under her wing. They kind of kicked Cora out of their bonding times because they grew so close to each other before she was born. They had a younger brother who Derek hasn't mentioned to him before. His name was Kyle and he was younger than Cora. Too young to have lost his life in that fire.

Kyle was eight when he died. Cora was twelve when the fire happened but she managed to survive somehow. Stiles knows Derek was only sixteen at the time which made Laura eighteen. She just graduated the year before and was taking a year off before she headed off for college. She wanted to stay close to family and help out where she could.

Derek's mother was their alpha and when his parents got married, his father took her name. Talia Hale was a brilliant woman who Derek could talk non stop about. She was the perfect mother in the way she always cared for her children and the members of their pack. She was a great alpha too. Laura was being trained to live up to her mother's duties once she was gone. When she actually became alpha, it was too soon and she didn't know everything. Derek was never meant to be an alpha.

Derek says that he met Paige his freshmen year of high school. He was totally in love with her. She played the cello and he would stand in the doorway of the band room and listen to her play. By this time in his life, he was a bit of a jerk. He was trying to fit in with his basketball friends now that he finally was in control of his werewolf abilities.

That's something that surprises Stiles, that Derek had such a hard time learning control. He'd gone through multiple anchors but none ever held steady. Peter was actually a great guide in helping him. Peter wasn't always such a bad guy. They were best friends once, when he wasn't so filled with the need for power. It's sad really. It's obvious Derek wants that part of his life back.

As he talks more, he skips the fire and Kate stuff since Stiles already knows it all. He talks about New York and after a few years how he finished high school there. Laura was his legal guardian and they never even thought about coming back to Beacon Hills. Once Derek was eighteen, he got a job at a construction site and that's where he learned how to build a house. Building things comes easy to him since all his life most things have crumbled.

Stiles loves all this new information, especially when Derek says he was going to go to college. His plans fell through when Laura headed home and never came back. It never felt right, going back to his life in New York. Even when he left for that little time with Cora, it was to South America to see the life she had there. It was a surprise to all of them when he came back. Stiles didn't think he was ever going to see his sourwolf again.

So he has most of this major information about Derek but it's still not simple things. So he starts asking questions rather than letting Derek sit there and babble. His favorite movie is Star Wars. Which earns some major points with Stiles. Unexpectedly, he loves chocolate and Chinese food. He's not the biggest on red meat even though that's kind of a big deal for his wolfish instincts. Stiles favorite bit of information is when he says the day he got his tattoo. It was the night of his eighteenth birthday and a treat from Laura.

"It never meant alpha, beta, omega to you, did it?" Stiles says softly.

"I was more for the past, present, and future thing." Derek shrugs. "It was our pack symbol. Like Scott's is the two bands. It just means something to me and I could never really tell anyone what it meant."

"Why are you telling me?" Stiles asks.

"Because you're it for me." Derek says, making Stiles stop breathing.

"I want a dog." Stiles says, laughing softly. "And kids. That white picket fence. Think you can handle that?"

"I think that can be arranged." Derek nods, smiling.

"I'm going to be happy again, Derek." Stiles promises. "I'm already feeling more like myself. I don't think I could get through this without you."

Derek smiles to himself, looking away from Stiles. They're both quiet for a few minutes. Derek keeps glancing over at Stiles, almost like he wants to say something. Stiles can't help himself from staring when Derek looks away. He's the best thing that's ever happened to Stiles.

"Can you tell me something now?" Derek asks.

"Anything specific?" Stiles asks.

"Your name." Derek shrugs, catching the look of panic in Stiles' eyes.

"Nobody pronounces it right." Stiles says slowly.

"If I'm going to be with you for the rest of your life, I think it might be necessary to know your real name, Stiles." Derek says, raising an eyebrow.

Stiles is speechless. He hasn't said his name in a really long time, hasn't even heard it. It's his grandfather's name, chosen by his mom. Maybe that's why he hated it so much after she died. Because it was just a reminder of her. She was the only one who could really say it, his dad wasn't too bad at it. But anyone else he told, Scott was probably the only one, could never pronounce it.

"Mirosław." Stiles finally says. "It's polish."

"Mirosław." Derek repeats without any trouble. Stiles jaw drops a little at the perfect pronunciation. "You're surprised? I guess I forgot to mention I took up some foreign languages when I lived in New York."

"God I love you." Stiles sighs, leaning in to kiss Derek softly on the lips. As they part he rests their foreheads together and asks, "you wanna get out of here?"

"Yeah." Derek nods.

"I got us a hotel room." Stiles says and Derek looks at him knowingly. "What? Full prom experience, right?"

"Except neither of us are blushing virgins." Derek tells him, chuckling just a little.

"We can pretend." Stiles winks.

He lets Stiles go ahead as he grabs their jackets. He watches this man who has grown so much since the school year began. Even how much he'd changed from that spastic sophomore with a buzzcut.

"I love you too, Mirosław." He shakes his head as he speaks under his breath.

 

* * *

 

Stiles doesn't know how he got to this point in his life. He's all suited up and in his graduation gown, surrounded by a lot of people he may never see again. He's not too far from Scott and Lydia and he's even closer to Erica; the line up being alphabetical and all. He looks around and has no trouble spotting Derek and his father in the family seating with Melissa.

It's a sunny day, perfect for graduation. Stiles likes the California weather and is still unsure if he's going to miss it once he hits the Big Apple. But it's not raining like the weather app said it was supposed to, not even a cloud in the sky at this point. Which is why it really is perfect, and the colors combined to represent the school in the graduation gowns reflect nicely on the football field.

Stiles sits in his uncomfortable metal chair and watches countless faculty give speeches about what an honor it was to watch the seniors grow. Personally, he could care less what they think. From the _memorial_ to Jennifer to the moment of silence for those they lost along the way, Stiles has to focus on the positive. Jennifer shouldn't be honored for the person she was but those students she sacrificed, people Stiles knew, they should be recognized.

What gets to Stiles is though he's done things that aren't exactly what he intended, he is a survivor. He got a lot out of being involved in a different life, one that he had no intentions of getting involved in, in the first place. But as he looks over at this man he's grown so fond of, this relationship he couldn't give up for anything, he wouldn't trade the events in his life for anything. He doesn't catch Derek's eye, feeling like a creep for watching him so much, but he understands Derek's getting a feel for what his life could have been.

_"I told you, Stiles. My family was important to me but that's in the past. I can't keep wondering, what if. I have you now. I wouldn't trade that for anything."_

Stiles sometimes has to remind himself of what Derek told him. It's been a recurring subject in the last couple days till this point. Again, Stiles has no idea how he got here but he is here. He's an eighteen year old almost graduate with a loving father and an obviously proud boyfriend. He's grown up in the most unconventional way with a pack rather than a family. But somehow, that's totally okay. He was never normal, especially with his ADHD that made him so spastic, but he realizes now that being normal was never something he truly wanted.

What he wanted was love. And hope. And everything that was given to him within numbered days. And he's grateful for all the experiences, even the bad ones. He's grateful that he has a second chance, though it does come with consequences. He doesn't mind it as much as he used to. Derek's been very helpful in looking at things with a different perspective; his life could definitely be worse.

When Lydia gets up to do her valedictorian speech, Stiles smiles wide and proud because she has grown to be his best friend other than Scott. He's incredibly proud of her and it's been a little weird not seeing her everyday since she left for MIT. She got that early acceptance so once she told the pack about it, she basically left right after. She looks incredible as she speaks to her former class about what it was like to be in high school with all of them the past four years.

She speaks of fitting in and how hard it is and how people shouldn't feel like they have to. She talks about friendship and all the people she was given the opportunity to connect with because of certain circumstances. She starts to tear up about how she could have missed a lot of good memories if she would have stayed focused on fitting in. She's so proud of being different and Stiles is extremely proud of her. The fact that he gets to call her his friend, not girlfriend, is one of the best things he could ask for. He hopes to see a lot more of her as they head off to the other side of the country. With Lydia's persistence, he doesn't think that will be a problem.

But he listens to this woman that he fell so deeply in love with and can't believe how much either of them has changed. How strong they've become because of what they were put through. He loves Derek with every fiber of his being but that doesn't make his love for Lydia any less. It's not the same type of love, is what's different for them. He would go to the ends of the earth for them both because he cares so much about their happiness rather than his own. And maybe that's a little unhealthy, he knows, but he's making progress in making himself into someone he likes for a change.

And maybe he has Derek on his side, and his dad, who are pushing him to do certain things. Like talk to someone about what he went through. Almost dying, really dying actually, does something that can't be fixed by ignoring it. So he's scheduled to start seeing a counselor during his time studying at NYU. At first, it was a little forced upon him, being set up by his father and all. But the more Derek talked to him about the benefits, the more he started to want to comply to the idea of letting someone else deal with the burden of his endeavors.

Lydia's off the stage and getting a standing ovation without him even realizing it. He was so caught up in his own mind that he forgot the world around him. He practically jumps out of his seat to join the rest of his classmates in applauding Beacon Hills' brightest genius they may ever have. People like Lydia don't come around often, especially banshees like the girl herself. Scott may be losing some members of his pack, but the way they fought together over the past three years will never be forgotten.

After Lydia's speech, they start calling up people to get their diplomas. Allison and Boyd are among the first and they just look so happy, like they've accomplished so much in their high school career. Then Isaac's up there with no one to wave at because he lost what he had in a family but Scott stands up and starts clapping, giving him the proudest smile and the biggest heart eyes Stiles has ever seen. Stiles can't believe he's even thinking this in his mind right now but, he's actually really happy that Isaac has the chance to understand what it's like to be loved by someone -even if that someone is Scott.

Next Danny's up there and Stiles spots Ethan from the side of the stage. He looks uncomfortable to be there. Stiles knows Ethan and Aiden were never actual high school students. They were a little older than all of them and maybe even Derek's age. But as Danny walks off the stage and right into Ethan's arms, Stiles isn't concerned about the whole situation. He's more concerned about the way Ethan holds on to Danny like he never wants to let go and the tears that slowly trickle down his face. Maybe Stiles looked at the twins in the wrong light all along. They wanted family, a home, just as much as the whole pack did.

Scott is only a few people behind Danny and he gets up on that stage and receives his diploma with a goofy grin. He waves to his mom in the crowd and Stiles knows that he's not even disappointed about his dad not being around for him all the years leading up to this. There was a time when Scott had that mop of hair and wasn't really doing well in any of his classes but now, as Scott runs up to Isaac and catches him in a kiss that leaves them both breathless, Stiles doesn't regret Scott not having his own father around either.

Erica's up only a few people before him and she's got that swagger as she walks up on stage that Stiles has always adored. When she receives her diploma and proceeds to flip off the entire audience, Stiles envies the balls she has to do something so spontaneous. Boyd is right there waiting for her when she gets off the stage. As he gets to the steps he's supposed to take to finally be free of his high school days, he suddenly panics. This is it. It's the end of all the simple things he had to deal with, even the insane supernatural things.

He walks up to the middle of the stage, a little dazed as he accepts his diploma from his principal. He looks out to the crowd and doesn't have any trouble finding his father who is grinning and giving him two thumbs up. Melissa has her arm intertwined with his and she looks so proud of him. Whatever is going on between his father and Scott's mom is actually one hundred percent okay with Stiles. Then, he catches Derek's eyes. He thinks he'll see a look of slight sadness in his eyes because of this opportunity he never got to have. But when he really sees him, Derek looks happier than Stiles has ever seen him.

So when Stiles stumbles off the stage, he stumbles into the arms of Derek who meets him halfway. Before Derek can tease him for being a klutz, Stiles pulls at his shirt and wraps him into a burning kiss. Derek holds his back and dips him, just far enough where Stiles is holding on to his graduation cap. It is the most cliché thing that he's ever done but this is the life Stiles wants to live. He wants to be stupidly embarrassing with his stupidly hot boyfriend for the rest of his life. And he thinks he's going to get exactly that.

They watch Jackson come off the stage as the last member of their pack. They all end up huddled together in a circle as their superintendent announces the last member of their graduating class. Caps are thrown in the air as he says the last congratulations and Stiles is involved in the largest group hug of his life. They made it and there was room for one final celebration before they had to say goodbye for real.

Stiles doesn't know how he got away from being smothered by his father and Melissa or the watchful gaze of his boyfriend as he took a step back from all the commotion. But at some point he ended up on the bleachers of the lacrosse pitch. A place with countless memories both good and maybe a little disastrous, especially when Jackson _died_. As he sits alone, he can almost see them playing on the field or the many times he sat on the bench.

"Thinking about how terrible you were at lacrosse?" Scott asks, climbing up the bleachers to sit next to Stiles in his unzipped graduation gown. Scott looks nice in a skinny tie and black slacks. It's an outfit almost identical to the one Stiles is wearing sans the skinny tie. Lydia told him a bow tie would look best on him so he went with it.

"You were only good because of your wolf powers." Stiles rolls his eyes and playfully shoves Scott.

"You gotta admit, that backflip at tryouts was pretty badass." Scott grins and Stiles can't help but agree. "So what are you really doing out here?"

"Honestly? I think I might be getting a little nostalgic." Stiles shrugs, looking out into the empty field where he can almost see himself scoring a goal for the first time. "We were nothing before all this. We weren't popular or important. And I guess, the more I've had the chance to reflect on all that, the more I don't think I could live without all the craziness."

"Do we have to say goodbye?" Scott asks, because that's what this feels like. Closure to a chapter gone by.

"Never, Scotty." Stiles shakes his head. They awkwardly hug while still sitting on the bleachers, not even startled when Derek walks up.

Scott says they'll see each other at Lydia's for their graduation party. Derek watches from the ground as Stiles slowly makes his way down the bleachers. He looses his footing suddenly and almost drops onto the hard metal. Derek's right there to catch him in a second. He thinks Derek's speed has gotten insanely faster.

"You ready to go?" Derek asks softly, bringing them both safely onto the grass.

"There's somewhere I have to be first." Stiles nods.

"Mind if I join?" Derek asks, intertwining their fingers together to sway at their sides. 

"I would prefer it if you did." Stiles nods.

Derek drives with him in his jeep to the cemetery. He asks if Derek could wait in the car while he goes and does his thing. There's no argument, he's happy to comply with whatever Stiles needs in that moment. Stiles plucks a bouquet of daisies from the back seat and kisses Derek quickly before getting out of the car. He can feel Derek watching him as he walks away, just to be sure that he'll be okay.

When Stiles finally approaches the plot that holds his mom's headstone, he just stares at it. He shakes his head to get himself out of his short trance and steps closer to rest the flowers in the small flower holder attached to the thick stone. It's been awhile since Stiles has had the time to visit his mom due to all the craziness his life ensued. He doesn't want to stay long in fear of becoming too emotional but he just has to say something before he doesn't have the chance to.

"I know my life isn't conventional and it hasn't been since you've been gone but I like it. You did the best you could when you were around. Great mom, great wife, great person in general. At least, that's what Derek tells me sometimes. I wonder if you remember Derek. He talks highly of you, and not just because he's my boyfriend. I wish you were here to actually meet him though, I think you'd really like the man he's become. I know I do." Stiles says and slowly crouches down to stroke his fingers on rough stone. "I love you and I'm not going to say goodbye just because I don't know when or if I'm coming back. I had to do that once already. One time was enough. So, I'll see you soon."

Stiles kisses his hand and then rests it on the headstone before getting up and sprinting to the jeep. When he gets back in the car he just sits there in silence with Derek who knows he's not ready to talk about it. Derek's hand comes up to his face and slowly wipes away a single tear sliding down his cheek. He looks into greenish-bluish-hazel eyes and smiles, almost feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He hasn't felt this free in months due to the situations he was put in. Derek smiles back.

They drive to Lydia's house where the party is in full swing. He feels like he should be quietly celebrating his last night in Beacon Hills with his father and the pack. Derek doesn't voice his opinion on the matter but it's clear he's thinking something similar. But this is Lydia and they stay and socialize for a while. Stiles drinks a little but not enough to get him drunk. The werewolves drink their own wolfsbane concoction to really get drunk themselves. Stiles doesn't see a perk in it.

He stands by and watches the people he cares about have a good time. Scott and Isaac, clearly both tipsy, grind on each other and make out on the makeshift dance floor. It's pretty ballsy of Scott since he hasn't been known to really show PDA, especially in a new homosexual relationship. Stiles thinks that maybe dating Isaac is good for Scott, though he'll never say it out loud. Isaac opens Scott up to more courageous opportunities. Now, whether this game between the two of them will last, Stiles doesn't know.

Allison looks more comfortable with the idea of them dating than she once did. She's talking to a few random guys who she's obviously way too good for. Lydia is being her wing-woman for the night and Stiles is a little shocked to not see her with Jackson. Lydia's heading back to MIT in a few days but she's sticking around to spend time with her mom. Jackson is sitting in a secluded area with a drink in his hand and a heavy look in his eyes.

Seeing Derek distractedly in a conversation with Boyd, Stiles does the one thing he never thought he'd do voluntarily, he goes to talk to Jackson. Jackson isn't taken back by his presence, nor does he make a snide remark as Stiles approaches him. He almost thinks Jackson is a little too drunk too even realize who he is but forgets that idea when Jackson meets him with cold eyes.

"Stilinski." He greets, sipping his beer.

"You're uncharacteristically quiet." Stiles mentions in lieu of a greeting. He follows Jackson's gaze to where Danny and Ethan are curled around each other, slow dancing.

He knows that look.

"Listen Stiles, I'm not in the mood-"

"You like Danny." Stiles blurts.

"What?" Jackson widens his eyes. "Shut up."

"It's true though, right?" Stiles asks.

"I-I don't know." Jackson shakes his head quickly.

"You've got this longing look in your eyes." Stiles says softly. He knows that look because he used to look at Derek that way, even Lydia. "Does Lydia know?"

"Lydia and I broke up." Jackson says.

"Because of Danny?"

"No! I mean... maybe." Jackson sighs and stops talking. It's suddenly weird because they both realize they've never confided in each other for anything before. "She's at MIT and I'm going to travel the world. The breakup was mutual. But she knew something was going on with me. She's the only one that knows. You can't tell anyone!"

"Speaking as someone who has hid his relationship with another _guy_ , it's not going to be a problem." Stiles crosses his fingers to show that he swears he won't say anything. "So what  _is_  the problem?"

"Ethan." Jackson rolls his eyes.

"Ethan is going to be thousands of miles away from you and Danny. I'm pretty sure the long distance thing isn't happening. If you want to figure things out with him, you need to tell him the truth." Stiles encourages. He's never given Jackson advice before, it's a little weird.

"But he's my best friend. I don't want to screw that up." Jackson explains.

"You can be miserable and alone Jackson, or you can see where things go when you literally travel the world with him." Stiles shrugs.

"You know, you're not too bad Stilinski." Jackson admits, cringing as he says it.

"I'm trying to be mature about this." Stiles says. "You ragged on me for so much of my life but I want to give this a chance."

"I'm an asshole, Stiles." He says softly. Stiles has to blink a few times from the shock of Jackson using his actual name.

"That makes two of us." Stiles says, clinking his almost empty cup with Jackson's.

They spend time talking a little more. Jackson goes more in detail with where he and Danny plan to go and it sounds amazing. Stiles envies that experience a little, but he knows the best thing for him is to go to college first. He has the rest of his life to be adventurous. He's actually had enough adventures to tame him for quite some time

He leaves Jackson once Lydia comes to awkwardly steal him away. Stiles doesn't mind, he wants to find Derek anyway. In his search for Derek he finds Isaac who he sits with and talks to. Isaac is an insecure drunk and pouts about his imaginary problems with Scott. Stiles smiles though and listens anyway because he wants to give Isaac a chance. The guy may have taken a spot in his best friends life that he couldn't fulfill, but he was moving past that now.

Derek finds him first and steals him away from Isaac who is too occupied with professing his feelings about Scott to Scott himself. Derek and him find a dark corner, or really a dark room, to be alone in for a while. Lydia told them once they got there that they could go to the guest room if they needed to. No sex though. She was not about to deal with washing that grossness off good furniture.

Stiles takes a seat on the bed while Derek shuts the door behind him. The music from downstairs is mostly muffled by the walls but not completely. His heart beats to the rhythm of the music, even harder when Derek approaches. Derek stands in front of him and runs his fingers gently through Stiles' hair. Stiles sighs at the sensation in return.

"Are you alright?" Derek asks softly, almost in a whisper. The atmosphere of the room is so mellow, it's almost thick enough to drown out any other sounds.

"The reality of what is happening tomorrow is settling in." Stiles shrugs, he scoots over so Derek can sit next to him.

"Nerves?" Derek asks.

"Relief." Stiles shrugs. "Regret maybe."

"Why regret?" Derek asks. Stiles looks at him and how his face is reflected with colored lights from the window.

"I feel like I'm going to miss things." Stiles says. "Like I won't be as connected to everyone as I should be."

"Stiles, you need to stop overthinking and just do." Derek tells him.

"Yeah." Stiles agrees. "It's just, Jackson and I connected for once. I haven't had a decent conversation with him since I've known him. And I guess I feel like I'm going to miss out on things like that."

"Do you want to stay?" Derek asks.

Stiles thinks about it. Really thinks about it in a way where he has to make a list to see if the pros outweigh the cons.

"Of course not." Stiles shakes his head. "I just have a few more things I need to do before this is all over."

Stiles and Derek depart for the rest of the night because they have forever to catch up with each other.

Those few things Stiles has to do are hang out with his friends. He dances with Lydia who is oddly happy despite her break up. When he asks about it, she says she's happy to be a single and independent woman in college. Stiles thinks she's too intimidating for anyone to actually approach her anyway. They chat for a while about life in New York and what it's going to be like. Which turns into them agreeing to meet up every so often.

Stiles hangs out with Scott when he's not attached to Isaac, which isn't a lot. Scott is a puppy when he gets drunk but he's not emotional. Stiles thinks that he may have forgotten about his departure from Beacon Hills the next day. But it's okay, if Scott's oblivious for a little while it may be for the better. When Isaac steals Scott away again, Stiles is a little relieved.

He has some last minute packing that needs to be done. He locates Derek eventually and asks if he'd like to go home. Nothing's keeping Derek at Lydia's party so without saying goodbye to anyone, because they'll see everyone in the morning, they get in Stiles' jeep and head to Stiles' place. Stiles' dad is still awake when they get there. They spend a few hours just talking and when Derek ops to go to bed early and give them some time, they both cry.

Stiles couldn't ask for a better father though. Especially since his had the strength to let him go start his life somewhere thousands of miles away. He had a good life, even if now was the first time he was realizing it.

 

* * *

 

Stiles is standing in his garage, a big white sheet in one hand, and a grimace on his face. He clenches his teeth and wonders to himself why he can't do it. This should be easy, but for some reason, it might the hardest thing he'll have to do. It's time to hang up the belt and with that belt comes a whole lot of metaphorical shit that he doesn't want to get into. But it means leaving things behind for a good reason.

"What are you doing?" Derek chuckles, as he lifts the garage door fully open. It's sunny and morning which isn't something Stiles is ready to face.

He turns to Derek and gives him some of the sheet. They both stare at the thing in front of them. He glances at Derek and senses some sort of longing. Who knew it would be hard for either of them.

"I hate this car." Derek mutters, walking up to the big blue jeep and patting it's hood. "It's a piece of junk... you sure you want to put it away?"

"When I said I wanted to move on, it includes more than just leaving." Stiles shrugs. "Roscoe got me through a lot. But you're right, he doesn't run like he used to."

"I could fix _him_ up for you." Derek raises an eyebrow as he says the pronoun.

"Just help me with this, would you?" Stiles asks, holding up the sheet to toss over the car.

Derek and him pull the sheet over the vehicle till it's fully on it. Derek squeezes Stiles' shoulder as he backs away. It gives Stiles a moment alone with his clunker of a jeep. The jeep that belonged to his mother.

"I'll see you again, Roscoe." Stiles smiles softly and shuts the garage door on his way out.

Something Stiles has always hated, is goodbyes. They're either too short, or not good enough, or not even said. The feeling he gets after a goodbye does not help heal his heart, it doesn't even mend it. Goodbyes break your heart into a piece for each person you are leaving behind. It's always been that type of feeling to Stiles. Which is why he puts a brave face on in front of his friends and family.

He lets Derek say his goodbyes first before he starts making his rounds. He approaches Danny, Ethan, and Aiden first because he was never very close to them to begin with. He hugs Danny anyway because even though they don't usually do that kind of thing, it looks like Danny needs it. He heard a muffled, "You take care of yourself" and claps Danny on the back as a sign to say _I will_.

He looks at Ethan and Aiden and admits that he never really liked them that much. He hears the pack scold him but the twins just grin and laugh. They've kind of grown on him, though. Which is why he tells them to be safe as they look for their family. If they ever come back, he wants them to come back in one piece because that's just how packs feels about each other. He thinks Ethan leaving will be hard for both him and Danny so he hopes that Ethan will come back to him.

He sweeps Erica up into a hug when he walks over to her. She picks her feet off the ground and twists her legs around his waist. She whispers something like, "I don't want to let go" and he chokes on a sob. If he's going to get through this, there may be tears. He holds on to her as she buries her head in his neck and silently cries. He tells her to look out for herself and to not give up on what she wants because there is something out there for her.

He shakes Boyd's hand and smiles. He goes back to that time his sophomore year, when he was hopelessly in love with Lydia, and coughed over fifty bucks to this guy just to spend some time alone with her. In a way, it may have been worth it. Not only had he gotten a chance to hang out with Lydia, but he started to understand Boyd, too. He's glad Boyd has someone like Erica to watch over him because damn is she fierce. He tells him just that. Boyd tells him he appreciates the things he's done for them and Stiles can't respond to that without tearing up some more.

Peter is absent, which he's not too upset about, but he stands in front of Cora and has no idea what to say to her. He's in love with her brother and he barely even knows her. She holds on to his arm as she says, "Don't break his heart" and Stiles nods because she's intimidating. Always has been. He opens his mouth to say something but instead says something completely different than he planned, "Tell Peter thanks."

He walks away from her without further explanation. Peter will understand, even if he's not sure what he's even thanking him for. Jackson is holding Lydia's hand because despite the fact that they've broken up, they're still close. Surprisingly, Jackson hugs him for longer than just a _bro hug_. "Keep in touch," Stiles tells him seriously. "We can figure this out." Jackson just looks at him with thanks in his eyes but doesn't say anything. He lets him go so Stiles can say something to Lydia.

"I'll see you soon." She says, hugging him with a smile. "No need for a goodbye." Stiles laughs softly as a tear slides down his cheek. There's so much he wants to tell her. Like how he's feeling and how this may not be a goodbye for her but it's a goodbye for everyone else. The more people he says goodbye to, the more he wants to stop. She grabs his face and whispers to him, "Listen to me Stiles, you're going to be just fine. You'll see."

He smiles as he walks away from her and into Allison's arms. Allison Argent may be a badass but when it comes to her friends, she melts. They never really connected while she was dating Scott but there were times he got to be with her one-on-one. She will be an amazing woman in the future and maybe she'll end up with Scott, maybe she won't. What she was demonstrating now, was strength. She was giving herself a choice to do what she wanted with her life rather than have the fates decide. That is something Stiles always loved about her.

When he pulls away from her, he turns around right into Melissa McCall who is red eyed and teary. He hugs her and lets her squeeze him tight. Melissa was his surrogate mother in every sense of the word. When his mom died, she didn't take her place, that's something she never could do. But if Stiles' dad couldn't get to him if he ever needed it, Melissa stepped in. He could thank her a million times and it would never be enough. Silently he tells her how much he loves her with his eyes and she just nods and smiles at him as she says, "I know."

She lets him walk over to Isaac and Scott. Scott looks totally wrecked as he approaches. So Stiles talks to Isaac first. Isaac smiles at him, shrugs a little, and then holds out a hand so he can shake it. Stiles returns the handshake and silently pleads for Isaac to take care of his best friend. He thinks Isaac knows exactly what he's trying to say as he nods along with him.

"You know that time you gave me that advice?" Isaac asks.

Stiles nods, because he remembers the night he thought he lost Scott for good so vividly, "How could I forget?" 

"Well, thanks for that." He smiles, looking at Scott, totally smitten. Stiles smiles back.

He steps over to Scott who immediately envelopes him in a hug and cries louder. Stiles tries to comfort him but ends up blubbering up instead. They've been through everything together. It will be so weird to not wake up in the morning and run over to the McCall's house to hang out and play video games. Nothing has ever really felt like it used to between them but one thing they've always been good at is forgetting the outside world.

"You'll call all the time?" Scott asks.

"Yeah." Stiles says. "And you'll come visit?"

"As much as I can." Scott agrees.

"This isn't goodbye Scotty." Stiles says, holding on to his shoulder. "I'll see you real soon."

"I know." Scott nods.

He lets Scott's mom comfort Scott as he walks over to Derek and his dad. The pack starts to leave and let them get on to packing the remaining things in the moving van. They don't have much since they plan to get new furniture for their apartment but they've got boxes of clothes and other sentimental things that fit in the small van. They plan to drive the whole way there so they have Derek's Camaro.

"I'll see you in a bit kiddo." His dad says, clapping him on the back and bringing him into his favorite Stilinski hug.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Stiles asks his dad.

"Get out of here before I drive you there myself." John shakes his head. "You're going to have a good life out there Stiles. I'll come visit during the holidays."

"Okay." He nods, looking at his house one last time. It might be a while before he sees it again.

He climbs in the passenger side door with Derek after smiling at his father. He buckles his seat belt and clenches his knees. He stares out into the road ahead of him and suddenly feels like he can't breathe.

"This is it." He looks over to Derek who raises an eyebrow at him. "Last chance to back out of this before you're stuck with me forever because once you shift that gear into drive-"

Derek does it just as Stiles says so, "Okay?"

As Stiles memorizes the soft look on Derek's face, the hopefulness, he says, "Okay."

And maybe the rest isn't history and maybe they don't live happily ever after, but maybe they're headed towards that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end! I'm really interested in making a sequel to this. Maybe something like five years later. I'm already thinking up a whole new world for these characters. If I do a sequel I will probably add in a lot more characters and romances. I like the idea of different perspectives. I'd also split the whole thing up into multiple chapters. Let me know what you guys think in the comments. Thanks for the support! 
> 
> Also, I know there's not any smut in this chapter and I hope that's okay because I really wanted to focus on the emotional side of these characters and how they've developed since the start. 
> 
> Here's a link to my tumblr if you want to check me out:  
> http://mandi-spn21.tumblr.com
> 
> xxx


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